Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

i bet that would nip it in the bud

If your the step mom why are you dealing with it? I think DAD needs to deal with it...or is this also a case where maybe DAD doesn't have the same feelings, therefore refuses to deal with it.

Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

It's simple. Let him know that the "open door policy" is a two way street so you would like a set of keys to his place, and in the future would be coming and going as you please.

After reading that he's your stepson and you didn't have as much hand in raising him I change my stance a bit:

Your husband needs to know how you feel and HE needs to be the one to tell his son to grow up.

Just be honest with him. It might sting a little bit but he'll get past it.

Or... start dropping by his place unexpected several times a week. That should make him think.

Is he a she named Sullykat? Because I think I might be your son.

I am married and have a house of my own, but I still have a key and go over to my mom's house ALL the time! I use her bathroom as my own personal locker room between gym and work (it takes too long to go all the way home). I also raid her fridge and pantry on a regular basis. My step-dad is constantly trying to give me back my stuff because he does not want to be the storage unit anymore either, but I refuse to take it (I always "forget" to bring the bag of old treasures with me on my way out).

I'm sorry, I can not give you any tips, as I would be devastated if my key ever got taken away… but only for selfish reasons. Just rip that cold sucker out of his hands and say "No more, Johnny! No more." That is the only way my mom is EVER getting rid of me. lol

I would say "for selfish reasons" is pretty apt. Granted my son is only 3, but I'm not attached to things and I'd give you 2 days then throw all your **** out. I moved out and my parents kept asking me what to do with my stuff and I kept saying "I set it out to be thrown out" and they kept putting it back on the shelf thinking I'd change my mind. When I lived near them I left a small box(about the size of a cake pan) at each of their homes of things that I generally needed at their house. I figured that was a respectible piece of space without being imposing, if it didn't fit in the box it either went in the trash or left with me.

I have a very different relationship with my folks... I'm 35 and stay with them with their grandson from time to time (for two months this summer, in fact, when I had a broken leg). To this day, it would not bother them if I came and did laundry at their house whether or not they were home. I don't need to... I have had a very successful career since I was 21 years old, and have my own home. However, it's "available."

That being said, if both you AND his father would like him to stop coming over to do laundry, staying over, dropping by, etc. you need to address it. And frankly, since you've made it VERY clear you are step and not "parent," I would vote for your husband to be the one to speak to him... not email him... speak to him.

Changing the locks, albeit funny, is not a great decision, imo.

I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

How is this helpful to me?

Some people just can't help it??

if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?

Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

:laugh: :drinker: :drinker:

Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

Seriously? Your own child is unwelcome to visit without paying???


:grumble:

I have a now 31 year old daughter. She was reluctant to move out when I lived in MN. I knew that she wanted to stay there. At the time she was 22 or so and she had a job at Walgreens, which didn't pay all that much, but enough for a modest apartment. I told her I was moving to PA and she got all upset. I offered to pay $200 dollars on her rent, which worked out great. That lasted a year until she moved in with a man. They broke up and she came to PA.

Well, she settled on in to the same insecure routine of living at home. I took a job in a place a distance away from home and decided to move. She didn't want to move to where I was going, so she moved out. Recently, she started talking about moving to the town where I live. I told her that would be find as long as she had her own place. So I set up a boundary for her.

She has a key to my apartment, but always calls before coming. This is another boundary that I set for her.

My son, who is 26, moved out when he was 19 or 20 and has never moved back. I don't think he ever will because I set down the boundary rules right away with him. I learned from my experience with my daughter.

I believe, though, that you shouldn't have to move in order to get your children to move out. Many children are making enough to make it on their own - if they don't go around buying everything that they believe they need. The other problem is that many children are afraid of failing. They may have insecurity issues.

Your stepson has a boundary issue. I recognize this because he doesn't call and let you know he is stopping by. He just barges in. Your husband needd to sit down with him and explain to him your feelings. He needs to let him know that you have raised him to adulthood and it is now your time to enjoy life. You need to set down some rules, including moving his crap out of your house and that he will have to make arrangements ahead of time if he wants to 'visit'.

I had this conversation with my daughter. Now she comes to 'visit' me and then she leaves. She always calls before coming, even though she has a key to the apartment. She doesn't store anything at my place, even though I have lots of room. Although I am not married, she recognizes that I want time to do things with my friends and maybe have a guy over, or maybe just time for myself.

Believe me, your husband needs to have this conversation with your stepson. Otherwise, nothing will change.

And take the key away from him.

The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.

Calling first would be nice.

Tell him you have a list of chores for him to do the next time he comes over. I bet he won't show up for weeks.