Men..Is your wife outta shape?
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I think once you reach a level of comfortability with your spouse it happens. You put a little less effort in yourself knowing that your spouse loves you for who you are, until you realize that you're not happy with yourself and make that change. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. I've had two more children since being with him and gained quite a bit from since we met. While he loves me no matter what my size is, and has NEVER commented negatively on it I want a change. He however never seems to gain, and I'm trying to positively change his eating habits to not have the temptation in my life, as he could eat junk forever and not gain (though I worry for his health in that nature)
I don't think weight should matter if your spouse loves you, I do however believe that if it is contribute to you being unhealthy, that if they love you they will voice their opinion on that matter.0 -
As you can tell by my profile, I'm not stupid enough to join this thread openly. However, this does relate to a question that I have been wanting to ask. Is there any possible way for a husband to communicate to his wife that he would like her to lose a few pounds or get in better shape? Please don't think I'm a pig. I'm not and my wife would (probably) agree. My wife is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, wonderful, creative and generally fantastic. We have a great relationship, both emotionally and physically. We have been married almost twenty years and I still find my wife very attractive. From the waist up, my wife has an enviable figure and when dressed she is strikingly beautiful. However (and this is a very meek and small "however"), my wife has gotten rather big in the rear and thighs, as well as a little in the lower belly, and not necessarily in a smooth and voluptuous sort of way. I know that she is aware of it and a little (but not a lot) self-conscious of it, but she does not appear to be particularly motivated to change it. If I am perfectly honest, I have to admit that I am put off just a little bit by this part of her physique. Not enough that I don't still find her attractive, want her to feel bad about it, or resent her at all for putting on a little weight. Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be nice if my wife had that figure." Again, not enough that I'm interested in sleeping with those other women. I am very committed to my wife. I'm no Adonis, but I try to stay in pretty good shape and one of the reasons I do is so that my wife will continue to find me physically attractive as we age. Given that the participants in this post are mostly women, I thought I'd post this (unfortunately rather long) question and see if there is any approach I can possibly take in these circumstances without being a jerk. Don't worry, I suspect that the answer is probably no.
Few things to consider, you've been married almost 20 years, so I am assuming she is NOT in her 20's? Age happens, and makes weight loss difficult. I don't know exactly how old she is, or what "stage" of life she is in I.E. menopause? Because that can cause weight gain, if it's in the genetics, or age it's just more challenging to achieve and maintain healthy weight loss. So I would recommend eating more fruits and veggies, and offer to take her on walks, or hiking, or something active like that. If she cooks the meals, then take over a few times a week and cook something really healthy, if you cook the meals, just make them healthy.0 -
Mine went the other way around. I was heavy when I met him and lost weight. Then, he divorced me. I met my BF at 200 lbs. We have been together for 2 years. I just started back at it this past december at 204 and am now at 165. 20-25 more to go. He is *really* attractive and in good shape, so I wanted us to look like we "matched".0
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Why would you be hurt about you husband talking about your weight? Your on here talking about your weight....just sayingIf my husband came on here talking about my weight without me knowing, I probably would be hurt. Just saying.
I don't like your logic.. It is one thing to say to yourself " I am ugly" it is a whole other thing to hear someone else say it or write it. Especially a Spouse.
This. Although I would argue that saying (particularly when you aren't) it to yourself i a behavior which could affect you negatively too.
I would also point out that I may choose to talk about my weight one day and not on another depending on my mood. Let's face it, some days all it takes is one little crack in the armor and you're dying. For example, thinking about the weight I want to lose after a tough exam is the fastest road to a mental breakdown.
Worse, I have heard husbands (and wives) complain about their spouses weight when the spouse was perfectly healthy. I would find it very damaging if (at a healthy weight/fitness level) was called fat by my loved one. One friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend because he thought she was "too pudgy" when she was 120 at 5'4". I can assure you that she was not 'pudgy" because she was a rock climber and a runner. If anything, she was very muscular. She decided that it was unhealthy to place herself in a relationship where she could be held to an ideal that was not suited to her frame (she had anorexia in her family and was concerned about the pro-ana girls he liked) and decided to leave him. Personally, I wouldn't stay with any man who found me to be "too pudgy" at my current weight. I don't think I could take it mentally.0 -
It is called living in denial..My husband never needed to tell I was out of shape. I was not ready to face it until I had my epiphany moment. Now we are on track together to regain our sexy selves back. Only he will say I am more obsessive about it.0
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I posted in this before I read enough. Some of you are awful people, and no amount of skinny will change that.0
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My wife is on here and I'll comment. Yeah - after our second child we both got out of shape and put on a bunch of excess baggage. You don't have anyone to try to impress anymore, so you just let things slide.
Fortunately we decided to work together to get back in shape and look completely different then what we did 20 months ago.
