My husband won't diet with me
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DONT DO THIS!! Your relationship and his self-respect is more improtant. It will just make him defensive and angry. It will become a control issue with him proving to you that he is in control. Trust me! I have been there but I was the one being shamed. It WILL NOT work!!
Edit: I can't even. Too effed up. Leaving this thread, now, for real.0 -
Just stick with your diet. Try serving yourself the portion you think you might eat erring on the side of less so there's no leftovers for him to eat. If you need more you can serve yourself a little more.
Let him have whatever he wants. When he sees you changing let him come to his own conclusions whether he could do it, if you could. Let him take his own time deciding, and then let him choose whatever plan is right for him. If he asks for your opinion, input, or help at that point, give as little as possible and let him incorporate some, all, or none of it as this is just gathering info time. Don't expect him to take it.
He sounds like me. I tend to rebel and am quick to suspect a trap and he seems to be reacting accordingly. I am however not a total idiot and I bet he's not if he's with someone as kind and patient as you seem to be. Let him work it out for himself. Good luck on YOUR journey, and good luck whenever he gets on HIS own.:flowerforyou:
ETA: and as for the ice cream stop asking him what he wants on it, especially if you would have never asked before, because if that's the case (and even if it isn't) he may be feeling every time you ask him that you are hoping/expecting/demanding that he will suddenly go "Oh no honey, thanks, you are my new weight loss hero and I want to be exactly like you and eat what you eat." and so he instead says, "extra hot fudge extra nuts and extra everything". That's what I would do, only I'd probably add,"-- and while you're at it go to Mrs. Field's and get some brownies to put under it and nuke that baby and the fudge daddy's HONGREY!"0 -
How come women never get offers off cunnilingus to lose weight? I'd weight 100lbs if that was on the table. Sigh...life aint fair.0 -
I believe in wifely submission,
What? You lost me. :huh:0 -
Ask him to sign up for a higher life insurance policy. That way you and the kids are covered in case of the inevitable. Sometimes it works and if it doesn't, then at the very least you're prepping for the future. Might sound brutally honest, but I've seen it happen a few times now.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Cook less and if he complains tell him that you dont want him to drop dead from a heart attack!!!!! The truth hurts but it works :-) My partner has lost 20kgs since January I told him all last year that he neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeded to lose weight for himself not for me (he was near 300lbs but 6ft 4 ) he spent the first week after the new year in hospital after being nearer than near to a hear attack BP 0ver 200.
The truth hurts but if you love someone you dont have any unhealthy **** in the house full stop :-)0 -
Sorry I am not a beliver but I am informed!!!
Then you can tell him glutony is a sin so he better pull his socks up or he will get turned back at the pearly gates!!!!!! problem solved!!!!!!!0 -
Yep, you can't make someone diet if they don't want to. I agree with many others...cook less. Don't have sweets and munchies available. or only buy help treats...sugar free, low calorie. Then if he eats more, he's still eating less.0
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promise him a BJ for every pound he loses.... i bet he'll drop weight like nobody's business.
sorted
^ I'd do it this way.
I went from 226 to 104 in 3 months.0 -
WTF is wifely submission??? That's probably why I am no longer married
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****texting hubby now!!*** haha
If that doesn't work continue leading by example...you need to proceed with your healthy living first and foremost! Hope he gets on board with you:)
MAN my husband already lost some pounds! *brushes teeth, puts hair in ponytail*.0 -
bump to review later, sounds like a similar problem to mine!0
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for every 35 lbs he loses he will gain 1 inch of penis .. just saying
Heck if this doesnt get you to start cooking healthier and with lower calories, I dont know what will.:bigsmile:0 -
You had me at "wifely submission."
...No wait. Sorry, you LOST me at "wifely submission."
QFT
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Another suggestion: A lot of people have said that their libido goes through the roof when they lose weight and start getting fitter and I can personally attest to that. Tell your husband that you'd like him to be able to keep up with you (as nicely as possible). My husband is absolutely delighted with the results of my fitness journey to date. He's also been talking about how to incorporate more fitness into his already very busy schedule--being a good example does work.
Hope this works out for you!0 -
Ok, some of the comments were funny, some were way out there. Control is an illusion, especially trying to control somebody else. Focus on yourself and model a healthier lifestyle for your children with healthy food choices, fewer fatty and salty snacks, etc. That's about all you can do. If your husband happens to jump onto the healthier lifestyle bandwagon, he will need to do it for his own reasons.
Good luck. It's going to be tough, especially when you reach your goal weight and are in maintenance.0 -
for every 35 lbs he loses he will gain 1 inch of penis .. just saying
Maths says mine has grown 3 inches. I like maths!0 -
^ I'd do it this way.
I went from 226 to 104 in 3 months.
[/quote
Guess you burned a lot of cals giving all those bjs, SS.0 -
If you believe in "wifely submission," can I assume that you're the one doing the shopping and cooking in the house? If so, you can buy individually packaged portions of treats and cook less food. If he's piling "whatever's left" on his plate after you and the kids eat, just make "whatever's left" a reasonable portion for him.
And DON'T tell him what you're doing! If he's used to submission, he will push back and your efforts may cause friction and backfire.0 -
That sounds like a really whiny topic title, doesn't it?
Let me explain, I don't want to force my husband to diet with me. I believe in wifely submission
Yeah...I just stopped reading right there.
