Single at 33..why?
Replies
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I'm only 20, and I feel like I might end up in your boat...
I've only had one boyfriend, from 16-19, and everyone I've ever crushed on/admired after has been in these categories:
A) gay/turned gay shortly later
been a total *kitten*
C) already taken
D) a 'good guy', but I wouldn't want to date for very long
I'm pretty shy, and I get carried away when I talk to people....sigh.
hang in there, you have plenty of time left to live and find someone to call love of your life =30 -
At 33, if you are still single, you have to change the way you are doing things. Change surroundings and the type of person you're dating. Get in better shape. There are many things that any 33 year old single could do differently. I don't believe we are meant to be single after 25.
Hope you enjoyed Greys Anatomy last night while I was out partying with awesome good looking fun and exciting people!
The best single times of my life happened beyond 25 - you missed out buddy.
I wasn't watching Grey's Anatomy last night and never have seen that show.
Most people have done the party and club scene in their early 20s. It doesn't take long to see the party and club scene for what it is. As said earlier, by your 26th birthday, most people have seen the dating scene for 10 years, and that's enough time to figure it out. Going through the early rounds of dating when you are 26 or older is a much less gratifying experience. Sure, you can meet someone great after that, but it gets more difficult as many of the best singles are coupled off by then. The market has noticeably thinned by late 20s.
These age figures apply to both men and women. I think it is a smart thing to find a marriage partner earlier and get on with building a desirable life sooner.
I cringe at you and your "desirable life" meaning that one can only have a desirable life if they are married. This is why women get down if they aren't married in their early 20's, this old archaic attitude. I never wanted to marry, I had a pretty darn good life all through my single years, even "desirable". Then I met and fell in love with my husband when I was 32. Frankly, life is much harder now, I don't know about "desirable". I love my husband, but marriage is not the walk in the park people seem to think it is, a lot more trials and testing to have to go through with this other person you have to live life with. Life is not a fairy tale.
No everyone is meant to marry, frankly, so if you think that their lives are bad because they chose a different path than you, you need to wake up and realize not everyone has to do things the way you did or want to and deal with it.0 -
My husband was 32 when we married, and is an absolutely wonderful guy. We met when we were 18 and were friends and off/on dated in our early 20s. We ended up not working out back then because of job transfers and general immaturity, BUT reconnected 10 years later. I never met anyone that made me feel like he did or that I connected with on so many levels. I still get butterflies.
I truly believe God (the universe/fate/whatever you believe in) puts your husband/wife in your life when you are ready for them.0 -
But too much waiting leads to perpetual singlehood.
There is nothing wrong with perpetual singlehood, there is no reason for someone to get married just so they can say they are married. What kind of life is that?0 -
Almost 24 and never dated in my life...yupp...I don't think I'm unfortunate looking but every time I go out with my friends and guys approach us, I always get treated as "one of the guys." Conversation is easy but I end up being the friend, never the girlfriend.
I'm turning 23 thursday and Never dated in my life and it awesome to know that I'm not the only one. I seriously thought I was the only one.0 -
I finally got sick and tired of dating and the guys just not working out. This was when I was 30. I had been in and out of relationships (some really bad) since I was 17. I was that girl who was never going to meet someone. All my friends were married with kids and I felt alone.
So I decided to "screw it!" and just enjoy life. I started doing fun things, things for me. I met some fun people (guys and girls - all friends), I joined a pool league, joined a sorority, started taking cooking classes and started dancing. All stuff that I thought sounded fun. I realized I loved dancing so much that I started teaching.
One night when I was leaving the studio, a guy on his motorcycle, pulled out of a nearby parking lot, his bike hit a slick spot, spun out from under him and he hit the ground. I blocked traffic with my car and ran to check on him. He was fine!
Turns out he had just started coming to the studio to learn to dance himself and move on with his OWN life. He had noticed me that night when I was teaching and said I radiated when I smiled with how happy I was to teach. He wanted to talk to me but didn't have the gumption to talk to me that night.
