The thing to do ladies.

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skinnygrlerica

I do have a boyfriend, but when I didn't, I got hit on occasionally.

Hearing things like "ooh you've got a fine *kitten* girl..." Uh... not what I want to hear, especially when I KNOW I"m overweight.

But one time, I was out with about 10 friends for a birthday, and we were all pretty toasty...and this guy appears awkwardly at the side of our table obviously waiting for an invite to sit down. Since he was being awkward, I ignored him...at least he could have said hi, right?

So we continue on with our convo and someone said something funny and we all started high-fiving each other like dorks lol and weird awkward guy gets in the middle of the high five party and takes a seat... NEXT TO ME!! We were all weirded out by that... but he introduces himself as "Jerry" and we proceed to chat a little.

He ends up spilling his whole life story in 3 mins flat... including the fact he is AT THIS BAR WITH HIS PARENTS, and asks IF I WOULD LIKE TO GO MEET THEM... OMIGOD!

SO, I politely decline. Everyone at the table sees my distress signals lol and we all shuffle out to go get some late night tacos (this was obviously BEFORE I started MFP... LOL) I'm nice, tell him it was great to meet him but that my friends and I are leaving.

So he rushes out after us with an equally awkward buddy and tries to catch me before I leave, asking if I need a "companion" for the night. HUH? What the heck does THAT mean?? I say no thanks...and start walking quickly to my vehicle and he's yelling at me from across the parking lot "All I want is to be companions...like friends... for the night!!"

I have NO clue what this guy wanted. Did he want to hang out? Was he looking for a one night stand? The approach was weird. He had an awkward vibe. He was just a TOTAL MESS!

OP-- DON'T BE LIKE JERRY! Do your own thing and be yourself, That's cute enough.

As a side note, I did feel bad afterwards. I felt like I should go back to see if he's there again to give him dating tips or let him practice conversation skills. Poor boy probably does need a companion to show him the ropes...

jfaironair

Amen to that!!

80sFanatic88

I've never had a guy ask me out ever in my life. At least not that I know of.
Once this guy said he thought he knew me from somewhere, and he totally looked like someone I knew, so I was like, oh yeah. But then my friend said he was hitting on me. I was like, are you sure? I was clueless, and I'm still not sure... but he must have been at least 10 years older than me.
And that's the problem I have. Sometimes I get those creepy looks from old men. You know what I mean? So, my advice, don't be afraid to ask girls out, just be sure that they're around your own age.

stlkat1957

I am married, but boy do I remember the single days like they were yesterday. I got a kick out of guys that approached me in the grocery store ... but mostly because I never knew if they really had a question or if they were checking me out. I've never been one to think that I'm a "looker" so I figure that they really did have questions about a product.

For the other situations, as everyone has said, as long as you're not creepy about it. One of the worst thought quoting country song lyrics would be appropriate and the lyrics being "If I told you had a beautiful body would you hold it next to mine" ewwww.

I think guys think that they have to come up with some clever one liner to get attention. How about just approaching someone, as you did, ask if they are available for coffee. If they say no ... okay ... move on. But, unless the woman is drop dead gorgeous/model type, most women are going to appreciate a non creepy compliment or feel flattered. A lesbian friend told me that she is flattered when men try to hit on her and she says she often feels bad when she tells them that she's a lesbian, but then follows it up with "but a person can never have enough friends if you need a wingman". That generally breaks the ice for her and gives everyone a good laugh.

BTW, regardless of someone's ethnicity, i am always flattered and it doesn't matter what a person looks like, short/tall, buff/overweight, scarfaced or chiseled. If they act like a decent human being, not egotistical or overbearing, i would consider them.:flowerforyou:

mrshoneydew

OP, I'm so glad that you are asking this question because I feel like a lot of guys really go about this the wrong way, to the point of making girls feel scared or intimidated.

The scenario you described was the right way to approach a woman that you find attractive and you took her answer the right way.

2. I am married so every person is off limits to me, so I don't really pay attention to how attractive they are. As long as you are being friendly and non-creepy about it, I take compliments very well. It's a big self esteem booster actually. But if someone is yelling out at me like cat calling and won't stop until I say something or they say something sexual that's really out of line, they are going to get yelled at. I don't see how this is an effective form of getting a girl to be interested in you.

3. My worse experience was last year, I was waiting for the bus and this older man (maybe in his 40's) asked me questions about the bus route. I'm a very friendly person and I try to give everyone a chance so I talked to him because I was being polite, but just in case he got the wrong idea, I made sure to mention my husband. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do because our casual conversation about weather and the City soon became an extremely awkward turn of events when he asked me if I wanted to be in a "no strings attached relationship" with him. It was such a weird thing to me that I didn't process what he said right away and just smiled and nodded.....then I thought about it for a moment and said "I'm sorry, what did you say?". He repeated himself and I just got this horrible feeling in my stomach. I politely said "I'm flattered that you find me attractive but I'm married and not at all interested". That should have been the end of it but nope. He then says "But you're not dead. Have you ever tried it?". This was making me feel very very uncomfortable. I felt like my inner peace was being invaded. I told him that I loved my husband and really had no interest in complicating or ruining my marriage. Then he made some quip about how I was so young and didn't know what I was missing. That's when I saw my bus and was like "Well there's my bus. Nice meeting you and have a good day!".
The only problem was......he got on the same bus! So I sat all the way in the back behind the crowd.

