HELP! Should I date three more??

sarahg148

Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

I kind of agree...proceed with caution!! And why don't you hear out your ex? Get his side...can't hurt. What are you afraid of finding out???

itgeekwoman

If you have concerns or questions, then you probably aren't in the right relationship. You will know when you find that right person. Keep looking. Don't rush into anything just because he has to move. If it is meant to be, you will figure it out. And your biological clock has at least 10 more years. Chill girl!

iulia_maddie

Forget about the other three guys.
The important question here is: have you ever experienced with a girl? You might like girls better, you never know until you try. My number is 555-6969. I would love to help you out.

81meg1L

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

Honestly, I think you should slow things down a bit. Maybe you should let your new bf move to the new city on his own. You could try out a Long Distance Relationship, and if it goes well, then reevaluate your situation.

The jealousy bit might be cute in the beginning. But its the beginning, how will this 'tracking' behavior escalate once you're married?

I don't mean to be negative, but many people here will attest that getting healthy means that you focus on yourself. It sounds very much as if you might be focusing too much on how your guys are reacting towards you.

Good luck with everything! Keep posting, as with science, if only to test your theories :-)

Mother_Superior

so technically you're not with anyone right now?

Why not go have some fun, hook up with 3 randoms, meet your quota and go from there. You might accidentally find what you're looking for while you're having fun.

This is just rude.

I am with Christ.

Get you a bracelet and ask what he would do.

SuzyLy

Chris seems like a problem -- jealous and checking up on you already. It won't be long before he has you confined to his house once you are married. Think long & hard on this guy.

skinnybearlyndsay

Why do you need a study to tell you how many people you should date before settling down? If you can't live without him (regardless of the short dating span...I got engaged after 4 months) and can't see yourself with anyone else, then there's your answer.

But seriously, going by a specific number of people that you are supposed to date before finding "the one" doesn't sit well with me. G** has an excellent sense of humor and has been known to ruin the best-laid plans.

dirtnap63

I have three peens. Bang me and your work is done.

1ConcreteGirl

This is just my two cents, but I wouldn't believe a magazine so much. I mean, instead of dating three more men, who you may/may not like more than your current boyfriend, why would you not evaluate where you see yourself with him in the next few years? Do you really think you could see yourself having a family with him? Would he be able to support you through all walks of life, can he be your closest friend, can you trust him with all your heart? Sometimes, I know this is cheesy, it's not about the numbers, it's really about that feeling you get when you're with someone. If I were in your place, I'd reevaluate my position instead of jumping out on a limb (and thereby, in the process, risking your relationship with Chris- he seems to be really protective of you) and dating three more guys just because some magazine said it (and yes, I tend to think more with my brain than my heart like you ) Do what makes YOU happy, and what is good for you, not for anyone else (well except your future children duh xD).

Thank you for your input!!!!! :flowerforyou: I don't believe ALL the magazines, but Wired said it was from a study, so that's a science thing and I need to at leaste think about it from science's perspective.

Chris is really protective, I love that! I am so glad you know what it's like to think with your brain more than your heart and just do what makes you happy. You seem like a great person.:drinker:

nashai01

Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.

2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.

We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.

I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.

Love your story, and great advice for the OP

Juliejustsaying

I've found cauliflower really helps my dating prospects! Try that! Good luck on your journey!

'nuff said

silvergurl518

HotCuppaJo

Just have a MMMF fourway.

i would suggest this too, get the issue resolved immediately who knows you might even loose some weight.

oh yes and do weight training too,

make sure you throw each one of them off of you at least once, and eat your exercise calories back..

and make sure you're getting more than 1200 a day, because otherwise you're starving yourself

If you said "loose" on purpose, I think I heart you.........

Alex_is_Hawks

Just have a MMMF fourway.

no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?

it's MmmF

or Mmmf...

or mmmF

here...in case it's TL;DR

someone's gotta bottom.

jqh23

The whole dating 12 people thing is effing crazy.

I met my husband when I was 18. there is no magic number of formula.

I find it curious that Chris is the one who told you about this so called "cheating" and now you two are together.

He also sounds at least somewhat controlling.. are you ok with him checking in on every call or email you make/get? FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? I mean, if so, cool.. your prerogative.. but if you have even a LITTLE bit of an issue now.. add 10 years of bitterness over it and I see divorce papers or a very unhappy future.

Is your ex stalking you? harassing you? Not sure WHY you "need to get out of here", but ok..

are you ready to uproot your life for this man? you will be going somewhere with no family or friends.. is he enough for you to be able to do that? if not, again, gonna add to years of bitterness and regret for giving yourself up for things he wanted.

If you are cool with all of this and really love this man.. move with him, but hold off on the marriage thing.. you guys need some time to get to know each other better. Live together, making the move together.. that will make or break you.

Also, 26 is still young.. women are having their children into their 30s and 40s now.. so please do not let that being a deciding factor. Marriage is meant to be forever.

Good luck

kskonkol

1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.

2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"

3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people

4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.

Morninglory81

The one doesn't exist. You must make a decision and make it rationally. Marriage is more like a business merger than a fairy tail. There are wonderful moments but there are those times that *kitten* hits the fan and someone has to clean the mess and you can't do that in a princess dress no matter what Cinderella says.

1) happily ever after is work!
2) the one you choose to work with is the one it will work with
3) butterfly's are fragile and don't last forever.
4) only you can decide if you are committed

PS if you are thinking about those 3extra guys you may not be ready

WinnerVictorious

is there a sign-up sheet, or are you choosing 3 at random?

SadKitty27

I really wouldn't put much stock in what a magazine says you should do in terms of relationships. With that said, you don't find it odd that this guy tells you that your ex was cheating, and then suddenly wants to date you?

You don't think he could have been lying just so he had a shot? You don't see the conflict of interest here? Why didn't you look into the matter with your ex? Why would you make such harsh conclusions based on a rumor with no proof?

Oh well, whatever floats your boat I suppose (personally, I'm rather inquisitive, so I can't say I would have done the same as you lol.)

Either way, if you like this guy why not move and see what happens? You don't really have to marry him right away, just live with him for a bit and see if you're even compatible. Rushing into marriage isn't good whether your clock is ticking or not. Also, having a baby right away is pretty irresponsible.

Marriage and children are no joke - take a good long time to think about that one; don't get rushed into it.

Also, it might be worth mentioning that If you make such life changing decisions based on hearsay in the future you're not going to have a good/easy time lol.

TwinkieDong

WOW, I think you are over complicating things and also simplifying things.

for starters how in the world do you know the first guy was cheating on you? Because guy #2 told you? Have you thought that guy #2 told you that so he had a shot at you?

Marriage, not sure how you view it but I do not think it is something that should be rushed into. Do you have an education? Do you have a career? How about these other guys?

You can PM me, add me as friends so I can better understand.