Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • serena569
    serena569 Posts: 427 Member
    I kept my last name to annoy my ex-husband. Petty, yes, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to my maiden name or my married name. When he demanded that I change my last name so that I would no longer be affiliated with his family, I pointed him to the law that stated I was not under any legal obligation to change my name back.

    I ended up getting remarried anyway, so I don't have that last name anymore...

    I knew a guy whose last name was Smith, who was demanding his ex change her last name. Smith--seriously...

    EDIT: I didn't actually know the guy, I knew the ex.

    Wow. Smith, eh? That's kind of funny. Actually, my ex-husband's last name wasn't all that uncommon either. Not sure why he thought my having it would taint his family's noble reputation of being hoarders, alcoholics, and pretentious d-bags ;).

    I think we married into the same family of hoarders, alcoholics, and d-bags!
  • tripitena
    tripitena Posts: 554 Member
    When I got divorced several years ago I kept the last name as my minor child wanted me to. She had that name and wanted me to have the same as her. Silly maybe to some, but HER wishes outweigh the childish insecurties and complaints of any man. When I met T he was mature enough to know that my last name had nothing to do with my respect for him.

    Jeez. The silliness of some people.:laugh:
  • Rylansmommy12
    Rylansmommy12 Posts: 103
    kids or not..change it back
  • Marie294
    Marie294 Posts: 304
    It's possible it's out of respect for the children of the first marriage, instead of disrespect for the new guy. Just my opinion.

    I've never been married, but when my brother and I were children, we were comforted by the fact our Mother still had the same last name as us, even after our parents divorced.
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
    Changing your name is so tedious and frustrating, and in the fact that if you have kids, you'll want to share their last name too... so I don't really see the issue.

    However I did know a lady that got divorced and then used her ex husbands name as her middle name when she remarried.

    (They did not have children)

    Her excuse was that they got married as teenages and had been married all of her adult life and all of her credit and work history was in that name.. still.. seemed weird to me.
  • kndlkai1
    kndlkai1 Posts: 103 Member
    When I moved out, I took my 2 year old son with me. Separated, and after the divorce, I kept my ex's last name up until I married my new husband so my son would have some continuity. I know he was too little to truly understand, but I felt it was the best decision for us.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Personally, even if I ever find a significant other and get married, I am never changing my name. My parents gave me my name and I like it, all my friends and professional contacts know me by this name, and I'm too old to change now.

    And I don't see why a woman should have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, get all new checks and IDs and change who she is, unless the man also has to do the same. Sexism is alive and well in our society.

    I don't see how taking your husband's name (if someone chooses to do so) is proof that sexism is alive and well. I gladly changed my last name to my husband's because I love him and wanted to make a home, together with the same name, with him. Not everyone wants to do that and I don't judge them if they choose not to.

    As for keeping your maiden name, you are really just keeping your father's last name. So if sexism is what you are worried about, you might want to make up a last name that is all yours and not something passed down from a man.
  • Nikma1982
    Nikma1982 Posts: 1
    I divorced my husband 3 years ago and there are a few reasons I still have his last name. 1. I booked a cruise with my married name and didn't want to go through the hassle of changing it. 2. When the divorce went through , my ex said change your name because you don't deserve my last name. (therefore I kept it to spite him) 3. Its ALOT better then my maiden name.
  • navywifeandmomof4
    navywifeandmomof4 Posts: 958 Member
    if I was to get a divorced I would keep the last name cause of the boys and too much paperwork, drivers license,social security card,credit cards,ect...all that time and money to change it back..
  • jen88ve
    jen88ve Posts: 153
    My mom kept my dads name because she had that last name longer than she had her maiden name! She got married at 18 or 19 and was married for 30 years. No one knew her by her maiden name. So I don't think it's disrespectful, I don't understand how having the same last name as your ex-husband would turn into you still being in love with him...
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    Her excuse was that they got married as teenages and had been married all of her adult life and all of her credit and work history was in that name.. still.. seemed weird to me.
    That is a lame excuse.

