Is it ok for a woman..........
Replies
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After reading this a couple of times, it has to be a joke. No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.
HAHA
I love D&D thank you and I'm 31 :grumble:
But as for this. Okay, there is a lot of ways this could go. If she does this EVERY day....then I think you should plan to go away together. Make an agreement that there will be no phones ect..ect. Spend time with her alone and see how that goes. If she feels distant or if she bugs you until she is allowed to call him, or text him, then I think you need a serious heart to heart. She might not feel like she is doing something wrong. Emotional affairs are tricky and often women or men don't really look at it like cheating.
It may be hard, but if you confront her, then at least you know you are doing everything you can. If she doesn't respond, then I'm very sorry. As I said, this is a tricky business. Hope it goes well for you.0 -
That doesn't sound cool with me. The reason I said that is my husband had a female friend, who was supposedly just a friend
and he had asked me if he could help her move because she is has no husband and he feels sorry for her. And a bunch more
and dumbass me like him go thinking he was doing a nice thing and eventually he was sleeping with her. And thank god she moved down south or I would have kicked her *kitten*. She was stupid enough to call here when I used his phone to call her and I answered the phone and went nuts on her. That was 3 years ago and how I forgave him I will never know but with therapy and my niceness we are still together. So I am gonna say no to that one for the obvious reason. If she wants to talk let her talk to you, not send you
to play games with your friends and say do whatever.0 -
Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it? I am curious. WHat everyones opinion is on it. Even if she says you can go do whatever and then brings up the fact that she is supportive of me cause she lets me hang with the guys every other weekend at his house playing Dungeons and Dragons, yes I said I am a role player. Please Id like the opinions of everyone. Thanks
depends on their relationship. what are they talking about? maybe she's just bored. why don't you ask her about it?0 -
I think she found someone that doesn't still play Dungeons and Dragons.
^^^That was mean.0 -
I'd say NO WAY unless the guy is gay. Even then doesn't' seem right0
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So just because a woman is married she can't speak to any other male, ever? Seriously, what the eff. You can have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex without something sexual going on.
As long as she isn't talking about inappropriate things and is even comfortable talking to him with you around, I don't see a problem. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends over the years. I don't give them up just because I'm with someone.0 -
NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.
My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.0 -
NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.
My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.
Way to talk down on the male species.
Women get all up in arms when a man says a derogatory thing about women (like how all women ***** on PMS and buy 10987987 pairs of shoes) but it's totally okay to say a man wants nothing to do with friendship with a woman. He must want something!
MEN ARE EVIL!!
FFS. People are so damn stupid.0 -
No not o.k.0
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I'm sorry. That's tough. On one hand you don't want to be controlling at all, and you also don't want to choose who someone is friends with. That would push anyone away.
I would feel hurt if my husband was talking to another woman on the phone all of the time. My husband gave advice to someone once who was getting a divorce. He told his buddy "No matter what she does, and how mad she makes you, just still treat her like you love her"
I think all you can do in this instance is be consistant in your love for her. You can tell her how it makes you feel, and hope that she eventually makes it right. Maybe if you tell her how it makes you feel, then let it go, she wouldn't feel like its some kind of power struggle? I don't know. That's tough.
Myhusband and I both have told the other one "I don't like when you..... because it makes me feel...." and luckily we love each other enough and care enough about each other that we always work it out. Either the person who is doing something that the other doesn't like stops it, or we talk it through until the other one sees both sides and doesn't have a problem with it anymore.
Maybe that would happen with you guys.... maybe you are missing something, and would understand better if she helped you understand why it should be ok to talk to another man that much.
Still though.... just being honest. I wouldn't like my spouse being that close to another woman.
Oy. Hope this helps some. Stay level headed and loving. : )0 -
I dont know what she means when she says whatever, She states I let you go to the VFW club because you like it, I let you leave every other weekend to play D and D with the guys and she says since she is being supportive of those things I should nt have a problem with who she talks to on the phone because she is a home body and that it should be ok whomever she talks to on the phone.
She obviously has an unhealthy relationship with this person. My best friend did this same type of thing while married. She is now divorced, had therapy, and realizes it was not healthy for her.0 -
Eh, RED FLAG.
She married you for a reason, she should be talking to YOU for hours every night.
