HELP! Should I date three more??

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  • Bakerchk
    Bakerchk Posts: 424 Member
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    If you think you can do better, then you can.....
  • vstraughan
    vstraughan Posts: 163 Member
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    I'm sorry, but ............ what?

    "...it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone" <<< I would wholly agree with that statement

    "....we have been together two whole months" <<< this is where I started to struggle. Two WHOLE months?!? Wowzer

    "I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking" <<< you're losing me

    "....my ex is calling me ......so obviously I need to get out of the San Diego area" <<< nope, you've lost me.

    ".Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with" <<< well, if you read it, it must be true, especially in Wired.

    "What if I miss my soul mate?" <<< you're seriously asking these questions and STILL entertaining marrying someone you've been with for two WHOLE months?

    "I know the forums get snarky sometimes ..." <<< honest to god, this is the first time I've ever been snarky on any social network or forum in my life, but what did you seriously expect?

    You're 26, been with someone for 2 months, have some weird idea of a ticking bio clock at 26, considering leaving your state because someone keeps phoning you and you're entertaining marrying someone when you think you should shop around first.

    I strongly believe that if you are even considering being with someone other than the person you are with, then you shouldn't be with them because you are not invested. If you are having to ask complete strangers if you are ready to marry & do something with your biological clock at 26, then you are already know the answer ... "NO"

    I'm sorry to be as snarky as I am obviously being but, again .... what?
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    OP, is it possible chris was cheating with your ex?? hmmmm???
  • TedStout
    TedStout Posts: 241
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    This is just my two cents, but I wouldn't believe a magazine so much. I mean, instead of dating three more men, who you may/may not like more than your current boyfriend, why would you not evaluate where you see yourself with him in the next few years? Do you really think you could see yourself having a family with him? Would he be able to support you through all walks of life, can he be your closest friend, can you trust him with all your heart? Sometimes, I know this is cheesy, it's not about the numbers, it's really about that feeling you get when you're with someone. If I were in your place, I'd reevaluate my position instead of jumping out on a limb (and thereby, in the process, risking your relationship with Chris- he seems to be really protective of you) and dating three more guys just because some magazine said it (and yes, I tend to think more with my brain than my heart like you :tongue: ) Do what makes YOU happy, and what is good for you, not for anyone else (well except your future children duh xD).

    Sigh. We will see how you "love" that protective side after a bit of time. Sounds kind of smothering to me. Advice from an old guy...take your time, live life, and you will know it when its right...or at least as much as anyone ever knows.

    Thank you for your input!!!!! :flowerforyou: I don't believe ALL the magazines, but Wired said it was from a study, so that's a science thing and I need to at leaste think about it from science's perspective.

    Chris is really protective, I love that! I am so glad you know what it's like to think with your brain more than your heart and just do what makes you happy. You seem like a great person.:drinker:
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.

    2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"

    3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people

    4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.

    ^ Don't listen to this. I like to keep my wife in a locked room. I think she's safer that way and it shows how much I love her.
  • Lyerin
    Lyerin Posts: 818 Member
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    Really?

    M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

    Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

    I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.
  • Antlady69
    Antlady69 Posts: 204 Member
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    I'm very sorry, OP, but Chris sounds to me like he manipulated you into believing your ex has cheated (even though there is no proof!!) - and now he's controlling you!

    You might find his checking up on you adorable at the moment, but think further. You're married, you want to go out - and your then-husband keeps interrogating you as to who, where, what, when, why, etc. Who knows, he might even show up, just to "check on you".

    Again, I'm very sorry for being so negative, but as soon as I started reading your post, I heard alarm bells ringing in my mind. Add to this the fact that your friends and family both prefer your ex and don't like Chris, and every fiber within me says: get rid of Chris!

    At least give your relationship some more time. Getting married after just a few months is reckless. See if you two really get along so well, and if you really enjoy the constant "checking on you" after some time.

