I don't even know what Title to give this.

Do you want to spend the rest of your working life like this.? I'm figuring that's about 46 years. And your home life? For the rest of your life.? You might want to put some thought into your situation. Good Luck!

You're 19 - If I knew then what I know now?! (I know cliche)
You're not married - From everything I've read here, marriage is the last thing on his mind.
You're mean? - Oh come on! I'm a guy and that's STILL a LAME *kitten* excuse!
He got pi$$y when you said you wanted an education? - All the more reason to get one! Sounds like his Master's didn't teach him a thing!
Bottom line opinion - Get your big girl panties on, get yourself to college, quit helping on paying for his mistake, Find some new friends, Get a support group (Wait! You have one here it looks like ), And LIVE LIFE!

Good Luck and Success!

This is everything I wanted to stay. I'd still say think about this relationship and if you really need it. You definitely don't need to pay alimony. That is his burden.

Speaking as an older lady who has been happily married for a long time, I'll be blunt. If someone wants to be with you, they make it happen. If someone wants to talk or text you, they just do it. Young women put up with too much crap from guys. If he doesn't straighten up and give you support DUMP HIM. You don't need his permission to go to college. You shouldn't be helping him pay off his debt unless you are married to him. Wise up. They are so many good men out there, 19 is too young to be tied to a creep.

Forget him and move on!

It seems like he's a lot older than you and your future shouldn't be dusted off just because he has his on debt to pay. That is in no way your responsibility. Focus on and what you want out of life. You're 19.. you shouldn't have to be working so much to pay someone else's debt. You can get finicial aid to help you out or even a grant that will pay for your school 100 %!

Don't give up on your future or your feelings, needs or wants... give up on him!!

Peace

I don't totally understand your post, about the hotel thing. But, it sounds like he is quite a bit older than you and rather controlling. And I also wonder what kind of boss makes you work that much, 12 hrs a day, 7 days a week, with 1 day off every 5 weeks. What kind of business is this?

If I were you I'd go to college, have some fun, and find a career you love. You're 19, you shouldn't be worried about paying his alimony.

Good luck, do what your gut tells you to do.

Definitely this!!! I am 23 now, but when I was 19 I was working, going to school, hanging with friends, and having fun. Don't get me wrong, I was still a very responsible 19 year old. I bought myself a new car, I already had been a Nurse Assistant for over a year and I was going to school for a culinary degree. The last thing on my to-do list was a relationship. That came soon after though. I'm in a great relationship that's been going on for 3 years now. You should not be having to deal with some ex wife. You are pretty much a slave in this relationship. You may love him, but you have to leave him.

Pack your ****. Seriously. If someone doesn't support YOUR life goals while you're supporting them and their past BS, then you need to move on and find someone better.

On the sudden change of behaviour I'd second the caution from other people that this may be a sign he is seeing someone else, maybe even his ex. wife. Sometimes people make great lovers for each other but terrible long term partners. Is he like that with his ex wife? Is that why they divorced? For every old flame there has to have been an initial attraction to start the relationship and as time passes people may remember that and forget the problems that led to a breakup.

Or maybe she divorced him because he behaved towards her as he is now behaving towards you - fine when he is in control and you're supporting his goals and anything but when you want to pursue your own goals.

I also wonder about the resistance to the college education. I once knew a coach who was great with beginners but people who got close to the coach's level found him very difficult. It was as if he was scared that one of the people he was coaching would overtake him and become more successful that him. Does he fear that a college education for you would make you wiser and more independent? Or it it more basic than that in that he just wants you to help him pay his debts and alimony? He says he is giving you lots of work as a favour because you are his partner but who benefits from that money? Is it possible he is giving you those hours because that means he can pay his debts quicker with your money?

Again as others have said it seems to me keeping finances separate at least until marriage is a good idea. If you share a house you can each contribute to an account for paying the rent/mortgage and bills in agreed amounts. If you have a shared dream that needs financing then again you can contribute in agreed shares to that but otherwise you should each be in control of your own money.

