Confessions

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Replies

  • elijhasmomma
    elijhasmomma Posts: 270 Member
    i have the worst sweet tooth evvverrr!! i gained between 60-70lbs with my pregnancy. i was 260 when i gave birth march 4 2011, i was 277 when i started mfp on july 27th, 2012. im now 255 september 12, 2012. when the TOM comes around for me, i have an insatiable need for sugar and salt. i crave it beyond belief..and meat. i looooove taking a tortilla and a slice of muenster cheese with 2-3 slices of sandwich pepperoni and putting it in the mic for 30secs, fold it in half and its like eating a pepperoni pizza no sauce...ridiculously addicting.

    i get embarrassed about my habits even though it is only my son & i living in our home full time. his dad works oil and is gone 95% of the time so im only accountable to me since i know when he will be around i can try to "quickly drop the lbs".

    chocolate is my frenemy!!

    sometimes i want to cry when i think about what i have done to myself, what i still do from time to time. mainly my issue now is sweets. my self control and will power waivers from time to time and i just have to have it.

    ive started slacking on working out as i have just been so exhausted carring for an 18mnth old by myself, studying full time in school, and then trying to fit in enough exercise to meet my goals of burning at least 550cals a day. ive been mad at my scale, my dial said i was down to 244...33lbs in 45 days. i said no way it haas to be wrong. i took it back, bought a digital..got home and it said 255.6--how disappointed was i?!!
  • rockingallovertheworld
    rockingallovertheworld Posts: 89 Member
    I used to eat 3000 calories in snacks every day. Family sizes of chocolate Bombay mix and sweets.
    Bread and butter,slicing the butter straight from the fridge so it was in thick slices.
    Whole jars of peanut butter.
    Any sweets or biscuits that I could get my hands on.
    Pints of custard.
    Massive amounts of cheese,cream cheese straight from the tub.
    I have been doing MFP seriously for 3 weeks now and feel so much better and my clothes are getting loose,it's going to be hard because I have lost the weight before and put it all back on again but this time I am not going to.
    :bigsmile:
  • cblevitron
    cblevitron Posts: 243
    If I take xanax, I will eat or drink something terrible. No if, ands or buts.
  • lh12xx
    lh12xx Posts: 111 Member
    I have been known to get a large Wicked Zinger Tower meal from KFC drive through then go to McDonalds drive through and get a cheeseburger and a McFlurry when I was hungover...more than once :blushing: I convinced myself it was ok because it would fix my hangover...


    THIS.
    Although, different meals, still the same idea.
  • sparklelioness
    sparklelioness Posts: 600 Member
    I used to eat four egg mcmuffins, a hash brown, and an oj for breakfast everyday, followed by 'dessert' of a pint of Ben and Jerrys Mint Oreo Cookie. To me thats not even the worst part tho... The worst part was that i was AFRAID not to... It was my drug. I looked forward to it. I'd go out of my way, if i had errands or appointments, to make sure i'd still be able to go there and get my fix. I spent at least 60 bucks a week on McD's breakfast.

    What in the actual eff was i thinking? I dont know. I was just... Using food as a drug, exactly as if it was my fix. I stopped in May of this year, started eating healthy, and i feel so much better. I still have a big breakfast (cos i dont eat lunch), but its less food and MUCH less calories and fat than it used to be. I never want to be that person again, getting antsy cos its 10 am and McDonalds stops serving breakfast in a half an hour.

