Is it RUDE to offer your "fat clothes" to a friend?

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Replies

  • fluffychicken7
    fluffychicken7 Posts: 77 Member
    Give your fat clothes to charity. When Hurricane Sandy struck New York and New Jersey, I spent a lot of time volunteering at the displacement shelter and there were never enough clothes for larger people. Statistically speaking women are more likely to donate gently worn clothes to good will then men. And slender or petite women donate more often the out of season or out of style articles in their wardrobe. There is definitely a need for them there and thank you to those who already donate to good will!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    It really depends on the person, I think. I don't think it's rude in general, as your heart is obviously in the right place. But, if you're afraid it may hurt her feelings, then it's better to err on the side of caution. I like the idea of asking her to help you sort out your donations.
  • RunFarLiveHappy
    RunFarLiveHappy Posts: 805 Member
    My entire current wardrobe with the exception of approximately 15 items is the result of gifted clothes.

    First scenario: an MFP friend who was losing ahead of me sent me 48 items, all very chic gently used (including workout clothes--super important!!!) and some still with tags. Second scenario: my Aunt who has been very vocal (encouraging/congratulatory) in my journey said she had a whole closet full of clothes for me to come look through. We made a day and fashion show of it. I literally tried on close to 90 items or more and found 38 pieces that I love! All high end designer brands and many with tags still on them!

    I was so stubborn about buying in between sizes that I went from a size 24 to a size 12 without getting new clothes. I had maybe a handful of things that were in between sizes and I could wear heavily belted. I had my pants fall down running TWICE. If not for these two wonderful acts of kindness and generosity I would've been a.) a fashion disaster and an embarrassment to be in public with wearing clothes 6 sizes too big and/or b.) flat broke from trying to piece together a wardrobe of in between sized clothes.

    I realize my story is probably nothing like the situation with your friend, BUT gifted clothes changed my entire perspective about my journey and my progress. I truly was not seeing my loss for what it was because of the ill fitting clothes I was wearing! My confidence and self esteem skyrocketed!

    It sounds like you should know you're friend well enough to be able to gauge her reaction if the situation is approached tactfully. If you're really uncertain then I love the ideas of the clothes swap or the FB offer. Just don't say or do anything that will come back to taint the situation. If it's a genuine nice gesture that's how it should be interpreted. Good luck!

    Edited to add: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE whatever clothes you don't find a new home for: donate to a women's shelter or disaster relief. These people often only have what they could carry or the clothes on their backs. It can be absolutely devastating. There are so many people that can benefit from your gift. That's where all my "fat clothes" are going ????
  • jessicae1aine
    jessicae1aine Posts: 885
    If I had a friend who shared the same taste in clothes as me that was giving me their fat clothes as they lost weight, I'd be thrilled, not offended.
  • sparkleberries
    sparkleberries Posts: 19 Member
    Since you have shared clothes & have been friends forever I think she may be offended if you don't offer them to her first...I would be.

    All you have to say is I am cleaning out my wardrobe anything you want? That is not offensive it is more thoughtful IMO
  • WeightHacker
    WeightHacker Posts: 260 Member
    depends if you guys are like friends that share then it should be. but you can also say. here i dont want them anymore. thought they will look great on you.

    and if she says no. then move along and just donate them to goodwill or some other thriftshop (so people like me would buy em) just fyi xD

    or just give it to charity. x3 whatever works for you.
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
    Are you and these friends on Facebook. Maybe you could make a general statement of "I have a few dresses I don't wear anymore, cute and in good shape, anyone want them?"
    Less "personal" than zeroing in on that one chubby friend.....

    Ooh good idea! I'm facing the same issue myself :) I love these clothes and they're still funky and in good condition. It would be a waste to just get rid of them :D
  • kimastbury
    kimastbury Posts: 33 Member
    "I'm having a spring clean and there's some clothes here I think you might like. Are you interested?"
  • zoefisher2785
    zoefisher2785 Posts: 5
    My mum gives me her 'fat clothes' all the time - and tells me so; I can see the look in her eye when they are also too small as well :cry:
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  • Maidofmer
    Maidofmer Posts: 908 Member
    yes. my mother in law does it all the time. "here, these are too big for me but they'll fit you." "they're big, so you should like them."
  • pollyineedtobeskinny
    pollyineedtobeskinny Posts: 362
    To be honest, no I don't think it is. I'm a size 10-12 now and I have clothes that are a size 14, I give them to my sister, she's happy to take them. If she's a size 14, then why not? Free clothes :happy:

    I'd say it completely depends on how you say it.
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
    Bring your friend over to help you "sort your donation clothes". If she is interested then she will ask to take the ones she likes. It is a non-confrontational way to let her choose if she wants them.

    Just what I would suggest!

    Or have a swishing party - invite a few friends (of various sizes) to bring along some good clothes and you try them on and have a swap. Anything left at the end can go to a charity shop - some people even ask for a donation for every "pre-loved" garment rehomed so the charity gets that as well.:smile:

    Just make sure you invite a few friends who used to be the size you are now but have got bigger (or smaller) :wink:
  • pennydreadful270
    pennydreadful270 Posts: 266 Member
    I will never have this problem because I wear all my clothes till they're full of holes. Lol. My sports club wanted to do a clothes exchange and I knew i couldn't go because I barely own anything that isn't bobbled, stained with paint, sewn up or discoloured. I'm Scottish, a grip, and I hate clothes shopping.
  • whitecapwendy
    whitecapwendy Posts: 287 Member
    Personally I'd just say "I'm cleaning out my wardrobe and getting rid of a lot of stuff, are you interested in taking a look through it?" she can say yes or no.

    this

    especially between good friends.
  • KellySue67
    KellySue67 Posts: 1,006 Member
    Bring your friend over to help you "sort your donation clothes". If she is interested then she will ask to take the ones she likes. It is a non-confrontational way to let her choose if she wants them.