A text or maybe half an hour-hour calls tops, but multiple hours? No. What on earth can they have to talk about all that time?!0 -
The key is "How Do YOU Feel?" Are you Ok with her actions, do you feel that something is NOT right. I say, go with your gut and let her know. It is important for married/committed people to set boundaries. The ONLY way I'm going to support you or look the other way if I FEEL you are doing something inappropriate is that I don't care anymore!!! It is said that for someone to even act suspicious when they are married is a great wrong in and of itself. If she is not aware of her actions, you need to tell her AND how it is making you feel. And NO, women who are INVESTED in a Relationship does NOT give hours on hours a day of their FREE time to someone who is not their S.O. or children.0
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So just because a woman is married she can't speak to any other male, ever? Seriously, what the eff. You can have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex without something sexual going on.
As long as she isn't talking about inappropriate things and is even comfortable talking to him with you around, I don't see a problem. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends over the years. I don't give them up just because I'm with someone.
When did he say "my wife cannot speak to any other male, ever" ? I think he's concerned about the sheer amount of time his wife spends talking to this other guy, not simply the fact that she's talking to him.0 -
I am a married woman, and I talk to a very good friend who happens to be a man on the phone for hours. He is my husband's best friend, and I have known him for 10+ years. My husband has no issues with us talking, or even him coming to stay. (He lives halfway across the country, so he occasionally comes home)
I would never cheat on my husband, and he trusts me 100%.
However, not all marriages work that way.
If you don't feel comfortable with it, there's probably something wrong.0 -
No..it's definitely not ok...that is wrong...I would be angry and hurt. I am single and have been cheated on several times, I know that if a guy I was with was doing that I would have all sorts of red flags going up.
If it looks like a fish and smells like a fish....you know the deal...If you need someone to talk to...:D Hope this helps.0 -
In my opinion, it is not ok. I could see MAYBE if this person had been her friend since like childhood, but even then, more than an hour to catch up occasionally would be pushing it.0
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I think there is more to this then what we are reading... I mean, not saying that talking that long to someone on the phone is right or wrong because I dont know your wife and I sure dont know your circumstances. But what kind of time do you two spend together as a couple? Does she refuse to go out and spend time with you, just the two of you or do you even ask to have this kind of time with her? I have been married 23 years and my husband is my best friend. We do everything together. When we go out it is the two of us. We have no objections if the other wants to go out with just friends but most of the time, we prefer each others company and with friends but we are together. As I say, you did not mention if you even go out together or what kind of time you spend together but if you don't spend time together, maybe it is time that you do... if she is pushing you away and would rather spend time on the phone then yes I would say there is a problem there.0
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Being a female (and fellow roleplayer etc.) I can honestly say that it doesn't seem right. Especially if you're married. I mean, sure, the whole childhood friend thing kinda maybe. But 3 hours at night, texting them around bed time? That's just weird. She should have her priorities straight. And if you've made mention you're not comfortable with it, then she should respect you as her husband and find a compromise. Like, just chill out on the talking to him and spend those 3 hours with you. Nothing wrong with having guy friends, but if she's getting more conversation in with him then you, it's sad, and not ok. And it's really not ok because clearly it has you bothered.
Also, I know I can't stand when I mention something to my significant other about him talking to females and the first thing I get is him being annoyed or defensive saying it's his friend. It kinda makes me feel like I should be more suspicious then not just because their reaction was defend them, not their lover.0 -
Does she talk to this person with you around, or does she go hide and talk to him? I would assume something was going on with her and him. But maybe you are just keeping too close of tabs on her. Let her off the lease a little and see if she comes home.0
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NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.
My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.
Way to talk down on the male species.
Women get all up in arms when a man says a derogatory thing about women (like how all women ***** on PMS and buy 10987987 pairs of shoes) but it's totally okay to say a man wants nothing to do with friendship with a woman. He must want something!
MEN ARE EVIL!!
FFS. People are so damn stupid.
^ Ugh reading that made me so happy!!
Thank you!!0 -
I would say no. As someone who has been cheated on, that's kind of how it starts. It could honestly be harmless, but I'd always veer on the side of caution. I mean that goes for guys as well...it's not ok to text/talk in that particular way.0
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NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.
My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.
Way to talk down on the male species.
