Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

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Replies

  • JohnMessmer
    JohnMessmer Posts: 536
    I would ask your husband how he feels and if he is of similar thought, then have him ask for the key back.
  • SopranogirlCa
    SopranogirlCa Posts: 188 Member
    Change your locks
  • oneworkoutatatime
    oneworkoutatatime Posts: 312
    Move unexpectedly :) lol

    this or change the locks...
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
    2 options...tell your husband to talk to him or change the locks and don't give him the new key.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member

    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.


    I don't think she is saying that he isn't welcomed but she doesn't have a flop house and she'd like her privacy. I have a key to my mothers and I would not just show up unannounced and let myself into her home. It's respect. My son has a key to my home and would never let himself in whether I was home or not. It's about respect.

    Not to mention he's 27! No job and basically homeless. He will never get it together if everyone friends/family cater to him.
  • shani251
    shani251 Posts: 145 Member
    we told our daughter we wanted to run around naked - she left the key on the counter the next morning ;)
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 378 Member
    if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

    however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

    Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?

    What a very different point of view this is. Very few from my generation (I am 55) would say that. I always felt that I could go home whenever I wanted to, but I never had a key once I left. Interesting that the young people of today feel that they can just pop on in, do whatever - watch television, do laundry, cook a meal, etc. - without paying any mind to what they parents may think about it.
  • schell81
    schell81 Posts: 187 Member
    if he is your stepson why inst your husband putting his foot down?


    Totally agree,
    I was wondering when someone would say it. It would mean more from his father than his step mom.
  • treesloth
    treesloth Posts: 162 Member
    That would do it, except I still have one at home so he won't believe me!

    Good, train the other other one to walk around with a scarred, haunted look in their eyes, and mention occasionally that they're in therapy. That will reinforce it.
  • flowergirl73
    flowergirl73 Posts: 153 Member
    Maybe his dad should address it with him since he's your stepson.
  • gatorginger
    gatorginger Posts: 947 Member
    Change the locks on your door and your problem should be solved
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
    I have a 31 year old son who won't leave. It's my own fault. I told him as he was growing that family is always there for each other. He has a new girlfriend with 3 children who come every weekend now. Instead of him leaving, more are coming, LOL Oh well, I guess we won't be alone in our old age if this keeps up. My husband and I used to dream of the day all our kids would be gone. Sigh! :grumble:

    WOW!!! My mom would have kicked my @ss! LOL! Bless your heart! Momma's and their boys :smile:
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    Tell him you have a list of chores for him to do the next time he comes over. I bet he won't show up for weeks.

    That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.
  • schell81
    schell81 Posts: 187 Member
    Althought I shouldn't be giving advice on this... My in laws stop by unannounced and walk right in whenever they'd like. I still don't have the guts to say anything because my husband gave them a key and she watches our daughter for free once a week.
  • candctaber
    candctaber Posts: 274
    Having a key is a good idea but I ALWAYS knock before I enter my parents home and wait for them to open the door. I would ONLY use the key if there was an emergancy. I would explain to your son that you need your space and would like him to knock & NOT come over when you are not home unless he asks.
  • sailinjen
    sailinjen Posts: 103 Member
    hahahahaha....change the locks and phone number....problem solved! good luck
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
    I'd be more concerned about the fact he is sofa surfing to avoid paying rent! I'd be telling him he needs to start paying his way and stop relying on other people. Eventually people will get fed up with him crashing at theirs without paying any keep and I expect then he'll end up in your doorstep needing somewhere to live.

    Sounds like he seriously needs to grow up and realise he isn't 18 anymore.
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?

    Yeah - doubt they "love" it. If you're 27, use your manners and call ahead. Your parents have a life and need their privacy and space too! I'm sure your parents are much like the OP and sensitive of your feelings which is why they haven't given the same message to YOU! :)





    hahahah YES!!!!!

