Men..Is your wife outta shape?

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  • JulieBGoood
    JulieBGoood Posts: 120 Member
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    I gained 20 lbs after my wedding :(
  • AmoreCouture
    AmoreCouture Posts: 255 Member
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    As you can tell by my profile, I'm not stupid enough to join this thread openly. However, this does relate to a question that I have been wanting to ask. Is there any possible way for a husband to communicate to his wife that he would like her to lose a few pounds or get in better shape? Please don't think I'm a pig. I'm not and my wife would (probably) agree. My wife is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, wonderful, creative and generally fantastic. We have a great relationship, both emotionally and physically. We have been married almost twenty years and I still find my wife very attractive. From the waist up, my wife has an enviable figure and when dressed she is strikingly beautiful. However (and this is a very meek and small "however"), my wife has gotten rather big in the rear and thighs, as well as a little in the lower belly, and not necessarily in a smooth and voluptuous sort of way. I know that she is aware of it and a little (but not a lot) self-conscious of it, but she does not appear to be particularly motivated to change it. If I am perfectly honest, I have to admit that I am put off just a little bit by this part of her physique. Not enough that I don't still find her attractive, want her to feel bad about it, or resent her at all for putting on a little weight. Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be nice if my wife had that figure." Again, not enough that I'm interested in sleeping with those other women. I am very committed to my wife. I'm no Adonis, but I try to stay in pretty good shape and one of the reasons I do is so that my wife will continue to find me physically attractive as we age. Given that the participants in this post are mostly women, I thought I'd post this (unfortunately rather long) question and see if there is any approach I can possibly take in these circumstances without being a jerk. Don't worry, I suspect that the answer is probably no.
    It depends on the woman. Personally, my husband has been able to talk to me about my weight without me taking offense, but some take it harder, and it's very important how it's delivered. My husband simply said "I would love to see you the size you were when we got married." and it didn't bother me at all. I just said "Me too!" Lol. Maybe you can make it a couples thing like. "I would love if we can both work toward getting in shape together." or something.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Men and women both gain weight with age, but who cares as long as you rock it with confidence. I think it is when you feel bad about your weight gain that trouble starts.

    Neither men nor women have to gain weight at we age. This usually happens as one ages as metabolism slows slightly, all you have to do then is eat a tiny bit less, or exercise slightly more.
  • Squeezalsize10
    Squeezalsize10 Posts: 109
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    My wife isn't too ultra-sensitive or mean enough to discourage me from commenting on this thread (and she's also not fat like me)....BUT married people tend to gain weight. At least 75% of them gain weight after marriage.

    Single people are still trying to find a mate or at least make it on to someones booty call list, so they tend to be more aware of how they look.

    Makes perfect sense to me anyway. :)

    Yes i agree with that but not sure on the 75% figure.
  • Jrflaw22
    Jrflaw22 Posts: 17 Member
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    The only reason I can respond to this is because my wife does not use MFP, but to answer your question: Yes, I think married women do gain weight. My wife weighed about 115 pounds when we met. She's probably closer to 150 at this point. Now, granted, we have two children and I know its tough dealing with the kids, making sure they're taken care of then also worry about eating right and exercise for yourself. However, the fact remains that I think women in a family worry tend to worry about everybody else first and them second. Having said that, our kids are older now and she really has no excuse not to take care of herself better. I've tried to encourage that, but then a man making comments about his wife's appearance (or suggestion of exercise) never goes well from his perspective.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    I'm sure there are plenty of women who have no problem talking about their husbands weight though... Double Standard?

    I only ever complained about my fiancee's weight to say that he was at a weight that I envied. I never thought it was appropriate to post things like "my wife/husband is fat and idk what to do because xyz123...". It seems a bit like snarking to me.

    I think a good general rule of thumb is ask your husband/wife if you think it'll be a sensitive subject. If it's not (such as my fiancee) then whatever. If it is (such as myself) then don't. This is also a good rule with any private information obtained from friends.
  • KipDrordy
    KipDrordy Posts: 169 Member
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    The vast majority of people put on weight as they grow older. Since most of us marry when we're relatively young, there's a good bet that our spouses weigh more than when we got married. At 44, I certainly don't have the physique I had a 30 and neither does my wife. We're both working on that together.
  • Squeezalsize10
    Squeezalsize10 Posts: 109
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    Men and women both gain weight with age, but who cares as long as you rock it with confidence. I think it is when you feel bad about your weight gain that trouble starts.