    Credit history is linked to your SS number, not just your name. I got married at 39, and all of my history is with my maiden name, but nothing has gone anywhere as a result of changing names (and I just hyphenated my resume in case anyone called for references, they'd know I used to go under another name).
  • lumina0o0
    lumina0o0 Posts: 498 Member
    My mother-in-law kept hers and I probably would keep my husband's if we divorced. Nothing to do with any guys or not being over him. Would have to do with it being my kids last name...It would just make life easier...Although my maiden name is shorter...
  • cestlafete
    cestlafete Posts: 71 Member
    Her excuse was that they got married as teenages and had been married all of her adult life and all of her credit and work history was in that name.. still.. seemed weird to me.
    That is a lame excuse.

    Credit history is linked to your SS number, not just your name. I got married at 39, and all of my history is with my maiden name, but nothing has gone anywhere as a result of changing names (and I just hyphenated my resume in case anyone called for references, they'd know I used to go under another name).

    Actually, getting your name changed with the credit bureaus is a PITA if you need it to be 100% changed and have no references to the previous. You have to individually contact every creditor you have to get them to change it, then they will pass it along to the credit bureau. Once all of them have properly reported the change, then you have to formally request each bureau change it and remove the previous name. If you don't do all of this, it can actually seriously screw things up when people run credit reports on your new name with your SS#, and your credit can get flagged as possible impersonation, making it impossible for anyone to open new accounts in your name until it is resolved. This is happening where I work right now due to a name change and the employee in question is unable to open their HSA until everything is congruent.
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
    Personally, even if I ever find a significant other and get married, I am never changing my name. My parents gave me my name and I like it, all my friends and professional contacts know me by this name, and I'm too old to change now.

    And I don't see why a woman should have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, get all new checks and IDs and change who she is, unless the man also has to do the same. Sexism is alive and well in our society.

    I don't see how taking your husband's name (if someone chooses to do so) is proof that sexism is alive and well. I gladly changed my last name to my husband's because I love him and wanted to make a home, together with the same name, with him. Not everyone wants to do that and I don't judge them if they choose not to.

    As for keeping your maiden name, you are really just keeping your father's last name. So if sexism is what you are worried about, you might want to make up a last name that is all yours and not something passed down from a man.

    I felt this way for a while too. I wasn't even sure I was changing my name until a few weeks after our wedding. However, I wanted to have a unified family name.. and it was either his name, my name, or we made up a new one... I chose his. I like it, it puts my higher up in the alphabet, and I really have no ties to my dad's extended family, so it hasn't been too much of an issue. I no longer think of it as "his family's" name, we think of it as OUR family name .. my husband, my son, and me. I always joke to him that I'm not one of "those" Pierce's when family reunion time rolls around.
  • kaykaytea
    kaykaytea Posts: 4
    Why should the ex have to pay to have the name changed back. If I ever get divorced I'm keeping it the same. I don't want to deal with the hassle of changing it back after I've already done it. Where I am from you need to pay for the name change, and then all new identification.
  • AdAstra47
    AdAstra47 Posts: 823 Member
    Personally, even if I ever find a significant other and get married, I am never changing my name. My parents gave me my name and I like it, all my friends and professional contacts know me by this name, and I'm too old to change now.

    And I don't see why a woman should have to fill out a bunch of paperwork, get all new checks and IDs and change who she is, unless the man also has to do the same. Sexism is alive and well in our society.

    I don't see how taking your husband's name (if someone chooses to do so) is proof that sexism is alive and well. I gladly changed my last name to my husband's because I love him and wanted to make a home, together with the same name, with him. Not everyone wants to do that and I don't judge them if they choose not to.

    As for keeping your maiden name, you are really just keeping your father's last name. So if sexism is what you are worried about, you might want to make up a last name that is all yours and not something passed down from a man.