Bottom line. When a girl says no, that's that!!

On the other hand, I have had some guys tell me that I had nice hair, or a cute smile, or that I have good style. That is all ok and really makes my day.

daniellep293

Ahhh this is a touchy subject. Being bigger I feel like I take alot of rejection. So me turning down someone is very delicate. I have approached it as a nice conversation and if I'm not interested saying "thank you so much for the compliment but I don't think i'm interested it was a pleasure speaking with you". No need to be rude.

Most of the time, I get hit on while driving. I have an Acura Integra which is fast but old and somehow guys like that. The car is definitely not my personality but it gets me from point A to point B.

My point is Honesty is always the best policy. Now if a guy harasses me over and over and is getting rude then you have to put your foot down.

michellewong699

I don't exactly know how I feel about getting hit on. I am 19 years old and I have boys/men of all ages hitting on me almost every day. There once was a man in his 50's that kept asking me if I was a model and, when I said no, he kept trying to convince me to be one. I found it cute, but maybe that is because I have a soft spot for those older than me.

However I have had people really brusquely ask for my number, I did not like that.
I was dressed up for a girl's night out a couple months ago, when a guy yelled from across the street, "Hey you girl with the skirt! You have a nice *kitten*!" Needless to say, I was not impressed and actually VERY annoyed at the situation.

I agree with all the other women here: It really is the way you approach us that will determine how we react. Treat us respectfully, and we will (most of the time) do the same.

k916and

I find it to be very flattering when a guy approaches me. It takes confidence to go up to a complete stranger and strike up a conversation. I personally would never be rude to anyone if their approach was kind. I would not judge them on appearance or treat them any differently keeping in mind that they were putting themselves out there and taking a chance. I would be clear in a kind way whether I was interested or not & possibly use the "boyfriend" line so I didn't seem rude, if I weren't interested.

I think it's great that you have the courage to approach a woman & you should continue to do it if you find someone attractive. You never know! Just be kind & if they are rude keep it moving. That's their problem not yours! Good luck!!

AlongCame_Molly

I was shopping at Wal-Mart of all places, and a guy approached me. He just said hi, My name is Clint, how are you, what's your name, etc. Then he surprised the hell out of me and said, "I think you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I couldn't do much more than gape and stutter out a flattered "thank you". He said, "You're probably married, though, huh?" I smiled and said yes, I'm sorry, I am. (I was) He said he had to at least try, then he shook my hand, told me to have a good day and walked away.

He wasn't the best-looking of guys, but if I had been available, I would have for sure given him my number and at least one date, if for no other reason than having the balls to come up and take a chance.

glovepuppet

i don't like being approached. i just don't.
it's nothing personal. it's not your looks or your charm.
i'm not making eye contact, i'm not smiling at guys, that means leave me be.

I was cracking my knuckles thinking this sounded like a good challenge; however, you failed to capatlize the "i" six different times. It's not going to happen between us doll. It just isn't.

i have a terrible allergy to shift keys.

actually, though said in jest, you raise a good point.
that a lot of men just see our disinterst as a challenge.
not to respect my choices is highly disrespectful.

i could never love you. you spell 'capitalise' like a colonial.

Dunkirk

If you make the lady who has attracted your interest feel insecure or unsafe, you wont get a good response.

MommiLauren

its a compliment. .. as long as your not creepy about it lol

slkehl

Your approach seems great. Just striking up a casual conversation and asking the girl out in a non-gimmicky way at the end. I usually use the "I have a boyfriend" excuse, but if a drunk guy is trying to pick up on me, I can be mean. So he gets the point.

michellemybelll

i am a ginormous ball of awkward. if i get hit on randomly out in public, more often than not i turn bright red, and try my best not to embarrass myself.

having said that, i have gone on dates with guys who've randomly struck up conversation with me out in public, but they typically end up weirding me out after the first date.. (like the time dude came to my condo, banged on my front door on and off for 5 - 10 minutes while simultaneously yelling through the door that "it's mike", then left a note on my car windshield! keep in mind that we had been on ONE date prior to this. um definitely NOT the way to make the ladies come running...)

casy84

I was in a bar with some girlfriends and we had a candle on the table. We were there from some time, so the candle went off.
Then a guy walks to our table, puts a new candle on it, tells me that he could no longer see my face in the dark and walks away. Now that was super sweet, too bad for him I had a bf.

AIZZO4

So I hear a lot of you say don't be creepy about it. Some examples are....?

UrbanLotus

So I hear a lot of you say don't be creepy about it. Some examples are....?

Just be NORMAL, talk to us like we are just a normal person. Don't leer, don't compliment body parts, one compliment like "you're beautiful" is enough, don't tell us what you want to do to us, don't fawn, don't use pickup lines, take no for an answer, etc. All those things are creepy.

AIZZO4

So you don't believe in "the chase."

JustAboutDelicious_wechanged

A nice smile is a must otherwise it's creepy if someone comes up talking to me.

I like it if they use humor of any kind to start talking to me. If they make me laugh a lot they can have my shirt off by dinner.