    Best of luck!
  • Bakerchk
    Bakerchk Posts: 424 Member
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    for starters how in the world do you know the first guy was cheating on you? Because guy #2 told you? Have you thought that guy #2 told you that so he had a shot at you?

    I thought the same thing.... hmmmm
  • juiceplusbecky
    juiceplusbecky Posts: 56 Member
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    I agree with BeachGinger!


    Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

    I wish you nothing but success on your journey.
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
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    This is just rude.

    I am with Christ.

    What? So now you expect us to believe that you're the Virgin Mary? Sacrilege!
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    This is just rude.

    I am with Christ.

    What? So now you expect us to believe that you're the Virgin Mary? Sacrilege!

    No, Mary Magdalene.
  • Desterknee
    Desterknee Posts: 1,056 Member
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    Just have a MMMF fourway.

    no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?

    it's MmmF

    or Mmmf...

    or mmmF

    here...in case it's TL;DR

    someone's gotta bottom.

    DP and one in the piehole
  • katiethedetermined1
    katiethedetermined1 Posts: 68 Member
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    If you are questioning it then it isn't right.

    You obviously tend to think of the "what if it doesn't work" aspect, so ask yourself what you will do if you break up and you are in a different town with no where to live and no job.

    I say do long distance and if it can survive through that then there you go.

    p.s. you can technically have kids until almost 40 so you are WAY young still.
  • RushBabe214
    RushBabe214 Posts: 469 Member
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    Wow! Only 12??? I must have missed the memo.....

    :drinker:
  • cmay89
    cmay89 Posts: 337 Member
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    This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

    Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

    I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

    They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
  • ketchupqueen
    ketchupqueen Posts: 29
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    I'm positive I read the same study, and it said after 12 men you switch to women. I think an even dozen of each will help you decide what it is you really want.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    Just have a MMMF fourway.

    no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?

    it's MmmF

    or Mmmf...

    or mmmF

    here...in case it's TL;DR

    someone's gotta bottom.

    DP and one in the piehole

    QFT....so it's MMMf
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
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    What if I miss my soul mate?

    There's your answer right there. You're still waiting for something better. And if your family doesn't like him... that's always a red flag.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    OMG you're soooo old to not have a husband and kids already!! You look like you're some kind of hispanic... shouldn't you have 4 kids by now????

    get married girlfriend. times a running out.

    That is kind of racist. I am "some kind of Hispanic" -- I am Mexican. But only through my mom's side. My dad is not Mexican. He is "white mutt" mixed. I do need kids for my grandparents to be happy before they die. :ohwell:
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    So Chris said that your ex was cheating on you, but there's no way to prove it, and instead of being in a relationship with someone you couldn't prove was cheating meant you couldn't trust him? Has he admitted to it since you broke up? Apologized for it? How do you know Chris didn't make this up? That happened to me the same way once, turned out my 'Chris' had lied about it so we would break up and I would date him, and funny that... now you and Chris are dating.
    Also, Chris wants to know what you're doing, who you're talking to, and get's jealous about other guys. ... how does this not send up any warning flags about someone being controlling? I think you're still in the ooo-shiny stage of your relationship, where everything seems great, and he seems so nice! It also sounds like he's pushing pretty fast for marriage too, how do you know this is what you want? There's some concerning issues there to sit down and think about, not just dismiss out of hand.

    Do you have to move because an ex is calling you? Shoot no, they can do that no matter where you live. Now, if you lived in the same apt complex, that may be different. You're 26, not 36, your biological clock still has some time to go before you 'have' to commit to anything for the sake of having a family. Don't rush into anything, and if he's pushing and using mental tactics on you to get his way, that's another flag.

    This isn't something we can make a decision for you, but I'd say no to the move, and if he doesn't want to continue the relationship, then so be it. Spend some time on your own, learning who you are, and what you want, instead of jumping into another relationship. Too many people feel they need to be in a relationship 'cuz', but they don't even know who they are by themselves and what they want, and any respecting partner should want someone who is a partner.

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