Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
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    When I got divorced, I kept his last name only because of my daughter. I ended up remarrying (see pic) :smile: and took my new husbands last name.

    But, I don't think it's disrespectful really. And yes, it is a HUGE pain the butt to change your name.
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
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    It's not just a matter of calling yourself something different! After my father died, I had my last name changed to my mom and stepdad's. It is a legal matter. It was like $300 in 1998. It had to be in the paper for all to see for 3 weeks. And then I had to go to court. It wasn't a huge deal, but really...I'm sure many women are thinking about other things at that time. Not spending the money on getting their name changed. Also, if there are kids...I changed my name because I felt so different, just having a different name. I wouldn't change my name and be different from my kids, unless I married again. Which I don't plan on doing!
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
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    To says its to difficult to change your last name is just an excuse. When I was married i changed my last name, faxed in my marriage certificate to my credit cards company, car company and so on.. Process took about 2 weeks to get new name at social security office which I admit is a pain in the butt to wait there..

    When I got divorced, did the same process
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,663 Member
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    Lol, if they are going through a name change again, then make it a name that can get personal advantages. Like Rockefeller, Gates, Koch, Buffet..........................

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  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story

    I personally find that really weird.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    if i ever divorced my husband, i'd keep his name. i do not want a different last name than my kids. for some reason, that's really important to me. it has nothing to do with not being over him.
  • graceleigh614
    graceleigh614 Posts: 19
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    I kept it because of my kids and I knew I would remarry at some point (I did) so it would not be forever.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
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    I'm single, but I probably won't change my name in the first place. I've spent 30 years with this name why would I change it?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I said this in another thread and I think it bears repeating.

    When it comes to keeping the name 'for the children', you have to tread lightly. If they're really young, it might be better to swap names, especially if dad is not in their lives (for whatever reason). In my case, my mother kept my father's name so we would share it, however when she had another kid with someone different, who immediately denied parentage (and was proven to be the father), she did not want to give him a different name than us, especially considering his father's absence. It ended up being quite a point of contention between my father's family and my mother, as they are all very proud of their family lineage, and my brother is unrelated to them. My father in particular was not happy that another child was running around with his name that wasn't his.

    My mother and brother both nearly changed their names to my grandfather's name (mom's maiden name), however it was deemed to be too costly for them to go through with it. My brother certainly doesn't mind, but it lead to a lot of awkward moments over the years.

    I get that the name in this situation originated with this family, but I doubt you'll ever find a last name that isn't shared by many people you're not related to. Are none of those people entitled to that name?

    I have an extremely rare last name. In fact, I am the only person in the city where I live to have this last name. When I lived in Buffalo, a much bigger area, there were two families with this last name, not related. But as rare as my last name is, there are MANY people (I've come across a few) who share it but are not related to me in any way.

    One is a best-selling author, though, so that's kinda cool.
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
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    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    I totally agree with this!!

    I have never heard that it was disrespectful to anyone to keep the ex's last name. This is new to me. I decided to keep it only because we have three school-aged children and I want to be identified as their mother. If that offends a guy, then he's not worth my time to date. Period.
  • OnWisconsin84
    OnWisconsin84 Posts: 409 Member
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    My in-laws sucked balls, as did my ex, so I was very excited to change my name back. Plus we were only married 4 years with no kids, so never had a second thought about it. Decree was signed off on 2 weeks ago & taking the afternoon off to hit the DMV & Social Security office to get everything switched over today. Seriously can't wait. Maybe if I'd been married for like 80 years with kids I'd reconsider. Buuuuut nope.
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
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    I kept my exes last name for many years.

    When we divorced our children were 4, 3 and 1. I felt it would be easier for our kids if we all had the same last name. Then over the years, it seemed like it would be a pain in the @ss to change it since my car, my house, bank accounts etc etc were all in that name so I kept it.

    I recently remarried, and now use my current husbands name. My kids are 22, 21 and 19.
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
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    I have been married and divorced twice. Each time I took my maiden name back. That decision had zero, zip, zilch, nada to do with my ex or any future relationships. Only what felt right for me. I think if I ever, heaven forbid, remarry I will keep my name, or hyphenate. I have no issues against women taking their husbands name but I think it would just feel right to me after all I have been through. Not sure really. Kind of a moot point anyway.

    But my advice in a nutshell is to do whatever is right for you without any consideration for your ex husband or a future boyfriend/husband. It is your life after all.

    ETA: My oldest son had his name legally changed to mine after all these years. His father has never been a father to him. He made this decision on his own, it really surprised me.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story

    Buncha looney toons in that house. Yikes.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'm single, but I probably won't change my name in the first place. I've spent 30 years with this name why would I change it?

    I wish I had never changed mine when I got married, tbh.
  • recriger
    recriger Posts: 245 Member
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    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    I know you asked for responses from women, but I have to agree with this statement. I think it' s disrespectful to be offended by an Ex's last name. As said above, he's an ex for a reason. If you marry her she will probably take your last name, but I find it a bit arrogant to expect her to go through all the hassle to change her name simply to date you. That strikes me as "Looking" for something to be offended by.
  • jennifox63
    jennifox63 Posts: 44 Member
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    I kept the married name because it was an easier name and I was too lazy to go through all the paperwork again. I am in NO WAY still obsessed with my ex - haven't seen him in over 7 years and when I do occasionally think of him, it's only to wonder WHAT WAS I THINKING when I married him? LOL
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 615 Member
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    I debated very heavily on whether or not to go back to my maiden name when I went through my divorce. There were a few factors for me...

    1) I work at the same company as my dad and he holds a management position, I didn't want people to see the same last name and assume I got my job because of him. I wanted to be treated as my own person.
    2) We had kids so my children carry that last name and I didn't want my kids to feel there was any negativity attached to the last name or that I somehow loved them differently.
    3) It's a pain to deal with all the paperwork.

    If I ever re-marry then yeah, I'd change my name but until then it's my choice and if a guy gets upset about it and thinks it's disrespectful then he doesn't know me very well and will likely be a constant source of drama and childish antics that I don't want in my life. If I sound rude sorry but we're adults and my reasons are my own. I will not bend over backwards to soothe a wounded male ego over something so trivial.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    It's not too hard to change a name, once one has the divorce papers finalized. However, some women hate their maiden last name and may want to keep something else. And some just want to avoid the hassle. I know some married women who take a while to change over everything to their married name, legally (SSN, driver's license, checking account, etc) too.

    More common, I think, is when there are kids involved. There are many moms who keep their ex0s name so that they have the same last name as their children. My mom did, until she was actually married again (and then it was a pain for us kids to deal with not having the same last name as our mom)

    ETA: it sounds like changing a name is harder than I thought (or maybe it varies state-to-state). I haven't changed mine since I got married and it was much easier then.

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