We've been together for over 2 years and he's the first one that feels right. He's the one. And I WASN'T even looking!
People notice you when you are happy and having a great time. So grab your best girlfriends, and those guys who are only friends, and go do what you enjoy best. You are entitled to be sad and have your moments, but guys (and girls) can FEEL when you exude that "no one wants to be with me" aura. So ditch those at the door and get moving!0 -
Wow! You guys made my day! I was also having a horrible day yesterday, and I hesitated posting this. I thought no one was going to reply, but I was wrong! I"m so glad that there are others who feel the same way as me. Thing is, I have no trouble getting men, but it's QUALITY not quantity I want. It seems that men always go for the physical, and I want a man who sees the BEAUTY inside of me. I have dated some great men, but most weren't. lol.0
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The simple answer is just to lower your standards.
That's the answer to becoming married. Not happily married.
Never lower your standards! Never settle for less than what you want. Never! You'll never be happy if you do! Just wait it out!
^No everyone is meant to marry, frankly, so if you think that their lives are bad because they chose a different path than you, you need to wake up and realize not everyone has to do things the way you did or want to and deal with it.
^
he is one of those poor 20 something dudes that think that 'not being single' is a good reason to get married, because single is a disease and unnatural.
PS Jesus was 33 and died an old maid. Im sure he was doing it wrong?0 -
just fell in love with you.
:flowerforyou:0 -
At 33, if you are still single, you have to change the way you are doing things. Change surroundings and the type of person you're dating. Get in better shape. There are many things that any 33 year old single could do differently. I don't believe we are meant to be single after 25.
Hope you enjoyed Greys Anatomy last night while I was out partying with awesome good looking fun and exciting people!
The best single times of my life happened beyond 25 - you missed out buddy.
I wasn't watching Grey's Anatomy last night and never have seen that show.
Most people have done the party and club scene in their early 20s. It doesn't take long to see the party and club scene for what it is. As said earlier, by your 26th birthday, most people have seen the dating scene for 10 years, and that's enough time to figure it out. Going through the early rounds of dating when you are 26 or older is a much less gratifying experience. Sure, you can meet someone great after that, but it gets more difficult as many of the best singles are coupled off by then. The market has noticeably thinned by late 20s.
These age figures apply to both men and women. I think it is a smart thing to find a marriage partner earlier and get on with building a desirable life sooner.
i would just like to say a few things:
1. "seen the dating scene for 10 years by the time they're 26"???? um, you're a CHILD till 22, at LEAST. frankly, considering anything under the age of 21 as a part of "the singles scene" is pretty creepy, dude. going all the way down to 16 is verging on pedophilic.
2. you are NOT the same person at 25 as you were when you were 20. as you're not the same person at 30 as you were when you're 25. some people just aren't ready to get married until their later 20's, early 30's, mid 30's, late 30's. and its a GOOD thing to be able to recongnize that so that you avoid getting married too young and then find yourself in a very difficult marriage or divorced.
3. stop referring to it as "the market". we're not talking about cattle here. we're talking about meeting someone and falling in love and making a life long commitment which requires great maturity and reverence, and that has nothing to do with any "market".
4. my husband and i are approaching 30, been married a couple years, and we still enjoy the "party scene", thankyouverymuch. you don't die and suddenly stop enjoying a fun social life when you get married. well, at least we haven't.
1. People start dating each other in high school. I'm talking about the normal high school relationships. That's the typical first exposure to dating. From 18-22, you're going on dates, seeing people. This is exposure to dating.
2. Agree in the sense that if a person can't find someone suitable younger, they should wait. But too much waiting leads to perpetual singlehood.
4. No one said that someone had to stop enjoying a fun social life when you get married. And going out to bars and dance clubs as a 30 year old couple is a much different mindset than going out to bars and dance clubs as a 30 year old single.
wow, you have so much wisdom to share. when does your creepy pervy talk show come out?
