HELP! Should I date three more??
Replies
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You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
What I've gathered from your responses is a lot of question dodging, and you only seem to want answers from people who support you in what you really, actually want to do - which is be with this Chris person, move away, get married, etc, and ignoring people who are giving answers you don't like or asking legitimate questions to get more information and actually help you.0 -
Ohh I'm a girl, I know things. Like something isn't right in this, and the situation is way too vague. It's a whodunit of romance!
You say you checked, but you originally told us you found no proof.I absolutely didn't just take Chris's word for it! That would be stupid! I checked, but I found myself doubting Simon all the time, so I couldn't keep on like that.
I'm glad your journey has become happier.
So if you found out that he did, and it wasn't just Chris' word, then you should have some proof that he did cheat on you.
Or is the only evidence you have Chris' word, but because that put a seed of doubt in your head, along with the reminders from Chris, that's what caused you to break up because you said that you broke up with Simon because 'someone' told you that he cheated on you.
So which is it? You have proof beyond Chris' word (and your own doubts), or you don't?
Girls just know things. Get with the program.0 -
Pretty sure this is a troll thread.
Future victim is picking fights instead of taking any advice whatsoever.
ABANDON THREAD.
But....did you read?? She took quite a bit of the advice, actually...and thanked them....and gave them flowers for their time and thoughtful answers. I think she seems really kind-hearted and thankful to the ones that are giving advice. :flowerforyou:0 -
You're pretty.
Love it!
The OP reminds me of Daniela Ruah of NCIS Los Angeles.
Summing up - Simon wasn't the one, Chris ain't the one. Take some time to learn who you are.
Wow, thanks, I don't really see it but that's a compliment for sure! :flowerforyou:0 -
Pretty sure this is a troll thread.
Future victim is picking fights instead of taking any advice whatsoever.
ABANDON THREAD.
Pretty sure I asked for no snark. Also pretty sure that I've been pretty reasonable in my discussions with people here. There has been no fight-picking or overreaction. Thanks for your opinion though.0 -
My honest opinion....go with the one that performs the most felatio...at least you get something out of it!0
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12??? 12??? I thought the magic number was 42!!!!!!!!!
Well, technically 42 is the answer to the meaning of life
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Bump fo later!0
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Really?
M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.
Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.
I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.
Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.
No, what Chris did was manipulate you. He played you to get what he wants.
Honestly, if you have to ask if he's your soulmate, he's not. He sounds manipulative and controlling. There is no magic number to finding your spouse. You're 26, enjoy life, date, live, work, play, and along the way you'll meet someone fantastic. Chris is not that person.0 -
Pretty sure this is a troll thread.
Future victim is picking fights instead of taking any advice whatsoever.
ABANDON THREAD.
But....did you read?? She took quite a bit of the advice, actually...and thanked them....and gave them flowers for their time and thoughtful answers. I think she seems really kind-hearted and thankful to the ones that are giving advice. :flowerforyou:
But... Did you read? The very many women who posted their experiences with abuse and she blatantly disregards them?0 -
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I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
[/quote]
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.0 -
Ohh I'm a girl, I know things. Like something isn't right in this, and the situation is way too vague. It's a whodunit of romance!
You say you checked, but you originally told us you found no proof.I absolutely didn't just take Chris's word for it! That would be stupid! I checked, but I found myself doubting Simon all the time, so I couldn't keep on like that.
I'm glad your journey has become happier.
So if you found out that he did, and it wasn't just Chris' word, then you should have some proof that he did cheat on you.
Or is the only evidence you have Chris' word, but because that put a seed of doubt in your head, along with the reminders from Chris, that's what caused you to break up because you said that you broke up with Simon because 'someone' told you that he cheated on you.
So which is it? You have proof beyond Chris' word (and your own doubts), or you don't?
Girls just know things. Get with the program.
