623lbs, Trying to Get Going Again

imhungry2012

Hi Dani - I glanced through your original thread and you recieved some great responses (9 pages I think) with people volunteering to support you, this is a great place for that.

As you admitted it is a hard journey to begin and emotional at that...regardless I think you need some tough love here: You are eating horribly, barely logging and not holding yourself accountable. I'm not sure how you can look at the handful of days you have logged and not understand why you have gained?

Let me say that I cannot begin to imagine how hard this has been/is/will be for you but it sounds like you are saying you want to do this but your actions are not supporting it. People can cheer you on and help you get up when you fall but you need to be able to support too yourself for it to make a difference.

If I were in your shoes (which I know I am not and not trying to say I know how you feel) I would stop shopping at costco, throw all of the food/donate all of the food you have in your house and start fresh...if it's not there maybe you won't eat it and will find better options to stock your cabinets, fridge and freezer with. Easier said than done but I feel you need to make some big adjustments or a lot of little ones.

I really do wish you the best of luck and am not trying to be insensitive. You CAN do it...but will you??? I hope so!

KenosFeoh

I'll be honest., this short little dude has it right...


Remove the mental obstacle of TRY.
IF YOU WANT IT....GO GET IT.

Amazing how much Yoda's face looks like my tortoise's face.

wendybird5

As much as its hard being the size that I am right now, the actual thought of restricting myself of what I love to be on a diet really sucks

First off, you don't have to restrict yourself. Just have less of it. Right now your mind set is focused on "I want to eat that, but I can't if I want to lose weight." Instead your focus should be "I can eat that, but I don't want to because I want to lose weight." As long as you treat this as punishment and denial, it is going to be difficult. But at your size, honestly, it's not about the quality, but the quantity. Don't focus on what you think you can't eat to lose weight. Focus on how much you are eating and reduce the quantity.

Ideally, yes, we should all eat only healthy foods. But reality is that it's difficult to achieve for many people so just focus on reducing your daily caloric intake for now. Eat at your BMR so that the calories you take in are less than your body naturally burns on a daily basis.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/905540-newbie-starter-weight-loss-plan-for-people-50-pounds-over

maab_connor

you CAN do it!

don't let yourself feel deprived. just have smaller portions of the stuff you love. don't say "i'm gonna run a marathon", go for a further-from-the-door parking spot. small steps add up.

a lot of the psycological recoiling is the word "diet". so take that word and throw it out the window. that is NOT what this is about. this is about you making changes and letting them snowball until you are the person who you KNOW you REALLY are. this is about freeing yourself, not restricting yourself.

come on here everyday - log EVERYTHING. if you go over, so what? you are LEARNING. you fell when you first learned how to walk and you baby babbled when you first learned to talk. there is a learning curve. forgive yourself and move on from a bad day or a bad couple of days. but keep logging. and before you know it, you'll have a day of green numbers. and then two days, and then a week.

do not let anyone - not even Dani - tell you that you cannot do this. you CAN do this.

this helps me on bad days. read it and say it until you know that it's true:

silver_arrow3

Hi Dani,

From what I've read, you've gotten some really good advice from people who have all made the push to regain their health. You're here which means that you're ready to make a change yourself.

Thinking about this whole thing as a diet is going to make things harder for you. Diets just SOUND negative. Even little changes will help.

For instance... I looked through your diary. It looks like you drink Mountain Dew with your lunch and dinner. If you were to cut even one can out per meal, in ten days you will lose 1 pound (or 1 pound in 5 days if you were to cut out both cans per meal). Even making your portion sizes slightly smaller will help. It won't be as fast a change, but say you normally get two heaping spoonfuls of something - if you cut that down to one heaping and maybe half a spoon, that's cutting some calories and over time it WILL make a difference.

Smart small and as you lose weight you won't need the large portions. As those continue to shrink, so will you.

