HELP! Should I date three more??

finz96

This!


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deksgrl

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Yes, but the number who also do have that kind of experience is astronomically high. Your odds are not good unless you use your scientific mind a bit more.

pyrowill

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

This is exactly what I did to a girl I knew when I wanted to convince her to dump her ex for me without sounding like I was trying to convince her to dump her ex for me. For the record though he was a *kitten*. And I'm cute as a button.

I think you have quite a warped and immature view of relationships. Please don't be offended. But quoting a magazine, and stating that you might agree with it because you are scientific type person. Madness. Scientists used to think the earth was flat.

I just hope you are trolling. If so, its a good one.

_SABOTEUR_

so technically you're not with anyone right now?

Why not go have some fun, hook up with 3 randoms, meet your quota and go from there. You might accidentally find what you're looking for while you're having fun.

This is just rude.

I am with Christ.

That's not good. From what I remember he had a bit of a foot fetish...

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

teshiburu

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

Really? OK I hate to say this honey, but you are an Idiot, a total fool.

But that said I bet you didn't know that babies are born by holding hands?

If you don't believe me there are scientific results here on yahoo answers that you can check to confirm my statement: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090325135749AATNKmC

You didn't break up with Simon because Chris told you to, but did you confront Simon about this?

If you answer No to the above - then why the hell did you dump him?

I can guess your response would be the above

"Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer."

So, let me get this straight, you never confronted Simon, just listened to someone constantly saying "can you trust him?" "its all about trust" "are you sure you can trust him" "hey where are you today?" "hey are you seeing simon today" "hey who have you been messaging on MFP" "oh yeah, can you trust simon? you can trust me! i trust you"

YOU ARE A TOTAL FOOL AN ABSOLUTE MORON!

Answer me this one question: What did Simon ever do that meant you didn't trust him?

jonnythan

I'm getting all sorts of great ideas from this thread.

minizebu

I'm not totally against it.

I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

These are not sound reasons for marrying someone. You need to do some more growing up before you commit to a life-long relationship, whether that means dating zero, one, three, or X more people.

Marriage is not something to enter into lightly. You are not ready at this time.

KatLifter

Soooo Chris told you Simon may be cheating then He starts dating you?
He wants to know who is PMing you and gets jealous?
This doesn't sound healthy.
Makes me think Simon may not have been cheating, but Chris wanted you to break up so maybe you should listen to your family.

HMD7703

Date a insecure control freak for two months and ask if you should get married/move/have children or bang out 3 more dudes?

Yeah, you are a keeper!

finz96

This!

Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

spade117

Just lemme know if you want/need a lucky #13.




wink wink nudge nudge

lilRicki

You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.

may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.

Jennas125

This Chris sounds like my ex. a very controlling man who thought i was stopping to have sex with someone if i was even 2 min late getting home from work. GET OUT! On the other hand my husband of 12 years now who is a very wonderful and has no control issues at all and trusts me completely and never worries about who I am talking to or PMing. We moved in together after 3 weeks of knowing each other we met at a bar and he showed up at my work a few days later and that was it for us. i knew i could not see my life without him so i kept him and he me. That's how a relationship should feel when its real.

csuhar

Considering i know a few couples who actually met when they were little kids and their friendship grew into romance that then turned into lifelong marraiges, I highly doubt there's any need to date 12 people. It's not like whatever force you believe dictates the events within the universe is sitting around, tallying how many boyfriends you've had.

Besides, if human interactions could be boiled down to statistics and numbers so easily, we cops would have been replaced by robots and computers a while ago.

odusgolp

YOU ARE A TOTAL FOOL AN ABSOLUTE MORON!

THAT'S AGAINST THE FORUM RULES, MR. SHOUTY PANTS!!!!

zaftiggirl

Yeah; relationships are cool–but have you guys heard of chocolate fountains?

pyrowill

I'm Team Simon on this one. Poor guy. You are hot and sound like you are being played like Pacman.

BeachIron

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

But you said it was only 36!!!!

