Want fiance to lift... but... he isn't motivated.

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Replies

  • rynzi
    rynzi Posts: 20 Member
    Awesome thread!
  • MrsBully4
    MrsBully4 Posts: 304 Member
    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.

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  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Just tell him you are going to go to the gym and ask him if he wants to go with you. If he complains that he does but is too tired, ask if there is anything you can do to help motivate him. When my friends want support around their weight loss, I ask how--empathy, sympathy, accountability? If he says no or that there is nothing you can do, leave it be. If he complains about his body, tell you him you love him but want him to be happy and renew your offer to support him.
  • Shfiftyfive
    Shfiftyfive Posts: 261
    Ask him to pick up something heavier than he can. Then tell him "That's your goal." lol
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    yes.... yes you're right...
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  • gshoemaker06
    gshoemaker06 Posts: 264 Member
    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can motivate your SO to be a better person WHILE still loving the person they are today. My girlfriend absolutely loves my body, face, mind, everything. She compliments me on it all the time, however she still helps motivate me to go to the gym when I tell her I'm feeling lazy. She encourages me to eat healthy when all I want is a donut. She does it in a loving supportive way.

    Stop looking at this situation like she either loves him and should let him be unhealthy or she hates him and wants him to shape up.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can motivate your SO to be a better person WHILE still loving the person they are today. My girlfriend absolutely loves my body, face, mind, everything. She compliments me on it all the time, however she still helps motivate me to go to the gym when I tell her I'm feeling lazy. She encourages me to eat healthy when all I want is a donut. She does it in a loving supportive way.

    Stop looking at this situation like she either loves him and should let him be unhealthy or she hates him and wants him to shape up.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
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  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    I prefer not to get lip service. My husband's way of helping me?

    "hey, since you have to ______, why don't you see if you can try and get some walking in there?"
    "Since you have to drop daughter off at college, why don't you see about taking a cheap course so you can use their gym, they have a pool and I know you said swimming is easier on your knee"

    Why don't we try and have dinner a bit earlier, that way you can get a work out before having to pick up daughter at work.

    His efforts are in to helping me fit exercise into my suddenly busy life. I'd rather have this support and encouragement than to have someone tell me I'm beautiful and then one day look in the mirror and see I'm 100lbs over weight.

    He tells me I'm beautiful, he goes out of his way to make me feel appreciated and never "less than enough" But lip service? I don't want that and neither does he.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    I love how OP can't handle any opinions/advice other than what she wants to hear.

    Why did you post this in the first place? For us to say how great you are for trying to "motivate" your man? (ie=get him to look hot in pictures you will have to look at forever)
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    I love how OP can't handle any opinions/advice other than what she wants to hear.

    Why did you post this in the first place? For us to say how great you are for trying to "motivate" your man? (ie=get him to look hot in pictures you will have to look at forever)

    Dear Sizzle:
    I posted this topic for the express reason I stated:
    I was looking for suggestions on how to best motivate him.
    I never asked anyone for their opinion on me as a person or my desire to motivate him towards a lifestyle of fitness and improved health.
    So my disdain for the opinions of posters, like yourself, is directly derived from the fact that you simply cannot read and interpret what I asked the group.
    I honestly couldn't give less of a f*** what anyone thinks of me - least of all people who elude to their own self-assumed good looks with "sexy" screen names and body-part avatars.
    So with that being said, if you have nothing interesting to say that hasn't already been said, or just completely lack the ability to give feedback on the question that was actually asked, please strut someplace else.
    Thank you.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Hey Brock... can you find me a gif about hoping that this thread dies? Thanks. I just dont have the gif power you do.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Hey Brock... can you find me a gif about hoping that this thread dies? Thanks. I just dont have the gif power you do.

    stop commenting, moron. lol
    you don't have to keep checking it.

    Now now, I didn't call you names, so let's not name call. Didn't your mother teach you anything?
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    Hey Brock... can you find me a gif about hoping that this thread dies? Thanks. I just dont have the gif power you do.

    stop commenting, moron. lol
    you don't have to keep checking it.

    Now now, I didn't call you names, so let's not name call. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

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  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    Your poor fiance. For real. You sound like a real peach. I sure hope you can nag him enough to get hot for your pictures. You have issues.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    Hey Brock... can you find me a gif about hoping that this thread dies? Thanks. I just dont have the gif power you do.
    3f3Ko.gif

    FTW
    kt6eA.gif
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Oh for God's sake, what's with the hostility?? The OP asked for advice, not to be insulted. She's a horrible person for wanting her husband to work out, so he looks nice and feels better about himself? Omg, how horrible. She's human. My husband is in the same boat right now...he used to work out, fell off the wagon, is starting to gain weight and it's making him miserable. But at the same time, he says he is too tired/stressed to care about working out and I wish I could motivate him. I guess that makes me a
    b!tch too. :huh:
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    Oh for God's sake, what's with the hostility?? The OP asked for advice, not to be insulted. She's a horrible person for wanting her husband to work out, so he looks nice and feels better about himself? Omg, how horrible. She's human. My husband is in the same boat right now...he used to work out, fell off the wagon, is starting to gain weight and it's making him miserable. But at the same time, he says he is too tired/stressed to care about working out and I wish I could motivate him. I guess that makes me a
    b!tch too. :huh:

    :-) Thank you
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    Oh you care plenty what others think of you. You want your man to lift (Not cardio! He doesn't need to exercise his heart, he just needs to LOOK good for our honeymoon shirtless photo shoot!) (gay BTW)

    "Why I Want To Get In Shape
    - To look amazing in my engagement and wedding photos.
    - To wear an itsy bitsy bikini on my honeymoon.
    - To promote a healthy lifestyle as I move forward into my marriage, understanding that my health-choices will affect his.
    - To avoid future health-related problems.
    - To boost my self-confidence.
    - So my clothes fit better.
    - So my ex-boyfriends can wish they'd behaved better."