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I am 43 and very blessed i dont look it (lol) !! I am single - no kids never married. It bothers me, but life is too short. You have to enjoy it to the fullest because we dont know what tomorrow will bring.0
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Same goes for me I'm 26 no bf or kids never been married. The men I dated were never good. So I just let it be I decided if I'm meant to find someone it will happen in its own time and if I've meant to be single then that's fine with me less stuff to deal with for the most part0
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If you're single, 33, and only friends with people in a church, you're going to have a bad time.
^this.0 -
I am also single at 33! And, I know that I would always rather be single and happy, then with a LOSER guy. I will gladly wait until I find the man, who actually makes my life better. I have dated so many guys, but I know that I am attracting the wrong type of guy. I am going to find a guy who is as stable and grounded as I am. I want an equal partner.
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Stop looking and start focusing on yourself. Don't you know that what your mom wants/society wants for you is different than what you want? Cause i've been down that road and if my mom had her way, I'd have married a priest, and/or been divorced from a guy who hated people and saw the glass as half empty. That's no fun.
You may end up with a divorced dad of 2 who's wonderful. Don't let your mom mold an image of what she thinks is best for you. You decide. You're not 15 anymore.0 -
Almost 24 and never dated in my life...yupp...I don't think I'm unfortunate looking but every time I go out with my friends and guys approach us, I always get treated as "one of the guys." Conversation is easy but I end up being the friend, never the girlfriend.
24 as well and in the same boat as you. Probably doesn't help that I'm in the tech business and ridiculously shy.0 -
Just a married guys' perspective - don't worry about being in a committed relationship/married for the sake of being married. Being in a committed relationship has it's great points, and it's not so great points. Enjoy the freedom you have to do whatever you wish without needing to plan three weeks ahead for your SO/spouse's plans, childcare, etc, or having to compromise on things you'd rather not compromise about. When the right person comes along, you'll both know it. Best of luck
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wow, you have so much wisdom to share. when does your creepy pervy talk show come out?
seriously. Im starting to think he's just having a really bad week - no one can possibly say that the 5 years you get dating between 16 and twenty one is fully half of the needed experience for getting married.
Hell I didnt even get sexually active until I was about 20. So the four years previous to that were spent learning to flirt. how to kiss and how to tell if attraction is mutual and ALL of that takes backseat to other new things you are experiencing like........ ooh I have titties, why are friends all getting *****y and making new friends, why are my grades important, I cant believe I have my first job, i cant wait to move out of my parents house...........................................
Im pretty sure you need some kind of different experience than that in order to be able to take on marriage.0 -
The simple answer is just to lower your standards.
That's the answer to becoming married. Not happily married.
Never lower your standards! Never settle for less than what you want. Never! You'll never be happy if you do! Just wait it out!
^No everyone is meant to marry, frankly, so if you think that their lives are bad because they chose a different path than you, you need to wake up and realize not everyone has to do things the way you did or want to and deal with it.
^
he is one of those poor 20 something dudes that think that 'not being single' is a good reason to get married, because single is a disease and unnatural.
PS Jesus was 33 and died an old maid. Im sure he was doing it wrong?
^ and Paul never married and even wrote in his 1st letter to the Corinthians that it was not necessary for everyone to marry.0 -
You may end up with a divorced dad of 2 who's wonderful. Don't let your mom mold an image of what she thinks is best for you. You decide. You're not 15 anymore.
mom or anyone else.
Its YOUR life, society doesnt have to live in your life, your mom doesnt have to be you, your family doesnt have to deal with those decisions forever YOU DO.
Too many people on sites like this dont get that cause they have, too many of them, always lived to the norms that others put around them. Duty and honor and expectations will keep far too many people in situations where they know that what they wanted out of life will never happen now. Well, at least they can frame the medal they get for long suffering and tolerance and choosing to not find out what life would have been like...
