Is it ok for a woman..........

I dont know what she means when she says whatever, She states I let you go to the VFW club because you like it, I let you leave every other weekend to play D and D with the guys and she says since she is being supportive of those things I should nt have a problem with who she talks to on the phone because she is a home body and that it should be ok whomever she talks to on the phone.

She obviously has an unhealthy relationship with this person. My best friend did this same type of thing while married. She is now divorced, had therapy, and realizes it was not healthy for her.

The key is "How Do YOU Feel?" Are you Ok with her actions, do you feel that something is NOT right. I say, go with your gut and let her know. It is important for married/committed people to set boundaries. The ONLY way I'm going to support you or look the other way if I FEEL you are doing something inappropriate is that I don't care anymore!!! It is said that for someone to even act suspicious when they are married is a great wrong in and of itself. If she is not aware of her actions, you need to tell her AND how it is making you feel. And NO, women who are INVESTED in a Relationship does NOT give hours on hours a day of their FREE time to someone who is not their S.O. or children.

I am a married woman, and I talk to a very good friend who happens to be a man on the phone for hours. He is my husband's best friend, and I have known him for 10+ years. My husband has no issues with us talking, or even him coming to stay. (He lives halfway across the country, so he occasionally comes home)
I would never cheat on my husband, and he trusts me 100%.
However, not all marriages work that way.
If you don't feel comfortable with it, there's probably something wrong.

In my opinion, it is not ok. I could see MAYBE if this person had been her friend since like childhood, but even then, more than an hour to catch up occasionally would be pushing it.

Being a female (and fellow roleplayer etc.) I can honestly say that it doesn't seem right. Especially if you're married. I mean, sure, the whole childhood friend thing kinda maybe. But 3 hours at night, texting them around bed time? That's just weird. She should have her priorities straight. And if you've made mention you're not comfortable with it, then she should respect you as her husband and find a compromise. Like, just chill out on the talking to him and spend those 3 hours with you. Nothing wrong with having guy friends, but if she's getting more conversation in with him then you, it's sad, and not ok. And it's really not ok because clearly it has you bothered.

Also, I know I can't stand when I mention something to my significant other about him talking to females and the first thing I get is him being annoyed or defensive saying it's his friend. It kinda makes me feel like I should be more suspicious then not just because their reaction was defend them, not their lover.

NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.

My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.

Way to talk down on the male species.

Women get all up in arms when a man says a derogatory thing about women (like how all women ***** on PMS and buy 10987987 pairs of shoes) but it's totally okay to say a man wants nothing to do with friendship with a woman. He must want something!

MEN ARE EVIL!!

FFS. People are so damn stupid.

^ Ugh reading that made me so happy!!
Thank you!!

NO... this is NOT ok. First of all, in a marriage two people make a committment to support and respect EACH OTHER. If you feel uncomfortable with her speaking to this other man, which is highly inappropriate, she should respect your feelings and stop doing it. As far as stating she "let's you" play D&D and that is being supportive of your hobbies, since when is talking with another man a hobbie. These two things are not in any way shape of form the same. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if you were talking with another woman.

My father once told me there is no such thing as having a man as just a friend... they always want something, if they think they can get it, they will pursue it. Once they know it's off limits, they disappear. This guy has poor intentions and your wife is naive to think otherwise.

Way to talk down on the male species.

Women get all up in arms when a man says a derogatory thing about women (like how all women ***** on PMS and buy 10987987 pairs of shoes) but it's totally okay to say a man wants nothing to do with friendship with a woman. He must want something!

MEN ARE EVIL!!

FFS. People are so damn stupid.

Last time I checked, men were the SAME species as women>>>Homo-sapiens. NOW that we have that straight, I say every situation has to be looked at on its own terms. Granted, until recently (historically) men and women have NOT been able to carry on platonic relationships very much without an overseer (like in the work place), there just is NOT a good history of straight men and women being "besties: or BFF. Now, there is history of men and women being friends and that friendship EVOLVING into a Love/Sex relationship. So don't get your tightie whities in a bunch. Men are not evil, it takes 2 to "tango", TRUST Me, women are NOT above having BAD Intentions. In fact MOST women know when they are pushing the envelop!

Every relationship is different. And I refuse to draw concrete lines for a working marriage as what works for one couple may not for another.

With that said for *my* marriage that is totally not okay. Emotional cheating is still cheating and when one partner is spending that much time with another partner for emotional support it can be hurtful to the partner who is being ignored/replaced, to the trust within the relationship, and to the marriage. It is also disrespectful; my husband expects more of me than this and the same goes for him.

I would wonder what it is that she is getting from this other person that you haven't been providing. Generally I may be a sense of understanding. When our relationships are new we always have that benefit of "being on the same page" and "understanding each other".... As we negotiate life's stressors sometimes we each learn to cope differently or develop different opinions and to some extent grow apart. Kids, work, school, and other obligations can weigh us down and interfere with a couple coming together and when you don't seem to agree with each other as much or having the same opinions on how to handle certain situations that can give rise to a need to fulfill that void. Your half of the deal is to work on giving her the emotional attention she needs. Her half is to realize that this attachment she has to this other person is hurtful and disrespectful and robbing the relationship you have of it's full potential.

A movie recommendation if you are in to that: Fireproof

It's obvious that you are not satisfying your wife... and I don't mean just sexually. Grow some balls and take charge of your relationship. She wouldn't be spending that much time on the phone and in other places if she were happy with you. Fix it.

Only if the man is 1. Her Dad, 2. Her Brother, 3. Her Son, or 4. Gay. Other than that..she is doing something shady. Sorry for the bad news. Us ladies can be skanks sometimes.