How young is too young?
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i'm a mother of a 16y/o girl (ok, she's gay so the older dude situation isn't going to happen, but i still think it gives me perspective). i think i would be rather unpleasant to a grown man who thought my kid was relationship material. the blanket rule is that she's far too young.
on the other hand... i'm a carer working with the elderly and i know for a fact that there are happy, 60 year, healthy relationships that started with this sort of an age gap.
it sounds like you're already gaga over her. i say it's ok to hang out as friends, double dates, that sort of thing. just bear in mind that you're have a responsibility to hold back from having a serious, sexual relationshpi with her yet. if it was really meant to be then it will survive a long, slow build up. if you're friends for a long time before you take the plunge then you'll have a better idea of whether it will work or not.
but if i were her mother i'd kill you :-)0 -
I've always dated guys older than me....my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, he's 26 and I'm 20. We met when I was 18 through some mutual friends and hit it off but stayed friends until I was 19. We live together now and we really get along just fine. Everyone's maturity level is different and maybe this can work. I do believe age is just a number but just keep in mind you have 12 years more under your belt than her.0
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Go for it, age is nothing but a number, it's all about how your own maturity level and that.
(I dated a 41 year old when I was 17 and we had loads in common and got on really well)
Ignore what other people think and follow your heart0 -
Dude, as long as you aren't hurting anyone and she is mature enough for you to have a conversation with, i see no problems. Its all down to whether your potential relationship could handle all the stick your going to get from people (as proven on this board)0
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With her being under 18 and you being over, especially 12 years older, that's called Statutory Rape in the USA. Tough call for me though, as I am older than my gf's mom. (BUT, I'm in Asia!!!) She is though, older than 17...0
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When I was 17 I dated someone who was 25 (looking back it was weird. He was way too old for me and I can't believe my parents were ok with it.) . I was very mature for my age and he was immature so we were on a pretty even plane BUT looking back I still had a lot of growing up to do and if you aren't super immature, I wouldn't go there. I'm sure she's a great girl but I think you'll end up being disappointed. I wouldn't date anyone younger than 21 because even then there will be a noticeable gap.0
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Not sure if this is serious tbh but I'll offer some serious advice.
Yes, here in the UK, 17 is legal. But you are going to be so different in your way of life that in my opinion it will never work.
She can't even join you for a night in the pub. If you go out for a meal, you can't share a bottle of wine.
She is presumably still in some level of education. What if she wants to go to Uni?
You are probably going to be getting to that stage of wanting to settle down and have children. She's 17. Far too young for that.
You will have different interests, different life experiences, different attitudes.
At 17, she's going to be quite niave when it comes to relationships. I'm assuming you aren't.
She should be having a bit of fun at that age, not settling into a serious relationship.
Her parents will probably resent you, especially if one is a police officer.
35 and 40 is not a bad age gap. But I don't think you will make it that far. Sorry to sound pessimistic.0 -
When I was 17 I had a relationship with an 27yo man it didn't work out! We was together 2 years we broke up because he was immature not me!
But as a mum to 4 girls now if a nearly 30yo man wanted to get with my girl I wouldn't be happy!0 -
First, at 17 years old I know that many people, although they may Act grown up and mature, and still not at that point in their lives. Many of them are stll at High School, which, when you are a 29 year old man, isn't the best situation.
To most 17 year olds, an older man is attractive because they represent power, freedom, money etc. Not because they actually want a serious relationship with them.
You might get a long, but seriously, what life experience has this girl got to relate to you? She has little to none. You'd be much better off finding someone your own age to actually connect with. Having something in common doesn't mean relationship material. Hell, me and my dads friends have the same tastes in music, football team etc. but does that mean I am going to shack up with them because we have common interests? Hell no.
You have plenty of oppertunity to meet women in a much better suited point in their life.
Also, you seem a bit trollish and creepy mentioning 'love' and such after one coffee date ...
I'm just looking for supportive feedback but alot of people keep calling me a creep.
In UK it's completely ok to date a 17 year old I quess I'm just curious as to why people find that creepy.
I don't particularly find other men attractive but I wouldn't call someone who is a homosexual a creep.
Just because someone is over 16 that does not mean it is 'completely okay'. Age, although not the be all and end all, is still relevant in that it relates to life experience, short (and in some way long) term goals and amibitions, how the person sees theirself and the growing needed.
Also, in Scotland atleast, a child isn't an 'adult' until 18 and that is when the last of a parents responsibilites towards a child end.
