I need a girl's advice regarding a man's problem.

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  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    I knew a girl like this when she was 19 !!!!!
    She was super skinny and had never been heavy, but she had NO MUSCLES AT ALL ! It was weird to look at her.

    Not much to do besides turn the conversation to exercise and see if that goes anywhere.
  • CharityPearce
    CharityPearce Posts: 215
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    From a man's point of view....... dude, learn something about women, please!


    ^^^This man is a genius!!!^^^ : ) Would you want her to ask you about your imperfections? Just curious. If so... consider that women can be sensitive and follow the awesome advice you're getting here.
  • Kaylee_law_123
    Kaylee_law_123 Posts: 450 Member
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    I think it is very nice of you to be concerned about your friend, and want to talk to her about it, but I wouldn't recommend bringing it up with her as it will make her very self concious.
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
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    To begin with, don't call women girls and call yourself a man.
  • rhonniema
    rhonniema Posts: 522
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    That information is on a need to know basis.
    If she wanted you to know, she would've said something already.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
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    When I was a pre-teen, I grew about eight inches taller in less than a year. I got stretch marks on my arms, my calves, my hips. I was horrified, but somehow I managed to move on with my life, despite the fact that my body had a flaw. (sarcasm) A few years later, I was walking up stairs in high school, and a boy behind me said 'Hey... UpEarly... did you know you have stretch marks on the back of your legs. I thought only fat people got those! Why do you have them?'

    He's lucky he didn't end up shoved to the bottom of the stairs. He got a death stare (and then later, I went and cried in the girl's bathroom)

    The lesson to be learned...

    Every woman is acutely aware of the physical flaws she bears. She does not need some tactless Y-chromosome pointing them out - asking if she's aware of her imperfections and wanting to discuss how they happened.

    To the original poster... I suggest you just keep your mouth closed and hope she doesn't know what you're thinking.

    P.S. Loose skin and skinny fat are not the same thing at all!

    I think there is a huge difference between saying something to be a jerk and talking to a friend about something.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
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    Who said it is morbid curiosity? It wasnt me. Why cant he just be curious? He has known her for a year. Maybe he knows some ways to fill out skin. Maybe he is going through the same thing. Maybe she isnt self conscious about it.

    And maybe she is. In which case, he should shut the **** up

    True. After a year of knowing someone as a friend, he should have a clue if he can have these types of conversations.
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    Just grab ahold of some of that skin and be like, "what's up with this"
    Bahaha!

    Maybe just link her to this thread? I guess she would get the point then :P
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I think there is a huge difference between saying something to be a jerk and talking to a friend about something.

    I still think both situations are pretty similar. This high school boy wasn't being a purposeful jerk. He was just curious about how a very fit cross-country runner would end up with stretch marks. I guess I should have stated that in my post - his tone was not malicious. He was simply curious about something he had no business verbalizing.

    And yes... the boy was a friend of mine.

    I don't think the original poster has any right to ask for an explanation for his friend's loose skin. It's not a question based in concern for her well-being. It just sounds nosy to me. His post basically said that her loose skin looks bad and he's curious about why she has it.

    There's no reason to ask her about it. And there is no right way to ask her about it.
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    ummm..... HOW is not bringing it up, being dishonest???
    http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dishonest
    dis·hon·est (ds-nst)
    adj.
    1. Disposed to lie, cheat, defraud, or deceive.
    2. Resulting from or marked by a lack of honesty.
    dis·honest·ly adv.
    Synonyms: dishonest, lying2, untruthful, deceitful, mendacious
    These adjectives mean lacking honesty or truthfulness. Dishonest is the least specific: a dishonest business executive.
    Lying conveys a blunt accusation of untruth: a lying witness giving inconsistent testimony.
    Untruthful is a softer term and suggests lack of veracity and divergence from fact: made an untruthful statement.
    Deceitful implies misleading by falsehood or by concealment of the truth: deceitful advertising.
    Mendacious is more formal than lying, and suggests a chronic inclination toward untruth: a mendacious and troublesome employee.

    Concealment of the truth is dishonest.