^ This. I would feel bad for your naivete if you weren't so obviously shutting down any real advice.0 -
You don't need to settle. Live your life. And when the right one comes along, you'll know.0
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I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
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Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
[/quote]
Maybe she wants to get abused?0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
[/quote]
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
[/quote]
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:0 -
ETA: If your family and/or friends don't like the guy, there is probably a reason.
that's not true.
My family and friends hate my guy and there's no reason.
they insist over and over again that my constant bruises have to come from somewhere and they don't believe me when I insist that he's just showering me with love....
and well...love.....love hurts.0 -
Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships
EXTREME JEALOUSY
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.
Check - But it's so adorable - it means he CARES for me!
Jealousy, for sure.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.
Check - but it means he cares and loves me!
None of those things have happened except asking where I'm going, etc. And it's never in a mean way, just an interested way.
QUICK INVOLVEMENT
The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.
Check - move away with me and let's get married. Who cares if it's only been 2 months?
This is odd, I definitely admit that.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.
Not enough info from OP, but I suspect you can check this one off the list also.
No, you can't.
ISOLATION
The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.
Check - move away with me, away from your family, friends, job, etc
This one....well, moving away is for his job, not for personal reasons. I'll leave this a maybe.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR THEIR PROBLEMS AND FEELINGS
The abuser does not take responsibility for their problems, blaming others (usually the victim) for almost everything (“you made me mad”).
HYPERSENSITIVITY
An abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack and blows things out of proportion.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN
The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain. They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.
“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE IN SEX
The abuser may throw or hold their partner down during sex, may pressure their partner into having sex, may demand sex when their partner is tired or ill or doesn’t want to have sex. They may ask the victim to do things they do not want to do.
but what if I like this?
VERBAL ABUSE
The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, and unable to function without them. They embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well.
nope
RIGID SEX ROLES
The abuser believes in rigid gender roles and sees women as inferior to men and unable to have their own identity. They may see men as the “master of his castle”.
um.... no, he is a gender-studies major.
DR. JECKYL AND MR. HYDE
The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.
PAST BATTERING
The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE
This includes any threat or physical force meant to control the victim: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you.”
BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS
This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them.
ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT
The abuser may hold the victim down, restrain them from leaving the room, may push, shove, or hold them against a wall.
HEY, only 5 out of 15 indicator of an abusive relationship. Yep, he's a real keeper.0 -
If you guys had a good relationship, why would you take the word of his friend, vs him? Maybe there were other issues (I don't remember you stating either way on that one), but if there weren't any, then this is something to think on with relationships. Why did you not trust Simon? Why did you take the word of someone who had no proof, nor could you find any proof?
You say you checked, but you originally told us you found no proof.I absolutely didn't just take Chris's word for it! That would be stupid! I checked, but I found myself doubting Simon all the time, so I couldn't keep on like that.
I'm glad your journey has become happier.
So if you found out that he did, and it wasn't just Chris' word, then you should have some proof that he did cheat on you.
Or is the only evidence you have Chris' word, but because that put a seed of doubt in your head, along with the reminders from Chris, that's what caused you to break up because you said that you broke up with Simon because 'someone' told you that he cheated on you.
So which is it? You have proof beyond Chris' word (and your own doubts), or you don't?
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
You may have dumped a perfectly good guy because of YOU, not because of something he did. Why? Why did you doubt him? Were you already looking for a way out of the relationship the way it seems you're looking for an out now?
I mean, ultimately, it doesn't matter who did what with whom where with the peanut butter and/or chocolate fountain. What really matters is the fact that you're contemplating dating more (regardless of the source), and missing your soul mate. If you question it, then you're not ready for the next step, whatever that step may be.0 -
ETA: If your family and/or friends don't like the guy, there is probably a reason.
that's not true.
My family and friends hate my guy and there's no reason.
they insist over and over again that my constant bruises have to come from somewhere and they don't believe me when I insist that he's just showering me with love....
and well...love.....love hurts.
