My heart is broken...

longtimeterp · May 2013

Couldn't have said it better myself unfortunately...

sam308lbs · May 2013

This.
Just reading this made me so sad.I cant even begin to imagine what you're going through right now.All i can add here is what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.You need to love yourself right now not him

facilitators1334 · May 2013

^^THIS!

melb_alex · May 2013

I agree with all the listed advice.

You need to give him space and BELIEVE me I know how hard it can be! Girls are so renown for checking our phones, facebook, email and ANY other available communication channel just to get ONE word from them and they are going on about their lives as if nothing happened!

Unfortunately it sounds like he definitely wants you, but then doesn't etc but doesn't want anyone else to have you. Sweety you are being emotionally manipulated. He is controlling your every thought, emotion etc and most likely getting off on it. Humans have the capability of emotionally manipulating ANYONE<--- Note I said humans not gender specific (ooo yeah

)

You are a gorgeous girl and you need to show and prove to him that you are not going to settle with someone that is not 100% about you (you are only 21 so...) I suggest you find a vice and you fixate on THAT only. Leave your phone at home, deactive your facebook and utilise WHATEVER coping mechanism you have and give it 100% You are talking to someone that went through this for 3 years (yup flog bag) and I only got fitter as I went insane with gym (how appropriate). If that is your preference use that! Also give yourself an ego boost, flirt with guys that you wouldn't normally flirt with. Human beings gravitate towards affection and emotions and ATTENTION. You will appreciate it trust me

Good luck and hopefully that outcome that is meant to be is reached quickly and with as little heartache as possible!

Snow3y · May 2013

he's obviously the kind who isn't clingy... Nothing to worry about, but to be honest, guys need it! I used to have all my free time given to my girlfriend (2 years 5 months) and yes I enjoyed it, but I felt there was no time for 'just the guys' .. its a very important thing to us..

He's not bored of you, he still cares about you.. He just wants self time to do what he wants as well, without being restricted

Snow3y · May 2013

If every girl were to listen to you, there'd be no hope.

I was considered 'gay' by my girlfriend's friends and ensured that I was gay, well, you couldn't be more wrong.. It'd just be your loss.

melb_alex · May 2013

ohhhhh

melb_alex · May 2013

hahaha sorry but this is really funny!

ShellyAnn1965 · May 2013

Dead on best reply yet! Tack this up on your bedroom wall!

mareeee1234 · May 2013

Wow I feel like crying reading all of this..

But it does seem like.. he DOES love you, but he's doing a bit of a "mind over heart" decision, and he's doing it now, rather than later down the track. I went through something similar, but we ended it before we got too emotionally involved - so its veryyy different to your situation in that sense.

I think he is just being realistic. He know he won't be with you forever, (otherwise he'd stay). He does want to make you happy, and still be with you... but he's young, probably a little confused, and knows that ending it is the right thing to do, since it will probably end eventually.

He LOVES you, he WANTS you.. but can't.

The little bit of comfort I can give is - at least this isn't a self-esteem diminishing break up. Like, he isn't leaving you for someone else, its not like he doesn't care or that he doesn't love you ect
But I know that doesn't make it thaat much easier for you. This is heart-breaking.

I would love to see some input from MALES on this, maybe they can see what he's thinking!

Remember, time does heal heart-break :flowerforyou:

mareeee1234 · May 2013

Hmmm..

Did you guys have conversations about sex?

sexymuffintop · May 2013

I have to say as a female, this didn't occur to me at all. Just goes to show how differently men and women think about things doesn't it.

He just sounds like a guy who wants to either be with someone else or wants to be single. He obviously cares for you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore for whatever reason. Sucky I know, but you can't fight it. It achieves nothing at all believe me. You are young, you'll move on and he'll just be a memory in time.

mockchoc · May 2013

I had a very close gay friend and I saw this happen. I'm just going by experience. I have no idea what is going on with you. Why do they think you are gay? You keep leading them on saying you love them like hers is then breaking their hearts? Lovely.. or you mean you dump girls that don't screw you? I'm confused.

Missklara · May 2013

No one acts this way if everything's ok. He sounds like a cheater. Well.. whatever it is, you'll heal, don't worry about that. It just takes time that's all

i know how hard it is when someone breaks up with you without telling you the real reason. Those are usually cowards and the worst thing about them is that your ego is hurt because you think it's your fault for some reason.
Hang out with friends, family, do some activities, find a new hobby, sport... You'll be over him faster
good luck!

