HELP! Should I date three more??

sofitheteacup

I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

This. Chris may potentially be manipulative, but regardless if you are thinking of dating other people than Chris obviously doesn't mean to you what he should if he's suggesting marriage.
Alternately, you could let him move and do the long distance thing for a while since it's such a new relationship- you said you "need to get away from Simon" but yet I don't see a reason why. You broke up because of suspected but unsubstantiated cheating and didn't hear much from him afterward- seems like he wasn't much into the relationship either, then. Who cares why he's coming around now?
Or you could move with him if you want to move in general... but I'd hold the hell off on marrying him, not that you mentioned a timeline for such events.

deksgrl

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

OF COURSE he didn't say you should break up with him, that would be too obvious.

Let us ask you the same question about Chris. Can you REALLY trust him?

kelseyhere

I'd say keep dating. You can stay in touch with Chris after the move, and if you really miss him, then maybe you can move. Two months is not long enough IMO to move for someone. I just got out of a relationship that at 2 months I thought was great, but by 4 months in it was a disaster. It takes a year at least to really know someone, so I think it's just too soon with Chris.

26 isn't that old (I'm 26 too) and you are very pretty, so keep exploring a bit. Even if you go on a date and get nothing out of it, you learned what doesn't work for you. Take the time away from Chris to enjoy your freedom and independence. You don't have to break up with him if you don't want too, but do some activities where you get to mingle and meet other people. If you find yourself still really missing Chris, even when you are surrounded by other fun people, maybe it is meant to be. But if he moves and you really don't think about him that much, then you'll know. The old expression "distance makes the heart grow fonder" is definitely true. Put some space between you and your significant other and you can really tell if you like them.

Sorry for the people who respond immaturely. Dating is tough and woman-to-woman we have to watch out for ourselves. From my experience, 2 months is just too soon.

pyrowill

Yeah; relationships are cool–but have you guys heard of chocolate fountains?

Is that some sort of bedroom tactic?

cutchro

Probably already heard this one...but if you have only been dating for 2 months why do you have to move now? why can he not move now and you two do the long distance thing and see how that works for at least a few months and then go from there? Why does it have to be a this or that situation?

good luck in what ever you decide. :drinker:

PamelaGatorMom

First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.

Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.

Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.

Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!

And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.

1ConcreteGirl

I think it's a bit creepy, this Chris told you that your bf may be cheating. You break up with him, he moves in when you are vunerable and don't take the wanting to see your messages ect as sweet...he has jealousy and trust issues. It will only get worse as he alienates you from family and friends and I think he started with Simon.

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

He did not move in! We still live in separate apartments.

cmay89

This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Thank God not everyone has the same experience I had, but he follows all of the same patterns. The type of men that are controlling and manipulative all start out the same and it seems cute and sweet. But from what you seem to be saying is that you are not in fact scientific in the least. You are thinking with your emotions, because all of those here who are warning you, you are pushing off to the side, flippantly thanking them for their advice but then saying, "oh, but this feels so right it can't be wrong" kind of thing. Any woman who has been abused or controlled by a man knows the warning signs and spots them a mile away. I believe those of us that have been through it are indebted to other women to warn them, shake them out of their happy little bubble.

I am not a man hater, all men are not verbally, physically or otherwise abusive. I have a wonderful man by my side that I never would have thought I was worthy of. But I can tell you that all of that "checking up" and "protectiveness" will get very very old if you are independent and a logical thinker. Step outside your bubble and look at the facts. Read some stories from women who have been in bad relationships and take a deep look at the warning signs that they point out. Then compare that to your own situation. Make a scientific experiment out of it, follow the scientific process. Let him move and see how much he changes or wants you to change. There are such things as long distance relationships. If he makes you feel like your relationship will not survive unless you move with him, the relationship is not strong enough to survive period.

Calliope610

My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. love Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable. love

Actually, this really isn't caring about you, it's an attempt to controll you. And jealousy is never adorable.

58cayo

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

Take heed to what Ginger posted!
You say Chris is interested in who YOU are talking to, who is PMing you, or just calls to see where you are and what you're doing and sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with you and he really cares? Oh and even though you have only been together 2 yes 2 months, he wants you to move away (from your family, friends, job, basically your support system) and then get married. Someone please mail 1ConcreteGirl the hotline number for the nearest battered women's shelter. Honey, this guy sounds like he is straight out of "Sleeping with the Enemy" (1991), Julia Robert's film about a battered woman.
Take a step back, if you trust him so much, have a long distance relationship. If your clock is ticking that loud, freeze your eggs for later. Don't let the tic toc of your biological clock drown out the voice of reason.

ChrisRS87

Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.

2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.

We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.

I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.

Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:

Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:

"soul mates" is an illusion. 1 person in the entire world is your soul mate, who happens to be living around you and about the same age? yeah right. What if you soul mate was revealed to be a, 85yr old man? or an 18 yr old girl?

