What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

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  • mommamindi
    mommamindi Posts: 273
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    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.

    I agree with this ^^^
    Plus no one who wants to know has told me how answering this question is going to BETTER the marriage.

    Although you did not ask me it bettered my relationship a lot for him knowing. My situation is not a normal situation, but for us, it allowed him to know what I have been through and what went on in my past, and how to deal with the issues that may arise.
  • childofArtemis24
    childofArtemis24 Posts: 334
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    Well, this could either way. I told my husband and he told me about 2 weeks after we started dating. I wanted to know, it was a major factor in defining if I wanted to keep on, or break it off. Call me mean, but I do not want to be dating someone then find out 9 months later he may have a baby. No baby mama drama for me! I guess I wanted to know, cause I thought he might have had a little sense of self respect for his self. I was raised old fashioned, so I don't consider myself mean. I consider myself cautious.
  • TexasSunny
    TexasSunny Posts: 105 Member
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    I THINK it matters.... only in relation to your sex life. So really the question isn't about the number of partners, but there must be an underlying question like, "How do you know all this wild and kinky stuff?" ORRRRRR.... "How come she doesn't really know anything about sex?"

    So if you don't want to say the number, I'd reroute the conversation to the satisfaction factor of your sex life.
  • quietasariot
    quietasariot Posts: 198 Member
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    Obligated? Well, this is a person you are spending the rest of your life with, why not be as open with them as possible? It shouldn't feel like an "obligation". That said, my husband and I both told each other how many people we had been with before we were married. Not the most comfortable subject, but he was curious and in turn I was too.
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
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    Yes, this is the kinda thing people first talk about I think....to go the whole relationship and now when you are married he wants to know? Well...he's pretty locked in so he can't go anywhere lol. What is it really going to hurt if you tell him?

    Like others have posted, you should be able to be honest in a relationship.
  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
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    For me it doesnt matter. What happen's in Vegas stays in Vegas....in other words-its in the past so doesnt mean squat.

    ^^ Precisely this
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    I've always been open and honest about my relationship past with my husband. It's much easier to just be honest from the start.
  • SweetiePieHolly
    SweetiePieHolly Posts: 11
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    dave198lbs your so funny....:laugh:
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
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    I've told my husband, but that was a long time and many margaritas ago. Doesn't matter, really. I'm pretty much an open book. It never seemed to matter to him. We were both pretty even in our flousy-ness. Which I like. I don't like vanilla. :)
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    I haven't been in a single serious relationship where they didn't tell me. And if they didn't know the exact number, they told me what range they knew.

    I don't believe in secrets, so I wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't tell me.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    I THINK it matters.... only in relation to your sex life. So really the question isn't about the number of partners, but there must be an underlying question like, "How do you know all this wild and kinky stuff?" ORRRRRR.... "How come she doesn't really know anything about sex?"

    So if you don't want to say the number, I'd reroute the conversation to the satisfaction factor of your sex life.

    THIS HERE, I CAN UNDERSTAND. =)
  • wcaldwelld
    wcaldwelld Posts: 101 Member
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    Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..

    No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...

    And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.

    I agree with this ^^^
    Plus no one who wants to know has told me how answering this question is going to BETTER the marriage.

    Although you did not ask me it bettered my relationship a lot for him knowing. My situation is not a normal situation, but for us, it allowed him to know what I have been through and what went on in my past, and how to deal with the issues that may arise.

    I think i remember you 1st response so this make your situation quite a bit different i agree.
    (as for everyone else, i asked how it makes the relationship better in the original post, lol)
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
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    My boyfriend and I have talked about it in detail. I think your sexual experiences are part of who you are and also who you are sexually. For me with the person I plan to marry and who knows me in the most intimate and in depth way of any one this is a natural thing to share and discuss. I've slept with more people than my partner, but I never felt any need to lie about that. He loves and accepts me as I am, everything in my past made me who I am today. I think it makes the relationship stronger to know about a persons experiences and stories in life, before you it helps you understand them and make you both feel connected. Previous partners is part of that.

    So even if it's strange that it's never been raised before I don't think it isn't something to share and I definitely don't think it should be lied about. And I totally disagree with the "best friends is over rated" people. My boyfriend is my best friend, my team mate and the person who knows every single thing about me and still loves me more than words. I wouldn't want anything else.
  • wcaldwelld
    wcaldwelld Posts: 101 Member
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    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    well stated!!!!
  • mommamindi
    mommamindi Posts: 273
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    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.

    I agree with this ^^^
    Plus no one who wants to know has told me how answering this question is going to BETTER the marriage.

    Although you did not ask me it bettered my relationship a lot for him knowing. My situation is not a normal situation, but for us, it allowed him to know what I have been through and what went on in my past, and how to deal with the issues that may arise.

    I think i remember you 1st response so this make your situation quite a bit different i agree.
    (as for everyone else, i asked how it makes the relationship better in the original post, lol)

    I must have missed that part of the OP. I am a bit distracted by the Packer game, lol.
  • jadedzen
    jadedzen Posts: 221 Member
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    i think the question that would really make your relationship better is how many people do you plan on being with in the future. you're committed to each other and it doesn't matter at this point. my fiance was in the military and his number is triple digits. but he stayed with ME, so that's a compliment right? after trying every flavor out there, he likes mine best. That's the important thing
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..

    No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...

    And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....

    I copied and pasted this from a Blog, i this is NOT about me. I am actually quite single. lol
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    My boyfriend and I have talked about it in detail. I think your sexual experiences are part of who you are and also who you are sexually. For me with the person I plan to marry and who knows me in the most intimate and in depth way of any one this is a natural thing to share and discuss. I've slept with more people than my partner, but I never felt any need to lie about that. He loves and accepts me as I am, everything in my past made me who I am today. I think it makes the relationship stronger to know about a persons experiences and stories in life, before you it helps you understand them and make you both feel connected. Previous partners is part of that.

    So even if it's strange that it's never been raised before I don't think it isn't something to share and I definitely don't think it should be lied about. And I totally disagree with the "best friends is over rated" people. My boyfriend is my best friend, my team mate and the person who knows every single thing about me and still loves me more than words. I wouldn't want anything else.

    YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS A REEEEEEALLY GOOD RESPONSE. I can understand this too.
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
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    I THINK it matters.... only in relation to your sex life. So really the question isn't about the number of partners, but there must be an underlying question like, "How do you know all this wild and kinky stuff?" ORRRRRR.... "How come she doesn't really know anything about sex?"

    So if you don't want to say the number, I'd reroute the conversation to the satisfaction factor of your sex life.

    THIS HERE, I CAN UNDERSTAND. =)

    Haha yes to this too!

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