Missklara · May 2013

just what i was thinking

FeelingLessChubby · May 2013

Hunny I'm going through something very similar right now *big hugs*

I was happy one day and crushed the next, but you know what - I concluded pretty quickly that I'd rather be with someone who knows for sure he wants to be with me, than with someone who is undecided.

Please don't make his indecision make you feel bad about yourself - it's HIS indecision. You are still the same great person you were before all this happened.

Now is the time to think of YOURSELF only. I know it's hard, but please do your best not to think about "why did he do this, why did he say these things, why did he change.... " etc etc. When these thoughts come, say "what do I feel like doing now, what do I want in my future, what would make ME feel better now..." If you want to cry, cry! If you want to sleep, sleep. If you want to see a friend and pour your heart out - go for it! Nobody takes care of you better than you.

You'll be ok hunny, I promise!

EricMurano · May 2013

Dude you're 21. You're so young. At this point in your life if you get a bad sense about a boy just leave and move on.

It doesn't sound as though you're really into him anyway. Unless you're a practising Christian (like, obeying the rules) then it's odd that you haven't been intimate with him.

90% of relationships are taken way more seriously than they should be. I think this is one of them.

gettinfitaus · May 2013

Funny this is what I thought too. I have to say though you are 21. I genuinely understand that this feels like it is super serious - at that age I broke up with my high-school boyfriend / fiancee. It was hard, it sucked then I picked myself up and got over it and over him. But I am now 30 so with a little more experience and from where I am now I can safely say that there definitely other fish in the sea, you will find someone who genuinely WANTS and KNOWS THAT HE WANTS to be with you not someone who kinda sorta thinks maybe you might be allright. The difference between those two options is night and day. I married someone who was wishy washy about me and about us and it was a HUGE mistake. I am now with someone who thinks the world of me even when I don't deserve it. He adores me and I adore him just as much and you know it is a revelation when it happens.

Take a break, not just from him but from all men (even if only for a few months), find something that you are truely passionate about. Throw yourself into something new and then start looking again.

irishblonde2011 · May 2013

My advice is to give him space. Get on with your life. Hang out with friends,go shopping,go dancing. Have fun. Don't be so available.
Let him see that you have a life,choices and won't just sit around waiting until he decides want he wants. You will this for what it is when you have a bit of distance. Good luck.

jadams1650 · May 2013

Close, He's gay.

confetti_blind · May 2013

^^my first thought! But then hearing about him crying and weeding and babying... I'm not so sure that he is a man after all.

The guy needs to man up and earn your affection. Stop reinforcing/indulging his weak behaviour.

Personally, I would find it sexually repugnant if a guy was this emotional and uncertain about what he wants. Why are you even interested in someone like this?

5ftnFun · May 2013

I thought this too. You went to a hotel and didn't do the deed? If you are waiting for your wedding night or the right guy, I respect your decision, and any guy who truly loves you will wait too. But I do think, and anyone disagree if you want to, but going to a hotel with a guy & not doing "it" seems odd. Not impossible, of course, but I'm thinking most young guys would find it hard to restrain themselves in that situation. I don't know. Maybe he felt angry & frustrated, then felt guilty for feeling angry and frustrated? You could ask him.

You guys are young. Take a breather. Maybe even date other folks. Communicate. Give him some space.

mimieon · May 2013

I also immediately thought of the above. I also think you (topic creator) think something along these lines as well, maybe in the back of your mind, because else I don't see any reason for you to tell us that you haven't had sex yet (why do you feel that that is relevant in this situation?).

I don't think he necessarily shagged someone else, but it definitely seems like he wants his cake and eat it too, which was confirmed to him at the road trip probably. However, he wants you as his backup and doesn't want anyone to think he's a bad guy (including you). He isn't being caring about you at all, only about himself . He keeps you emotionally confused so he can keep stringing you along. And by saying to you that he doesn't want to string you along, he can make it your fault that he's stringing you along, because he told you and you stayed anyway, so his conscience is "clean".