    PS- it wasnt McDonalds fault. 1egg muffin meal a couple times a week even wouldve been fine. No one forced me to eat four sandwhiches a day.
  • askcupid117
    askcupid117 Posts: 126 Member
    Confessions. Oh how I wish they obsolved feeling so guilty.
    I am afraid to loose the weight because I have never been able to keep it off. There I have said it, out loud, sort of. And the shame I feel after gaining it all back and seeing people I havent seen since I was thin is just too much. Because they look at you with those "what happened to you??" eyes. Knowing that you gained it all back.
    I have no problem eating healthy and excercising and loosing weight in the beginning, its the after attaining goal that I have trouble with it. Because it really is a lifestyle change. You cant just go back to eating everything you love all of the time or it all comes back. Its almost fun to loose weight; all the attention you get from people telling you how great you look, all of your clothes fitting perfectly - even loosely; buying new outfits and showing off your new body. It makes all of that hard work completely worth it. But then what? Nothing. Nothing happens after that. You have to continue to eat healthy and excercise and work just as hard to keep it off. But you dont have the added benefit of losing anymore weight because you are at goal. Sure I tone up slightly more but so slightly that no one notices, most of all me. When I stop seeing positive changes in my body I start to get discouraged. Its hard to do all of the hard work just to keep something that you already worked hard to get. It most areas of life you set a goal, you work hard to achieve it, and then you are done. You move on to something else. There is nothing where you keep working your *kitten* off to keep what you already have. It doesnt even make sense. Its depressing. :(
    But alas if I dont then I just gain it all back and I have to start from square one. And losing weight in my early 20s was sooo much easier than it is now. So I really need to get a handle on finding a happy balance that I can achieve and then keep without feeling so deprived and without feeling like I am working so hard without getting anything in return.
  • spells1977
    spells1977 Posts: 146 Member
    Confessions. Oh how I wish they obsolved feeling so guilty.
    I am afraid to loose the weight because I have never been able to keep it off. There I have said it, out loud, sort of. And the shame I feel after gaining it all back and seeing people I havent seen since I was thin is just too much. Because they look at you with those "what happened to you??" eyes. Knowing that you gained it all back.
    I have no problem eating healthy and excercising and loosing weight in the beginning, its the after attaining goal that I have trouble with it. Because it really is a lifestyle change. You cant just go back to eating everything you love all of the time or it all comes back. Its almost fun to loose weight; all the attention you get from people telling you how great you look, all of your clothes fitting perfectly - even loosely; buying new outfits and showing off your new body. It makes all of that hard work completely worth it. But then what? Nothing. Nothing happens after that. You have to continue to eat healthy and excercise and work just as hard to keep it off. But you dont have the added benefit of losing anymore weight because you are at goal. Sure I tone up slightly more but so slightly that no one notices, most of all me. When I stop seeing positive changes in my body I start to get discouraged. Its hard to do all of the hard work just to keep something that you already worked hard to get. It most areas of life you set a goal, you work hard to achieve it, and then you are done. You move on to something else. There is nothing where you keep working your *kitten* off to keep what you already have. It doesnt even make sense. Its depressing. :(
    But alas if I dont then I just gain it all back and I have to start from square one. And losing weight in my early 20s was sooo much easier than it is now. So I really need to get a handle on finding a happy balance that I can achieve and then keep without feeling so deprived and without feeling like I am working so hard without getting anything in return.

    OMG! That.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I wish I could exercise myself to death, sometimes.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    My problem was alcohol.

    I would keep a large bottle of vodka in the pantry and put more in the empty bottle on the counter so my husband would not know I drank the whole thing,

    I used to hide a 12 pack of beer and refill the beer frig so he would not go to get one the next day and find it is empty because I drank it all the night before. I also used to hide my empties and take them to the recycling center across the street so he would not see all of them in our bin at home.

    I used to make humming bird food and put it in the red wine bottle on the counter so he would not know I drank the whole bottle of it either. Talk about smart, try pouring a piping hot pot of fresh boiled water into a empty wine bottle at midnight, drunk off my *kitten*.Geesh, its a wonder I did not scald myself silly.

    Now those are the ones that are not too embarrassing to share, I and I want to thank GOD that there was no such thing as camera phones and youtube when I was in my 20s, I know there are a few of you with me there. :wink:

    Just thought I would add to this, I am 5 years sober today. :smile:
  • lovemykids58
    lovemykids58 Posts: 195 Member
    I have eatne an ENTIRE package of vanilla oreo's with milk in one sitting. Thats right- the whole thing at once.
    I have killed off a med pep pizza by myself like it was my job.
    I used to eat at least 2 JBSs from wendys with a large fry and a frosty.

    This makes me sick to think i did this :embarassed: :frown:
  • pdettorre
    pdettorre Posts: 3 Member
    I used to eat a huge meal before I went out. Then at a restaurant order a lot of food, but wouldn't finish it and just say I had left overs for tomorrow. But when I got home they never made it to tomorrow.
  • raverhayley
    raverhayley Posts: 112 Member
    many times in the past i have eaten a whole medium takeaway pizza to myself with a side dish of mozzarella dippers- with alcohol of the side!
  • vicki20101
    vicki20101 Posts: 2 Member
    I think there is something therapeutic to this post... Look at the past, acknowledge that it happened, forgive myself for it and keep moving in a better direction.

