MFP not helping or showing support, just being rude!

skinnyinnotime

Well in my experience there are SOME rude people however, most 'rude' people are simply giving advice that the op doesn't want to hear or doesn't agree with and magically those people then become 'rude'.

quirkytizzy

I have the perfect solution! Stay away from the boards. :flowerforyou: Add your friends that you feel you can connect to and leave it at that.

But why should someone stay away from the boards just because of a few people who can come across rather bullish in their approach to weightloss? What if the person has a question, should they think, I had better not ask in case someone is rude to me. Surely the point of the forum is for support

People get "support" confused with "please validate my dangerous and/or ineffective diet approach."

To which I will not do.

winterswish

When I start recognizing a screen name as being a rude responder, I put them on ignore. It's easy; just click the drop-down arrow beside the screen name, then click on ignore user. My forum life is becoming much more peaceful.

The nicest place is on my home page with my friends.

^^^ I was just about to post about the 'ignore' option. But, to be fair, as so many others have said-- this is the internet and there will always be someone ready to show their bravado. Take it in stride, take what works for you and just shake your head at the trolls.

And definitely load your friends list with supportive folks who can maybe answer your questions before hitting the forums. Makes MFP life so much more pleasant!

i_am_losing_it

I agree with you about people being rude. I have found joining a group that most of the groups have supportive and helpful people. And if you join a group where the same stuff is going on just quit that one and join one that fits you better.

Cr01502

If you're this upset already, I'd advise you to stay out of the forums. I'm not being rude - I'm just saying they're not going to change. You either have to learn to love them, learn to ignore what you don't like or ignore the forums altogether. Or keep at them and keep writing "Mean people are mean" threads. Really, it doesn't matter.

Agreed. Stick to your friends list if you can't stomach these sort of things.

People's definition of "mean" and "support" vary.

I would consider telling someone who's starving themselves at 600 calories a day "Great job hun. Now just try and a teeny weeny bit more OK?" being "mean" and "unsupportive" as I think he/she needs a reality check and needs to eat cheeseburger pronto.

IronPlayground

People on MFP really are supportive. The conflict comes in when someone, who is new, asks a question, but only wants a particular answer. Too many times people don't want the truth, they want to be validated.

Keep an open mind and understand that there are many ways to go about weight loss. What is important is that whatever way you choose be healthy and something you can see yourself doing long term. And, it needs to be something you enjoy.

Faye_Anderson

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of research, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

^^This

UsedToBeHusky

I have the perfect solution! Stay away from the boards. :flowerforyou: Add your friends that you feel you can connect to and leave it at that.

But why should someone stay away from the boards just because of a few people who can come across rather bullish in their approach to weightloss? What if the person has a question, should they think, I had better not ask in case someone is rude to me. Surely the point of the forum is for support

Likewise, people may not feel that their approach is "bullish". What exactly do you propose? The website has features to handle abusive posters, but for the most part, if you don't like what you are reading, then perhaps you could just ignore it and move on.

SusieDerkinsRocks

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.

I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^

Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door

try to post any questions I have to my friends on my status. that is what many of the others do.

BrettPGH

Sadly, just like in life, not everyone is going to be nice. It's true of the place you work, your own family, etc. It's no different here.

I'd say focus on what people are saying, and not on how you might perceive their tone to be. It's the internet, sarcasm is hard to read, sometimes people "sound" a lot meaner than they intend to be, etc...

Like you said, we're all here for success. Sometimes success can mean tough love. Weight loss is a hard fight and it's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.

You just keep at it, no matter what. That's the important part. You can't control everyone else, but you can control you.

Best of luck to you.

AnnabellKE

Not another one of these...

bad_hair_bear

I agree to an extent. I think most people are genuinely supportive and want to help. However over the last few weeks of lurking around on the forums, it seems the same questions come up almost on a daily basis. The "I'm eating 1200cals and working out and not eating back calories and I'm not losing!!!!" type of posts seem frequent, and I think even the most helpful people can get tired of repeating themselves. There's a great search function, and stickied threads for newbies to read, so these sorts of questions shouldn't really be posted in the first place.