With 6 billion people in the world I can guarantee you will find yourself compatible (and capable of falling in love with) with more than a few.

canadianvampyregurl

wow...some of the s*** that ppl post on here...and some of the answers....

anarjackson

I've just gotta add my two cents here...if you're thinking about shopping around, Chris is NOT your soulmate. You'll know if he's your soulmate, you won't have to doubt. And if he's your soulmate, yor devotion to him certainly wouldn't be shaken by a magazine article.

Second, Chris sounds really controlling and manipulative. Having been married to a man like him for five years (I'm now very gladly divorced), I can tell you that this is one road you do not want to go down. The checking up on you might seem charming at first. But every day, month, year that goes by it gets more and more smothering...and eventually it will just choke the happiness out of your life.

Finally, if your family doesn't like him, it's a pretty big red flag. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your life? Just think about it...
Amen!!!!!
I can't say if 12 is a magic number for you...but I can give you the advice to give this more time than 2 months before making a life-changing decision. If he really loves you, if he really is your soulmate he'll wait.

Good luck!

sofitheteacup

Additionally, now that I think about it more, do you think you like Chris as much as you do because he cares so much for you?
Sounds like Simon didn't, and when you broke up over unsubstantiated cheating allegations, he didn't seem to upset and you don't mention him fighting or denying it... then Chris comes along and acts interested and/or jealous of other male suitors.
Sounds like he cares (maybe in a controlling way, maybe not) about you a lot, and you came from a relationship where that wasn't the case.

But ultimately you're asking the internet if you should date 3 other men to determine whether Chris is best for you. Either he's your "soul mate" or not, but if he were you likely wouldn't have this much doubt. And if you do date your three and they're not as good as Chris, does he simply win by default? Maybe you could get back together with him. But what if it's the 13th guy?
It's either Chris or it's not Chris. And it's clearly not Chris.

musycnlyrics

Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.

2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.

We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.

I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.

Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:

Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:

I knew it. Couldnt tell you how I knew it, but I looked at him and I thought: "thats my forever"

11 years later I wouldnt trade him for anything or anyone.

DontStopB_Leakin

Dump Chris and come to me. I'm your soulmate.


Just don't tell Ariel.

finz96

This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

Thank God not everyone has the same experience I had, but he follows all of the same patterns. The type of men that are controlling and manipulative all start out the same and it seems cute and sweet. But from what you seem to be saying is that you are not in fact scientific in the least. You are thinking with your emotions, because all of those here who are warning you, you are pushing off to the side, flippantly thanking them for their advice but then saying, "oh, but this feels so right it can't be wrong" kind of thing. Any woman who has been abused or controlled by a man knows the warning signs and spots them a mile away. I believe those of us that have been through it are indebted to other women to warn them, shake them out of their happy little bubble.

I am not a man hater, all men are not verbally, physically or otherwise abusive. I have a wonderful man by my side that I never would have thought I was worthy of. But I can tell you that all of that "checking up" and "protectiveness" will get very very old if you are independent and a logical thinker. Step outside your bubble and look at the facts. Read some stories from women who have been in bad relationships and take a deep look at the warning signs that they point out. Then compare that to your own situation. Make a scientific experiment out of it, follow the scientific process. Let him move and see how much he changes or wants you to change. There are such things as long distance relationships. If he makes you feel like your relationship will not survive unless you move with him, the relationship is not strong enough to survive period.

AGREE TOTALLY!

redwngs13

What if I miss my soul mate?

If you're asking yourself this, then maybe it would be a bad idea to go forward with the relationship, let alone making a big move with him!

With that being said, I actually am one of those crazy people that made a big move with a guy after only a couple months together.

My story: I met my guy on match.com last July. We instantly hit it off and by the end of July we were officially dating. Come the beginning of August, he got a huge job offer for a job in Indianapolis (we lived in MI at the time). He ended up turning down that job offer because he wanted to see where things would go with us. But apparently the company really wanted him because they called back after he declined and made another offer for even more money and this time the location was DC. We sat down together and talked through this new offer, and we came to the conclusion that this offer was too big to turn down, but we really didn't want to let go of the relationship we started. We both felt very strongly for one another and didn't want to think about letting it go so easily. I decided that I would take the plunge and transfer my job to DC with him. Now here we are, a little less than a year later, and we're still together, living together in DC, and as happy as can be! It was a huge leap of faith, but I think deep down we both knew it was right and would turn out well. We both consider ourselves logical, rational people, so making the decision to move together didn't come lightly and both of our friends and families thought we were absolutely insane. But it was a chance worth taking!!

So... if you think it will work out and aren't harboring **any** doubts about him, then I think it might be worth a shot to move with him. Otherwise, any little doubt you have now will most likely end up boiling to the surface eventually!

Also, the thing about needing to date 12 people before you decide on "the one"... that seems a little dumb to me. I think when you meet the one, you'll just know.

kluedesigns

Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

i agree with this, i wouldn't trust chris as far as i could throw him.

sounds like he totally wedged his way in between your relationship with simon just so he could have you.

if you don't like simon then don't go back with him but run far, far, away from chris - he's a manipulator and will continue with this behavior for the rest of his life.

whierd

Even though you are really pretty, you think too much.

WNB.