^^ Smart man right here. If you are smart you encourage each other, help each other, and support each other. A true man steps up and solidifies why he's a good partner in life. My Husband cooks our healthy meals 3-4 times a week while I'm at Jazzercise class. He wants to ensure I get proper nutrition as well as supporting me time wise. We are both happy and both benifiting from this "share" responsibilities system.0 -
But I do understand your point. I do have a few friends who think its okay to let themselves go since they got the man. One even told me Ive been married for 30 years. this is as good as it gets. I'm afraid to ever think that way. Men are visual creatures who get turned on by sight. Mama always told me that we have to be visually appealing to our spouses. they can get as fat and out of shape as they want but we cant. It aint right but its true...
^^^^ I SOOO agree with this 101% (yes I had to add the extra 1%)
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I think it might be better to phrase this by asking if people have gained weight after getting serious with someone. In my life, the answer is yes. Dating someone means more dinners out, more drinks, more vegging with him... it happens. Which is why, I'm sure, you'll see a ton of people on here just like me - women who are trying desperately to lose the excess weight before the wedding.0
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My husband and I both got fatter after marriage, but I am more fit than him.0
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This is true, and I've seen it, people gaining more weight now that they are married. Personally I wouldn't let that happen, I want to always look good for my guy! He deserves it.
It happens with single women too. Things happen, life happens, I have commented several times, but I am married and LOSING weight. It's unfair to assume that because a woman is married, that automatically means she will gain weight. And girl, you don't know that it "won't" happen. Pregnancy happens = weight gain. Hormones get off kilter = weight gain. Injuries happen sometimes = weight gain. Sickness happens sometimes = weight gain. Depression happens = weight gain. Grief happens sometimes = weight gain. It's part of life, and it's about loving someone your committed to through it all. Of course we need to make the effort to take care of ourselves, I am in no way denying that, but sometimes things just happen.0 -
ALL GIRLS PAY ATTENTION: If you get fatter after marriage, this will cause your husband to be less attracted to you. If he was attracted to fat, he would have married fat. But no, you are fit, you are toned, you have nice, proportional measurements. He likes that. The more you keep that, the longer he will stick around. You want to know a major reason on why guys cheat? THIS. As you get fat, your libido goes way down, and you dont want to spend the energy to "do it." If more people paid attention to this, less marriages will fall apart. The woman keeps man happy, and in return, man keeps woman happy, and has no reason to cheat. We like the boobs to be past the stomach, at least! If your stomach reaches farther than the boobs, this is a big nono. Take this advice with urgency. I know a few people are in this position that are reading this post.
douche0 -
This is just my opinion. I was that "fat" wife that got complacent and let myself go for many reasons. I'm divorced now, and in a good, long term relationship. For me, it is important for me to be sexy and attractive for my man and he doesn't let himself go either. If I start gaining, or reaching for that second helping he will call me on it and I can do the same with him without getting offended. If your partner can't be honest with you then there's a problem and you are too sensitive. Ladies, your man may love you no matter what, but if they were to be totally honest with you may get your feelings hurt. Sometimes that hurt can bring on a positive change. Everyone likes to be proud of that person on their arm.
Thank you! If HE doesn't want me porking up, you can *pretty much* bet that I will not be happy with it either. He and I both take very good care of ourselves. We remind each other to get enough water, "you don't REALLY want mashed potatoes, do you honey? Let's just split a sweet potato", Lets go for a walk before the football party to make room for extra beer...... He and I care about each other and love each other. We love each other enough to hold one another accountable for the choices we make and not let the other person unkowingly slide up the scale. If you are with some one that you love that does meth, are you gonna be as understanding? I doubt it. And if you are, then weight is the least of your problems.0 -
My wife was in better shape than I was the day we were wed. I do not blame her getting out of shape on our marriage. She got out of the Army to take care of our son that was on the way. Being busy with a newborn baby, moving to the other side of the country, and adapting to an entirely different lifestyle she did not have the time and energy to exercise. The sudden stop of all physical training and being pregnant took a toll on her body. I still found her attractive so along comes baby number two. She did gain more weight with this baby, and it started the vicious cycle over again. I joined MFP, got motivated and changed my lifestyle to a healthier one. After a while, she decided to do the same. She got back to her pre-pregnancy weight, and is now pregnant again. Am i upset? No. Would I change anything about her weight, fitness level or current situation. Absolutely not. I love her no matter what her weight may be. I am glad she has made the decision to live a healthier lifestyle not only for herself, but for our children, but I would support her regardless of her decisions.