Women get all up in arms when a man says a derogatory thing about women (like how all women ***** on PMS and buy 10987987 pairs of shoes) but it's totally okay to say a man wants nothing to do with friendship with a woman. He must want something!
MEN ARE EVIL!!
FFS. People are so damn stupid.
Last time I checked, men were the SAME species as women>>>Homo-sapiens. NOW that we have that straight, I say every situation has to be looked at on its own terms. Granted, until recently (historically) men and women have NOT been able to carry on platonic relationships very much without an overseer (like in the work place), there just is NOT a good history of straight men and women being "besties: or BFF. Now, there is history of men and women being friends and that friendship EVOLVING into a Love/Sex relationship. So don't get your tightie whities in a bunch. Men are not evil, it takes 2 to "tango", TRUST Me, women are NOT above having BAD Intentions. In fact MOST women know when they are pushing the envelop!0 -
No, it's not okay, especially if it bothers her husband. If you can't trust each other than it's not worth the pain.0
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Every relationship is different. And I refuse to draw concrete lines for a working marriage as what works for one couple may not for another.
With that said for *my* marriage that is totally not okay. Emotional cheating is still cheating and when one partner is spending that much time with another partner for emotional support it can be hurtful to the partner who is being ignored/replaced, to the trust within the relationship, and to the marriage. It is also disrespectful; my husband expects more of me than this and the same goes for him.
I would wonder what it is that she is getting from this other person that you haven't been providing. Generally I may be a sense of understanding. When our relationships are new we always have that benefit of "being on the same page" and "understanding each other".... As we negotiate life's stressors sometimes we each learn to cope differently or develop different opinions and to some extent grow apart. Kids, work, school, and other obligations can weigh us down and interfere with a couple coming together and when you don't seem to agree with each other as much or having the same opinions on how to handle certain situations that can give rise to a need to fulfill that void. Your half of the deal is to work on giving her the emotional attention she needs. Her half is to realize that this attachment she has to this other person is hurtful and disrespectful and robbing the relationship you have of it's full potential.
A movie recommendation if you are in to that: Fireproof0 -
I don't get along with most women. I'm not into most things that the other women around me are into, such as make-up, hair, having children, or housewives/army wives of whatever. I don't do romance movies or books, and I HATE shopping for clothing or shoes. I'm not saying all women are like this, just the ones that I know.
The only really close friend I have is a guy. He's my best friend and I've known him for 26 years(since we were little bitty kids together). I talk/text/im with him EVERYDAY, and hang out with him every couple of weekends. He has a girlfriend who, so far, has had zero problems with the two of us doing this. I'm not married, but if I was and my husband wanted me to stop hanging out with/talking to my best friend, we'd have some serious issues.
All this being said, if the situation with your wife is bothering you: TALK to her. Ask to be introduced to her friend.0 -
It's obvious that you are not satisfying your wife... and I don't mean just sexually. Grow some balls and take charge of your relationship. She wouldn't be spending that much time on the phone and in other places if she were happy with you. Fix it.0
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Dude - I have seen this before, a lot. It is a systematic replacement strategy. So, yea, might want to nip that in the bud.
^^ this.
Its not right, not for her, not for you to do either. Not saying you are, but its just wrong. Its called MORALS, VALUES, COMMITMENT and FAITHFULNESS. Emotional affairs are STILL affairs.
from a counseling point of view (my job), its destructive to a marriage. Put a stop to it pronto0 -
Only if the man is 1. Her Dad, 2. Her Brother, 3. Her Son, or 4. Gay. Other than that..she is doing something shady. Sorry for the bad news. Us ladies can be skanks sometimes.0
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First, married couples don't tell each other what they can and cannot do. It's not prison. You marry someone who does what it takes to make the primary relationship thrive. Second, it's fine to say how you feel if you are uncomfortable. Your spouse should want you to feel secure in the marriage and this works both ways. If you are not OK with what your spouse is doing and they discount your feelings you have to decide if that's what you want to live with. Old friends should have other relationships evolve over time and there has to be complete honesty about intentions and emotional investing. If the friend doesn't mesh well with the spouse they need to be kept at a respectful distance. Ideally, a couples friendship with the friend's significant other keeps the friendship in perspective. A lot of time talking with an old friend could be emotional distancing from you, especially if she's confiding about her marriage problems.0
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