_SABOTEUR_

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

That was one busy New Years Eve.

sofitheteacup

I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

This. Chris may potentially be manipulative, but regardless if you are thinking of dating other people than Chris obviously doesn't mean to you what he should if he's suggesting marriage.
Alternately, you could let him move and do the long distance thing for a while since it's such a new relationship- you said you "need to get away from Simon" but yet I don't see a reason why. You broke up because of suspected but unsubstantiated cheating and didn't hear much from him afterward- seems like he wasn't much into the relationship either, then. Who cares why he's coming around now?
Or you could move with him if you want to move in general... but I'd hold the hell off on marrying him, not that you mentioned a timeline for such events.

deksgrl

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

OF COURSE he didn't say you should break up with him, that would be too obvious.

Let us ask you the same question about Chris. Can you REALLY trust him?

kelseyhere

I'd say keep dating. You can stay in touch with Chris after the move, and if you really miss him, then maybe you can move. Two months is not long enough IMO to move for someone. I just got out of a relationship that at 2 months I thought was great, but by 4 months in it was a disaster. It takes a year at least to really know someone, so I think it's just too soon with Chris.

26 isn't that old (I'm 26 too) and you are very pretty, so keep exploring a bit. Even if you go on a date and get nothing out of it, you learned what doesn't work for you. Take the time away from Chris to enjoy your freedom and independence. You don't have to break up with him if you don't want too, but do some activities where you get to mingle and meet other people. If you find yourself still really missing Chris, even when you are surrounded by other fun people, maybe it is meant to be. But if he moves and you really don't think about him that much, then you'll know. The old expression "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is definitely true. Put some space between you and your significant other and you can really tell if you like them.

Sorry for the people who respond immaturely. Dating is tough and woman-to-woman we have to watch out for ourselves. From my experience, 2 months is just too soon.

pyrowill

Yeah; relationships are cool–but have you guys heard of chocolate fountains?

Is that some sort of bedroom tactic?

cutchro

Probably already heard this one...but if you have only been dating for 2 months why do you have to move now? why can he not move now and you two do the long distance thing and see how that works for at least a few months and then go from there? Why does it have to be a this or that situation?

good luck in what ever you decide. :drinker:

PamelaGatorMom

First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.

Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.

Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.

Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!

And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.

1ConcreteGirl

I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

He did not move in! We still live in separate apartments.

cmay89

This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Thank God not everyone has the same experience I had, but he follows all of the same patterns. The type of men that are controlling and manipulative all start out the same and it seems cute and sweet. But from what you seem to be saying is that you are not in fact scientific in the least. You are thinking with your emotions, because all of those here who are warning you, you are pushing off to the side, flippantly thanking them for their advice but then saying, "oh, but this feels so right it can't be wrong" kind of thing. Any woman who has been abused or controlled by a man knows the warning signs and spots them a mile away. I believe those of us that have been through it are indebted to other women to warn them, shake them out of their happy little bubble.

I am not a man hater, all men are not verbally, physically or otherwise abusive. I have a wonderful man by my side that I never would have thought I was worthy of. But I can tell you that all of that "checking up" and "protectiveness" will get very very old if you are independent and a logical thinker. Step outside your bubble and look at the facts. Read some stories from women who have been in bad relationships and take a deep look at the warning signs that they point out. Then compare that to your own situation. Make a scientific experiment out of it, follow the scientific process. Let him move and see how much he changes or wants you to change. There are such things as long distance relationships. If he makes you feel like your relationship will not survive unless you move with him, the relationship is not strong enough to survive period.

Calliope610

My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. love Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable. love

Actually, this really isn't caring about you, it's an attempt to controll you. And jealousy is never adorable.

58cayo

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

Take heed to what Ginger posted!
You say Chris is interested in who YOU are talking to, who is PMing you, or just calls to see where you are and what you're doing and sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with you and he really cares? Oh and even though you have only been together 2 yes 2 months, he wants you to move away (from your family, friends, job, basically your support system) and then get married. Someone please mail 1ConcreteGirl the hotline number for the nearest battered women's shelter. Honey, this guy sounds like he is straight out of "Sleeping with the Enemy" (1991), Julia Robert's film about a battered woman.
Take a step back, if you trust him so much, have a long distance relationship. If your clock is ticking that loud, freeze your eggs for later. Don't let the tic toc of your biological clock drown out the voice of reason.