Best of luck to you!

elemkc

Congratulations on your first success with calories, that's great!! Honestly I think you need to take your time, one day will turn into weeks and then months. I only have a few pounds to go but have hit a plateau, water is helping a lot!! I have one I keep with me and one I keep on the kitchen counter. With three kids, I am always in the kitchen and always grabbing a snack. So now instead of constant snacking I take a guzzle of that water for me and walk out empty handed. Just remember, it took a long time to become overweight,it's going to take a long time to lose but you can do it. Best wishes!! Hope to see you around often!!

Behavior_Modification

You should be very proud of yourself for continuing on. Success is never giving up. I've been at this for 3+ years now and have watched the scale creep back up several times. Right now I'm about 20lbs away from my all time low and that is depressing. But the only way to get back there is to keep at it. Happy to offer you support in any way I can.

Linda916

I just read a great success story titled: 58 Years Old and 81 Pounds Gone (Pics too!) You can search it in the Community section posts. She mentions a couple of books that I plan to look into and I suggest you do too. I am a food ADDICT. I need to figure out what is eating me so I quit eating everything in sight. Another book I plan to by is called Made to Crave by Lissa Terkhurst (spelling my be off). I love the way she talks about her food struggles while referencing her family and relationship with God.

Good Luck Dani and may God bless you with courage and insight. Losing weight and implementing exercise and healthy eating is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. ever.



Much Love to You!

silvergurl518

hi dani! i think you'll find with a LOT of time, patience, hard work, and discipline, you will get to your goal! you will still get to enjoy food but you MUST change your relationship to it in order to succeed. perhaps working with a nutritionist and personal trainer would be advantageous. in the meantime, start slow. rome wasn't built in a day. we are all here for you!

downsizinghoss

The only way you fail is when you stop trying, so you haven't failed. It is hard. The highest weight that I ever had confirmed was 528 pounds, but I know that wasn't my worst.
Start slowly and don't even weigh in for a while. Track your food and be brutally honest about it. You don't have to even let anyone else see the diary. This is especially true if you are embarrassed when you have a bad day. Self-shaming is one of the hardest things to get past when you are morbidly obese.


check out this old post of mine and take it to heart.
You can do this, just focus on the day to day.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/downsizinghoss/view/where-s-my-rocky-moment-255434


This is at my worst.

leholcomb

I would love to follow your story. Add me as a friend! I commend you for wanting to take on a lifestyle change. No matter how close or far away we are from our goal, we ALL struggle with it. Keep it up!

ash8184

So proud of you for getting started! I know exactly how you feel and a lot of people on MFP have been in your shoes/gotten discouraged.

Have you tried cutting portion sizes? I find that when I go out to eat, I'll order a to go box with my meal and put half of my meal in the to go box. Also, can you try replacing a lot of what you eat with fresh fruits and veggies? Baby steps and you'll get to your goal!

Hang in there! We're all here to support you

christineinsideout

I would get really frustrated when I would see only small changes, but after a while they made for bigger ones (even in just eating habits, not number loss). I have a lot of work ahead of me as well, so now that I realize that I feel more optimistic and empowered. You are going to make it happen because you already are setting your mind to do it. We are rooting for you!

Krys_140

the actual thought of restricting myself of what I love to be on a diet really sucks, and I think the hardest thing is to actually feel it emotionally ready to be doing it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but its just this murky difficult thing, I think.
....
So yeah, its kind of crazy, but I feel that the stress of being about to diet has actually been making me a bad eater lately.
...
Having now GAINED 10 more pounds since I started at MFP, rather than lose 20 (which was my goal) is a little disheartening. But, yesterday I was under 4,000 calories for the first time, so I'm very proud of that. Any thoughts on how to turn this into a long term success?

Congratulations on not giving up. Here are some suggestions that helped me when I started out. For me, the biggest key to success has been making very small changes, and NEVER calling anything "off limits".

1) Don't look at this as a diet. It's not a diet. It's just a change from what you do now. Keep repeating that to yourself. You're just making a series of small changes. DO NOT MAKE HUGE CHANGES TO YOUR EATING - that's how you set yourself up for failure. The key is to make small tweaks, and to stick with them until they become habit. Then make other small tweaks, until THEY become habit, etc. etc...

