Adultery Diet

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  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    btw- my husband is a straight *kitten*.

    Agreed, 100%. Karma will bite him in the *kitten* one day- and his new woman needs to know that if he'll do it WITH her, there's nothing keeping him from doing it TO her. Relationships that start with infidelity rarely work for the long term- you may not be feeling happy right now, but take some solace in the FACT that he will one day end up absolutely MISERABLE.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    i need to stop.
    i emailed him asking him if he was sure he wanted to go down this road. with having to divide everything up - our life - giving our financials to someone to divvy up. proving who paid what for our house... it is all so scary.
    how could he want this. i am a hot mess today. i go from angry. to wanting him, to sad . to anxious. - i havent put these emotions out there, i jsut feel them.

    he accused me of being irrational lately - but i am the one doing yoga, meditating, praying, i have taken so many epsom salt baths i should be cured like a freaking ham by now, burning sage, lemon balm, reading, - yet - i am the irrational one.

    why cant i just skip this phase... how could he do this? and then go and do it again??????????????????????????????????
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    What you are experiencing is all a natural part of the process. It's no fun, but it's natural. I think you said you were seeing a counselor? If so, try to see them more often, twice a week maybe? I called my best friend every day, probably 3 to 4 times a day for weeks. She was my saving grace. Posting here is good for you too, I think.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    When you wake up at 4:10 get up. Don't lie there in bed obsessing. I'm going through a breakup now, and I did that at first too. (Happened mid December) Now I just get up. Do productive stuff, even if it is just journalling your anger. You will never be able to figure out every detail, and the crazy circular thoughts that happen when you try to figure him out - just get up. Trust me, once I stopped thinking about him in the dark in bed and got up and started being productive - - I was able to shut off the thoughts and get stuff done!.

    I agree that you need to make the decision to not talk to him anymore. It is over. He is a loser and you don't want to go down that path. My therapist, when I was divorcing years ago, asked me "Why don't you just cut your losses?" It pi$$ed me off at the time, but he was right.

    So, your ex was outted. WAAAAAHHHHH. He shouldn't have had anything to be "outted" over. He is going to continue to make you feel bad by his manipulation. Let the lawyers hash it out. I know how tempting it is to contact him. Believe me, I know. I had to set goals:
    I won't contact him TODAY.
    I won't contact him for ONE WEEK.

    In that one week, I had time to do a lot of thinking about what a loser he was. What did he have that I wanted? There are some things you will always love about him. But it is broken. Love the good memories, but let him go. YOUR decision.



    un-friend him.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    I think the letting go is beginning.
    I sent him an email last night telling him i cannot be hurt anymore.
    I need to move on with my life.
    To please just put the divorce on the back burner, not because I am in denial, but I need to stand up and brush off first.
    I will not contact him today.
    I am leaving for mexico next week for 4 days. I will not contact him for one week.
    Then I will be in Mexico... i must break the cycle.
    I should unfriend him.
  • missyjane
    missyjane Posts: 188 Member
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    I should unfriend him.

    Yes, you definitely should. It is torture to yourself not to. Even though you crave that contact, it is soooo unhealthy for you right now.

    I pray your cruise is a great time and a time of beginning to heal for you.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    i am not quite that ready yet.
    i will be though.
  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
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    i am not quite that ready yet.
    i will be though.

    Yes, you will!! You are a strong woman.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    maybe i need a tiny new tattoo.
    one on my right foot.
    shrink down the paw print of my lab that passed away -
    just a tiny little one.
    to remind me to just be. my new start. MINE.
  • AnneElise
    AnneElise Posts: 4,221 Member
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    great idea.
    Start doing things for YOU!
    Have a fantastic time on your cruise! You deserve it.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    While in Mexico, you will find it easier not to contact him for the week.

    If I were you, I'd spend as much time outside of that house as possible (after Mexico, before Mexico). That house makes you miss him, because he was a part of it. Hell, SELL THE HOUSE. You can find another one you love. There are too many memories attached. Get out to friends' houses, out to the gym, out to the movies.... outside of the house, outside of what WAS your routine. You are still in your normal routine, but it feels empty because he isn' there. His position is open, so there is a hole. It's not really HIM you miss.... it's that position. (Tell yourself this, no matter how much truth there is to it.... it will become the truth if it isn't now!). Change your routine and you will see that occasionally you don't even think about him.... then suddenly a whole day will pass without you thinking of him....

