Critical Spouse?!!!

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  • rob1976
    rob1976 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    As a fellow a-hole, I can say that this just might be your husband's strange way of motivating you.
  • UnoDrea3732
    UnoDrea3732 Posts: 342 Member
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    Mmm...no thanks. I'm sorry but I could not be with anyone like that. BUT while I say that - my Husband it the type to say in the morning "I want to support you 110%" and then he goes an buys me a 1/2 dozen of giant cupcakes. lol.

    He does love me but sometime I swear he wants to keep me fat. :laugh:

    Anyhow - I am sorry to hear that your Husband is a total douche bag. Try giving him a taste of his own medicine. Claim that his penis is small and remind him everyday how his penis just seems so small these days and maybe he should look into possibly some "enhancements". :laugh:

    Good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    As a fellow a-hole, I can say that this just might be your husband's strange way of motivating you.

    As a human being concerned about other human beings, just think I should put out a PSA:

    Verbal abuse is NOT motivating.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Both of you need to get to counseling ASAP. Go alone if you have to.
  • emibrus1
    emibrus1 Posts: 59
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    Total strangers should not express more love and concern for you than your own spouse.

    You should NEVER be afraid to hear what your spouse has to say.

    These rules go for men and women.

    I truly wish you the very best. There is no easy solution (but I hope you make the one that's best for you no matter how difficult it is).
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
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    Guys like this usually never talk this way before you get married. Then after you’re married oe engaged they start controlling you, showing jealous behavior and eventually abuse down the road. You should move on before he starts the abuse.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
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    He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

    Wow, that's abusive.
  • jessicarobinson180
    jessicarobinson180 Posts: 4
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    I lost 50 pounds 4 years ago and I have gained on 10 back in the last two years. I am working on getting that off now. I wrote in my journal ( and I never keep a journal, just started for weight loss at the time) that my husband had commented, "good luck with that" when I told him I was going to lose weight! Well I did it! Let me tell you this, name calling is never acceptable and is hurtful at the wort of times and devastating coming from someone you love! Maybe your husband is insecure and privately worries that you will not care for him as much if you look your best. maybe he has issues with his own self esteem...hurt people hurt people. I suggest you tell him how his actions hurt you, then focus on ignoring his behavior and motivating yourself. I am an emotional eater too, try not to let what anyone says get the best of you or you will continue to be emotional and eat! Keep healthy snack readily available in case of meltdowns, apples, celery peanut butter...get out of the house if your emotional, walk, pull weeds, do something productive. I also want to share something I am really trying to incorporate in my life. Declaring and decreeing. I am a Christian pastor and I really believe that what comes out of your mouth has power. I have started declaring what I want for myself. I pray and then out loud I begin to say what I want for my life. I include my children's safety, and wellness, my own good health and even what I want from my marriage. Try declaring that your husband feels good about himself, and that he uplifts and supports you and see what happens!
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
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    As a fellow a-hole, I can say that this just might be your husband's strange way of motivating you.

    Dude, I'm a huge a-hole, but I would NEVER treat my wife like that. It's emotional abuse.
  • liftreadphilosophize
    liftreadphilosophize Posts: 180 Member
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    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    This.
  • CharRicho
    CharRicho Posts: 389 Member
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    You should know that there are men in this world that DO NOT do this. My husband is so wonderful and supportive and always tells me I look great no matter what. Not only that but he was equally "handsy" with me (in a good way lol!) at my highest weight as he is now, or as he was when we first got together. He would never even dream of saying something critical or insulting that like.

    I really don't understand why women marry men like that in the first place really... there are so many wonderful single guys out there who do not treat women like crap.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Hello,

    I am new around here. I joined MFP because I wanted to meet others "like me". I exercise pretty consistently, however, i am an emotional eater and have trouble with binge eating. When I am depressed, stressed, or lonely I eat WAY more than i should to basically self medicate. I do it in private so that nobody sees. BUT, it shows all over my body .... as my husband reminds me DAILY.

    My husband constantly picks on me about my weight and it crushes me. He does not understand my struggle and basically makes fun of me, calls me terrible names, and critiques any and everything he sees me eat.....hence the eating in secret. He doesn't understand how food could actually be a problem for anyone and thinks it should be an easy fix.

    He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

    It's SO discouraging.

    Anybody else dealing with anything similar? Binge eating? Critical spouse?!

    You're husband in a verbally abusive jerk. This isn't a weight problem, it's a relationship problem. I'd strongly suggest marriage counseling. Put your big girl panties on and don't let him treat you that way!!!!!
  • larryjbird
    larryjbird Posts: 6 Member
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    Please get yourself into individual counseling, even if he refuses marital counseling (#redflag).

    Staying with him is your choice; but for all that is holy, do not procreate with this *kitten*. If he so easily says these horrible things to you, be very sure that any children you have will be subject to the same abuse.
  • PahzySee
    PahzySee Posts: 1
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    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    ^^This says it all
  • kdmervin
    kdmervin Posts: 42
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    Sounds like your husband is insecure. Please don't allow him to discourage you from your goal. You deserve to be happy with yourself. No one deserves to be called names and especially not from your spouse, who is suppose to always have your back. You need to put him on notice that the disrespect and name calling must stop immediately. When you tell him this, mean it. No threats, just say what you mean and mean what you say. Abuse from anyone is unacceptable.
  • CharRicho
    CharRicho Posts: 389 Member
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    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    This.

    Also agree.
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
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    That kind of "motivation" is not motivating. At all. If that's what he thinks he's doing, he's ten kinds of wrong.

    He's not just trying to motivate you, he's trying to control you. He figures if he shames you enough you'll do what he wants: lose weight to be more appealing to him. Meanwhile, you actually do want to lose weight for probably a hundred other reasons, and his abuse is ironically having the exact opposite effect. Classic.

    You've got to kill this cycle, permanently. There are a few different ways to do it. Some of them require his cooperation, like the counseling several people already suggested (that he has already refused thus far). Some of them don't, like you leaving him, which several other people already suggested.

    Whatever you choose to do, keep this in mind: You can't change him any more than he can change you. You can only change yourself, and your reactions to his behavior. He needs to realize this same thing: he's not going to get what he wants this way. He's driving you away. It's weakening your trust and intimacy instead of strengthening it, which would give you much needed support as you tackle your issues. If you can't get him to go to counseling, at least voice your needs calmly and clearly, explain why his approach is not working, and stand your ground. If he's not willing to stop the abuse, you need to ask yourself why you would stay with someone who treats you so poorly. He's in the wrong for what he's doing. But if you continue to put up with it, you're in the wrong for staying, no matter what excuses you make for the situation.

    TL;DR?

    We teach others how to treat us every single day.

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