Relocating for Love

jbutterflye

I haven't relocated, but I was engaged within 3 weeks, married within 3 months of meeting him. Talk about risk taking! And we just celebrated our 14 yr anniversary.

ashlinmarie

I made plans to move 700 miles away for a boy....he got freaked out and broke up with me 2 months before I was supposed to leave after I'd enrolled in college and everything. I moved anyway and met another guy who lived about 70 miles away and refused to move again so he moved to be near me. Now I just moved across the world (literally...from Ohio to Japan) with him and we've been married almost 2 years. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't but if you're up for an adventure, it can be the greatest thing ever

RunIntheMud

Have you done it?
Not for a dating relationship, but I was married to a soldier.... we lived in NY, AK, TX & HI during our marriage (10 years). Each time I had to quit my job and start over. Even though it's not the same as starting a new relationship, I would say it gives me a different perspective than most and makes me a little more open to the idea.

Would you (re)consider it?
For the right man, yes. But, the circumstances would have to be right. I'd have to know it was the real thing and forever. I also wouldn't jump into it right away. It's definitely something that I'd have to take time to consider.

Is long Distance a deal breaker?
No, but again the circumstances would have to be right. There would have to be travel between and a lot of open communication within the relationship.

I do have issues to think about with relocation (selling my house, finding a job, my kids). My ex is in FL, so he wouldn't have problems if I moved south. However, I'd have to figure things out if I were moving elsewhere. It does make it a bit more complicated for me.

Cp731

I haven't relocated, but I was engaged within 3 weeks, married within 3 months of meeting him. Talk about risk taking! And we just celebrated our 14 yr anniversary.

I You! Thanks J.

daphne_m

If it's an international move, keep in mind that in some countries once you have a child with your new partner you aren't able to head home with that child should you decide that the relationship isn't working out. I've had the opportunity to move internationally with my (now) ex, and while children weren't really a concern, I didn't like the idea of being financially dependent on him. Remember that even if you are qualified to work in that country, getting a spousal visa often means you can't work while your application for residency is being processed. This can be anywhere from six months to several years. Are you okay with that?

LetsMakeupXtina

I've never done it, But I think I would if it truly felt right. Sometimes you just know, and sometimes you just gotta take a big step like that.. otherwise you will never know and will live with a bunch of what if's and regrets... you only live once. and No one said the love of your life has to live close to you.. that would be too easy =P But yes.. for real, unbelievable, can't live without each other love.. It would be worth it... Sure it's not ideal and makes it harder, but it's not a deal breaker.

Cp731

@Daphne, I never thought of the Spousal Visa, but your saying I cant be employed, while Im waiting for that Visa to clear?
Can I be self employed?

daphne_m

It depends. I read through the thread but didn't see the destination until a PP mentioned Canada so I assume that's where you're planning to go. I've lived in a few countries and both had strict rules for spousal visas which meant that not only was the spouse unable to work for a period of time but that the party resident in the country had to be able to show they could support their new spouse. And yes, no working for yourself unless you do it under the table which is incredibly risky because if you're caught you can not only be subject to the tax laws of that country (prison, anyone?) but it would impact negatively on your application for residency.

Obviously I'm not speaking about Canada's policies having no experience with them, but I think that most countries are going to have similar rules, particularly if the country is considered a desirable place to live ie has good medical coverage, generous welfare, schools, etc. Also, you have a child. Will your child be allowed to attend public schools free of charge? You need to investigate this and prepare for the cost of private education if need be.

daphne_m

The alternative is to of course apply for a work visa, but that could be difficult as you have a dependant.

YourGirl_Tina

Forgot to mention I would not have seen Guam or CA if I hadn't "relocated" back in my early 20's. lol

GabyG69

I was in a long distance relationship for almost 7 years. Would I do it again? Probably not. But there is always the possibility I would if the right person came along..

piinchi

My husband and I met while living 2000 miles apart. We took a year and a half to enjoy a little long-distance, and then I moved to Chicago once I finished grad school. We've been together 5 years in April, just got married in January It was a huge chance, but I believe with love you sometimes have to let your heart take you places you'd never expect.

Cp731

We'll see folks, like I said b4 I brought this topic out to the forums to see what every one thoughts are on the issue.

Wish me luck, and thank you for all of your kind words and support.
Im the kind of girl that believes we only live once and I don't want to live with the "what if's"

upgetupgetup

@Upgetup~ Your clearly misunderstanding me here.