It hurts him more than you.0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
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Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
[/quote]
I don't insist on being with him. That's the purpose of this thread. To get opinions from people who actually are trying to be helpful and who I appreciate. I'm just weighing my options, but of COURSE I am upset that people are assuming the worst about Chris. Frankly, I think I'm doing a good job of being reasonable here because so many people are saying he's going to abuse me, and I'm not seeing that. I could fly off the handle and get mad about that but I am ignoring the negative responses because I am actually looking for help. Not just trying to pick a fight.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Clearly you do not know what "Novella" means since you think it's racist.
Definition:
a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel
Has NOTHING to do with your race. It's an Italian word for a literary type of fiction.0 -
1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.
2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"
3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people
4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.
This times a million. Plus, if you had said 36 and worried about the biological clock that is one thig....but 26??? Oooof for me I consider that too young for babies! (Of course many people have babies younger than that and are great parents but I mean ideally I'd prefer to have fun/ build a career in my 20s without those responsibilities.)0 -
Are you serious? WTF ...0
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I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:
This is a complete twisting of my words.
I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
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I don't insist on being with him. That's the purpose of this thread. To get opinions from people who actually are trying to be helpful and who I appreciate. I'm just weighing my options, but of COURSE I am upset that people are assuming the worst about Chris. Frankly, I think I'm doing a good job of being reasonable here because so many people are saying he's going to abuse me, and I'm not seeing that. I could fly off the handle and get mad about that but I am ignoring the negative responses because I am actually looking for help. Not just trying to pick a fight.
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Lmao0 -
I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.
Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.
This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.
I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:
[/quote]
This is a complete twisting of my words.
I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.
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Take your own advice. Break up with Chris.0 -
I agree with many of these replies (not the snide ones). He set you up to ditch your boyfriend. Your family doesn't like him. His checking up on you constantly is probably more because he doesn't trust you more so than him just being interested in what you are doing. You have doubts. Definately do not marry him just because he is moving away. You are still young, enjoy your life and yourself. When the right man comes along you won't have any doubts! Best of luck to you
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Well, I met my husband while I was in high school. I was 14. He was the 2nd boyfriend I had.
2 weeks after we met, he told me he was going to marry me. We were best friends and we genuinely felt drawn together.
We broke up and got back together when I was 17. We have been together ever since. It has been 11 years and we have never been happier.
I can see the advantage of dating around to get an idea of who you want to be with forever, but sometimes, (just sometimes) love steps in and makes the decision for you.
If I had chosen to "date around" I would have missed my soul mate and probably would have missed out on this incredible love that we share.
Wow, this is a beautiful story :flowerforyou:
Do you really know he was your soul mate though? That's my worry.:ohwell:
Personally I don't believe in soul mates, I think you have to work to make a relationship. If you love someone and are willing to put in the work then it can be a beautiful thing. I met my dh when I was 15, married when I was 17 and we are still together 43 years later. It has not always been easy, and I have to say there were times when I wanted to call it quits..... but we didn't. When you work to fix what is wrong in a relationship, you usually come out better on the other side.
That being said, you should know without a doubt that this is the person you want to be with, not just going because of your biological clock, or to get away from an old boyfriend. If you are not sure about him, then you are not ready.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Didn't you say yourself that you are part Mexican? Novelas are Spanish language soap operas aren't they? My hispanic ex wife watched novalas all the time, but had no idea what the term "soap opera" meant so I was trying to clarify. That part was meant as a joke anyway because this is a crazy love triangle situation. So please don't jump straight to pulling out the racism card on me just because I'm pale.
While there are a lot of snarky comments on here (yes including mine) There's a lot of good advice on here too. Like anything on the internet you've got to browse through the crap to get to the good stuff. Listen to the people who are being truly empathetic and giving solid advice. The rest of us are just making jokes.0 -
You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.
I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.
may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.
THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.
You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.
Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?
Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:
And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.
Clearly you do not know what "Novella" means since you think it's racist.
Definition:
a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel
Has NOTHING to do with your race. It's an Italian word for a literary type of fiction.
You said a novela "you've been watching," which means you weren't referring to a written work.
I'm not looking to pick a fight, and I accept that you weren't trying to be racist.0
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