    You're making several assumptions here. I said "my parents gave me this name," I never said it was passed down from my father.

    And you omitted the first part of my post where I basically said "it should be the woman's choice, whatever floats your boat." I'm not judging anyone. Just saying that when society EXPECTS us to automatically give up our identity, and does not expect the man to do the same, that society is sexist. And when men claim they have any say in the matter, or claim that women are being "disrespectful" by not changing our names to suit them, that's sexist.
  • MommaRou56
    MommaRou56 Posts: 68 Member
    If I had not had children, I likely would have gone back to my last name. But I do have children, and although my daughter is now married and no longer shares the same last name, my son (also now married) will ALWAYS have the same last name. Of course, if I were to ever remarry (God forbid!), I would change it to my new husband's name then. As a matter of trivia, did you know that women in our country are not REQUIRED to take their husband's last name when they marry? It's only a custom here. :)
  • MommaRou56
    MommaRou56 Posts: 68 Member
    If I had not had children, I likely would have gone back to my last name.

    Meant to say I would have gone back to my MAIDEN name. :(
  • corrieville
    corrieville Posts: 113 Member
    I kept his last name and only because we have a daughter. If I am dating someone and they have an issue then that is just a sign of insecurity on their part. There is a reason he is my ex husband and not my current husband!!!
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    kids or not..change it back


    I AGREE !!
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    kids or not..change it back


    I AGREE !!

    The only reason your kids have that last name is because its your ex's last name.. people are so lazy these days
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
    I have a friend who kept hers just to spite her ex. Then when she finally gave it up she had to go back to court and get his permission to have her maiden name back..
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    You're making several assumptions here. I said "my parents gave me this name," I never said it was passed down from my father.

    Was your mothers last name the same as your fathers? If it was then guess what? Your name has been passed down by your father.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE

    It does cost money. Social security is free, but the new drivers license costs money.

    Edit: And the new passport also costs money.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE

    It does cost money. Social security is free, but the new drivers license costs money.

    As does a new passport.
  • BADGIRLstl
    BADGIRLstl Posts: 473 Member
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE
    It's your choice though. I know women that just do not want to explain to everyone that she is divorced. A woman takes on that name and it becomes hers. Its her choice whether she would like to go back or keep it. Even if she didn't have any kids.
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE

    It does cost money. Social security is free, but the new drivers license costs money.

    Edit: And the new passport also costs money.


    oh yea I forgot about that lol sorry
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
    WHEN YOU GET DIVORCED IT DOESN'T COST ANYTHING TO CHANGE YOUR NAME BACK!! I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE THE ONLY PART I HATED WAS WAITING AT THE DMV AND THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE EVERYTHING ELSE IS SIMPLE
    It's your choice though. I know women that just do not want to explain to everyone that she is divorced. A woman takes on that name and it becomes hers. Its her choice whether she would like to go back or keep it. Even if she didn't have any kids.

    Seriously. I don't think its anyone's business what someone else's last name is.
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    I liked having the same last name as my mom. She kept her married name until after I had graduated high school and moved out on my own.
    I've never been married, but if I do marry while my child is young, I won't have a different last name than her -- it'd be both of us or neither of us.
    I don't think it's disrespectful -- it's a heck of a lot better than having to look at a tattoo of the ex's name, for example. And there are a lot of other reasons not to change your name...it's a hassle, and some careers rely heavily on name recognition. Not just celebrities, but average, every-day jobs, too. Heck, I'm in the military and it matters here -- names have reputations, and reputations affect big career decisions. My current name meeting a board for this or that would get a lot farther than an unrecognized name.
    So even if I did have a married name, if I had built a reputation with that name that couldn't easily be transferred, odds are I wouldn't change my name. If someone thinks that's disrespectful to them, well, I think their lack of regard for my personal and professional choices is disrespectful.

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