HELP! Should I date three more??

bethlaf

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

made me choke on my carrot!!..

JohnnyCashMoney

I tell you one thing. Hire a hitman, whatever, but leaving San Diego is a really bad idea.

richardheath

If you are being scientific about this (and the "study" was in any way accurate, and reported accurately) then you must know that that is probably a statistical average. What is the standard deviation? What is the error? The range? The median? How many people did they interview? What was their methodology? How did they determine if those people truly found their "soul mate", and not end up divorced a few years after the study? Was the scientific definition of "soul mate" presented?

You need to go to the primary literature!

I know about that stuff. I know there is a range. But I also know most people fall into average, and I know already I am average.

No - you are a Spechul SnoFlake! :flowerforyou:

KatLifter

Yeah; relationships are cool–but have you guys heard of chocolate fountains?

Of course, and

KimberlyDCZ

Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

In my opinion, this is not adorable. This is controlling and obsessive and it will most likely get worse. If you really love him you wouldn't be considering dating someone else which means you shouldn't be considering marrying him if you don't love him. What I would suggest if you want to keep him and think you have a good future with him, move with him, but don't marry him until you've been dating for at least a year. This will give time for him to show his true colors and for you to find out more about who he REALLY is.

RCMPWannaBe

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou:

I moved in with a guy I ADORED after one month of dating him. We were like that too - randomly calling, texting. It was cutesy. But it went to crap really fast when we moved in together. We were not ready, and chances are, neither are you guys.

That being said, I'm not you. I don't know how you feel. If you really think he's the one and you're not just settling because you're (omfg you're so old, I'm surprised you don't need a hip replacement) 26. Your clock will keep ticking for a long while yet.

Cameron_1969

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The excerpt above is replete with red flags. . I'm sure now it seems adorable, but men who are jealous from the get-go usually don't get LESS jealous over time and this guys 'interest' screams. . "run away!" to me. . .not to mention he sabotaged his "best friend" to get to you.

Then again. . this whole post might be a subtle joke. . having known you. . I would't put it past you. :flowerforyou:

Wari87

If u really need advice on your relationship from strangers then I guess u r really not that into him

1ConcreteGirl

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

Really? OK I hate to say this honey, but you are an Idiot, a total fool.

But that said I bet you didn't know that babies are born by holding hands?

If you don't believe me there are scientific results here on yahoo answers that you can check to confirm my statement: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090325135749AATNKmC

You didn't break up with Simon because Chris told you to, but did you confront Simon about this?

If you answer No to the above - then why the hell did you dump him?

I can guess your response would be the above

"Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer."

So, let me get this straight, you never confronted Simon, just listened to someone constantly saying "can you trust him?" "its all about trust" "are you sure you can trust him" "hey where are you today?" "hey are you seeing simon today" "hey who have you been messaging on MFP" "oh yeah, can you trust simon? you can trust me! i trust you"

YOU ARE A TOTAL FOOL AN ABSOLUTE MORON!

Answer me this one question: What did Simon ever do that meant you didn't trust him?

This is insane.

First, I had plenty of reasons to be suspicious of Simon. Second, it doesn't sound like you're sorry to say I'm an idiot. Also, I admitted I'm bad at relationships, that's why i'm asking for input from a lot of kinds of people here.

Last, you are obviously too emotional about MY relationships to talk about them reasonably.

homerjspartan

He and I.

Not me and him.

Take an English class instead of Science, then maybe you'll find someone that will accept you.

jus_in_bello

You should start seeing a therapist.

KristysLosing

12??? 12??? I thought the magic number was 42!!!!!!!!!

No, it's 13. even numbers are bad

Yeah, 42 was just the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

Jmchao

:noway: Ok, so did you actually ever even have a mature, adult conversation with Simon to ask him about the cheating, or did you just take Chris' word for it?

And the "checking up" on you, and the asking who you're talking to, and wanting to know where you are/where you've been...that's called CONTROL, not caring! And it's BAD in a relationship...very bad.

12? Peculiar number. And how long must you "date" each person to consider it having dated them? Once for a quickie? A dinner and a movie? 6 months? A year? And then, does that mean #13 is Mr. Right? Or do you have go to back and pick one of the 12? I'd like to see the research behind that number. I'm sure they've had to do some sort of research to come up with a number like that.

I never dated 12 people...married once, divorced (hmmm..he always wanted to know where I was, who I was with, who I was talking to, and why I wasn't always sitting at the phone waiting for his call when he was away, accused me of cheating on him when the reality was he was cheating on me, etc.) and married now a second time to a great man. We've been together for 12 years now. I no where near dated 12 guys, even if you go all the way back to 6th grade and start counting from there (and I am many years out of 6th grade!)

You need to search yourself for the answer(s) to your question(s), not look for them on a public forum. Your life will be riddled with mistakes and "should have"s and such, but the key is to learn the lesson(s) intended, pick yourself up and keep moving forward. If Chris is the one, great. If not, then let him move away, keep in touch now and then, but look around. Only you can make that decision.

iAMsmiling

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

But you said it was only 36!!!!

Damnn! Skipped again!

KatLifter

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

But you said it was only 36!!!!

Damnn! Skipped again!

Fixed it

tinak33

1. I wouldn't trust Chris. He probably did lie that your ex was cheating on you. (since it couldn't be proven) ... because he wanted to hook up with you. This plan seemed to work.

2. the constant checking up on you and reading your private messages/texts/whatever... says "stalker" not "cute"

3. 2 months is not long enough to get married and move to another city/state away from all your current friends and family (presumably).... again... I would think "possessive stalker" that was trying to isolate you from people

4. "my biological clock"... don't marry some guy just to have a baby.

^^^ THIS.
There are big red flags all over your story.....

Also, who cares how many people you date. They can do 31584365136843861 studies. They probably still won't get it right.

darlenegillwilliams

Good luck!

Sawjer

2 months and getting jealous? Cya.

Afura

Really?

M'kay. Well assuming that you are serious, and for the love of all that is awesome, I hope this is a joke, there is no magic # of people you need to date in life. You know when you know.

Chris sounds like a controlling person. I can't imagine my husband (together 17 years this year) ever checking up on me or freaking out about me talking to other people - we are adults. It would not surprise me to learn that he lied to you about your ex cheating so that he could take advantage of the situation.

I find it difficult to believe that you broke up with your ex solely based on Chris' word.

Of COURSE I didn't break up with him because Chris said to. Chris never said I should break up with Simon, he just kept reminding me that it was all about trust and asking me to ask myself if I could REALLY trust Simon. I found my own answer.

They never said Chris told you to break up with him, but let's look at this logically.
Chris told you that Simon was cheating on you.
You were not able to find viable proof that Simon broke up with you.
Chris kept reminding you that relationships are about trust.
Chris kept telling you to ask you if you could really trust Simon.
You found an answer that was ?

So unless there was actual proof, then that laid out speaks volumes that Chris manipulated you into breaking up with Simon. If there was proof, then that would be a different story, or at least from the facts you presented us, it would give a different light.

pastryari

Dump Chris and come to me. I'm your soulmate.


Just don't tell Ariel.

LEA STOP CHEATING ONE ME.