Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • ARyding17
    ARyding17 Posts: 75 Member
    Ok, so my mom got divorced when I was five and my brother was three.

    My dad was the biggest dink and douche to her but she kept her last name. She kept it so that it wouldn't confuse my brother and I. I am really glad she did it. Even when my dad got remaried she kept. Her name just changed becuase she just got remarried. She got it so it wouldn't confuse us andwith our teachers and her work.

    I think it is really up to the women, but I am glad my mom did it. :)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    My co-worker is not technically "divorced" so she has kept his name. For one simple reason, she can't afford the divorce.

    heh. My divorce (in Wisconsin) cost me $200 with a free name change (with the exception of some administrative fees).

    A name change without marriage or divorce costs over $2000.
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
    I would keep his last name.. since my kids all have his last name. It would just be easier. I don't see the big deal.
  • tami101
    tami101 Posts: 617 Member
    I kept it for my daughter, been thinking about changing it now that she's grown, but I'm too lazy and broke! Ha ha.
  • chelledawg14
    chelledawg14 Posts: 509 Member
    I was married 17 years and had a daughter; I was NOT going to change my name when my entire adult life that's who I was. When I got remarried and changed my last name, it caused confusion everywhere with my daughter's school, doctor's offices, etc. However, I do get the disrespectful part because my husband was married previously for seven months and his ex STILL has his last name - aka the same as mine. THAT I think is wrong. Yes, they had a daughter and she also has another child with a different last name. If I were only married seven months and it was because I got pregnant when I was 19 to a 37 year old, I would have NEVER kept his last name for the past 16 years.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    I kept my last name to annoy my ex-husband. Petty, yes, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to my maiden name or my married name. When he demanded that I change my last name so that I would no longer be affiliated with his family, I pointed him to the law that stated I was not under any legal obligation to change my name back.

    I ended up getting remarried anyway, so I don't have that last name anymore...

    I knew a guy whose last name was Smith, who was demanding his ex change her last name. Smith--seriously...

    EDIT: I didn't actually know the guy, I knew the ex.
  • Donnaakamagmid
    Donnaakamagmid Posts: 198 Member
    I kept it. Same name as my kids & I was too lazy to change it.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
    I think alot of this also comes down to whether or not you have kids, When me and my wife got seperated she actually asked me if I minded if she kept my last name, because of my daughters last name being Day. Of course I had no objections and thankfully I was blessed enough to reconcile everything and we are going strong.

    On the other end of the spectrum when my brother got divorced, he straight up told the Judge, he would agree to everything as far as custody, child support whatever as long as she gave up her name as he felt she "didnt deserve to be a Day"

    So i guess there are many ways to look at this.
    how cool. Your brother wanted his name back at whatever cost huh?
  • serena569
    serena569 Posts: 427 Member
    My mom kept hers because we were minors but her divorce agreement stated she could change it when we turned 18. Because it was part of her divorce, it was the same as if she had done it years earlier - just take the agreement to all the government offices.

    I hyphenated my name when I got married. VERY easy to change back when I got divorced. In hindsight I probably hyphenated it because I wasn't committed to him or to the marriage. Now that I'm getting married again, I'm dropping my maiden name completely. And yes, it's a pain to change everything at my age.

    My sweetie's ex wife kept his name. Their kids are grown but they were married for 31 years. It was her last name for more than half her life so it's really her name too. Plus, all her professional licenses and credentials are in her married name. I get it and I'm not bitter. Neither is my sweetie.

    My personal opinion - anyone who is bitter or thinks keeping your ex's last name is disrespectful is likely insecure in the new relationship and may need to look inside to find out why.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story

    Now that is just weird. :noway:
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
    My mom kept my dad's last name because it's too much trouble for her to change it after 25 years.
  • kk1964
    kk1964 Posts: 46
    I could not wait to change my name back and become the person i wanted to be
  • BuffyEat2Live
    BuffyEat2Live Posts: 327 Member
    I think that it's usually for the kids' sake. I don't understand why a woman without kids would keep the ex's last name, unless she just really liked it. Like if her maiden name confused people with its length and pronunciation, then maybe she wants to keep Smith just because it's made life easier.

    It's really one of those "to each their own" thing.

    Personally, I'm not planning to take my husband's last name ever, unless it's hyphened to mine and he takes my name as well.
  • surfrgrl1
    surfrgrl1 Posts: 1,464 Member
    I kept my married name after we divorced only because we had a son together. Otherwise I would have changed it back to my maiden name when offered by the judge at the divorce hearing.

    I don't honestly think it matters much, I view it as a personal choice.
  • Zee48
    Zee48 Posts: 789 Member
    When I remarried I kept my ex's last name because I had a child. When I remarried I hyphenated my last name and my new husband was in no way threatened nor did he feel disrespected. I guess he was confident enough in himself that it didn't bother him.

    Also, many women have degrees, professional certificates, and such with their married name and it is hard to change from Dr. White to Dr. Black just because you got divorced.

    I think each situation has to be weighed and considered individually but guys should be man enough to admit that they had prior relationships as did their lady and what is a name?
  • whitewhisper
    whitewhisper Posts: 76
    Bit of a different situation but this reminded me of an argument me and my boyfriend had about names. He said that he would be really hurt if his future wife didn't take his last name, however I am pretty adamant on keeping my name if I get married. For a few reasons:

    1. I absolutely love it. It's simple, it's different, it goes well with my first name and it's part of my identity. I am pretty upset that when I have kids they won't have my last name because I love it so much, but I also love my family and want to be associated with them for the rest of my life.