The one thing that does annoy me is the "what annoys you at the gym" threads. There are a lot of people (myself included) who can feel very intimidated by going to a gym, especially if they fear they will be judged by current members. The standard response when voicing those fears is "don't worry, no-one's bothered, they're all concentrating on their own workout". To then log on to MFP and see these threads which are judging people is very offputting.

Overall though, I find MFP to be a supportive and friendly place.

25toGoal

You can see how long I've been here and how much I've actually posted. There's a reason for it, and unfortunately it is because of the pompous, condescending losers who troll this board. Mind you, there are a lot of good, helpful, kind people... but the rude ones ruin it.

I keep coming for the counter and weight tracker, and that is about it.

tryinghard71

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

To be honest with you when I was new and asked a question someone responded to me just like you did here. It made me feel bad and not very welcomed in the forum community.

_DaniD_

If we are posting something that is wrong, don't say we are stupid, don't call us names, just politely correct us so we can see the kind of success we are hoping for. Isn't that why we are all here?? To see success??

Has anyone actually called you stupid? What names have you been called?

Yourkindagirl

I don't understand any rudeness either. Even if the question has been asked a million times, there is no reason to be rude. Just ignore it and decide you won't answer. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to be rude or disrespectful.

On the other hand, you have to ignore foolishness and remember why you got on MFP in the first place. Personally ,I haven't seen much rudeness on here myself. People have been very supportive.

suz155

Im pretty new myself....I just ignore them and focus on the positive and open to new ideas type of individuals. If I look at the big picture, there is only a handful of them, in comparison, to all the others. Hang in there.

eric_sg61

Welcome to Internet forums, where the same questions have been asked 10,000 times. The search function is your friend.

Research ->Implement->Experiment->Succeed. Seems most just want the success without that pesky "work" getting in the way.

sherrirb

And on the flip side , there are a load of stickied threads above for Newbies to read, so that they understand how MFP is designed to work.

And a search function.

I would recommend any new people to take the time to read those stickies, and also try searching first before asking a question, as many of the rude answers are because old timers are fed up of seeing the same questions repeated time and time again.

So if people do a bit of reasearch, they can find their answer without getting a "WTF not this question again!!", which could put them off asking next time they have a question.

Not all new people know there is a search feature. And if the "old timers" are "fed up" seeing the same questions repeated time and time again, then why are they even bothering to respond in the first place?!?!?!

Being "fed up" doesnt mean they have to respond. "Old timers" need to remember that they were once new here too!

Perhaps they should just ignore the post rather than give their "snarky" attitude to someone that is asking an question in order to learn. I'm tired of your so-called "old timers" acting like they own the place and give demeaning responses to threads they shouldn't even bother answering.

People should remember the old saying, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". If you don't agree with something, you can say it in a polite manner.

wikitbikit

People on this site, and in the world at large, can certainly stand to be a bit nicer and more polite.

However...

This is a free site and the information presented in these forums is shared freely. You can learn all you need to know by simply reading and never asking a single question. Not that I'm trying to dissuade you or anyone else from asking questions, but I don't think we get to ask people to help us and demand that they do it with a smile.

Best of luck to you.

UsedToBeHusky

I agree to an extent. I think most people are genuinely supportive and want to help. However over the last few weeks of lurking around on the forums, it seems the same questions come up almost on a daily basis. The "I'm eating 1200cals and working out and not eating back calories and I'm not losing!!!!" type of posts seem frequent, and I think even the most helpful people can get tired of repeating themselves. There's a great search function, and stickied threads for newbies to read, so these sorts of questions shouldn't really be posted in the first place.

The one thing that does annoy me is the "what annoys you at the gym" threads. There are a lot of people (myself included) who can feel very intimidated by going to a gym, especially if they fear they will be judged by current members. The standard response when voicing those fears is "don't worry, no-one's bothered, they're all concentrating on their own workout". To then log on to MFP and see these threads which are judging people is very offputting.

