Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

Justkf
Justkf Posts: 208 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anyone have kids that do not live at home anymore and still have a key to the house? I have one Stepson I did not raise (age 27) that drops in alot unannounced and leaves a trail everytime (uses our stuff and doesn't put it back). He's a great guy but a bit of a intrusion, thinks we are his storage unit, laundry facility and occasionally sleep base camp.

Kinda want the key back since my husband and I want "our" life to begin. I am not sure how to ask without hurting feelings.

Thanks!
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Replies

  • nicebumwhereyoufrom
    nicebumwhereyoufrom Posts: 35
    Move unexpectedly :) lol
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    oh my! can't help with advice but, am worried myself about my stepson...14 almost 15. Mom has babied him soooo much. I don't know if he'll ever leave when he's old enough!
  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
    Have you tried talking to him about it? Be nice about it, but make sure that he knows you mean business.

    Change the locks?
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.
  • LiliWray
    LiliWray Posts: 101 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    ^^^ THIS is all you need.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    He is wise...
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    That's pretty close to what I was going to suggest.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    Worked at my house! I told him if the door was locked, we were having sex and he probably doesn't want to come in since there's no telling WHERE we are having sex. He doesn't drop by much anymore. LOL
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    ^^ all that AND change the locks!
  • PittShkr
    PittShkr Posts: 1,000 Member
    change the locks and put someone elses last name on the front door
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.


    That would do it, except I still have one at home so he won't believe me!
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    Exactly what my parents did. I never handed over anything so quickly!
  • VanillaBone
    VanillaBone Posts: 119 Member
    It's probably good for him to have the key in case of emergencies, but there's no reason he should be dropping by unannounced or leaving his crap at your house. Sit him down and tell him that.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Next time he comes in, ask him to give you the keys since you lost the spare and need to give it to somebody 9dog sitter, house worker, neighbor as a backup)

    Or just change the locks
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    If that doesn't work, make up a door hanger, leave a small bucket by the door with about 20 sets of car keys.....door hanger should read "Swingers...leave your keys at the door and come on in"
  • LaurySch
    LaurySch Posts: 277 Member
    How about just telling him you don't appreciate the way he is disrespecting your privacy? Just because he's your child doesn't give him free reign to come and go as he pleases - especially at 27!

    And I'm a 37 year old who moved out at 19 and moved back at 30 due to crappy circumstances. If I hadn't known how to respect my parents and their privacy/property it would have been WAY more stressful than it was (and is)! My kids are only 12 and 15, but they sure understand the boundaries - both mine and their grandparents and we in turn respect the boundaries they are allowed to have.

    It's part of growing up. Suck it up buttercup.
  • MrsNina1972
    MrsNina1972 Posts: 105 Member
    Just tell him you would like your key back and he is a grown man and he no longer needs it. That's why when my 2 older son's left the nest they had to give up their door key! lol, but we still have a 13yo at home and I tell him at least once a month he is growing up to slow! GOOD LUCK!! Be strong and mean what you say!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Curious - have you tried to tell him that he's a messy little *kitten* and in your space??
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    I'm 20 years older than that and my father *just* gave me the key to the house (never mind that I've had since I was 13) last itme he was in town. Of course, when I go, I clean up *their* junk and I live over 5000 miles away....
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    TRUE STORY.

    I would GLADLY hand over my key in that case.

    I had the opposite problem when my mom still lived in the same city (10 minutes away from me, no less). She took it upon herself to make a key and drop by all the freaking time. Thank God she lives 3 hours away now.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Curious - have you tried to tell him that he's a messy little *kitten* and in your space??

    That's what my mom tells my sister, almost in those exact words lol
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    Curious - have you tried to tell him that he's a messy little *kitten* and in your space??

    Yeah-emailed him last week to put things back where he finds them. No reply. Then he emailed me a couple days ago asking if he can go on the family phone plan to save money. Did I mention he doesn't have a real job, is my step son and also does his laundry when we are not home? He also couch surfs because he does not want to pay "rent" anywhere.
  • Angie_1991
    Angie_1991 Posts: 447 Member
    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........
  • livaneah
    livaneah Posts: 34 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.
    OMG that would stop my unannounced visits to the parents' house!!
  • thr33martins
    thr33martins Posts: 192 Member
    It's probably good for him to have the key in case of emergencies, but there's no reason he should be dropping by unannounced or leaving his crap at your house. Sit him down and tell him that.

    I agree^^. I still have a key to my mother's house and I am married with two kids! But she has needed me to go and feed her cat on occasion, or pick something up/drop something by while she is at work. You never know... This is not about the key, it is about understanding boundaries!
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    Yup! LOL. I walked in on my mom one time....I knock before going in to the house AND any room in the house. All it takes is one time.
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?

    I did not raise him, he is my stepson. I enjoy his company but he comes by when we are not home. I don't want to hurt his feelings because we want him to grow up and take care of his own business in his own place. I did not say I don't want him around.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    Change the locks, it's your home not his.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
    Can't you just explain to him that you are glad he still feels so at home there but he needs to pick up after himself AND call before coming over? I'd be straightforward with him and just tell him you love him but you're not his maid/housekeeper/crash pad any longer.

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