    Mexico will be awesome!!
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    you are right... the house is a tough one.... i dont want to give it up - but it was our dream.
    It is on the water, so it is hard for me to walk away from.
    I cant make any decisions right now i guess.
    I am going out tonight.
    I have plans during the day tomorrow.
    I am going out tomorrow night.
    Superbowl plans on sunday... then 4 short days til mexico....
    How was it that stella got her groove back???????????????/
    somewhere south of the boarder i think.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    you are right... the house is a tough one.... i dont want to give it up - but it was our dream.
    It is on the water, so it is hard for me to walk away from.
    I cant make any decisions right now i guess.
    I am going out tonight.
    I have plans during the day tomorrow.
    I am going out tomorrow night.
    Superbowl plans on sunday... then 4 short days til mexico....
    How was it that stella got her groove back???????????????/
    somewhere south of the boarder i think.

    And you don't have to make any decisions right now!!! You have all the time in the world to think about what you want, flip flop back and forth between your choices, and finally decide what is right for you, in your own time. The best decisions for you right now are probably those that you give yourself ample time to decide on. :flowerforyou:

    Glad you are going out tonight and tomorrow. It's good to force yourself to get out. It will improve your mood and keep you functioning.

    No idea how how Stella got her groove back but I'm sure South of the Border is a great place to try!
  • blondeambition
    blondeambition Posts: 57
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    Sabes,

    Your story hits very close to home with me, and I have been where you are and felt all of the emotions you are feeling. I don't know you, but I wish I could give you a hug. All I can tell you is that you WILL be ok and you will be a better woman for all you are going through.

    I had only been married 8 months to my high school sweetheart and was 6 months pregnant with our second baby when I found out that my ex husband was having an affair. I was 21, she was 19.I had recently been laid off from my job which meant I had no money of my own and I had no idea what to do. I stayed with him because of our children but he wanted nothing to do with the baby on the way, refused to go to ultrasounds and Dr appointments and sat on the other side of the room watching football while I delivered her. I was so unhappy, I couldnt trust him and he made no effort to put things back together. One day I decided I was better than this...I DESERVED a happy life. So, I kicked himout . I had no money, no car,no job and 2 kids. It was the scariest thing I ever did, but also the best. I got a job 1 month later, went back to college and got a degree while still working full time, got an even better job where I have been promoted twice and lost 80 pounds. I also met a good man about 4.5 years ago who treats me like a queen and loves my kids.

    Do you know how my ex husband ended up?He's been living in his parents' basement since the day I kicked him out almost 8 years ago. He has been unemployed most of that time, has gained 70 pounds and is still ALONE.

    If I didnt believe in Karma, I do now. When I was in the stage you are in, I did not think I could survive. I couldnt breathe, or eat or stop crying. I thought my life was over. It was just beginning.
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    When I was in the stage you are in, I did not think I could survive. I couldnt breathe, or eat or stop crying. I thought my life was over. It was just beginning.


    Thank you for saying that.... i like that it is just beginning.
    I am 35 and my future is a big fat unknown.
    Its amazing and unfortunate at times that this feeling doesnt actually kill you. But it doesnt - and I have no choice to push on.
    This board has been extremely helpful.

    It is my beginning...
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,080 Member
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    How Stella got her groove back........

    tayediggs.jpg






    works for me. :wink:
  • iRun4wine
    iRun4wine Posts: 5,126
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    How Stella got her groove back........

    tayediggs.jpg






    works for me. :wink:

    hahahaha :laugh: how 'bout it, Sabes? :love:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    How Stella got her groove back........

    tayediggs.jpg






    works for me. :wink:

    does anyone have a drooling smiley???
  • sabes2631
    sabes2631 Posts: 403
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    i see my groove...
    its def somewhere in mexico.
    lol - ill find it - no doubt and how gooooood it will be.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    How are you doing? Are you already in Mexico, soaking up the sun?

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