The medal reads : "Got it all done by 30. Now Im done."0 -
Just a married guys' perspective - don't worry about being in a committed relationship/married for the sake of being married. Being in a committed relationship has it's great points, and it's not so great points. Enjoy the freedom you have to do whatever you wish without needing to plan three weeks ahead for your SO/spouse's plans, childcare, etc, or having to compromise on things you'd rather not compromise about. When the right person comes along, you'll both know it. Best of luck0
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At 33, if you are still single, you have to change the way you are doing things. Change surroundings and the type of person you're dating. Get in better shape. There are many things that any 33 year old single could do differently. I don't believe we are meant to be single after 25.
Hope you enjoyed Greys Anatomy last night while I was out partying with awesome good looking fun and exciting people!
The best single times of my life happened beyond 25 - you missed out buddy.
I wasn't watching Grey's Anatomy last night and never have seen that show.
Most people have done the party and club scene in their early 20s. It doesn't take long to see the party and club scene for what it is. As said earlier, by your 26th birthday, most people have seen the dating scene for 10 years, and that's enough time to figure it out. Going through the early rounds of dating when you are 26 or older is a much less gratifying experience. Sure, you can meet someone great after that, but it gets more difficult as many of the best singles are coupled off by then. The market has noticeably thinned by late 20s.
These age figures apply to both men and women. I think it is a smart thing to find a marriage partner earlier and get on with building a desirable life sooner.
i would just like to say a few things:
1. "seen the dating scene for 10 years by the time they're 26"???? um, you're a CHILD till 22, at LEAST. frankly, considering anything under the age of 21 as a part of "the singles scene" is pretty creepy, dude. going all the way down to 16 is verging on pedophilic.
2. you are NOT the same person at 25 as you were when you were 20. as you're not the same person at 30 as you were when you're 25. some people just aren't ready to get married until their later 20's, early 30's, mid 30's, late 30's. and its a GOOD thing to be able to recongnize that so that you avoid getting married too young and then find yourself in a very difficult marriage or divorced.
3. stop referring to it as "the market". we're not talking about cattle here. we're talking about meeting someone and falling in love and making a life long commitment which requires great maturity and reverence, and that has nothing to do with any "market".
4. my husband and i are approaching 30, been married a couple years, and we still enjoy the "party scene", thankyouverymuch. you don't die and suddenly stop enjoying a fun social life when you get married. well, at least we haven't.
1. People start dating each other in high school. I'm talking about the normal high school relationships. That's the typical first exposure to dating. From 18-22, you're going on dates, seeing people. This is exposure to dating.
2. Agree in the sense that if a person can't find someone suitable younger, they should wait. But too much waiting leads to perpetual singlehood.
4. No one said that someone had to stop enjoying a fun social life when you get married. And going out to bars and dance clubs as a 30 year old couple is a much different mindset than going out to bars and dance clubs as a 30 year old single.
wow, you have so much wisdom to share. when does your creepy pervy talk show come out?
I perceive that one liner as rude and uncalled for.0 -
Just a married guys' perspective - don't worry about being in a committed relationship/married for the sake of being married. Being in a committed relationship has it's great points, and it's not so great points. Enjoy the freedom you have to do whatever you wish without needing to plan three weeks ahead for your SO/spouse's plans, childcare, etc, or having to compromise on things you'd rather not compromise about. When the right person comes along, you'll both know it. Best of luck
^^ This...
AND... just a bit of different perspective... I'm 33, have two of my own kids, also two stepkids and on my second marriage because I was widowed from my first. Life just doesn't always go the way we want or think it should.
Yeah... I LOVE being married... I loved my first husband, our marriage was challenging... I love my second husband... our marriage is challenging :-)
It truly does matter the who of it all... and not the what... seriously... WHO you marry is the most important decision you will EVER make and well worth the wait. My first husband was more than worth marrying... and my second husband is well worth marrying... but they have GOT to be worth the work that it takes... or the label doesn't mean anything and actually brings strife.
If someone ever told me "this" would be my life now... I would have laughed and said NO WAY! But here it is... I can either rebel against it and whine that it's not what I thought it would be or feel it should have been... or embrace it and go with it...
