HELP! Should I date three more??
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I feel like you should be soap opera writer.0
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This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?0 -
I'm sorry, but ............ what?
"...it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone" <<< I would wholly agree with that statement
"....we have been together two whole months" <<< this is where I started to struggle. Two WHOLE months?!? Wowzer
"I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking" <<< you're losing me
"....my ex is calling me ......so obviously I need to get out of the San Diego area" <<< nope, you've lost me.
".Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with" <<< well, if you read it, it must be true, especially in Wired.
"What if I miss my soul mate?" <<< you're seriously asking these questions and STILL entertaining marrying someone you've been with for two WHOLE months?
"I know the forums get snarky sometimes ..." <<< honest to god, this is the first time I've ever been snarky on any social network or forum in my life, but what did you seriously expect?
You're 26, been with someone for 2 months, have some weird idea of a ticking bio clock at 26, considering leaving your state because someone keeps phoning you and you're entertaining marrying someone when you think you should shop around first.
I strongly believe that if you are even considering being with someone other than the person you are with, then you shouldn't be with them because you are not invested. If you are having to ask complete strangers if you are ready to marry & do something with your biological clock at 26, then you are already know the answer ... "NO"
I'm sorry to be as snarky as I am obviously being but, again .... what?
This. ALL of this.0 -
I still can't get over the fact that you broke up with someone off of a hunch that he might be cheating. Nevertheless it sounds like you weren't very into him in the first place.
I most definitely think you could overlook someone great and perfect for you all because you want to listen to a "study". If I listened to all studies in the world, I would realize I should be dead by now. I'd say go for it.0 -
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^ Don't listen to this. I like to keep my wife in a locked room. I think she's safer that way and it shows how much I love her.
I hope that room is the kitchen.
Well, the beer doesn't open itself0 -
Just have a MMMF fourway.
no no no no....someone has to be the Square peg for the round hole...or is that the round peg for the square holes?
it's MmmF
or Mmmf...
or mmmF
here...in case it's TL;DR
someone's gotta bottom.
DP and one in the piehole
QFT....so it's MMMf
Thanks for the correction! Now OP will know how to properly phrase her craigslist ad!0 -
I'm positive I read the same study, and it said after 12 men you switch to women. I think an even dozen of each will help you decide what it is you really want.
Hehehe! You're saying that because you're a woman right? :bigsmile:
It has worked really well for me! I'm so glad I read that study. I just sort of alternate like man, woman, man, woman, man, man, woman...whatever. As long as it adds up to 12 of each I don't think it matters exactly when you fit them in. You can do it!! Have you tried plentyoffish?? :flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh:0 -
OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:
After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day.
Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.
The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.
But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:
I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:
Do you also believe Twilight is the greatest love story ever?
If you are asking complete strangers these questions, then you already know the answer. NO.0 -
I've just gotta add my two cents here...if you're thinking about shopping around, Chris is NOT your soulmate. You'll know if he's your soulmate, you won't have to doubt. And if he's your soulmate, yor devotion to him certainly wouldn't be shaken by a magazine article.
Second, Chris sounds really controlling and manipulative. Having been married to a man like him for five years (I'm now very gladly divorced), I can tell you that this is one road you do not want to go down. The checking up on you might seem charming at first. But every day, month, year that goes by it gets more and more smothering...and eventually it will just choke the happiness out of your life.
Finally, if your family doesn't like him, it's a pretty big red flag. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life? Just think about it...
I can't say if 12 is a magic number for you...but I can give you the advice to give this more time than 2 months before making a life-changing decision. If he really loves you, if he really is your soulmate he'll wait.
Good luck!0 -
Go with your gut feelings and experiment a little. I'm here for you...
Know what I mean?
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Chris is not the one if you are taking some stupid magazine article as gospel and asking on an internet forum for advice. If he were really the one, you would know it.
I don't think Simon is the one either, because you threw him over on a suspicion and you felt that he didn't care about you because he didn't check on you or act jealous in any way, so therefore he wasn't meeting your idea of what your needs are. Whether that is a healthy view on relationships or not is an entirely different matter.0 -
No no, I saw this in The Onion too, I swear it.".Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with" <<< well, if you read it, it must be true, especially in Wired.0 -
Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.
I wish you nothing but success on your journey.
Love this response. Has it occurred to you that Chris may have manipulated you into breaking up with Simon??0 -
Honestly, if you are considering dating more people just to meet an arbitrary rule, you must not be content with the relationship. Seems to be if you really love someone, you can't imagine being with anyone else.0
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Really?
M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.
Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.
I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.
Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.0 -
This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.
Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.
I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.
They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.
^^^^^ THIS!!!!!
You admitted you are bad at relationships, from experience I would suggest looking into some self help books about codependency. Nothing wrong in admitting your flaws and trying to improve them.0 -
If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?
You need to go to the primary literature!0 -
Just get a dog and a jar of peanut butter.
that works for women too?0 -
It sounds to me like Chris told you about Simon just so that he could get with you. He is "checking in" on you? What????!!!?!?!? You and your partner should be comfortable with each other and trust each other. Sounds to me like he has no trust. Nobody needs to know where you are all the time. Maybe he is already cheating on you and that is why he is acting that way. I agree with the other posters....run and run FAST! Your family has your best interests at heart. Think about this from the outside. If your best friend told you this what advise would you give to her?
Did Simon ever give you ANY reason to think he was cheating or was it just the seed of doubt placed by Chris?
Think about all of this long and hard before you even consider moving with him and away from friends and family.
Best of luck to you!0 -
So does this mean that Simon is free??0
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Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.
I wish you nothing but success on your journey.
Ding, Ding, Ding - we have a winner. The "cute" calls are more than likely making sure of where you are in case it is disadvantageous to run into you ... if you know what I mean.0 -
This is a joke...right?! :noway:
Let him move. If it's ment to be, you'll survive distance. You could always move later. 2 months is too soon! He sounds overwhelming anyways, let yourself have some space.0 -
Just get a dog and a jar of peanut butter.
Just soooo wrong:laugh:0 -
OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:
After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.
The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.
But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:
I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:
Do you also believe Twilight is the greatest love story ever?
If you are asking complete strangers these questions, then you already know the answer. NO.
Twilight is just freaky. Edward watches Bella sleep from outside her window at night. Yikes! :huh:0 -
So does this mean that Simon is free??
lmao :laugh:
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I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.
As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.0 -
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If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?
You need to go to the primary literature!
I know about that stuff. I know there is a range. But I also know most people fall into average, and I know already I am average.
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1. I dont think there is a magic number.
2. The checking in on your, asking who your talking to and getting jelous is not sweet, it's controlling and you will get very tired of it and it will cause havoc on your relationship.
3. It's only been 2 months, way too soon to move out of state and get married in my opinion.
4. just because Simon wants you back doesnt mean you have to take him back or move away!0
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