From what you have described a college education is likely to be a wiser investment for you than he is, both in money time and emotions.

As a woman, I would never ever, ever, ever agree to pay down any man's debt that he accrued before meeting me, especially if it's from his ex-wife. Honey, this is still a man's world and you are a beautiful, young girl. They are going to try and squeeze out of you what you can. It doesn't sound like this guy really wants to make it work with you, and honestly it sounds to me like he's taking advantage of you.

Go to college, have a ton of fun, and be single! There are so many guys in college and you want to experience life. You're only 19, don't tie yourself to this guy now. Use YOUR hard earned money to pay for YOUR college, and screw his debt. You didn't make him go into debt, so it's not your responsibility to help him out.

I believe that until you are married, you really have to keep all of that stuff separate. As women we really have to protect ourselves and be prepared to live independently at any moment. I live with my BF now but believe me if something happens to us, I have a back-up plan. We keep our money separate, all bills in my name so I know they are paid on time, refused to get the family plan cell phone, etc. We gotta watch out for ourselves.

On the sudden change of behaviour I'd second the caution from other people that this may be a sign he is seeing someone else, maybe even his ex. wife. Sometimes people make great lovers for each other but terrible long term partners. Is he like that with his ex wife? Is that why they divorced? For every old flame there has to have been an initial attraction to start the relationship and as time passes people may remember that and forget the problems that led to a breakup.

Or maybe she divorced him because he behaved towards her as he is now behaving towards you - fine when he is in control and you're supporting his goals and anything but when you want to pursue your own goals.

I also wonder about the resistance to the college education. I once knew a coach who was great with beginners but people who got close to the coach's level found him very difficult. It was as if he was scared that one of the people he was coaching would overtake him and become more successful that him. Does he fear that a college education for you would make you wiser and more independent? Or it it more basic than that in that he just wants you to help him pay his debts and alimony? He says he is giving you lots of work as a favour because you are his partner but who benefits from that money? Is it possible he is giving you those hours because that means he can pay his debts quicker with your money?

Again as others have said it seems to me keeping finances separate at least until marriage is a good idea. If you share a house you can each contribute to an account for paying the rent/mortgage and bills in agreed amounts. If you have a shared dream that needs financing then again you can contribute in agreed shares to that but otherwise you should each be in control of your own money.

From what you have described a college education is likely to be a wiser investment for you than he is, both in money time and emotions.

I'll third it!!! Change in behavior, avoidance, non-communicative. Yep a lot of times it's a signal there's someone else in the picture!

1. There is nothing in the world more powerful than an education.
2. There is no better feeling in the world than accomplishing something for yourself because of that education.
3. Women should never let a man decide if they should, or should not, get an education.
4. Any man that would say no to you getting your education is insecure and threatened.
5. There are a ton of resources you can employ to go get yourself an education.
6. Fear is a good motivator, revenge is a great motivator, hope and inspiration is the best motivator. If you want your education, go get it.

You are young, smart, capable and apparently hard working. Go do something for yourself. And stop paying this loser's alimony. That is NOT your responsibility.

AMEN.
And huge hugs. Again, I will say that most of us have either been in your shoes in some way, or we know someone who's been trying to figure out if they should stay or go. You need to figure out what YOU want and stop trying to make him happy. Starting tonight, actually. I would open up my own bank account and have my next paycheck directly deposited there. Some might call this passive aggressive, I call it covering my *kitten*. HA! Honey, you are in the United States and I think you are blessed with how much freedom you have. Tell him tonight (by text apparently) that you will not pay for his alimony or child support or whatever, but you have to be firm. DON'T ask him, tell him. If this is infuriating to you, as you say it is, you will make some small steps to get away from this behavior.

GO girl. No, really, go. Think about yourself. Go for a drive, don't stay at that hotel. I'm not saying to go all Thelma and Louise, but ... Call your mom.