Overall though, I find MFP to be a supportive and friendly place.

Can I adopt you? :flowerforyou:

danmcgarrigle5

Do you have an example of someone being called stupid (or any other name)?

I'd like to see that link.


I think what happens more frequently is this:

There are a lot of successful people here who have done the research and achieved great results themsevles. Someone else will ask a question about cleanses, shakes, pills, etc, and a successful person will bluntly tell them why it's bad. The problem is that people don't like to hear that they are wrong. So, they get upset about it and think they are being bullied.

That said, if someone is actually calling names or being ridiculously mean to someone else, that behavior should be reported. I'd like to see an example of that though. I'm on the forums quite a bit and I have only seen it a few times - and the mods have always dealt with it right away.

Yeah, really the worst I see is when someone asks a question, not to get an answer, but to have the decision they've already made be validated. When that doesn't happen they get defensive and it goes south from there.

That and the same questions being asked over and over

Zosimah

Are there some posts and trends lacking the traits of polite society, sure. However, the signal to noise ratio for MFP is still outstanding. We have lots of folks to thank for that. If you feel that there's too much negativity, then join in the conversation and provide positive support. Each of us can do this without getting into the weeds on the data. It's important for all of us to remember that for many people just starting a major lifestyle change there is a lot of insecurity. I'm not suggesting silly levels of coddling, but a kind word goes a long way.

Also:


Although maybe too many spoons are what got us in this situation?

JesterMFP

If people are being rude, then just like in real life, ignore them. This is actually and "ignore" feature of the forums, if you click the little arrow next to the person's name.

To be honest, I keep reading about all these rude people on the forums, but I haven't seen many of them. People will disagree, again just like in real life. Some people are a bit sarcastic or jokey, and not everyone appreciates that kind of humour. A lot of the time though, people give really great, sincere advice, trying to be helpful, but the way that they deliver that advice is in a no-nonsense, blunt way. That doesn't mean it's rude. Some people stick to the "each to their own/if you can't say anything nice don't say anything" approach, but when people are asking for support for things that are unhealthy or even dangerous, it's actually kinder to try to discourage that person, rather than just giving unconditional "support". It's also not just about the person who posts the thread, but about correcting misinformation to save other people from going down an unhealthy/dangerous path.

I'm not saying any of that applies to anything you've posted, but that's often at the root of the "MFP people are so rude" threads.

MFP is not just a support site (although there is a board specifically for support). People are also here to learn & share information, and some people are here basically just to hang out - as on the multitude of other forums on the web. It is also a site with quite a varied demographic, so there are bound to be disagreements. So, ignore the ones who are genuinely mean or hurtful; surround yourself with like-minded folk, and maybe just don't dismiss out of hand the advice of those who are a bit blunt or abrasive. It might be really great advice.

quirkytizzy

. I'm tired of your so-called "old timers" acting like they own the place and give demeaning responses to threads they shouldn't even bother answering.

People should remember the old saying, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". If you don't agree with something, you can say it in a polite manner.

Demeaning responses being..."No." Or "That won't work." Or "Try the search function, there is more information there than I can convey to you in a single post."???

Because that's what I see people getting upset about. It's ridiculous.

Unknown

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4_Lisa

I think there are a lot of people who tend to forget where they started as well. For some reason or another I see many of the ones who have been supper successful also be some of the rudest. Sorry your experiences have been negative, but I think for the most part a lot of the 'nicer' people tend to stay away from the forums for that exact reason.

SoDamnHungry

Agreed. I get really pissed off when people are rude to newbies asking honest questions. Being blunt is acceptable, being condescending is just being an *kitten*.

rderrickwhite

The site is simply a microcosm of the world. There are a lot of *kitten* out there. You have to navigate around them, or plow through them. You cannot let them stand in your way under any circumstances.