2) Do NOT eliminate any foods from your repertoire. If you eat it now, keep eating it. Nothing is "off limits". For me, if something is off limits, I MUST HAVE IT. When I know that I can eat french fries anytime I want, I don't feel a need to gorge myself on them. "I'll have them again soon."

3) Don't be afraid to leave food on your plate, even if that food is AMAZING. I used to go to restaurants and finish an entire meal, even if I wasn't hungry anymore, because it was "just too good to waste". Well, I got over that, and it really helped. Just like I said to myself in #2 - "I can eat this again soon, and it will be just as good next time."

4) Don't restrict your calories too much at the outset. Make small (200 calorie) adjustments to your daily calorie goal every few weeks, which will help your body adjust and will keep you from feeling too restricted too quickly.

Most importantly, seek the assistance of a doctor and/or nutritionist. And, if you get advice from them that doesn't feel right for you (be sure to check whether it doesn't feel right because it's bad advice or if you just don't like it), keep looking for medical support that you'll benefit from.

Good luck!

*edited for grammar

Johanne1957

Totally agree with most posts here...you've taken the 1st step...congrats for that! They say it takes a couple of weeks to develop a new habit so maybe reduce one or 2 things at a time...get used to it then go for another reduction...

I had a friend that lost weight that way...he couldn't see himself on a 'diet' so he started reducing or switching like instead of cream in his coffee, he went to full fat milk first, then to 2%, to 1% etc...reduced the sugar until he used none and so on with all his foods and drinks...he worked his way down to having 11% body fat and running marathons...he didn't start out like an athlete, believe me..!!

So, which ever way you chose...be certain that we are your new family and we will support you for sure...

Good luck and can't wait to see your progress...:flowerforyou:

mrsmarit

I haven't read all of the posts, but you seem to have many cheerleaders. What you need is a coach, someone who not only tells you "YOU CAN DO IT!!!" but tells you HOW TO DO IT.

Yes, log your food, but more importantly, make better food choices. Do some research.

Three large double chocolate muffins is not breakfast. Eggs, bacon, toast is breakfast. For the 300 fewer calories (1550cals) than you consumed this morning, you could have a dozen eggs scrambled, 1/2 pound of bacon, 4 slices of toast with butter. And you will increase your protein consumption from 21gr to 108gr, decrease your carbs from 237gr to 57gr, and decrease your fat from 114gr to 103gr. And you will have a breakfast that will keep you full longer. Losing weight is not only about eating less, but eating better.

Once you learn HOW TO DO IT, you CAN DO IT.

I totally agree with this. Reducing your calories is awesome.. congrats on the under 4k but you now need to start thinking about the quality of those calories.

While 3 muffins may taste great could you have 1 muffin and some oatmeal and eggs instead. Try substituting 1 can of Mt Dew with water.

Many people on here lost weight by not cutting out things that they love to eat. It's all about moderation. Just keep pushing and you'll get there, but it's going to be hard work.

Kelsey_Bolton

I totally know what you mean, I remember that from when I first started and still struggle with that to an extent now as I try to get healthier and healthier (I've gone from 274 to 194). So you know what, I actually started with exercise and not as much of a focus on diet, just to get started. Still do your best to watch your diet but make it a goal to walk for 20-30 minutes a day. I PROMISE you, when you see the number on that scale go down, it will be an elation beyond all else, and it will naturally spur you on to do even better. From there, it's just a natural progression. As I felt better about myself and became more proud of myself, I made better choices simply because I wanted to. You can do it, girl. I have cousins who started out similar to you and they did it!! I'd even be happy to try to get you in touch with them if you'd like. And it is absolutely about baby steps, at this point even one tiny change will make a difference for you. I remember my one cousin who was in the ball park of 500 pounds just stopped drinking soda and dropped something like 70 pounds! From there he felt so good he kept making positive changes. I know you want to do it, for so many reasons. So do it! Because you can. You really can. I know it's scary and you're afraid to fail and you're afraid to let go of things you love but I promise they will be replaced with new things you love more than you thought you could, and those things won't leave behind guilt or negativity. There's a wonderful freedom, this wonderful person inside of you just trying to get out- so let's let her out. You are not alone!!