    So If I think my friend is a bit ugly in general I should tell them?
    This situation would be a bit like someone telling me I have freckles, (but a million times worse) they know what they look like.
    A bit ugly in general would be a weird thing to say. A bit ugly sounds like mostly pretty and a little bit ugly to me. I dont think anyone is 100% ugly or pretty.
    Do you think it is rude that I know my fiancee normally likes natural red head heads better than blondes? I dont. It says we have a better fit than any red head. I am not out dying my hair either.
    It would be like if I had a friend that had a saggy butt, we talked about it and googled a bunch of butt exercises to do together.
    You know what I mean. Would a big nose be a better example?
    And no I don't think its weird that you know what he prefers, but thats totally different to telling everyone we are friends with everything we don't like about them, if they don't ask. If he wanted to share some advice or something with her, I could understand somewhat trying to figure out how to do it, but he said himself he just wants to know why she has saggy skin. If she wanted him to know she would tell him. Only ask if she brings it up, she sees it every day, she knows its there.

    UpEarlys example is exactly the same as the example in the first post. The guy was just asking why she had stretch marks, just as the poster wants to ask why the girl has saggy skin.
  • dmh0204
    dmh0204 Posts: 81
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    Don't ask.

    But I get the feeling that you are going to. Which is a terrible idea. But if you want to minimize the damage, tell her she is beautiful, and you want to know how she manages to look so good. That might cause her to open up.

    But if you are not in a place in your relationship/friendship that you can tell her how great her body is without it being awkward, you are in no position to comment on the excess skin.

    One of my early boyfriends told me that he liked my big eyebrows....10 years, a marriage, and 2 kids later, and I still have a complex about my eyebrows.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
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    I nose example is perfect. My Dad (strongly against plastic surgery) decided to make fun of my nose saying it had a hump in it. I just matter of factly told him I would get a nose job as soon as I fly home. He has a compulsive habit of making fun of nothing, not nice. I am not getting a nose job. Teenage years are difficult but perhaps my difficult teenage years allowed me to learn to cope with difficult situations. If a friend asked whether I had a problem with the hump in my nose I would respond differently. My nose does not define me. So what if my friend thinks I have a big nose, maybe I do. Based on all the posts on here I think I may have different conversations with my friends than other people. My friends and I are open ended sounding boards for all sorts of issues.
  • MichelleLaree13
    MichelleLaree13 Posts: 865 Member
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    Don't ask.

    But I get the feeling that you are going to. Which is a terrible idea. But if you want to minimize the damage, tell her she is beautiful, and you want to know how she manages to look so good. That might cause her to open up.

    But if you are not in a place in your relationship/friendship that you can tell her how great her body is without it being awkward, you are in no position to comment on the excess skin.

    One of my early boyfriends told me that he liked my big eyebrows....10 years, a marriage, and 2 kids later, and I still have a complex about my eyebrows.

    What is wrong with big eyebrows? You can shape them any way you want, if you want. WAY better than having no eyebrows!
  • kschhr
    kschhr Posts: 103 Member
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    Haven't read hardly any of the responses (except the first page) but I would say start talking about how you're trying to lose weight, just maybe bring that up. If she feels comfortable talking about everything then she will, if she's not, just let it go. Don't mention loose skin though, whatever you do.
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    Just keep your trap shut. Period.
    And by the way "skinny fat" is a stupid phrase. You're either skinny or you're fat. You can be skinny and out of shape but you cannot be skinny fat - it's just stupid.
  • obsidianwings
    obsidianwings Posts: 1,237 Member
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    Just keep your trap shut. Period.
    And by the way "skinny fat" is a stupid phrase. You're either skinny or you're fat. You can be skinny and out of shape but you cannot be skinny fat - it's just stupid.
    I think skinny fat generally means skinny looking but with a fairly high body fat percentage, completely possible.
  • jbbattles
    jbbattles Posts: 19
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    Sorry, but unless you want a hand upside your head, DON'T say anything! She knows how she looks. Instead, suggest taking walks or biking together...that will give her the opening IF she wants to discuss it. Otherwise, just be a friend and keep your mouth closed!
  • EpicRosie
    EpicRosie Posts: 30 Member
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    yeah just stay quiet about it. maybe she'll open up to you more about it if you talk about weight loss but make sure shes the one to bring it up. and when she wants to drop it just drop it.
  • kmhenry84
    kmhenry84 Posts: 96 Member
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    Ok I stopped reading after a few pages of the same thing...

    Seriously, you asking her this, would be the equivalent of her saying to you, "hey.. um... I accidentally saw you changing... and... is it normal for a guy's thing to be that small? Just curious.. because my dad's a surgeon and can help with that..."

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