Lying on a job application (teenager)

well, to be honest you are not a family member .. I mean, yes you are his step-mom, but you two dont share blood, so, literally, I dont think he is ´that´ wrong.
come on, if he is a good kid, and never gives you problems, you should help him out, its not like he is asking for help after killing somebody or stuff like that, its just to get a job.

You don't have to lie. Just say you are his stepmother and say he was nervous about not having any references to put down. In the past, kids spent more time with non-family adults but these days they don't except for their teachers so what are they supposed to put on their job apps.

Or better yet, don't reveal anything unless they ask. I probably put my Uncles down as my first references. I don't think it turned me into a criminal.

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

Is this what your husband/his father calls you?

If not, I would speak to him about it, and allow him to address it with his son.

You aren't a family member in the sense that you share a bloodline so there should be really no problem even if they ask, which is unlikely. Give the kid a break, the last thing he needs is for someone close to him to refuse to help him get a job, when the task is already so difficult for young people all through the world.

It seem that he feels the reference would have less credibility for a family member. Don't do it. It would be setting a bad precedent. He should put down the actual relationship if he wants to use you for a reference.

I'm with the "Don't do it!" crowd. It's your role to set an example.
For those that say to do the kid a favor, he needs a reference- NO. The supervisor that reviews applications know he's a kid and references will be hard to find. He could leave it blank or he could put you as a reference and state honestly, that you're the step-mom. If he gets questioned about it during an interview, he'll just have to 'fess up and explain he didn't know who to put down. He'll be respected for it.

References are very over-rated.

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

Is this what your husband/his father calls you?

If not, I would speak to him about it, and allow him to address it with his son.

^werd.

I wonder if it is even about the job application at all. If he has references, and wants to use you, does that mean that they'll all give him poor reviews? IS he responsible?

I wouldn't do it because he didn't clear it with you first, among other things.

I hate lying. Period. It is unnecessary anyway as he HAS references to use. So why is it a good idea to condone him lying therefore making ME have to lie as well when they call?

So why are you taking to the forums to ask if it's right or wrong? It's all relative and honestly, it wouldn't bother be. You're a reference on a job application for a teenager who is looking for work (I'd applaud him wanting to work more than reprimand him for using you as a reference). I'm in HR and I rarely check references unless the application is fishy.

If you don't agree with lying, don't lie. Easy peasy.

You aren't a family member in the sense that you share a bloodline so there should be really no problem even if they ask, which is unlikely. Give the kid a break, the last thing he needs is for someone close to him to refuse to help him get a job, when the task is already so difficult for young people all through the world.

My opinion also

Besides (as a mother of a 17 year old myself) I just want him to go out and get a dang job! Be happy he is going for it!

this!

I suppose it all depends on your morals. I say, lying is bad no matter what the reason/motivation. It's great that he's looking for a job, but I'm pretty sure he could get one without lying about your relationship. Most employers who call will ask how you met him and how long you've known him. You're going to have to outright lie, in order to cover up his lie. IMO, teaching him a lesson about being honest is more important than him getting this job.

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

This is a tricky one to answer. Lies are always a no-no. However, the underlying question is WHY did he put you as a "friend of the family" reference?

Are there truly no family friends who will vouch for him? No past teachers, coaches, Sunday School teachers, pastors, or something similar that he could have used rather than you? If there were others he could have used for a reference in that spot on the application, why didn't he use those people? Does he have a history that is less than desirable and he's trying to hide that from a potential employer? Did he use you because he is simply so young and inexperienced that he didn't realize the possible consequences of what is essentially lying on his application?

I would sit down and chat with him in a calm and loving manner about how it is important to not lie on job applications. (A neighbor of mine did, and after years of working for his company they discovered the lie and he lost that job due to losing his security clearance. You may use this as an example for your stepson if you wish.) If this is his first attempt to land a job in his entire life, I would cut him some slack, but make it clear that he should not make such errors like that on his applications in the future.

If someone finds out he is lying, he will get terminated.

thats a bit drastic. but i guess thats how they roll in the united states. a firm telling off should suffice instead of termination!

Lying is always wrong no matter what. Christians know it is wrong and atheists know it is wrong. Your gut and morals tell you it is wrong, so it is!

Seriously? At least he's trying to get a job! You know how many lazy, drugged out teenagers there are hanging out at the mall doing nothing? Tell him he shouldn't have lied and you won't tolerate him doing it again but just LET IT GO. For my first job I put down my sister and listed her as a baby sitting client. Technically that wasn't a lie since I had babysat for her but you get my point. With the type of jobs that teenagers get, I highly doubt they will call anyway but I really think you're making a big deal out of nothing. He's trying to get a job, not trying to cheat on his taxes.