There is a difference between someone being attracted to a specific sex, and someone dating someone much younger. If you were a gay 29 year old man asking about a gay 17 year old man, the answers would be the same - sexuality is not the subject matter here, nor should it be. Stop justifying stuff with completely ignorant and inappropriate statements.
Great post!0 -
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First, at 17 years old I know that many people, although they may Act grown up and mature, and still not at that point in their lives. Many of them are stll at High School, which, when you are a 29 year old man, isn't the best situation.
To most 17 year olds, an older man is attractive because they represent power, freedom, money etc. Not because they actually want a serious relationship with them.
You might get a long, but seriously, what life experience has this girl got to relate to you? She has little to none. You'd be much better off finding someone your own age to actually connect with. Having something in common doesn't mean relationship material. Hell, me and my dads friends have the same tastes in music, football team etc. but does that mean I am going to shack up with them because we have common interests? Hell no.
You have plenty of oppertunity to meet women in a much better suited point in their life.
Also, you seem a bit trollish and creepy mentioning 'love' and such after one coffee date ...
I'm just looking for supportive feedback but alot of people keep calling me a creep.
In UK it's completely ok to date a 17 year old I quess I'm just curious as to why people find that creepy.
I don't particularly find other men attractive but I wouldn't call someone who is a homosexual a creep.
Just because someone is over 16 that does not mean it is 'completely okay'. Age, although not the be all and end all, is still relevant in that it relates to life experience, short (and in some way long) term goals and amibitions, how the person sees theirself and the growing needed.
Also, in Scotland atleast, a child isn't an 'adult' until 18 and that is when the last of a parents responsibilites towards a child end.
There is a difference between someone being attracted to a specific sex, and someone dating someone much younger. If you were a gay 29 year old man asking about a gay 17 year old man, the answers would be the same - sexuality is not the subject matter here, nor should it be. Stop justifying stuff with completely ignorant and inappropriate statements.
Great post!
Haha I'm just happy that I managed to string two words together ... also note the Law student mistake of capitalising the 'A' in 'act'!
Coffee shakes have definitely resulted in poor spelling though, little sleep and my 3rd cup already at 10am is quite a lethal combination.0 -
Thanks for your replies!
But we do have alot in common and I really feel a connection with her. Isn't age just a number anyways?
Especially when it comes to love?
No, In the UK it is not ok to be 29 and date a 17 year old. She is literally just over the legal age. Does'nt mean you're a creep, but it is a big difference AND you clearly know theres something up about it, because you're asking for advice.
These are all VERY relevant pointsShe can't even join you for a night in the pub. If you go out for a meal, you can't share a bottle of wine.
She is presumably still in some level of education. What if she wants to go to Uni?
You are probably going to be getting to that stage of wanting to settle down and have children. She's 17. Far too young for that.
You will have different interests, different life experiences, different attitudes.
At 17, she's going to be quite niave when it comes to relationships. I'm assuming you aren't.
She should be having a bit of fun at that age, not settling into a serious relationship.
Her parents will probably resent you, especially if one is a police officer.
35 and 40 is not a bad age gap. But I don't think you will make it that far. Sorry to sound pessimistic.0 -
DON'T DO IT! When I was 16, I went out with a guy that was 9 years older than me and I regret it so much. I feel so stupid every time I have to think about it but I was naive and thought it was cool to date an older guy but it caused a lot of damage. I have major trust issues now and if I could go back in time, I wish I didn't meet him at all. So save the girl some trouble. It'll do a lot more damage then you'd think. Trust me.0
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Americans won't support this they have an obsession with the number 18.
If she likes *kitten* step out with her for one after the GYM, seems to be the common thing with most teens is lighting up *kitten* these days.0 -
Wow lots of opinions on this! Do what feels right its YOUR life so live it
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Americans won't support this they have an obsession with the number 18.
Obsession? I'm pretty sure a couple people on here from the UK commented on how they didn't approve of the age gap either.
Well, in America this is one way such a thing is dealt with:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/01/james-hooker-california-h_n_1313538.html0 -
I skipped the other comment so if its been said I apologize. I think if it's legal for you and you hit it off, taking her out for coffee isn't a big deal. However, be prepared for the drama of dating a 17 year old because they tend to be a bit immature. Don't ever look at another girl when you're with her, don't EVER talk to another girl and be prepared to hear about what a *****/skank/slut other girls are.0
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I really don't think she's old enough - as previously mentioned, she can't even drink yet! What would you do together? What would you have in common?
She's in a completely different stage of her life - do what makes you happy, but just bear that in mind.0 -
Decided to delete,
best of luck to everyone. 0 -
I bet you do. :sick:I'm from Asia. We have a strict policy of old enough to bleed, old enough to breed0
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