Being called " fat" by another " fatty"

I've never really understood why people are sensitive about being described as 'fat'. If you are, you are. I think there's an obvious distinction between it being used as an insult, rather than a simple descriptor. And when used in the way you describe in the OP, I think it's just affectionate, a kind of solidarity, and I see no harm in it at all.

I was on a bus once, at my heaviest, and a child innocently asked his mother why I was so fat... His mother was mortified. But I said to her 'don't be silly, it's fine, I am fat, there's nothing wrong with him noticing that'. Cause really, there isn't. It's only when people start to think it's *embarrassing* or *insulting* to describe people that way that it starts to become a problem. Teaching kids that 'fat' is an insult is a huge problem to me.

I carry my weight primarily in my midsection, so once (when I was about 30 pounds lighter than I am now, even) this girl asked me if I was pregnant. If I hadn't been punched in and at work at the time, I might have decked her in the face. She had to be at least 300 pounds and I weighed about 190 at the time, and I was like "Excuse me?? Did you REALLY just ask me that?" I handled the situation gracefully on the surface but that comment pretty much wrecked my already bad self-esteem about my f***king stomach fat. I really don't think she was trying to be mean though...from talking to her cousin that also worked where I work, she just wasn't the brightest crayon in the box so it didn't occur to her that maybe you shouldn't ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is about-to-burst-9.5-months pregnant. If you're not sure, DON'T ASK. And btw, I would have been just as offended if a woman (or man) of ANY size had asked the same question. I just found it ironic that she was far larger than me and still asked the fat girl if she was preggo.

Just remember that misery loves company. I truly do not believe that most people who are overweight really want to stay that way no matter how much they talk about accepting themselves, loving their size and being happy with being full figured. Yes there are some that don't want to change but I would assume the vast majority of people don't like it but either don't know how to change it or are not willing to make the sacrifices to change it.

I've had a lot of heavier people say the same thing to me and it sucks. But looking back to the beginning of my journey I also was not being very honest with myself and now that I've lost weight and feel better about myself I can admit that I was FAT. I still am but at least my BMI is only overweight and not obese!!!

For people like that I say to just ignore it but if she's a repeat offender I would probably get all snarky and b@$&y and if she said it again I would say something like "well the X amount of weight I've lost takes me out of that category now". But I can be really sarcastic too!!!

My mother who had always been extremely obese (250 at her lowest - 302 at her heaviest) at 4'11!! was very quick to point out anytime I gained weight. Even if I went from 110 to 117 at 5'2" she could see and was very rude about it: "Is that a belly I see on you?" or "Your *kitten* is getting fat."
I'm smaller than almost all of my close friends. Most will point out a weight gain but never in a non-flattering way.

Oh god yes. I'm having a problem with my next door neighbor, who is obviously much bigger than I was before I started losing weight, and by the way her clothes are fitting, she's gained even more since I started losing. She called me a fat, dirty, wh**e. I didn't let it bother me, just motivates me even more to lose the weight.

Got into an argument with somebody. While I'm a "live and let live" kinda person, if somebody pisses me off then my tongue has no leash.

The person said to his buddies pointing towards me in the middle of the argument "This fatass is pissing me off now" to which my reply was "B1tch please, you so fat your momma couldn't even find your d1ck when she was trying to suck it".

Oh my. You stooped WAY lower to what the guy said. That's a horrible thing to say to anyone.

I don't like being called fat, chunky, big, or any of the above names by ANYONE, muchless from someone who has no room to speak! And for those who are bashing the OP, she did NOT call anyone "fat." If I am reading correctly, large women called her "fat."

You're not reading correctly. She called the woman who called her fat a fatty. So we can hem and haw all we'd like but those are the facts.

ETA: Nevermind. Apparently putting it in quotes makes it ok to call someone a fatty. How dumb of me.

This is the conversation that I was responding to. The self depreciating "how dumb of me" was not a necessary comment. I am 100% open to differing opinions, freedom of speech, and open forums. We are all entitled to our own opinions. There are several forums that I do not agree with each day. But, if my comment is going to be one of a negative nature, I typically just avoid posting. MFP is not about negativity, or unconstructive criticism. I did not demand that the poster stay away from a forurm merely because he did not agree, I just pointed out that sarcasm was not necessary.

I am sorry if that offended anyone. That was just MY opinion.

I do think that the original post described a very common situation. We all encounter that situation at one point , and we are all here because we want to improve and better ourselves in one way or another.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

yeah, I'm Puerto Rican so, all my life I heard " gordita".. Kind of grew up not likeing it though lol.