If other women feel that they can let themselves go just because they are married, then they probably shouldn't be married in my opinion. If you decided to get healthy for that arbitrary of a reason, then I would imagine the choice you make for a life partner may not be the best choice for you either.0 -
eh, speak for yourself!! 'Booty call list'? Is that a list of names a person has if they want sex (sorry, I'm not American so am not completely familiar with phraseology)? Is that not just prostitution but without money changing hands?Single people are still trying to find a mate or at least make it on to someones booty call list, so they tend to be more aware of how they look.0 -
^^ THIS, THIS, THIS!! ^^I posted in this before I read enough. Some of you are awful people, and no amount of skinny will change that.0 -
Gaining weight after marriage doesn't make your husband less attracted to you and make him cheat. A faithful husband wouldn't care what his wife looks like and will stay with her no matter what happens. I have been married for almost 5 years and gained 50 lbs throughout our marriage because I has Anorexia before I got married so after we were married my husband always made sure I ate. I am trying to lose 20 lbs of the 50 right now.0
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eh, speak for yourself!! 'Booty call list'? Is that a list of names a person has if they want sex (sorry, I'm not American so am not completely familiar with phraseology)? Is that not just prostitution but without money changing hands?Single people are still trying to find a mate or at least make it on to someones booty call list, so they tend to be more aware of how they look.
It is a list of women a guy can call when he is out of options for the night. Usually, the list is filled with women who have low or no self esteem, and the guy knows he has the game to call them up and arrange a meeting. Visit an American night club sometime. Filled with low self esteem girls that tart themselves up to get guys to look at them. Pretty funny, really.0 -
It is a list of women a guy can call when he is out of options for the night. Usually, the list is filled with women who have low or no self esteem, and the guy knows he has the game to call them up and arrange a meeting. Visit an American night club sometime. Filled with low self esteem girls that tart themselves up to get guys to look at them. Pretty funny, really.
@j_wilson2012
That I agree with, 100% :laugh:
Only I feel bad for the girls who do that
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Gaining weight after marriage doesn't make your husband less attracted to you and make him cheat. A faithful husband wouldn't care what his wife looks like and will stay with her no matter what happens. I have been married for almost 5 years and gained 50 lbs throughout our marriage because I has Anorexia before I got married so after we were married my husband always made sure I ate. I am trying to lose 20 lbs of the 50 right now.
Once again......MEDICAL ISSUE!!!........and, to the first line.......really?0 -
...i'm in better shape than my husband. he would agree with me... hate the double standard that's out there.0
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translates -
Hi Im PERFECT but I really want to hear men's stories about having girls who arent! fun times!!! cmon play along!0 -
wow lots of sensitive women in this thread. :drinker:0
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For me, it is absolutely important that I remain appealing for my husband! Yes I gained after 3 children, with one being only 4 months right now, But I`m working hard to shed these pounds. My husband don`t complain about my weight. He said he loves me the way I am, But I still wanna lose for me. I think I look 10 times better thinner!! But overall, I think its definitely considerate to "remain" appealing to your mate after marriage..0
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Women -- are your husbands going bald?0
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This... is the single most ridiculous thing I've read all day. There is far more that contributes to cheating than a woman 'getting fat' and not being pleasing to her man. And by the way, I've seen a lot of very overweight men out there... are they immune from this theory of yours?
If your 'advice' is applied to men, the stomach shouldn't reach any further than a man's pride and joy. If it does, that's it - the woman cheats.
And now, I'm going to go continue laughing at this whole exchange.THIS is why I married you, Leech.
You just love me for my snark... 0 -
I can truly say my wife put on some weight after we got together but it does look great on her. She was very petite and when she put on a little bit it definately went to the right spots. Regardless my wife could be 100 lbs over weight and I would NOT love her any less. I did marry the girl of my dreams and my friend of 18 years. We have been married a year and a half and it has been the best decision of my life. Though this past year she has been having many health problems causing her weight she is still so gorgeous....0
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^^ THIS, THIS, THIS!! ^^I posted in this before I read enough. Some of you are awful people, and no amount of skinny will change that.
No joke. I didn't realize we had so many "experts" on women and relationships. <-sarcasm0 -
...Marriages go stale often because people just let themselves go. They think it doesn't matter anymore because they love you for you... which is true...but women should WANT to look good for their husband, at least I think!!!
I agree! I want my future husband to be proud as hell of the woman on his arm! ...or at least be hottest daughter in law in the family 0 -
This... is the single most ridiculous thing I've read all day. There is far more that contributes to cheating than a woman 'getting fat' and not being pleasing to her man. And by the way, I've seen a lot of very overweight men out there... are they immune from this theory of yours?
If your 'advice' is applied to men, the stomach shouldn't reach any further than a man's pride and joy. If it does, that's it - the woman cheats.
And now, I'm going to go continue laughing at this whole exchange.THIS is why I married you, Leech.
You just love me for my snark...
Seriously, given all the douche canoes that seem to be out there -- I'm glad I got somebody who's love and devotion isn't based on 75 pounds. Funny how I want to stay in shape and look nice for you (and let's not lie, me too) because you're not telling me I need to deserve your love.
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