Enjoy life... get out there... yes... MEET PEOPLE... and HAVE FUN!!! Don't let the idea of BEING married be the focus... find a way to live and enjoy life and when you meet the right person, they will be the one you say wow... they feel like "home" and they are just as eager to enjoy life WITH me and work towards goals WITH me.... as I am to do for them... even when life isn't the way I thought it was going to be. I think that's one of the interesting things that my second husband and I have in common... I don't think EITHER of us thought "this" would be our lives now... but here we are...
Patience... one of the hardest things... but WELL WORTH IT! Hang in there!0 -
The harder you look, the less you'll find. And when you have them - the harder you look, the less you'll find appealing...
Reassess your standards - what you liked about previous relationships, what you didn't like. What you want (tall, dark, handsome) vs. what you need (dependable, reliable, trustworthy). Try to aim for what you did like.
Also, try a hands-off approach and let the chips fall where they may.
Or you could try a dating service to find a match more closely suited to your desires.
I didn't date for 3 years trying to find myself an who I wanted in life... it's not easy.0 -
This is a great thread. I am 32 and single, and this thread has been quite uplifting for me. So, thank you.
OP: Hang in there, girl. :flowerforyou:0 -
I perceive that one liner as rude and uncalled for.
much of what you have said today has been the same. I apologize for saying it so bluntly, but you have really alienated some very happy healthy people today simply because they are not on the same life plan as you.
You've said point blank that they are unnatural and have lived their lives incorrectly and are in the undesirable state of being single because of some faulty decision making of their own.
I find that to be rude, uncalled for, closed minded and just plain old spiteful uninformed intentional hurtfulness.
oh these people dont have complexes but they should!0 -
I just turned 28, have a good career, own my home, have loving friends and family. No boyfriend, no husband, no children and I'm perfectly fine with that. If someone comes along and I can share what I have and enjoy with them, great! If not, I have my back-up friend and we're getting hitched at 40 for the tax breaks. 0
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Sometimes you wonder how you could be single and unmarried at 33. It's really depressing, bec I know I am a good perosn, but I can't seem to find a good man. I date the musican types, and they have proven to not make good boyfriends. And my man wants me to meet a good Christian/BA Degree/smart/good job etc. and I told her most of them are married by my age. And all the good men are taken.
Sucks becuase everyone my age in the church are all married with kids. I feel like there's something majorly wrong with me. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions?
I'm married. I'm a catch. I got hooked young. I will say what all my friends who are in your position, the quality of people aren't there statistically. It doesn't mean you aren't quality, and it doesn't mean there isn't quality people out there, just that you may have to look harder.
Just know what quality of a person you are, and expect none less. Don't settle for awful boyfriends.
I'm a musician. I met my wife as one. I will vouch that there are a lot of awful human beings in music. I do meet some great people, but for every great, I meet like 5 awful people. So if musicians are your preference... Maybe change genre of music? Those jazz bands always seems to be so mature... I sometimes (current band excluded) feel like I'm surrounded by monkeys in this business.0 -
am i the only one who thinks 26 is still young, i had a friends get married at 25 and divorced less than a yr later, she has a beautiful son, but who says there is a "right" age, not too long ago there was a time when it was normal to be married at 20, ummmm we dont think thats the best decision at this time now do we. We as women have more options now than just finding a husband and raising kids, believe me i understand the fairy tale seems so grand, I would love it too, but dont beat yourself up or think something is wrong. i discovered comparing yourself to other people isnt always the best idea, it often will leave you down or questioning yourself, the grass isnt always greener.0
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I really hate the idea that one has to 'change' to meet a life partner. In fact I have to say it's a disgusting idea. We should never have to change who we are to 'meet' someone. That's called manipulation, lying and is a recipe for being completely miserable in future.
For pities sake be who you ARE. Someone out there is going to love who you are naturally. Lots of people will love the fake you too but you'll be miserable as you hide your true self all the freaking time just to be 'loved'... except it's not YOU someone is going to love but the 'you' that you pretend to be.
ARGH! Sore point. Sorry. I'll go now.0
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