Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
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    Kept my first husband's last name because A: My maiden name is a ***** to spell and B: It's my daughter's last name

    Kept my second husband's last name because it's a collosal pain in the *kitten* to change my name on everything. (bank, utilities, work, taxes, car loan, insurance, credit cards and on and on and on)
  • Amy_Lynn74
    Amy_Lynn74 Posts: 134 Member
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    I kept my ex's last name because my maiden name was a target for being "picked" on and I was planning on going into the teaching field and I didn't want to give the kids any ammunition. My maiden name is Bubar (boo ber) and my married name is Morse. Wouldn't you go with the more plain name in my situation?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I kept my ex's last name just because we have kids and the kids live with me. It just made it easier for me and my kids to have the same last name.
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 1,005 Member
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    First of all this is the WOMAN'S choice, nobody else (so too bad what anyone else THINKS you should do). 1. It costs money to change your name in 50 million places, 2. It is a friggen PITA to change your name in 50 million places 3. It shows respect for your children (if there are children) and people don't have to wonder if your parents were ever married etc (though some women choose to keep their last name even after getting married...once again, falls in to the it is the WOMAN'S choice. 4. It could just go awesome with your first name..I have a friend, named Fawn who married a man last name of Snow...her name is now Fawn Snow....true story!!! So some times it just is cooler than your maiden name. So to clear things up, this is not all about the MAN (for a change) it is about a woman doing what is right for her.
  • FloridasFinest
    FloridasFinest Posts: 263
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    I kept my ex's last name for my lil guy.

    I am definitely not hung up on my ex! I figure why go through all the work to change it when I will eventually get remarried and have to change it all again anyway. I think any guy that finds this disrespectful because he thinks the woman still wants her ex, is just not secure with himself. Keeping the ex's last name...for most women...has NOTHING to do with the ex. :smile:
  • bp716
    bp716 Posts: 68 Member
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    I kept his name, for the sake of the kids. No matter what kind of father he is or isn't, he is still their father. We divorced when they were small- 4,2, 6 mos, and I thought it would be easier for them to not have to explain all the different names. This was about 20 years ago and on the east coast in a conservative town.....do I regret it now- ehhhh...never had a dating life so it never really came up.
  • kayl3igh88
    kayl3igh88 Posts: 428 Member
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    I don't see the problem. My mum still has my dad's surname, even though they divorced 12 years ago - it's her legal name, so so what? :flowerforyou:
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Most people I know kept it only if they had kids (they felt like it made things easier with schools, etc.. if they had the same name- even though its SO common for parents to be divorced, or never married these days). Its kind of a pain to change your name, but I'm assuming its easier than divorce, so I'd say its worth doing it to 'purge' that whole thing.

    That being said, I've got a friend who has been divorced for like 15 years from a guy she was only married to for like 2 or 3 years (no kids) who just up and left her one day out of the blue. She STILL uses his last name and it did cause problems with at least one guy she dated who was really bothered by that. I do have to wonder if she's never gotten over him...
  • AliciaNorris81
    AliciaNorris81 Posts: 185 Member
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    My husband gave me the last name "Norris". I don't care what ever happens between us (hopefully not divorce, ever!), I will never abandon this last name.
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    It's such a hassle to change your name, I don't really blame women who haven't gotten around to it. I'm coming up on 2 years married, and I still legally have my maiden name, though unofficially I go by my married name. I'll get it done eventually. :)

    On the other hand, my friend got divorced recently, and her husband was the most unbelievable, emotionally abusive d*uchebag anyone's ever met, and his family was worse. SHE changed her name back before the divorce was even finalized, and is now fighting to legally change her toddler's name to her maiden name.

    So I guess it depends on the situation. Everyone's story is different.
  • serena569
    serena569 Posts: 427 Member
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    I kept my last name to annoy my ex-husband. Petty, yes, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to my maiden name or my married name. When he demanded that I change my last name so that I would no longer be affiliated with his family, I pointed him to the law that stated I was not under any legal obligation to change my name back.

    I ended up getting remarried anyway, so I don't have that last name anymore...

    I knew a guy whose last name was Smith, who was demanding his ex change her last name. Smith--seriously...

    EDIT: I didn't actually know the guy, I knew the ex.

    Wow. Smith, eh? That's kind of funny. Actually, my ex-husband's last name wasn't all that uncommon either. Not sure why he thought my having it would taint his family's noble reputation of being hoarders, alcoholics, and pretentious d-bags ;).

    I think we married into the same family of hoarders, alcoholics, and d-bags!
  • tripitena
    tripitena Posts: 554 Member
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    When I got divorced several years ago I kept the last name as my minor child wanted me to. She had that name and wanted me to have the same as her. Silly maybe to some, but HER wishes outweigh the childish insecurties and complaints of any man. When I met T he was mature enough to know that my last name had nothing to do with my respect for him.

    Jeez. The silliness of some people.:laugh:
  • Rylansmommy12
    Rylansmommy12 Posts: 103
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    kids or not..change it back
  • Marie294
    Marie294 Posts: 304
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    It's possible it's out of respect for the children of the first marriage, instead of disrespect for the new guy. Just my opinion.

    I've never been married, but when my brother and I were children, we were comforted by the fact our Mother still had the same last name as us, even after our parents divorced.
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
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    Changing your name is so tedious and frustrating, and in the fact that if you have kids, you'll want to share their last name too... so I don't really see the issue.

    However I did know a lady that got divorced and then used her ex husbands name as her middle name when she remarried.

    (They did not have children)

    Her excuse was that they got married as teenages and had been married all of her adult life and all of her credit and work history was in that name.. still.. seemed weird to me.
  • kndlkai1
    kndlkai1 Posts: 103 Member
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    When I moved out, I took my 2 year old son with me. Separated, and after the divorce, I kept my ex's last name up until I married my new husband so my son would have some continuity. I know he was too little to truly understand, but I felt it was the best decision for us.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    Personally, even if I ever find a significant other and get married, I am never changing my name. My parents gave me my name and I like it, all my friends and professional contacts know me by this name, and I'm too old to change now.

    And I don't see why a woman should have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, get all new checks and IDs and change who she is, unless the man also has to do the same. Sexism is alive and well in our society.

    I don't see how taking your husband's name (if someone chooses to do so) is proof that sexism is alive and well. I gladly changed my last name to my husband's because I love him and wanted to make a home, together with the same name, with him. Not everyone wants to do that and I don't judge them if they choose not to.

    As for keeping your maiden name, you are really just keeping your father's last name. So if sexism is what you are worried about, you might want to make up a last name that is all yours and not something passed down from a man.
  • Nikma1982
    Nikma1982 Posts: 1
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    I divorced my husband 3 years ago and there are a few reasons I still have his last name. 1. I booked a cruise with my married name and didn't want to go through the hassle of changing it. 2. When the divorce went through , my ex said change your name because you don't deserve my last name. (therefore I kept it to spite him) 3. Its ALOT better then my maiden name.
  • navywifeandmomof4
    navywifeandmomof4 Posts: 958 Member
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    if I was to get a divorced I would keep the last name cause of the boys and too much paperwork, drivers license,social security card,credit cards,ect...all that time and money to change it back..
  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
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    My mom kept my dads name because she had that last name longer than she had her maiden name! She got married at 18 or 19 and was married for 30 years. No one knew her by her maiden name. So I don't think it's disrespectful, I don't understand how having the same last name as your ex-husband would turn into you still being in love with him...

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