    This is a great idea!
  • 7opoundsin16weeks
    7opoundsin16weeks Posts: 211 Member
    yes
  • juliekaiser1988
    juliekaiser1988 Posts: 604 Member
    Make a generalized offer. Send out a shout to selected friends on a private message on facebook, and just say you have lots of clothes up for grabs, if anyone knows of someone who could use them, to send you a PM.

    That way you aren't pointing to any one person. You're asking the masses if they know of someone who could use them.
  • Nina91_4ever
    Nina91_4ever Posts: 10
    If you are really close friends then she shouldn't mind at all and would be glad to have some new clothes and also happy for you to have lost so much weight! If you are not that close then I second the idea of saying you are donating to charity and tell her she's free to take anything she likes :)
  • SadKitty27
    SadKitty27 Posts: 416 Member
    I think it's rather rude, but honestly... I have a really mean sister-in-law, so I enjoy being passive aggressive by giving her my fat clothes under the guise of "being nice."

    Hehe :laugh: I know it's beneath me ( I'm usually a very nice/caring person) and completely juvenile, but she's always been so mean to me for no reason, so it's like the one way I can get even without being vile.

    As far as your situation goes, you could always casually say you're cleaning out your closet and was going to donate a lot to charity (or throw it away; you don't want her to think you're saying she's a charity case,) and won't be wearing any of it because you want an excuse to buy new clothes (who doesn't like excuses to buy new clothes lol?)

    That way she won't take it as you're simply giving her all your fat clothes.


    EDIT: Just noticed someone else posted this bit of advice lol.
  • juliekaiser1988
    juliekaiser1988 Posts: 604 Member
    Are you and these friends on Facebook. Maybe you could make a general statement of "I have a few dresses I don't wear anymore, cute and in good shape, anyone want them?"
    Less "personal" than zeroing in on that one chubby friend.....

    ^^ Sorry, didn't see this one. Great minds think alike! :)
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
    Only if the fat friend has lost weight and needs clothes.
  • toutmonpossible
    toutmonpossible Posts: 1,580 Member
    Only if they ask.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    I mentioned to one of my friends that I had a whole lot of clothes to donate to a charity, she asked if she could go through them first, problem solved!
  • aszwarc
    aszwarc Posts: 200 Member
    I just had to deal with this. A friend, who I've never actually met in person - we know each other from online, is also losing weight. She started a lot bigger than me and has lost enough weight to be several sizes smaller than when she started. I'm going through my wardrobe both for season change and because everything is too big now, and I just asked her if she wanted anything. I know money is tight in her house. And she's made comments that she seems to be in either her workout clothes or her bathrobe lately. So I boxed up a bunch of things and sent them to her. And she knows that there's another box worth that's down a size from those things waiting for her.

    I was nervous about offering because I didn't want to offend her, but she took it in the spirit in which it was intended. I know she's planning to lose even more weight and wearing these things will allow her to be clothed without spending anything. There's a note in the box that anything she doesn't want (or when she diets out of them) should be donated to the charity of her choice.

    Heck, I had a gift card to Lane Bryant that I had earned for taking surveys that I can't use any more (hooray for sizing out!) that I put in the box, too, so she can get undies or bras.

    tl;dr: if you're comfortable with your friends, then make the offer. Just don't go out of your way to offend them with your wording.
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
    No! That being, you probably shouldn't say "here are my fat clothes I thought you would want them!"

    Many of my best work clothes are from a friend who has much better shopping taste than I do, lost a ton of weight on MFP (and looks AWESOME!), and so let me go "shopping" in her closet. :):)
  • A_Fit_Mom
    A_Fit_Mom Posts: 602 Member
    I don't think it is rude. Unless you say "ok, I lost weight and I would like to know if you want my fat clothes, since I can't wear them anymore. "


    If they are your close friend, you can just say "Hey, I am getting some new clothes and wondered if you wanted to come raid my closet before I get rid of some clothes to make room".
  • StArBeLLa87
    StArBeLLa87 Posts: 1,582 Member
    Lol I hope it isn't offensive because I had a brand new pair of capris that were big on me not to mention I never wore and I offered it to one of my colleagues! Lmao oops...
  • Cartersnew61
    Cartersnew61 Posts: 4
    Yes I think so. Just to be on the safe side just donate them to charity...I'm sure there is a person in need who has just a little less than you who would love to have them.
  • AA1ex
    AA1ex Posts: 223 Member
    Bring your friend over to help you "sort your donation clothes". If she is interested then she will ask to take the ones she likes. It is a non-confrontational way to let her choose if she wants them.

    ^ This is how my friends and I have done it because if there is an outfit she secretly hates and you try to give it to her she is going to feel obligatied to take it if she likes other things as well, if you zero her out. Here, it gives her the freedom to say "aw I have always liked this" and you can let her know its her's then. :)

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