If u owned a gym what totalitarian policies would u enforce?

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  • nz_deevaa
    nz_deevaa Posts: 12,209 Member
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    This entire thread is why I would NEVER go to a gym. You people are @$$holes. Seriously.

    I don't even know what the heck half this stuff is and if you DON'T know, apparently, you should be punched in the face. Thanks for helping a newbie out.

    Hence, why I exercise at home, thanks.

    My gym would have a sense of humor rule.
  • jumpingsparrow
    jumpingsparrow Posts: 32
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    ...and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".

    You had me at Guinness.
  • jumpingsparrow
    jumpingsparrow Posts: 32
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    This entire thread is why I would NEVER go to a gym. You people are @$$holes. Seriously.

    I don't even know what the heck half this stuff is and if you DON'T know, apparently, you should be punched in the face. Thanks for helping a newbie out.

    Hence, why I exercise at home, thanks.

    My gym would have a sense of humor rule.

    Best rule of all.
  • leighdiane91
    leighdiane91 Posts: 225 Member
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    Only 2 rules at my gym:

    1. NO ONE under the age of 18 will be allowed in. I am 22, and am a nanny and have to deal with small children all day long. I go to the gym to work out and un-stress from my day. It is hard to do that when there are 12 year olds taking up weight machines and treadmills, not cleaning them and getting an attitude when I tell them they have to. Oh and the 16 year old girls who giggle on ONE weight machine for 20 mins.... yea thats a no go either.

    2. no soda in the vending machines... or crappy food in the food one. Gatorade, coconut water (the real stuff, not the kind sobe makes that is like 1 percent actual coconut water and the rest sugar) and real water only.
  • leighdiane91
    leighdiane91 Posts: 225 Member
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    ...and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".

    You had me at Guinness.

    Where do I sign up for this gym??? lol guinness should be a food group.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Forget the cell phones and re-racking stuff..... it's your gym so what would you REALLY enforce because YOU CAN?

    Here would be some of mine:

    1. Any member caught taking a selfie is banned for two weeks. Second violation is permabanned.

    2. No striped tank tops, guys.

    3. All cardio equipment must be used for AT LEAST 25 min. No quickies here, folks. Any violation sets off a siren alarm in the machine and violating members will be banned for one week.

    4. Only sports-related programming on the TVs.

    @#mn gym. :)

    6. If you can't do at least 5 pullups after your first month of membership, your membership dues increase 30%.

    7. Coconut water water fountains.

    That is all.

    You know I never thought that a gym thats completely opposite to Planet fitness would be horrible but here you are, proving me wrong
  • melmckay99
    melmckay99 Posts: 358
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    - guys with abs like OP MUST walk around shirtless, but wipe off the machines.

    ^^ this is a good one. Eye candy during my workouts would encourage me to stay longer :)
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
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    If you can't do at least 5 pullups after your first month of membership, your membership dues increase 30%.

    Like the other stuff but this one's a little harsh. There are ALOT of people who can't even do one pull up even though they're in pretty good shape.
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
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    Rule #1: If you are caught curling in the squat rack you will be kicked out and publicly humiliated (as though being seen curling in a squat rack wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #2: If you are caught saying "core", "muscle confusion" or any of the like you will be publicly humiliated (as though being heard saying ridiculous crap like that wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #3: If hearing the more serious members grunt, swear, yell, spew blood or drop their weights offends you then you will be publicly humiliated.

    Basically, my gym would be the absolute opposite of Planet Fitness. We would have a sissy alarm and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".

    I'm joining your gym! I LOVE Guinness.

    This! :drinker:
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    s6rXbvn.gif

    Hahaha...great post. (and good show)

    1.) No makeup-makeup remover will be handed out at the door. If I can show up looking like I rolled out of bed, so can you...oh, and those adorable little (SHORT) Victoria's Secret "Pink" shorts have to go...here's your sweatpants.

    2.) If you are on your cell phone dinking around for more than 1 minute while you're supposed to be working out, you get thrown out for the day. Do it again, you're banned.

    3.) If you stand in the mirror looking at yourself for more than 1 minute, or if you are caught checking out your muscles more than twice, you will be isolated in a booth with four walls of mirrors until you can get over yourself.

    WOW this feels good.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    That awkward hip ad/abductor machine will not be facing the cardio machines.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    HAHAHA! The one that makes you feel like you're at the gynecologist? Yeah...awkward.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    Indeed! That machine must face the wall at all times ;)
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    If I owned a gym, I would insist members sign up for a minimum of 6 months. They don't have to pay a membership fee if they come in everyday. It would be totally free for daily users!

    However, if they miss a day, they get charged $5. The more days they miss, the more they pay.

    I guess I'd have to offer stretching and meditation classes for people who are on their rest days. Oh, and a really good smoothie bar.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    This entire thread is why I would NEVER go to a gym. You people are @$$holes. Seriously.

    I don't even know what the heck half this stuff is and if you DON'T know, apparently, you should be punched in the face. Thanks for helping a newbie out.

    Hence, why I exercise at home, thanks.

    If you joined a gym, you'd probably learn what half of this stuff is. Just sayin
  • ahamm002
    ahamm002 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.
    I don't get it, are pull-ups not badass or something? I always thought they were

    I thought they were too. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go on a 2 year bulk cycle until I can only do 1 pull up, but my quads are so thick I can't walk normally.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.
    I don't get it, are pull-ups not badass or something? I always thought they were

    I thought they were too. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go on a 2 year bulk cycle until I can only do 1 pull up, but my quads are so thick I can't walk normally.

    It would be a HUUUUGE milestone of mine to do ONE pullup. And I would love to be able to do them and think of myself as a badass after I do one
  • ahamm002
    ahamm002 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.
    I don't get it, are pull-ups not badass or something? I always thought they were

    I thought they were too. Oh well, I guess I'll have to go on a 2 year bulk cycle until I can only do 1 pull up, but my quads are so thick I can't walk normally.

    It would be a HUUUUGE milestone of mine to do ONE pullup. And I would love to be able to do them and think of myself as a badass after I do one

    Training to do that first pull-up really isn't all that bad as long as you aren't super obese. With only 41 more pounds to lose, you could definitely do at least one if not more if you set your mind to it. Just start with negatives, and make sure to rack up as much "time under tension" as you can during the negatives. It's all about volume initially. Pretty soon you'll be able to do a real chin-up / pull-up.
  • danimalkeys
    danimalkeys Posts: 982 Member
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    Honestly I'm more impressed by someone squatting big weight than doing pullups. Tons of people can do pullups. I could do 8 of them at 250lbs bodyweight a few years ago, and I was squatting over 600 at the time. A 6-7 plate a side squat is pretty badass, no matter how big the person is doing it. Ironically, many of the people who can squat that much can also do a fair amount of pullups, can walk normally, and are not obese.

    I'd be impressed with a 150lb person strapping 100lbs of weight to them an then cranking out 10-15 pullups. That would be pretty badass. As are the guys who can crank out a true 1 handed pullup, hanging from the bar with 1 arm and the other arm not holding anything.

    My original point was a sarcastic remark towards the guys who do nothing but upper body and think that pecs, biceps and abs is all there is- the "mirror" muscles. They have the toothpick legs and think "I don't need to work my legs because I run". Like the pic that someone posted about every day being arm day.
  • ekaustin7
    ekaustin7 Posts: 185 Member
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    I'd tell that freakishly skinny chick that goes to my gym that she needs to go home, she's done already.

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