Cut of all ties, find something else to keep yourself busy. Mind over emotions, protect yourself from his manipulations and your desire to have him want you.

tsdaughe · May 2013

I say cut off all ties. I went through something like this was my now fiance. When we first got together (hindsight here) neither one of us was really ready to be in a relationship yet. He was leaving bad marriage and really just wasn't ready. He really liked me but was confused. He of course didn't tell me this. He really liked me and it scared the hell out of him. He was also torn still over leaving his marriage and going through the divorce. He just wasn't ready. He picked a fight and told me to delete his number.. So I did! I really liked him because we had a great connection and got along great but it was too soon for me to love him. So I moved on pretty quick. I thought about him from time to time but it was fleeting thoughts. Two months later when I was into a new relationship with someone else, he contacted me, wanting to talk. I told him where to go. Well that relationship ended and we actually started talking as friends. I had no desire to be with him. We hung out as friends for probably two months before I even gave him a shot. Now we are getting married. We have talked about his mindset at that time, he really liked me but he just wasn't ready to move on yet and be in a relationship. While I didn't make him feel obligated he felt that way and he just couldn't deal with it at that time. He said me moving on and not contacting him made him respect me and him miss me even more. He dated some and no one was the same as me.

So IMO, I think he is interested in someone else, or something happened. He feels guilty. He doesn't want to string your along because right now he cannot commit fully to you either because there is someone else or he wants to be single and play the field. This is the second time this has happened. How many passes does he get? I would move on, work on you, make new friends, buy your own dresses, make yourself happy. If he comes back around... I would be very leary and tell him he has to fess up because I think he is being dishonest with you. My fiance knows, he ever pulls anything again and gets "confused" that he can go be confused all by himself because I only give so many chances.

Francl27 · May 2013

Sorry girl. I agree that sex probably has something to do with it. I'd try and forget him... you'll find someone better.

tsdaughe · May 2013

If he starts to message you, text you. I would ignore him. Wait until your are in better control on your emotions. You are so young and deserve more then this. This is the counselor in me and I remember being your age and doing this back and forth and back and forth with my now ex husband. I was your age and all about him and couldn't see he was emotionall messed up. I invested wayyyy to much into that relationship and even when my parents and friends tried to tell me I couldn't listen. I had low self esteem and didn't realize it at the time and was relying on him to make me happy. After 12 years together and almost 7 years of marriage, I divorced him. That back and forth and dance and him doing the exact same thing your boyfriend is doing never ended. It continued into our marriage. You matter more then him. And you don't deserve all that. Take your time cause this behavior now gives you a big prediction of your future. BTW.. come to find out his confusion and wanting to not have the obligations meant he was sleeping with lots of other people, a friend in our apartment complex and various others.

Grimmerick · May 2013

I honestly dont' think this guy is THE ONE, when a guy loves you he leaves no doubt in your mind that he does. You won't even question it, he will make sure you know by his words AND his actions.
This guys actions are not telling you this. So why screw yourself over waiting on him to give you happiness, your happiness is your responsibility. Best advice, Be happy all by yourself, the confidence you get from that makes you magnetic to the opposite sex.
Rule number one: respect yourself, your needs and your happiness if someone is screwing around with your head by being hot and cold then this is not a good situation and you will end up unhappy, why do that to yourself? Walk away date around casually so you don't fall for someone too quickly. I am very protective and can be downright *****y about my respect for myself, in the end it's one of the major components of making sure you live a happy life.

glovepuppet · May 2013

with few exceptions, a guy who decides you should both go out and buy stuff for you for no reason, isn't a good bet.

in my experience they usually have one of two motivations. one, that they think they can buy you, your affection, your happiness. two, that they're buying off their own conscience because they aren't honest, they're up to something, they have baggage.

i don't mind a guy (if he earns more than i do) wanting to pay for outings that we'll both enjoy. i don't mind the odd gift, or buying something on the spur of the moment. but being taken shopping is s no no.

like i say, there are exception. but i'll always see this as a reason to be more alert to other issues.

slflorian · May 2013

I was thinking the same thing - He cheated

sdfkjsadglkj11 · May 2013

Yes, all the time. We both wanted to wait for a special time, and I told him I wasn't ready, and he was perfectly okay with that and said we'd do it when I was ready, then he cuddled me and went to sleep. He'd never cheat on me. He actually told me that if we had had sex he would have felt even worse, and he's glad we didn't.

My heart is broken...

Replies

Categories