    Neither men nor women have to gain weight at we age. This usually happens as one ages as metabolism slows slightly, all you have to do then is eat a tiny bit less, or exercise slightly more.

    yes..im only 27 and my metabolism is at a snails pace...lol
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
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    I was big when I met my husband, still am big. He was a tooth pic when we met and isn't at all now. I always had plenty of boyfriends and male companionship.

    I am losing weight now because I want to be healthy and live a long time. I could give 2 ***** what men or women think.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    ALL GIRLS PAY ATTENTION: If you get fatter after marriage, this will cause your husband to be less attracted to you. If he was attracted to fat, he would have married fat. But no, you are fit, you are toned, you have nice, proportional measurements. He likes that. The more you keep that, the longer he will stick around. You want to know a major reason on why guys cheat? THIS. As you get fat, your libido goes way down, and you dont want to spend the energy to "do it." If more people paid attention to this, less marriages will fall apart. The woman keeps man happy, and in return, man keeps woman happy, and has no reason to cheat. We like the boobs to be past the stomach, at least! If your stomach reaches farther than the boobs, this is a big nono. Take this advice with urgency. I know a few people are in this position that are reading this post.


    This... is the single most ridiculous thing I've read all day. There is far more that contributes to cheating than a woman 'getting fat' and not being pleasing to her man. And by the way, I've seen a lot of very overweight men out there... are they immune from this theory of yours?

    If your 'advice' is applied to men, the stomach shouldn't reach any further than a man's pride and joy. If it does, that's it - the woman cheats.

    And now, I'm going to go continue laughing at this whole exchange.


    THIS is why I married you, Leech.
  • jesyka
    jesyka Posts: 141 Member
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    I think once you reach a level of comfortability with your spouse it happens. You put a little less effort in yourself knowing that your spouse loves you for who you are, until you realize that you're not happy with yourself and make that change. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. I've had two more children since being with him and gained quite a bit from since we met. While he loves me no matter what my size is, and has NEVER commented negatively on it I want a change. He however never seems to gain, and I'm trying to positively change his eating habits to not have the temptation in my life, as he could eat junk forever and not gain (though I worry for his health in that nature)

    I don't think weight should matter if your spouse loves you, I do however believe that if it is contribute to you being unhealthy, that if they love you they will voice their opinion on that matter.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    As you can tell by my profile, I'm not stupid enough to join this thread openly. However, this does relate to a question that I have been wanting to ask. Is there any possible way for a husband to communicate to his wife that he would like her to lose a few pounds or get in better shape? Please don't think I'm a pig. I'm not and my wife would (probably) agree. My wife is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, wonderful, creative and generally fantastic. We have a great relationship, both emotionally and physically. We have been married almost twenty years and I still find my wife very attractive. From the waist up, my wife has an enviable figure and when dressed she is strikingly beautiful. However (and this is a very meek and small "however"), my wife has gotten rather big in the rear and thighs, as well as a little in the lower belly, and not necessarily in a smooth and voluptuous sort of way. I know that she is aware of it and a little (but not a lot) self-conscious of it, but she does not appear to be particularly motivated to change it. If I am perfectly honest, I have to admit that I am put off just a little bit by this part of her physique. Not enough that I don't still find her attractive, want her to feel bad about it, or resent her at all for putting on a little weight. Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be nice if my wife had that figure." Again, not enough that I'm interested in sleeping with those other women. I am very committed to my wife. I'm no Adonis, but I try to stay in pretty good shape and one of the reasons I do is so that my wife will continue to find me physically attractive as we age. Given that the participants in this post are mostly women, I thought I'd post this (unfortunately rather long) question and see if there is any approach I can possibly take in these circumstances without being a jerk. Don't worry, I suspect that the answer is probably no.