MightyDomo

Lots of posts already and I am sure what I am going to say has been said many times over.

You are doing so well just trying, the effort and wanting is the first and greatest step towards your goal and there are going to be lots of bumps like these before you get to your goal weight.

I think a really important step is learning about the foods that you consume regularly and finding out what the healthy alternatives can be, this will help you eat better but keep the foods you love which is so helpful in the beginning. Another important and similar step is learning and experiencing other foods that you don't regularly eat and finding more healthy choices that you can add to your food lists as your continue to lose weight.

Take your time, be patient and never forget that if you persevere you will reach your goal in time. Best of luck!

supplemama

Try this: don't restrict WHAT you eat, just try reducing HOW much of what you eat. Don't even ponder the word diet. Restriction does not work for me, I truly think that's why all my previous efforts to lose weight failed. Now, I eat what I want. If I want some cookies, I have some cookies. If I want ice cream, I have ice cream. If I want wine, I have wine. If I want taco bell, I have taco bell. The BIG difference now with these thing as opposed to when I was obese, is that I don't overeat these things. I have a serving at a time. I have learned to moderate my eating. It seems counter-intuitive but just knowing I can eat whatever I want when I want it reduces the urge to eat lots of these things, and reduces the urge to overeat on these things. I'm usually good with 2-3 'treats' in my day. Now when I was obese, I didn't even eat 'junk' as frequently as I do now...rather than have a few small treats once a day, I'd deny deny deny myself until I just flat-out went whole hog for days at a time.

Take it slow, and don't try to drastically cut your calories all at once (like immediately aiming for 1200 cals) as that sets you up for gorging later. It takes a great deal of calories to sustain a 600+ pound weight so if you cut back to 3,000 calories a day as opposed to 4,000 you are going to lose weight.

oh! One thing I suggest is to cut out drinking your calories. Try only drinking or mostly drinking water. You don't need soda and such, and your cravings for it will pass within a week or so.

shopgirl1400

So many posts, Lots of love! I did not read all of them but for me what we think is the problem is NOT the problem. This has been very helpful to me and that is why I am sharing. I did a mind body program. Understanding our beliefs is so crucial. We all know what we need to do but why don't we do it??? I AM NOT a salesperson but after my third child I am working with the same program I did before but this time it is online. This is a new grassroots program, so not perfect, but the results are there and not just in weight loss. Don't love the marketing method but the program, which has live, just for you coaching is amazing. www.Marci90.com

If you have questions let me know. Also Byron Katie is a wonderful resource for dealing with our thoughts about ourselves and others.

mbelle97

I agree with the others. Start small, like logging everything for a whole week (and more) or cutting out one particular item, such as soda. You can do thiS!

Pixi_Rex

As much as its hard being the size that I am right now, the actual thought of restricting myself of what I love to be on a diet really sucks, and I think the hardest thing is to actually feel it emotionally ready to be doing it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but its just this murky difficult thing, I think.

Why restrict your self of the things you love? I love all food, seriously - food = my best friend some days ( sad I know and I have no emotional attachement to the foods, I just love eating and cooking, and smelling) BUT there is a limit. I have roughly 100 pounds to lose (ticker says 5 more because if it says more... I quit)

I still eat all the food I love - ALL of it, I just eat way way less of it than I used to. Fast food? about once a month now instead of once a week.

I eat smaller portions, instead of eating out of the chip bag, I buy the small personal sized bags, if I buy bigger I go home and portion it out, or take my portion and give the rest to my brothers so I don't eat it all. I work it into my day so I don't feel like I am giving up anything.

I have never been your size so I wont say I undstand but you have to want to do this. Some days it sucks, and you will want to quit, just remember tomorrow is better. If you make a mistake learn from it, move on and don't dwell on it.