    I give your marriage a year.

    I'm confused. What point do you think you've made?....
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    OP, you and your honey are super cute. And I think your reasons from your profile page are very honest and pretty normal. I would just share your fitness journey with him, and when he expresses wanting to get into shape, ask him how you can support him. Other than that, don't take responsibility for his feelings or happiness. It will hurt him and eventually hurt you.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    omg... Sizzle... you've got 92 at the end of your name... are you 20 years old?... No wonder you're so self-important. You're a kid.

    Awww...
    I'm sorry I was mean to you, Princess.
    Hopefully when you venture out into the real world, people will act like they actually care about your insignificant opinion.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    OP, you and your honey are super cute. And I think your reasons from your profile page are very honest and pretty normal. I would just share your fitness journey with him, and when he expresses wanting to get into shape, ask him how you can support him. Other than that, don't take responsibility for his feelings or happiness. It will hurt him and eventually hurt you.

    This is actually probably the best advice yet. :) Thank you.
  • mandipandi75
    mandipandi75 Posts: 6,035 Member
    Me losing weight was incentive for my man to lift.. he picks me up all the time!
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    To the OP..you were just being honest and the attacks you received were completely undeserved. I wouldn't respond to either one of the chicks that felt the need to be so self-righteous.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    Oh you care plenty what others think of you. You want your man to lift (Not cardio! He doesn't need to exercise his heart, he just needs to LOOK good for our honeymoon shirtless photo shoot!) (gay BTW)

    "Why I Want To Get In Shape
    - To look amazing in my engagement and wedding photos.
    - To wear an itsy bitsy bikini on my honeymoon.
    - To promote a healthy lifestyle as I move forward into my marriage, understanding that my health-choices will affect his.
    - To avoid future health-related problems.
    - To boost my self-confidence.
    - So my clothes fit better.
    - So my ex-boyfriends can wish they'd behaved better."


    I give your marriage a year.

    I'm confused. What point do you think you've made?....

    That you sound superficial, and I hope you can learn to accept your fiance for who he is and how he looks and only want to motivate him for HEALTH reasons. I guess being a 38 year old woman with a 45 year old husband who just had a stroke puts things in perspective. Not that I would ever push workouts on him....I encourage him from time to time, but he knows what he needs to do and he does it when he chooses on his terms. The only reason I ever talk about him working out is for his heart and health. He has an amazing body naturally, but even if he didn't, I would never ever ever push him to work out simply so he looks good in some shirtless photos or as arm candy for me.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    To the OP..you were just being honest and the attacks you received were completely undeserved. I wouldn't respond to either one of the chicks that felt the need to be so self-righteous.

    That's a great point. Going forward, I won't. :) Thanks, friend.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member


    This is actually probably the best advice yet. :) Thank you.

    Aww thanks :blushing:
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    Good luck in your marriage. I mean that.
  • gshoemaker06
    gshoemaker06 Posts: 264 Member
    (gay BTW)
    57ivm.gif?1335996774

    too-many-gifs_o_615465.jpg
  • veerichie
    veerichie Posts: 214 Member
    Oh you care plenty what others think of you. You want your man to lift (Not cardio! He doesn't need to exercise his heart, he just needs to LOOK good for our honeymoon shirtless photo shoot!) (gay BTW)

    "Why I Want To Get In Shape
    - To look amazing in my engagement and wedding photos.
    - To wear an itsy bitsy bikini on my honeymoon.
    - To promote a healthy lifestyle as I move forward into my marriage, understanding that my health-choices will affect his.
    - To avoid future health-related problems.
    - To boost my self-confidence.
    - So my clothes fit better.
    - So my ex-boyfriends can wish they'd behaved better."


    I give your marriage a year.

    I'm confused. What point do you think you've made?....

    That you sound superficial, and I hope you can learn to accept your fiance for who he is and how he looks and only want to motivate him for HEALTH reasons. I guess being a 38 year old woman with a 45 year old husband who just had a stroke puts things in perspective. Not that I would ever push workouts on him....I encourage him from time to time, but he knows what he needs to do and he does it when he chooses on his terms. The only reason I ever talk about him working out is for his heart and health. He has an amazing body naturally, but even if he didn't, I would never ever ever push him to work out simply so he looks good in some shirtless photos or as arm candy for me.

    I totally agree with this.

    Also, put yourself in his place. How would you feel if you were maybe slightly out of shape and your fiance asks you to start getting into shape so you will look good for your wedding photos??? I know my fiance would NEVER ask that of me and I would never ask it of him either.

    If you want, ask him if he wants to work out with you, or tell him that it would be great motivation for each other to do it together.

    I just feel like the way you went about it makes it seem like all you care about is getting back your pictures and thinking DANG WE LOOK HOT.

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