Yea, same here. Gordita the way I always heard it used had nothing to do with being pretty or not. It definitely was used to describe any girl who was fairly chubby, whether or not she was pretty. I definitely wouldn't take it in a good way, lol.

I know the girl who used that term for me, and she did not mean it in a bad way at all so I'm not going to assume she did.

I know a lot of hispanics mean it as a term of endearment, but some of us ( in my family) that grew up a little detached from the Hispanic culture.. still found it a little insulting, but we still knew better.

Yeah, the girl who said it meant it as a term of endearment, and she is a sweetie. I just don't usually assume people are insulting me unless it's obvious.

Oh yes! It can be a term of endearment when used by family and close friends. I was just meaning when someone refers to a stranger as a "gordita" they are not necessarily referring to them as a very pretty chubby woman, they can just be describing the chubby aspect. If a stranger were to call me a gordita they may very well mean it in an insulting way, so they might be expecting a slap from me, lol.
Then again, I speak only spanish to a majority of my family, and when I was younger they called me gordita sometimes, but never meant it maliciously. It all depends on who is saying it.

Exactly.

The funny part about it was that (as a white girl who just learned to count to ten in spanish like 3 months ago), I was thinking, "Why did she call me a taco?" LOL

I've found that when people who are overweight make fun of other people's weight they are just trying to mask their own insecurities and make themselves feel better (usually the reason behind most bullying and teasing!). I've been made fun of by some people that weren't exactly model-material themselves. It stings but they're probably just jealous in one way or another! (I may be fat but I have a hot husband and two adorable kids lol)

I know that I feel more comfortable around other "fatties" and that a lot of other "fatty" women do, too. Cruelty doesn't stop after high school, you know. Just last week a grown man moo'd at me from his car in a crosswalk. It's easier to try to make friends with people you think are more likely to accept you. She was probably just trying to encourage camaraderie. Give the gal a break.

The truth is......when I see someone bigger than me, especially if its a close friend or something, I think nothing of it. I honestly think, "No, no, you're fine, don't think you have to lose weight.".....yet if I were their weight, I'd be so upset. Somebody figure that messed up logic out.

Lol at what being FAT has mentally done to me.

ooooh I *detest* when someone says that to me. "no you dont need to loose weight" or "you dont need to loose that much"... EXCUSE ME! Aside from the fact that everyone should be allowed to decide what is their goal for their own body (barring mental illness), the unhealthy aspect of being obese should make it a requirement for me to loose weight. And someone, especially someone close to me, saying "nono you dont need to" feels like someone saying "no you dont need to be healthy". It also helps strengthen any delusions I have of not being all that fat - I usually think I am thinner than I actually am, telling me its fine puts me in a false safe zone.

I'm fine with someone trying to be kind and saying "but you dont look that fat" or "you carry it well".. but telling me I don't need to is just silly. Tripple so if the person is herself trying to loose 10 pounds.

I know that I feel more comfortable around other "fatties" and that a lot of other "fatty" women do, too. Cruelty doesn't stop after high school, you know. Just last week a grown man moo'd at me from his car in a crosswalk. It's easier to try to make friends with people you think are more likely to accept you. She was probably just trying to encourage camaraderie. Give the gal a break.

That might be true. You sort of assume that people who come from the same place/look similar/are into the same hobbies/etc will be more approachable than someone who doesn't. That includes someone of the same shape, size and colouring. Being fat is something that two people can have in common, though we will experience it slightly differently there are certain commonalities. Like "where do you buy your clothes", or complaining about the size of airplane seats :P With fat being one of the things picked on in school (and onwards) it's a touchy thing to declare you have in common with a stranger though. Most things you get picked on for, are touchy subjects.. I've met nerds that are touchy about talking of that as a common ground since they were picked on for that. I put "us fatties" in the same group as "us blondies" or "us gingers" too (heard it said, not one of either so :P ..more of a kinderegg). If the person being talked to is fine with that nickname she will grin and keep talking.. if the person is vulnerable to it they will take offense.

The only way to deal with this is being open and honest with that person and tell her that you understand that she is not being malicious at all with her comment and she's just trying to be cute, but it's just not something that you find cute in any way and you would prefer that in respect to both of you that the comment stops. Remind her that if she uses those words, then people will think they can use them too, then she loses the right to be upset.

Her reaction and her thoughts about your sensitivity about the words/subject is her opinion and views and have nothing to do with you. Remember that no one will respect you if you don't. If it's something that bothers you and you don't voice your feelings, you are lacking self respect.

This happend to me last night actually by two girls who were both at least two dress sizes bigger than I am. Being made fun of about your weight isn't nice anyway, but it's just a huge cheek when the person is bigger than you!