It is not a straight line, you will have ups, you will have downs, you will get stuck and you will want to just throw in the towel, stick it out its worth it.

Start slow - don't expect things to just happen over night, it took a while to get this big, it will take a while to get smaller.
Work on your calorie in take first and I know some people will disagree do not worry about the macros. Eat healthy, but don't sacrafice your favorites - I have found ways of making my favorites healthier.

Read blogs, search for recipes that sound like you will like them. Experiement but do not give up.

dbmata

I have nothing to add except: I wish you the best of luck. It is important to take a large goal and break it up into little milestones, even daily ones, and hit those.

For example, yesterday you were under 4k calories. Do it for a week, then drop down to 3500, work on that. Increase movement within bounds where you can get time exercising, but not hurt yourself, start with 10 minutes, increase to 15, etc.

You will have a very difficult challenge in front of you. Stay strong, and take it a step at a time.

triathlete5301

the actual thought of restricting myself of what I love to be on a diet really sucks, and I think the hardest thing is to actually feel it emotionally ready to be doing it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but its just this murky difficult thing, I think.
....
So yeah, its kind of crazy, but I feel that the stress of being about to diet has actually been making me a bad eater lately.
...
Having now GAINED 10 more pounds since I started at MFP, rather than lose 20 (which was my goal) is a little disheartening. But, yesterday I was under 4,000 calories for the first time, so I'm very proud of that. Any thoughts on how to turn this into a long term success?

Congratulations on not giving up. Here are some suggestions that helped me when I started out. For me, the biggest key to success has been making very small changes, and NEVER calling anything "off limits".

1) Don't look at this as a diet. It's not a diet. It's just a change from what you do now. Keep repeating that to yourself. You're just making a series of small changes. DO NOT MAKE HUGE CHANGES TO YOUR EATING - that's how you set yourself up for failure. The key is to make small tweaks, and to stick with them until they become habit. Then make other small tweaks, until THEY become habit, etc. etc...

2) Do NOT eliminate any foods from your repertoire. If you eat it now, keep eating it. Nothing is "off limits". For me, if something is off limits, I MUST HAVE IT. When I know that I can eat french fries anytime I want, I don't feel a need to gorge myself on them. "I'll have them again soon."

3) Don't be afraid to leave food on your plate, even if that food is AMAZING. I used to go to restaurants and finish an entire meal, even if I wasn't hungry anymore, because it was "just too good to waste". Well, I got over that, and it really helped. Just like I said to myself in #2 - "I can eat this again soon, and it will be just as good next time."

4) Don't restrict your calories too much at the outset. Make small (200 calorie) adjustments to your daily calorie goal every few weeks, which will help your body adjust and will keep you from feeling too restricted too quickly.

Most importantly, seek the assistance of a doctor and/or nutritionist. And, if you get advice from them that doesn't feel right for you (be sure to check whether it doesn't feel right because it's bad advice or if you just don't like it), keep looking for medical support that you'll benefit from.

Good luck!

*edited for grammar

^^ This!

It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. Don't restrict yourself. everytime something is off limits, I want it even more. Instead, I ask myself if the calories are worth it to me. If they are, ok. If they aren't, I chose something that's similar in satisfaction.

Remember to do baby steps. Maybe focus on how much water you drink. Water will help keep you full. Drink water before a meal and see if it helps you stay full.

You may need to consider talking with someone about the emotional part of the eating. That's a big issue with me and my sister is an emotional over eater. It's very difficult when you are stressed about your weight and food is your comfort. It is not a good cycle.

Also, remember you do NOT have to be perfect every day! But, just because you make a bad decision here or there during the day doesn't mean that you have to throw your entire plan out of the window. It's just a bump in the road.

Take it day by day, step by step. The weight didn't come on overnight and it won't come off overnight. Slow and sure will get you there!