    2. Unless my husband had an AWESOME last name, like Batman or something, I would not change my name for something common like Smith or Thompson for example (sorry any Smiths or Thompsons! No hard feelings).

    3. If it's such a big deal that we have the same last name (I do agree it would be a lot easier in terms of documents and children), why can't he take my name? My boyfriend argued that it's like losing your identity without realising the same applies to the woman!

    4. In terms of the ex-last-name scenario, I would imagine it would be a huge pain in the butt with legal documents, cards etc. especially if you intend on re-marrying anyway - and in the case of children, I really don't think the guys have a right to complain.
  • Jade1964
    Jade1964 Posts: 111 Member
    I was married for 18 years, had his last name almost as long as my maiden name and my kids name have his last name. So yes, I kept his last name.
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
    Alot of people do this is they have children, so they keep the same last name as the children. If no kids, I think you should go back to your maiden name. I did.

    THIS.
  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 510 Member
    Depends, do you have kids w/ your ex? Also, for me, I was getting married a few months after my divorce was final so I kept his last name so I wouldn't have to get all new information just to reapply a few months later to change my name again.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
    I had a debate with a few guys about this subject. They believe if a woman divorces and keeps her ex's last name its disrespectful to the new guy in her life and means that she isn't truly over her ex or can't fully part with the ex. And God forbids if you were separated for a long time and started dating before the divorce was final and kept the last name - they really said that is disrespectful to the new guy. I didn't agree with this. I am sure that's the motive for "some" women, but most def. not all women. Men what's your views? Would you want your ex to go back to her maiden name? Would you think a woman you are dating isn't over the ex if she kept his last name? Women, please weigh in on this also and please do tell if you kept your last name and why. Thanks MFP


    My ex wife kept my last name and I didn't really care. I was a little surprised cause in NC when you file for the divorce the woman can get the name changed for an additional 10$ come to think of it I do wonder why she didn't cause she really hates my guts. Hmmmmm. Most divorced women keep their married surname cause that may be who they are known as professionally

    If your dating a guy and he's making an issue of your last name get away from him cause he's tryin to be controlling and he sweats the small stuff. He's just giving you a preview of what your life together will be about.
  • donnaflakes
    donnaflakes Posts: 2
    I am a divorced woman and I have chosen to keep my ex husbands last name because it's such a pain in the *kitten* to change it back! If there was a simple way to legally go back to my maiden name, I would. Between the social security office, the DMV, my health insurance, mortgage loan, passport etc.....I'm tired just thinking about all that paperwork!
    My current boyfriend doesn't mind at all because he's sure (I am too) that I am VERY over my ex husband :-) Also, I should say that my ex husband and I never had children so that's definitely not the reason I'm keeping the name.
  • Yes2HealthyAriel
    Yes2HealthyAriel Posts: 453 Member
    I kept my ex's last name which is Keeley. It is also the last name of my 2 sons. I kept it because 1) it would be easier and 2) because I had always disliked my maiden name which is Pruner. My sister and brother *****ed at me about it saying how I am disrespecting my family by not switching back to my family's name.
  • Xstitcher74
    Xstitcher74 Posts: 124 Member
    After being married for 17 years and having ALL of my adult life with that name, it seemed like more of a hassle at the time to change it. Some things have changed enough over the last few years that it seems like I have found my own identity again and have just recently considered going back to my maiden name. :happy:
  • amunet07
    amunet07 Posts: 1,245 Member
    I think it is confusing for new guys. I went through the hassel to get my maiden name back because I liked the anonymity of having a common name, our names were too similar, and I didn't like who I was when I was married. I'd rather respect my father's name then my ex's.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
    Bit of a different situation but this reminded me of an argument me and my boyfriend had about names. He said that he would be really hurt if his future wife didn't take his last name, however I am pretty adamant on keeping my name if I get married. For a few reasons:

    1. I absolutely love it. It's simple, it's different, it goes well with my first name and it's part of my identity. I am pretty upset that when I have kids they won't have my last name because I love it so much, but I also love my family and want to be associated with them for the rest of my life.

    2. Unless my husband had an AWESOME last name, like Batman or something, I would not change my name for something common like Smith or Thompson for example (sorry any Smiths or Thompsons! No hard feelings).

    3. If it's such a big deal that we have the same last name (I do agree it would be a lot easier in terms of documents and children), why can't he take my name? My boyfriend argued that it's like losing your identity without realising the same applies to the woman!

    4. In terms of the ex-last-name scenario, I would imagine it would be a huge pain in the butt with legal documents, cards etc. especially if you intend on re-marrying anyway - and in the case of children, I really don't think the guys have a right to complain.

    Love this - #3 especially. If my future husband makes the argument that we need to have a "family" name then I'm suggesting we create a new name with letters from each of our last names and both change. Otherwise I'm keeping mine.
  • MissLuana
    MissLuana Posts: 356
    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    Booyow!!!
  • erikapereira
    erikapereira Posts: 196
    I will never change my name no matter what. Im nobody's property.....
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 100 Member
    I divorced and wanted my own name and my own identity back. I woudn't keep someone else's name if I wasn't tied to them. I won't ever change my name again! Born with it, die with it! :laugh:
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
    My ex was a cheating lying SOB so I was thrilled that I never bothered to take his name. If I had, I would've changed it back in a heartbeat. I'd never want to be associated with him in any way shape or form.
  • Fannyannefeisty
    Fannyannefeisty Posts: 53
    I never changed my name when I got married. :noway: Still have my maiden name and I dont' see why I need to change it, its been ten years so it ain't gonna happen. I am not chattel, I am not 'his' in that sense. I am still ME. If he didn't like it he didn't have to marry me.

    So bollox to tradition. :laugh:
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