ADVICE NEEDED--Annoying sister in law

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  • BootCampC
    BootCampC Posts: 689 Member
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    do the bub bye... its not worth the stress in the house .. be nice be mean just get rid of them
  • erinbolton
    erinbolton Posts: 28 Member
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    I don't like ultimatums but I would be very close to throwing one out on the table. Though they are at least (very least) paying you some for of monetary compensation for being there that seems to be the only thing they are contributing to the household. For me personally I would lay it on the table that these are the rules of MY/OUR (you and HUBBY) house and they need to be followed for the sanity and consideration of all involved in house. If they are not followed these are the consequences.

    Let them know that they are family and that they are loved but family is also not to be taken advantage of and neither is anyone else. If they are not willing to agree to the way that you and hubby run your house and all that that means, then they need to get packed and find a place of their own or move in with someone else. But they are certainly not worth risking your relationship with your husband.

    Just my opinion though.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    Is it wrong (since they're paying rent too) for me to set a time that everyone has to be "quiet"? Not necessarily sleep but just be quiet. I'm sure they wouldn't be happy if my kids didn't let them sleep.

    Hey, I pay rent in my apartment, and they enforce quiet time. A whole lot of other rules, too, like what state our balcony has to be in, what our windows can look like from the outside, and where we can park. As the "landlord" you have the right to enforce rules.
  • DixiedoesMFP
    DixiedoesMFP Posts: 935 Member
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    If they are paying part of the rent, and 1/2 of the bills, then they are not "living off your kindness". They are paying to live with you.
  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
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    Being a man I hate suggesting this as a possible solution ......try withholding the nookie claiming you are not comfortable with other people in the house.....they should be out within a month

    That's what I would do..
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Is it wrong (since they're paying rent too) for me to set a time that everyone has to be "quiet"? Not necessarily sleep but just be quiet. I'm sure they wouldn't be happy if my kids didn't let them sleep.

    Hey, I pay rent in my apartment, and they enforce quiet time. A whole lot of other rules, too, like what state our balcony has to be in, what our windows can look like from the outside, and where we can park. As the "landlord" you have the right to enforce rules.

    It's your place, your name is on the lease. You make the rules!
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    I would calmly present him(husband) with a list of you want changed. You want quiet at a certain time, you want them paying MORE rent so it's fair, you want them to be cleaner, etc. Let HIM deal with how to make it happen. Let him know you can't live this way any longer.

    It's HIS sister, it's his problem. My brother would have to trouble telling me to clean up my **** or to get out. :laugh:
  • marathonmom72
    marathonmom72 Posts: 191 Member
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    What kind of person makes a decision like that without consulting with their spouse?

    Your primary problem is with your husband, Your inlaws are only secondary.
    Agreed. It hurts when your spouse puts someone else's needs before yours. Had a similar situation once many years ago. It was resolved quickly and we all have good relationships with one another now. However, the situation was just the symptom of the problem...you and your spouse have got to be able to put one another first.
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    Okay, I was reading all these posts but you know what? Its really simple.

    I dont care about the little piddly stuff that goes back and forth between you guys. Thats not the point. Set a reasonably boundary and stick to it.

    Say:

    I know you guys have had a hard time in the past and needed a place to stay. The problem is, I feel like its starting to impact the way I want to live my life. I feel like it is time for you to start taking steps to move out. I will give you 2 months to get back on your feet. In no way does this mean I don't like you, it just means I think we need to move forward. I am sure you would love your own place and to be able to have your privacy. Ill do whatever I can to help you.

    Stick to your guns. Once that day hits...they are out. If they didn't get their stuff together that is on them...not you. You did everything you could to help them. That is PLENTY of time to figure things out.
  • mayasgroove
    mayasgroove Posts: 18
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    When you are both calm, sit down and brainstorm ideas (already have a list of your own that you can show him right away)... Don't say kick them out, say something like "I don't want them on the streets, so can you help enforce these "rules" in OUR home.. clean up after yourself, do groceries, "quiet time" starting at 10pm Sun-Thurs., etc" and tell him if they can stick to this, then there won't be other issues, but it's causing a lot of stress on you as well... and if they can't live up to what you expect at YOUR home, then give them X amount of time to find a place before they need to be out.... approach in a good mood so it doesn't end in arguing and maybe help them find a place...

    hope this helps a bit!