    My thoughts exactly!
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    Communication?

    wow-brilliant
  • BL_Coleman
    BL_Coleman Posts: 324 Member
    You need to tell him to respect your space. That although he is welcome ( with a call to make sure you are home or available) he cannot treat your house like a hotel. If this is a problem after that then I would just repaint the frontdoor and change the locks one weekend.
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    I'd be more concerned about the fact he is sofa surfing to avoid paying rent! I'd be telling him he needs to start paying his way and stop relying on other people. Eventually people will get fed up with him crashing at theirs without paying any keep and I expect then he'll end up in your doorstep needing somewhere to live.

    Sounds like he seriously needs to grow up and realise he isn't 18 anymore.

    I agree. thanks
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

    How is this helpful to me?
    Apparently you've helped someone else feel superior :ohwell:

    On a more serious note, you might want to discuss with your husband about charging him some rent if he's going to keep things there and stay over frequently. It might help knock some sense of responsibility into him!
  • LetsGoBlues
    LetsGoBlues Posts: 30
    Let your husband handle it. Scary how you keep saying "he's not my son, he's my step son." You sound like a real treat. :ohwell:
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I have a 31 year old son who won't leave. It's my own fault. I told him as he was growing that family is always there for each other. He has a new girlfriend with 3 children who come every weekend now. Instead of him leaving, more are coming, LOL Oh well, I guess we won't be alone in our old age if this keeps up. My husband and I used to dream of the day all our kids would be gone. Sigh! :grumble:

    There's a difference between family coming first and taking advantage of family. My parents have always made it clear that as long as we're working on taking care of our own responsibilities they are here to support us, but the expectation is that we are adults who take care of our own responsibilities. If I moved back to my parents home I would do so with the expectation of paying rent and minimizing my imposition on their lives.
  • AlissaFL
    AlissaFL Posts: 80 Member
    I agree with those who have commented that you should have your husband talk to him and get the key back, if necessary. I have a key to my mom's house, but I don't use her house for anything or borrow her stuff. I may come over unannounced, but not usually, and I still knock or announce myself...don't want to see her streaking from the laundry room to the bedroom looking for a towel. Good luck to you. I hope your husband is able to resolve this without you being the bad guy.
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

    however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

    Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?

    What a very different point of view this is. Very few from my generation (I am 55) would say that. I always felt that I could go home whenever I wanted to, but I never had a key once I left. Interesting that the young people of today feel that they can just pop on in, do whatever - watch television, do laundry, cook a meal, etc. - without paying any mind to what they parents may think about it.

    Young people of today? More like...this varies by family. My mom is around your age, and my dad is 65--they both think it's absolutely weird that I always ask to come over, and that I used to ring the door bell, even though I have a key. When I call and ask "is it alright if I come over?" my mom sighs and laughs and says "you KNOW you can come over whenever you want to, you do NOT have to ask." Yet I know some people my age who have to schedule a visit with their family in advance to come see them, even if they live in the same town. It's all relative to the people involved. :tongue:
  • binariiangel
    binariiangel Posts: 146 Member
    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

    Seriously? Your own child is unwelcome to visit without paying???


    :grumble:


    It was a joke. I'm only 24, and I do not have any children. But it would be a way to get him to help out, and stop abusing their kindness.
  • Linda_Darlene
    Linda_Darlene Posts: 453 Member
    If it too uncomfortable to talk to him and tell him that his Dad and you are both adults and would like your privacy, then just change the locks and act surprised if he complains.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

    Seriously? Your own child is unwelcome to visit without paying???


    :grumble:


    It was a joke. I'm only 24, and I do not have any children. But it would be a way to get him to help out, and stop abusing their kindness.


    See???? THIS is why we need the Comic Sans Font!! :tongue:
  • paulaviki
    paulaviki Posts: 678 Member
    I'd be more concerned about the fact he is sofa surfing to avoid paying rent! I'd be telling him he needs to start paying his way and stop relying on other people. Eventually people will get fed up with him crashing at theirs without paying any keep and I expect then he'll end up in your doorstep needing somewhere to live.

    Sounds like he seriously needs to grow up and realise he isn't 18 anymore.

    I agree. thanks

    Must be tough when its your step son too. Hope you find a solution.

    I'm 30 and still have a key to my parents house, but then I live 80 miles away from them so I never just pop in unannounced! :laugh:

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