    Few things to consider, you've been married almost 20 years, so I am assuming she is NOT in her 20's? Age happens, and makes weight loss difficult. I don't know exactly how old she is, or what "stage" of life she is in I.E. menopause? Because that can cause weight gain, if it's in the genetics, or age it's just more challenging to achieve and maintain healthy weight loss. So I would recommend eating more fruits and veggies, and offer to take her on walks, or hiking, or something active like that. If she cooks the meals, then take over a few times a week and cook something really healthy, if you cook the meals, just make them healthy.
  • IntoTheSky
    IntoTheSky Posts: 390 Member
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    Mine went the other way around. I was heavy when I met him and lost weight. Then, he divorced me. I met my BF at 200 lbs. We have been together for 2 years. I just started back at it this past december at 204 and am now at 165. 20-25 more to go. He is *really* attractive and in good shape, so I wanted us to look like we "matched".
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    If my husband came on here talking about my weight without me knowing, I probably would be hurt. Just saying.
    Why would you be hurt about you husband talking about your weight? Your on here talking about your weight....just saying

    I don't like your logic.. It is one thing to say to yourself " I am ugly" it is a whole other thing to hear someone else say it or write it. Especially a Spouse.

    This. Although I would argue that saying (particularly when you aren't) it to yourself i a behavior which could affect you negatively too.

    I would also point out that I may choose to talk about my weight one day and not on another depending on my mood. Let's face it, some days all it takes is one little crack in the armor and you're dying. For example, thinking about the weight I want to lose after a tough exam is the fastest road to a mental breakdown.

    Worse, I have heard husbands (and wives) complain about their spouses weight when the spouse was perfectly healthy. I would find it very damaging if (at a healthy weight/fitness level) was called fat by my loved one. One friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend because he thought she was "too pudgy" when she was 120 at 5'4". I can assure you that she was not 'pudgy" because she was a rock climber and a runner. If anything, she was very muscular. She decided that it was unhealthy to place herself in a relationship where she could be held to an ideal that was not suited to her frame (she had anorexia in her family and was concerned about the pro-ana girls he liked) and decided to leave him. Personally, I wouldn't stay with any man who found me to be "too pudgy" at my current weight. I don't think I could take it mentally.
  • ktrn0312
    ktrn0312 Posts: 723 Member
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    It is called living in denial..My husband never needed to tell I was out of shape. I was not ready to face it until I had my epiphany moment. Now we are on track together to regain our sexy selves back. Only he will say I am more obsessive about it.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
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    I posted in this before I read enough. Some of you are awful people, and no amount of skinny will change that.
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
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    My wife is on here and I'll comment. Yeah - after our second child we both got out of shape and put on a bunch of excess baggage. You don't have anyone to try to impress anymore, so you just let things slide.

    Fortunately we decided to work together to get back in shape and look completely different then what we did 20 months ago.

    ^^ Smart man right here. If you are smart you encourage each other, help each other, and support each other. A true man steps up and solidifies why he's a good partner in life. My Husband cooks our healthy meals 3-4 times a week while I'm at Jazzercise class. He wants to ensure I get proper nutrition as well as supporting me time wise. We are both happy and both benifiting from this "share" responsibilities system.
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    But I do understand your point. I do have a few friends who think its okay to let themselves go since they got the man. One even told me Ive been married for 30 years. this is as good as it gets. I'm afraid to ever think that way. Men are visual creatures who get turned on by sight. Mama always told me that we have to be visually appealing to our spouses. they can get as fat and out of shape as they want but we cant. It aint right but its true...

    ^^^^ I SOOO agree with this 101% (yes I had to add the extra 1%) ;)
  • cryssteen
    cryssteen Posts: 4
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    I think it might be better to phrase this by asking if people have gained weight after getting serious with someone. In my life, the answer is yes. Dating someone means more dinners out, more drinks, more vegging with him... it happens. Which is why, I'm sure, you'll see a ton of people on here just like me - women who are trying desperately to lose the excess weight before the wedding.
  • Suezyq47
    Suezyq47 Posts: 199 Member
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    My husband and I both got fatter after marriage, but I am more fit than him.

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