Reach out to us when you need help! Good luck!

salgalbp

Hey Girlfriend! I'm SO glad you're still here and just wanted to say hello, I'm routing for you and don't give up!!! We're all here for the same reason and that is our health. We're in it together, one day at a time!
Sal

Brownsbacker4evr

Good job wanting to make the effort. Step one: done. Now put your plan into action. No matter what this thing is going to take time and the more you stay positive and keep working at it is time you are cutting to get closer to your goal. Focus on small goals. I was on the brink of 400lbs before. Start slow and work your way up, find a solid exercise and eating regimen that fits your abilities, and get a good support system-- plenty of amazing folk on here, some very similar to your situation as well. Feel free to add me, would love to come along and help support any way I can. I am rooting for you.

iulia_maddie

I remember reading your first post. I am so glad that you're still on MFP.
So you gained some weight. So? You are still here, still fighting. You'll do better.
Good luck, and feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like.

jeansuza

Have a diary where you put every single little positive events of the day. It will improve your self-esteem. If life looks better to you, eveything will be easier (dieting, exercising, smiling!) Do it for you!

jjspw

"the actual thought of restricting myself of what I love to be on a diet really sucks, and I think the hardest thing is to actually feel it emotionally ready to be doing it. I don't know if that makes any sense, but its just this murky difficult thing, I think."

Don't think of this journey as a "diet". Just the word "diet" scares people. It's also not about not eating what you enjoy -- it's about eating LESS of what you enjoy.

One of the biggest problems people have is that they eat until they're stuffed, uncomfortable, but have a clean plate. Stop eating when you feel sated, just before you feel full. This will save you a lot of calories, but you can still eat what you love.

Don't deny yourself treats or cravings. If you're really craving a doughnut, for example, go get one. But eat one or two bites, just to get the taste/texture of it, then dump the rest of it. The couple of bites will satisfy the craving, but won't pack on all the extra (unnecessary) calories.

Begin to incorporate more lean proteins and fiber into your diet -- that's lean meats, soy, Greek yogurt, beans, fruits & veggies. Protein and fiber are a lot more filling than fats and carbs -- the 100 calories of broccoli is a hell of a lot more filling than 100 calories of potato chips. Protein and fiber are easy to incorporate into your diet. Start with simple substitutions, like ground turkey for ground beef in a hamburger. Add a side of roasted cauliflower to your meal instead of pasta. Also, if you have a salad or vegetable side dish, eat that first -- then, you'll be less hungry for the rest of your meal, and ultimately end up consuming fewer calories (but the calories you DO consume will be of the good stuff).

kerriberry74

I'm not sure where I even want to start. It's great that you are opening up and reaching out again. I skimmed over your original post and some of the fantastic responses filled with a lot of great ideas. I'm a bit concerned. You recognize that you want to/need to make a change, but you also fear having to give up the things you love and seem to be missing the willpower to do so. So, here goes:

1. It might not hurt to have some professional help in order for you to move forward: having a dietitian or even someone close to you who will hold you accountable for your diet, maybe even see a therapist to get to the bottom of why moving ahead is so difficult.

2. I checked out your diary and there are a lot of missing days. Be honest and consistent, even if it isn't pretty. That right there will give you something to start with. Where can you change/switch things out? There were a lot of responses mentioning making small changes to start with ie. swap out the soda with water or the chocolate milk with regular milk. Add more fruit and veggies in gradually.

3. Diet is a very restricting word. Look at it as more as a change in lifestyle- you don't have to give up everything just to get healthy. Moderation is the key.

4. Cook. Make an effort to try new foods/cooking techniques. Get acquainted with a bevy of herbs and spices. This way, you will have more control over what goes into your food. Processed food is loaded with bad stuff. The sodium alone is a killer.

5. While getting exercise may be difficult at the moment, again, check out some of the responses from your original post. There are a lot of good ideas- chair workouts, gradually increasing movement, ect. Do you have access to a pool? That would be a huge help.

There are a lot of people on here who want to see you succeed, but you are the only one who can do it. If you need motivation/uplifting, just look back at the comments others have made. Change is scary, but you won't move forward without it. We're all rooting for you... Good luck!