    This all goes down to how you approach him in this kind of conversation. If you have been arguing about this since forever, it's time to change tactics. Change the way you begin your sentence, tone or whatever it is that you do that usually ends up arguing. Start talking like you care, empathize, ask him how he feels about it, make him involved and relaxed so he opens up and not clam up and be against it. It's not that you have to manipulate him about it, but you have to make him decide on what to do without having you to appear that it was really your decision. I know this is hard but I did this with my partner when he is dead set against something. Call it strategic communication. I hope that makes sense.
  • Terryism
    Terryism Posts: 314 Member
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    If you can't get your husband to agree with you on getting them out, I'd raise their rent. What they pay is too cheap to have a cleaning lady (you).
  • Sammibullellu
    Sammibullellu Posts: 16
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    Simple. DO NOT BUY any groceries, do not do any housework.. Sleep during the day, play computer games at night.. Remember the old dictum. IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM.. now let's see who gets fed up. IF they say, ohh there's no food.. tell them to go buy some, if they say they have no money.. Say you don't have any money either. Husband will soon get fed up when they go to him for money.. Just sit back, stay calm and let it all happen around you. HARD I KNOW, but it will work.. good luck
  • Hellguy76137
    Hellguy76137 Posts: 53 Member
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    I agree with everyone else. Time to go. I have in-laws that are very similar. She refuses to work, he barely works and their lack of ability to pay any bills causes them to lose their place, get kicked out and we end up helping them to fix their "crisis" which is total crap. Bottom line, they need to go and if hubby will choose their dysfunction and stress over you then he can go too. Sorry but that is the way it is. There is no reason to allow them to affect your life in a negative way. One thing about family; you have to love them but you DO NOT have to like them.
  • WABeachWalker
    WABeachWalker Posts: 133 Member
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    You and your husband really need to be on the same page regarding his sister and her family. The two of you could sit down together and create a timeline for "helping" his sister and family to move on. You have already done your part helping them through a tough time--commendable!--but allowing them not to grow up and take responsibility for their future isn't healthy.

    We all need to set healthy boundaries in our relationships. That's what adults do. I hope your husband stands up and does the right thing for all of you. I have dealt with these issues in the past, and it's the most difficult with close family members. They have all moved on and we still have contact with most.
  • davepavone
    davepavone Posts: 42
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    so try the opposite Come on to the in law strong your husband will boot them.
  • Sammibullellu
    Sammibullellu Posts: 16
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    YES.. I thought that too, OR start making such a racket when you're at it..... hahahah
  • redhousecat
    redhousecat Posts: 584 Member
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    When you are both calm, sit down and brainstorm ideas (already have a list of your own that you can show him right away)... Don't say kick them out, say something like "I don't want them on the streets, so can you help enforce these "rules" in OUR home.. clean up after yourself, do groceries, "quiet time" starting at 10pm Sun-Thurs., etc" and tell him if they can stick to this, then there won't be other issues, but it's causing a lot of stress on you as well... and if they can't live up to what you expect at YOUR home, then give them X amount of time to find a place before they need to be out.... approach in a good mood so it doesn't end in arguing and maybe help them find a place...

    hope this helps a bit!

    If I were a nice person, this is what I would do..........
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    There's always the passive aggressive way I guess. Eat THEIR food, wake the baby up every time it falls asleep, wake them up SUPER early in the mornings, break their stuff...... if there's no incentive to leave why would they?
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
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    Are they on your lease? They need to pay a full half of the rent, not less. They need to clean up after themselves because that is a matter of respect. If babysitting is somehow covering part of the rent, fine, but it doesn't sound like she's doing a great job of that. The best answer I've seen so far is the one of telling your husband, they need to move within a set amount of time. They can save money until that time to move and how they come up with that money is up to them. It's not your responsibility to take care of them.

    My brother finally had to put his foot down with his best friend. They had one kid, neither was working, and both were living with him. Then they decided to choose to get pregnant again...with neither one of them working. It wasn't his job to take care of their family. He's very giving, and he did finally get them out of the house (he's backslid a little because he's worried about them going without so buys diapers for the kid.) Some people will never learn responsibility unless they have to. Feeling sorry for them is not an excuse and your husband is NOT helping his sister by enabling her to live off of others.

    Rules within your home about quite time do apply, btw.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    Go take your stuff and stay with a friend until hubs grows a pair and kicks them out.

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