Respectfully disagree.

gerard54

Sometimes you have to follow your heart, and if she's got it, u move...

Nutella91

My crush lives in california. if he asks me to relocate i'll pack my stuff and get on next plane. but he never will. forever aloooneeee:)

tegantheaverage

I'm Australian and my boyfriend is Scottish. We met in Australia, spent six months here, three months apart, two years in Scotland and now we're apart while he waits for his Australian visa and if he doesn't get it we won't think twice about moving to a country we can both get visas for.

tegantheaverage

I'm Australian and my boyfriend is Scottish. We met in Australia, spent six months here, three months apart, two years in Scotland and now we're apart while he waits for his Australian visa and if he doesn't get it we won't think twice about moving to a country we can both get visas for.

In saying that, long distance is definitely not my favourite but is fine because we have a strong relationship and it's just a matter of time; If there weren't a way for us to be together at any point I probably wouldn't get involved in a long distance relationship.

SamanthaClarexo

I would do it in a heartbeat if it came to it. Life is an adventure!

grabenson7

yes i did it, move to be near my girlfreind now were married, was well worth it.

icandowhateveriputmymindto

Being in a long distance relationship, I feel like distance definitely puts stress on both partners in a relationship. It's definitely put lots of additional complexities on my life, so there is no doubt that I've really stopped and thought to myself, "Is this really worth it?" and I think to myself, and it's moments like those where I know that he really is worth every bit of space between us. "Distance is not for the fearful; it's for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough."

I definitely wish we were closer, and if the love carries out for longer, eventually move in. The things we do in the name of love huh?

mockchoc

No not if I'd only seen him on Skype and never in real life. I think you have to spend some time together in reality not in la la land only. I really am sorry if I missed you have been together in real life but this is just what I caught by skimming the thread. The internet is not real. You can spend all the time you like getting to know some one but it can't be the same as living in the same room with them EVERY single day and night for the rest of your life. Maybe he stinks and you can't tell that lol.

bathsheba_c

Your first responsibility is to your kid. Remember that if it doesn't work out, you won't be the only one devastated. You need to do due diligence on this fellow. Can you verify the information about him he tells you? At the very least, I would recommend visiting each other a few times before deciding to move and making sure to meet his family/friends.

I relocated to another continent after 1.5 years of long distance, and it worked out. HOWEVER, he was not my primary reason for moving, I did not immediately move in with him after I moved, and I was not dependent on him economically or otherwise. I would especially recommend not moving in immediately so that you have space a) to learn the new country on your own and b) to work out all the adjustment issues of going from long distance to local.

oh_em_gee

I would in a heartbeat. We've been together almost 2 years, and I want to spend my life with him. For me, though, I would prefer that we were at least engaged before moving together and living together. He knows that and agrees, so I don't see it becoming an issue for us.

ETA: no way would I move for someone I hadn't even met in person. Not a chance.

addreonnaseger

Met my boyfriend online--ha. We were together for a year and a half and then he moved here. We've been together almost seven years.

Definitely doable. But you have to WANT it. And he/she has to want it. As a long term thing. xD

Adah_m

My husband moved to the United States from the Carribean to be with me. We're recently married and unbelievably happy. I would have moved there even, I would have moved anywhere to be with this man. If you are in love, if there is no other person for you, then do NOT be afraid to do what it takes to be with that person. Do not let the right one get away because you were afraid.

I nearly said goodbye to my husband because we were afraid of the sacrifices we would have to make to be together, afraid of the amount of effort and craziness it would take, and then we realized, we had no choice. So we made a crazy leap and jumped ship on our old lives, and ran away together. Life is good like that.

I'm telling you, if this person is worth it (and you will know if they are. You will feel it. Be realistic) then be absolutely nuts. Do whatever it takes. Go away with them, go to the ends of the earth for them. No love can be true and real if you hold back.

added note: To clarify, I knew my husband in person and we dated before he came here, I was living there on business travel when I met him. He basically just came home with me. So we knew eachother in person, we knew eachother's faults and what we were getting into, and we did our homework too, he was very prepared before coming here financially and emotionally. Don't go somewhere with no money, no resources, and no lifelines if you get caught up or things go (on the offchance, sadly) south.

Ascolti_la_musica

Moving halfway across the country for the right guy was one of the best choices I have ever made.

1223345

I have done this twice. I have regretted this twice.