Shallow men.....

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cindergirl73
cindergirl73 Posts: 51
in Chit-Chat
I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. It seems to me that as an overweight person I have such a hard time meeting men. I have decided to give up for now, until I get some more weight off, as I don't want to deal with these shallow guys. Has anyone else experienced this or maybe you have a totally opposite experience with this. I thought as men got older it would not be so much the case, but it turns out that men in their 30s and 40s are still hung up on weight. I met this guy I liked last year. Thought he was different. But as we became closer friends, he told me if he was to date anyone, she would have to be like him.....not heavy. He told me any fat on a woman was "gross." He turned out to be a jerk in more ways than this, so we are no longer friends, but this made me not want to even try to meet anyone until I am thinner.
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Replies

  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    I never had a problem meeting men. It's all about how you carry yourself.


    And lose weight for YOU. Not for a man or to get a man. Men that like "skinny women only" really aren't someone you want to be dating anyways.
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
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    A man not being attracted to an overweight woman is not shallow.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Shallow is subjective. If a man is particularly attracted to a heavier woman (and those men are out there) is he shallow if isn't attracted to a thin woman?

    People are attracted to who they're attracted to, but I know plenty of heavy women and men who are in relationships, many with wonderful people.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    My husband and I started dating long before I was thin. It's all about confidence. Men can tell when a woman doesn't like herself, and that sends all the good ones packing. I've seen plenty of gorgeous men married to overweight women, but those women just exude confidence.

    The men who are hung up solely on looks are the ones you want to avoid like the plague anyways.

    And like Corn said, don't lose weight for anyone but yourself.
  • cindergirl73
    cindergirl73 Posts: 51
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    I guess it's a confidence thing for me. I like that one guy recently who wanted a thin woman and that kinda set me back. I do want to be comfortable with me and so I decided to focus on getting that accomplished now.
  • cindergirl73
    cindergirl73 Posts: 51
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    liked*
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. It seems to me that as an overweight person I have such a hard time meeting men. I have decided to give up for now, until I get some more weight off, as I don't want to deal with these shallow guys. Has anyone else experienced this or maybe you have a totally opposite experience with this. I thought as men got older it would not be so much the case, but it turns out that men in their 30s and 40s are still hung up on weight. I met this guy I liked last year. Thought he was different. But as we became closer friends, he told me if he was to date anyone, she would have to be like him.....not heavy. He told me any fat on a woman was "gross." He turned out to be a jerk in more ways than this, so we are no longer friends, but this made me not want to even try to meet anyone until I am thinner.

    Be careful with this.

    Right now there is a short guy mirroring your sentiment on shallow women.
  • boostnerd
    boostnerd Posts: 32
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    Not to be a total ****.

    Yes men are shallow. Most anyway. Keep looking though, you will find one that isnt as concerned with weight or fat.

    Everybody is shallow though. I want my partner to make good money... I want to be able to brag about my boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife... (Around friends) OOOOh look at the way so and so does this... I wont date anyone unless they are this tall... "I have been overweight a good part of my life and I have noticed that men seem to be so shallow when it comes to a girl's weight. "... THESE ARE ALL SHALLOW STATEMENTS :)

    Hang in there.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Being shallow really has nothing to do with gender.
    People like what they like, I have a hard time REALLY calling that shallow.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
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    Meh. Everyone has preferences. I don't like super skinny guys or super muscular OR super fat. I like average or chubby dudes. Doesn't make me shallow.
    People take interest in the people who they can relate to. If a guy is active and healthy, it wouldn't work with the girl who eats crap all day and would rather watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians than go for a hike. My tastes have changed with my new lifestyle. Not so much with looks, but with the lifestyle they lead.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
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    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and yes, confidence counts too. I've met and dated a few men that I liked who were completely okay with me in every way (including weight). I've met other men who liked me in every way except for my weight and they told me so. While it was upsetting at the time, I really am not bothered by it now. People do have preferences and some men might prefer you at your current weight while others will not want to even get to know you because humans judge on appearance first (men and women). If you want to lose weight then do it because it will make you feel better and not because some man somewhere might like you better. It's all about you! :)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Surely you are attracted to some men and not others based on looks.
  • UWZander
    UWZander Posts: 70
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    Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.
  • tajmel
    tajmel Posts: 401 Member
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    I'm ~120 pounds overweight, and I'm happily married. I also get asked out frequently. It can be a little more difficult, but IMO most of the men that wouldn't give an intelligent, confident, big woman who loves herself a second look aren't all that great anyways :). I do think it's reasonable to want your partner to be healthy, but it's impossible to gauge health by looks.
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
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    I guess it's a confidence thing for me. I like that one guy recently who wanted a thin woman and that kinda set me back. I do want to be comfortable with me and so I decided to focus on getting that accomplished now.

    This is a great attitude to have, work on yourself first. I, too, was in your shoes (not too long ago).
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
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    Having certain tastes in the opposite sex isn't shallow. It's what we are attracted to. Would you date a really ugly guy just because he was nice or rich? I'm personally attracted to bigger girls but that's my taste, what I like. There are men that will find you attractive and as someone else posted, its also how you carry yourself.
  • tennisbabe94
    tennisbabe94 Posts: 444 Member
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    I know plenty of overweight girls that have snagged tons and tons of guys. These chicks know how to work it. Confidence is key! Even if you have to fake it till you make it, I really think it's all about how you carry yourself and portray yourself to others. If you believe you can get a guy, you will get a guy. Walk up to someone you're interested in, remember that you're one badass, sexy muthaf*cka and do your thing! :wink:

    Also, I don't believe that the men you are describing are shallow. You can't choose what you're attracted too. We all have particular things that we look for in a partner and things that don't interest us, however, that doesn't make anyone shallow. It's just their preference.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
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    That's like saying they are shallow because they don't fancy tall men. I'm sure you have a "type", does that make you shallow? it's not fair to label a man just because you're not his type.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Oh, and obviously you're not happy with how look and feel when overweight. Why would you expect men to like it??
  • domgirl85
    domgirl85 Posts: 295 Member
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    There are plenty of men who don't have weight issues. It's all about preference and how you carry yourself. Don't lose weight so men will like you more. Lose it because you want to. For every man that won't speak to you because of your weight or breasts or butt or hair, there is another one somewhere who those things don't matter to. I know tons of overweight women with boyfriends and husbands. Step back and look at who you attract/are attracted to as well. :)

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