Toxic Parents...don't believe what you are told

Wonderful post! I can so relate to what you are going through because my life has been similar, even though I've never been overweight or outside of the "healthy" weight range for my height. I'm recovering from anorexia, and I think I'll have to get that book to continue to work on improving myself in healthy ways. Thank you, and best wishes to you.

My parents have old fashioned ridiculous attitudes and negative outlooks. ALL of my support comes from my WONDERFUL friends. Its hard to accept that families aren't necessarily supportive and positive so you have to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. If it wasn't for my friends, I'd believe the negativity...I used to feel like "is it me???" NO, its not, it's them.

I am so sorry to hear that you grew up in a home where those who were supposed to love you best couldn't really be there to support you. Glad to hear that you took some valuable things from the book.

What to do now? Surround yourself with supporting, loving people who will appeciate you for the person you already are. We certainly can't please everyone, but we can limit our contact with them! May time and a different perspective help to heal your hurts. Friend me if you want.

It is a fab book and she has also done 'toxic inlaws' for partners.

Cutting off contact with my family was the best thing I ever did and being away from them and being able to build up some self esteem meant I was finally in the right place to lose weight/exercise/get healthy.

I know if I can survive everything I have been through them losing weight is a piece of piss in comparison

Ditto! Yea us:flowerforyou:

I hear you! When I was 16, I was 5'2" and I weighed 98 pounds. My mother told me I had big thighs, and that I couldn't eat whatever I wanted, like a teenager (even though I was a teenager). But, really I was just starting to have a curvier figure (but I was still small and fit...I was a dancer). So, I quickly stopped eating. Pretty much all I ate was spinach and strawberries. My weight dropped to 88 pounds (my BMI was like 16). I stopped getting my period and started having very serious symptoms of malnutrition. Then one day I was in the shower and I started to black out. I got out of the shower and passed out on the floor. After that I started to realize I was in a serious situation. So, I told a friend and she told me to tell my mother. I told my mother and she said she refused to take me to a doctor. From that point on I paid my own medical bills. My mother said that if I was going to hurt my own health, she would not waste her money on it. This makes my mom sound bad. She's not that bad. I feel bad talking about her. Everyone makes mistakes. She just has a different idea of how to help people. She was good in other ways. I don't blame her for anything. I make my own choices. Any way, I have taken great care of my health since then and was very responsible. There was also a lot of abuse in my childhood (I shouldn't get into that). I just really related to this. My mother would never say something like that to me now. But, all through my life, my mother brought toxic people into my life, and for 7 years she had a man in my life (as a stepfather) and he sexually abused me horrendously.

I'm glad I'm an adult and can choose the people I am around now.

It helps to know I'm not alone in these experiences (reading what you and everyone else wrote).

Sometimes, some Parents can be abusive. Sorry you had to deal with that.

There were some other books that helped me:

Why is it always about you: the seven deadly sins of narcissism
Will I ever be good enough: healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers
Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships
The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook
Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions

My father did this...Always told me that I would be the prettiest girl in my class if I just lost 50 pounds.

He started saying this in 2md grade, by the way. That's a great thing to do to your daughter who comes from a long line of people with eating disorders. The only man in your life basically saying you're fat. Fun.

My relationship with my mum is odd.... Sometimes she's amazing, sometimes she's a cow.... But its always me..

I have never been able to talk to her about personal stuff - that was always my Nan (who died last year) Mum had a breakdown about 13 years ago and said some seriously horrible stuff to me then. She's in a toxic relationship with a man, they're not intimate, she doesnt do hugs or anything. She's never said she loved me or is proud of me.

I run her business for her. She wasnt interested in it for ages, then comes back, wants to change everything. Even to answerphone message isnt good enough. Things I do arent good enough and sometimes I wonder why I bother.

When I was 18 I fell pregnant. The ultimatum was her or the child. I chose her. I am now childless, which maybe isnt a bad thing, but I've never forgiven her for that.

Before my Nan died she told me that when Mum fell pregnant with me (an accideent BTW) she demanded an abortion from the doctor, who said, dont be silly you're perfectly healthy enough to have a baby. In the 70's the 'done' thing was to marry the father, which she did and he treated her like *kitten* and me (told me I was fat and ugly at aged 8 - I have very little contact with him now)

They split up when I was 14 - and the whole well if I didnt have you I wouldnt have suffred this... thing came to light. I have since found out recently that my father wanted me to be a boy.

She'll never say anything directly - its all indirect snipes and sometimes I just want to run away. I'm 38 for goodness sake!!! We're supposed to having a family get together tomorrow and i dont want to go - I've spent anough time in her company already this week.

All I hear is I cant cope tih AB and C so I offer to help then its wrong then it goes round again......

Meh.