    I the past:
    I never went anywhere with out my pepsi. First 32oz and by the 44oz. I carried it around like a security blanket. Now I call it poison water....
    During my divorce I took a lot of comfort from food. The deli on the way home made fried potatoes and smothered them in nacho cheese sauce...I stopped everynight on the way home for those. I probably wouldn't have stopped but they changed the cheese sauce ruined them... THANK HEAVANS!

    I remember during my miserable marriage running to McDonalds to get breakfast. I pulled mine out and scarfed it down and then had to stop by another so I could go home and eat with my husband.

    Currently i am on a diet program recommended by my dr and I currently I am doing better, but not perfectly and I really have to fight the urge to hide if I go off program. I write every bite of what I eat down right down to the one bite of chocolate ice cream and the candy bar from the vending machine at work.
  • shellybean73
    shellybean73 Posts: 88 Member
    i used to drink TWO bottles of wine in a night, then eat...well i would never remember what i actually ate after that!
  • theraevyn
    theraevyn Posts: 12 Member

    Just thought I would add to this, I am 5 years sober today. :smile:

    Big, hearty congrats on this. It's a HUGE accomplishment!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member

    Just thought I would add to this, I am 5 years sober today. :smile:

    Big, hearty congrats on this. It's a HUGE accomplishment!

    Thank you! I have to say, those first 90 days were not easy and I cried a lot, but boy was it worth it. I can not believe how obsessed with alcohol I was, and did not realize I was until I stopped. Believe it or not, NOT drinking is way easier than drinking. No more having to figure out how to get it done with out looking like I had a problem. :bigsmile:
  • theraevyn
    theraevyn Posts: 12 Member
    I read every single post on this 7-page thread. It's actually a relief to know that I'm not the only one who has a dysfunctional relationship with food.

    I have a lot of food allergies and sensitivities. Things that will give me rashes, bloating, violent diarrhea and gastrointestional distress for days. My confession? I eat things that I know will make me sick, because I WANT IT. Because they taste good. Because sometimes I justify that the week of feeling bad is worth that bite or plate of --whatever--. I can't eat any dairy - but will discreetly snatch up snack-sized chocolate bars from the office treat stashes and eat them at my desk. If it's leftover in the fridge, sometimes I'll say screw it and eat that piece (or 3) of leftover pizza with cheese on. If there are chocolate chip cookies in the house? Forget it. I eat them and pay for it later.

    I wish I could say that I've conquered this habit, but I haven't. I'm far better about it than I used to be - but I still eat things that I know will make me sick - in addition to making me fat. It's a struggle every day.
  • cblevitron
    cblevitron Posts: 243
    I'm afraid people will always see me as fat no matter how small I get.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    I'm afraid people will always see me as fat no matter how small I get.
    We are our own worst critics. I'm afraid I'm going to develop an eating disorder, because all I see is fat on me. I guess you hit a sore spot on me.
  • chrissy198727
    chrissy198727 Posts: 75 Member


    Sometimes for dinner I would get the family size bag of chips with a jar of cheese dip and eat the entire thing



    Yes, my old time favorite.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
    I used to be able to finish off an entire 12-pack of coke in 2 days and finish an entire bag of tostitos with queso dip in one sitting.

    Proud to say now that I can't do that anymore. It took a long time to get here, but it feels good to finally get control.

    My relationship was food was my way of self-sabotage in response to years of stress and borderline depression.
  • cblevitron
    cblevitron Posts: 243
    I'm afraid people will always see me as fat no matter how small I get.
    We are our own worst critics. I'm afraid I'm going to develop an eating disorder, because all I see is fat on me. I guess you hit a sore spot on me.

    :flowerforyou:

    I'm afraid that I'll fall back into my old eating disordered habits. I'm afraid of a lot. I'm a giant wiener.
  • MsTru2U
    MsTru2U Posts: 119 Member
    Confessions. Oh how I wish they obsolved feeling so guilty.
    I am afraid to loose the weight because I have never been able to keep it off. There I have said it, out loud, sort of. And the shame I feel after gaining it all back and seeing people I havent seen since I was thin is just too much. Because they look at you with those "what happened to you??" eyes. Knowing that you gained it all back.
    I have no problem eating healthy and excercising and loosing weight in the beginning, its the after attaining goal that I have trouble with it. Because it really is a lifestyle change. You cant just go back to eating everything you love all of the time or it all comes back. Its almost fun to loose weight; all the attention you get from people telling you how great you look, all of your clothes fitting perfectly - even loosely; buying new outfits and showing off your new body. It makes all of that hard work completely worth it. But then what? Nothing. Nothing happens after that. You have to continue to eat healthy and excercise and work just as hard to keep it off. But you dont have the added benefit of losing anymore weight because you are at goal. Sure I tone up slightly more but so slightly that no one notices, most of all me. When I stop seeing positive changes in my body I start to get discouraged. Its hard to do all of the hard work just to keep something that you already worked hard to get. It most areas of life you set a goal, you work hard to achieve it, and then you are done. You move on to something else. There is nothing where you keep working your *kitten* off to keep what you already have. It doesnt even make sense. Its depressing. :(
    But alas if I dont then I just gain it all back and I have to start from square one. And losing weight in my early 20s was sooo much easier than it is now. So I really need to get a handle on finding a happy balance that I can achieve and then keep without feeling so deprived and without feeling like I am working so hard without getting anything in return.

    OMG! That.

    ^^^^^^^ This! :cry:
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
    I lived DIRECTLY behind a McDonalds for 6 months. Seriously, you could look out my window and see the golden arch, and on hot days smell the cooking fries in our house!

    Instead of walking across the intersection to the grocery store to buy food, 9 times out of 10 I would just hop our back fence and walk across the parking lot for a couple double cheeseburgers, fries and a Dr. Pepper off the dollar menu.

    Some days I did this for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And dessert. And sometimes a midnight snack.

    Wow. I can't believe I just admitted that. I want to go run and hide my face now.
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
    I have eaten a whole thing of ice cream numerous of times.
    I have eaten a whole bag of salt and vinegar chips easily.. For breakfast.
    Lots of days where I just sat on the couch all day - I still have the occasional day like that...
    I could eat like... 3lbs of chicken wings... easily.
    I would eat like 3 plates at a Chinese food place and then get desserts.
    Going up 13 flights of stairs would have me dying for 20 minutes.
    I never drank water... Mostly chocolate milk, juice and energy drinks.
    I gave up for awhile and just stopped caring and ate whatever I wanted and just thought I was going to be fat forever.
  • PandaPants0612
    PandaPants0612 Posts: 37 Member
    Lets see...

    I used to always go to fast food restaurants such as BK and McDonalds and order 2 hamburgers, 2 chicken sandwiches (or sometimes wraps) and a large fry and have it all gone within 10 mins.

    I've cooked up an ENTIRE box of pasta and eaten it all myself.

    Bought cartons of Chinese (especially chicken fingers...mmmm...) and devoured them

    You know those delicious boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes? I would easily plow through one of those in one sitting. Same with the Hostess (I think) mini doughnuts

    God, I could go on forever :/ I feel like I have pretty much gotten my binging under control, but its something I just have to take day by day, because I think the urge to binge will always be in the back of my mind.
  • Culley34
    Culley34 Posts: 224
    After my roommate' brothers 21st birthday party a few years back, I was so brutally hungover that I couldn't function.

    So, I needed some greasy food, which included:
    2 Sausage, Egg, and Cheese McGriddles from McDonald's
    1 Sausage, Egg, and Cheese on a Croissant from Dunkin Donuts
    A whopper with cheese, a McChicken, and a large fry

    To echo everyone's thoughts-- I've eaten a bag of chips in one sitting, a large pizza, etc...

    My problem has always been snacking with the idle time. Now, I'm much more capable of saying... Am I hungry? Do I need that? Also-- I discovered the salted (I know...) nut mix from Whole Foods. It keeps me full and kills hunger pangs.
  • CassieReannan
    CassieReannan Posts: 1,479 Member
    Could eat a whole pizza by myself.

    I could easily eat hot chips for every meal.

    I remember weeks where I would go without eating a single vegetable or fruit.
  • marsviolet
    marsviolet Posts: 79 Member
    Oh, I can relate to so many of these posts!

    :blushing: This is surprisingly hard to write. My biggest thing was regularly eating entire bags of chips with dip. Usually followed by an entire block of chocolate. And always getting Italian or Indian take away and eating it all. I don't eat meat and I would pretty much just eat potato and bread products until I was full. And like somebody else said, nutella would not last a day. I will never be able to be in the same room as nutella:laugh:

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