I feel sorry for you...but I have no advice for you that wouldn't probably offend you.0 -
I'm sorry, but there is no way to candy coat someone who is almost 400 lbs, ("Well Nourished") Shame on his doctor for trying to do so. Look for websites that make healthier comfort foods (Like Skinnytaste and Cooking light) and start from there- portion control and healthy substitutions can only go so far, but will ultimately help you toward your goal and hopefully, maybe your husband will see that healthy food doesn't have to be a bad thing (or something that is consumed in mass, it can actually help you feel fuller faster). It's great you are both in your 30's and have time, but reality is that if you keep up excuses/rationalizations then the problem will just continue. Cheers to you for making a change, hopefully as he sees how it benefits you he will recognize how importanti it is for his long term well being, too. Good luck!!0
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Another suggestion: A lot of people have said that their libido goes through the roof when they lose weight and start getting fitter and I can personally attest to that. Tell your husband that you'd like him to be able to keep up with you (as nicely as possible). My husband is absolutely delighted with the results of my fitness journey to date. He's also been talking about how to incorporate more fitness into his already very busy schedule--being a good example does work.
Hope this works out for you!
Kind of this but just don't say anything. I think he'll notice when you get hornier and put two and two together himself and figure he better shape up or ship out. .oO(*lightbulb* I wonder if this is what happened in my house a month into my new eating plan?)0 -
I'm sorta climbing out of this very boat!
My husband is not overweight as much as he is really out of shape (any little phsycal activity (climbing stairs, running for 10 seconds) is very hard for him), but he could probably stand to lose 20-30 lbs. I started on this journey in December 2012 and he adamantly refused to jump on board with me. For a couple that does EVERYTHING together, this was really hard for me to accept.
For a while, it seemed that he was doing anything and everything to make it a point that he is not dieting with me. He used to eat anything I left on my plate, eat (full fat) ice cream while on the couch as he watched me exercise, etc. I was really annoyed, but at the same time, did not want to be the naggy wife, so I led by example. I talked to him A LOT about what I am doing for myself - about what workouts I am doing, what I am eating for lunch at work, etc. I made it sound more like I am sharing with him than anything else. I would check the caloric and ingredient content of foods while we went food shopping and really involved him in "my" decisions. Out of love, he would try and make foods that would work for me so we wouldn't have to make a separate meal for me. I always offered him to come work out with me, but did not force him to.
A few times, when the opportunity arose, I talked to him about how scared I was that he would not be around for me/our kids or how I worry that if we have another kid, he would not be able to catch up with him/her. It helps that he is a really good listener and I think slowly (too slowly for my taste, but beggers can't be choosers), it started to sink in. A couple of months ago he joined my Jillian routine. I was over the top excited and made a HUGE deal about it and tried not to show my disappointment when he quit. Then he ran with me once and I stayed at his pace and encouraged him to keep going. I made it a point to encourage the small steps he was making. Now, 4 months after I started, he finally committed to doing C25K with me and has ran with me the last 4 days. It's effort and I commend him for making it and it's all I could ask for.
Until they get it in their heads that this is for their own health and you are not "trying to change them", nothing will work. Be patient and be supportive. Don't quit on him, but more importantly, don't quit on youself.0 -
promise him a BJ for every pound he loses.... i bet he'll drop weight like nobody's business.
sorted
Bwahahahaha....this would definitely work for my husband!!! LOL0 -
Never said to say it "nicely"
On the contrary, there comes a point where you need to be a little mean about it. Sometimes that's the only thing the man will respond to.
They get used to the coddling and the "um... sweetie?" way we start our statements. At some point you have to put your foot down and really get his attention with some harsher words.
The idea that this behavior will ultimately cause his death will probably bring him around. Does he want to be around to meet his grandchildren? How about grow old with you? Travel during retirement? Not be in a hospital bed constantly? Not to mention the sex thing - It's a simple truth - exercise and healthy diet will ultimately improve your sex life. If these things don't encourage the man, then I don't know what will.
Good luck.
P.S. I understand what you're saying about "wifely submission" and how that's a part of the Bible and everything. I'm sorry that there's a number of people who are saying negative things about it.
But this dynamic is a delicate one. The way I see it: you chose your husband, and entrusted him with the task to be a good leader in the household. And YOU took on the responsibility to support him however you can. HOWEVER - if HE is not making good decisions as the leader of the household, you DO have the responsibility to bring it to his attention and give him a good shake to get his attention on the matter.
Again, good luck.0 -
You teach by example.
First don't refer to what you are doing as dieting. It is a lifestyle change to healthier eating.
Next time you go get a scoop of ice cream, bring him what you know he use to eat, two scoops.
When you are done dishing up everyone's meals ... immediately put away the 'leftovers' and say they are for your lunch (or his) the next day. Out of sight out of mind.
Do not compete with him in the eating field.
You first have to eat healthy for you and your well being and when he sees how much healthier, happier, etc you are in might just get on the band wagon with you.
My husband chooses to eat let and more healthy because I am. I do not say anything about his portions, but he is learning to use portion control as well.
It takes time my friend, be patient in all things.
Blessings0 -
Havent read others...
But you lost me at wifely submission.
You know what? I make dinner almost every night and if DH doesnt like it, he can suck it. Besides, I dont diet, I eat. So its not much different than normal.0 -
lol0
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Sorry I didnt get passed "Wifely Submission"................0
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I need to find me a woman who knows about this "wifely submission"0
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