married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

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  • PinkHurricane88
    PinkHurricane88 Posts: 156 Member
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    Joined, for reasons many of the PPs have already stated. Marriage is a partnership, and everything that comes along with it should be shared or together.
  • bridgett28
    bridgett28 Posts: 41 Member
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    My hubby and I have been together for six years and married for three. We spilt all the bills 50/50 and keep our regular paychecks separate but do combine our refund from taxes into a savings account. All of our bank accounts are joint, but separate in the same means. We each have two checking accounts and one combined savings. It just works for us that way. I make more than my hubby, but we take home about equal pay (because i pay flex, health, life, dental, & vision insurance, plus IPERS -mandatory retirement and taxes out of my pay and he just has taxes, life ins, and his corporate gym membership out of his pay).
  • bufger
    bufger Posts: 763 Member
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    Lots of posts here so im guessing you may have already received the help you need but just incase this is how we do it (not actual earnings, just an example):

    A earns 40,000
    B Earns 30,000

    All outgoings are recorded and calculated so both A and B know how much is required in the jointly owned account to pay for these things. This includes a grocery allowance for the household based on the average weeks spend.

    All bills, grocery shopping, childcare, mortgage etc all comes from one account both A and B pay into.

    A pays in 60% of their total earnings
    B pays in 40% of their total earnings

    Both have money left over for things they want to have individually (cellphones and petrol are individual costs). Any treats like clothes, or Xbox games and Paintball stuff in my scenario comes out of your own money.

    This works really well for us. I know some people that just put in 100% of both earnings into one account but personally i like to be able to closely manage bills and reduce costs so we can spend more money on holidays, the kids etc. We also dont have to ask each other if its ok to spend £X on something you really want. If I want the new Xbox next year i'll use my own money for it and there wont be an issue, if she wants a new pair of shoes she can go ahead! its all good :)
  • cblevitron
    cblevitron Posts: 243
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    Realistically if A is male and B is female, then A will [almost] always make a significant amount more than B. In a marriage, A and B should help support each other in every way they can. B will probably never be able to offer the same financial support A can, and A can't get angry because B wasn't able to find a job that pays as well as his. As long as both are contributing to the household, there shouldn't be any problems. There might be deeper-lying issues causing the out lash over finances. A might just need a reality check. Maybe A and B should communicate more or get some marriage counseling.
  • gsxrholly
    gsxrholly Posts: 8
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    I am a stay at home mom and my husband fully supports our family. But before I had our son I worked full time and our money was put into the same account and used as one. We have never had an issue and even now with only having 1 income we consider it our money.
    Having it separate just sounds like problems and problems for the both of you down the road. And rubbing in the fact that you make less money is just shameful.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    I'm going to play the devil advocate and introduce a new point of view. Sounds like A is not happy sexually to be honest. A guy who is getting his world rocked would never have a complain about anything.
  • hdsqrl
    hdsqrl Posts: 420 Member
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    "A" is behaving like a complete jerk.

    My husband and I lived together for 5 years before we got married, and we kept our finances separate then, and now, 2 years into the marriage, our finances are still separate. He pays the mortgage, car payment, and all home/auto insurance payments, plus will typically pick up the big-ticket purchases. I pay for all the utilities and groceries, and most often, I cover dinners out. Medical insurance comes out of my check for the whole family. I usually cover clothes shopping, too, and most holiday gifts. That said, we communicate often about if one of us is running short on a given month. We each pay our own credit card bills and student loan payments, and when possible, will help each other out if we need to.

    I think it's a personal choice on if you keep finances separate or combine them - the key is understanding that you're in this together and need to make things work somehow. For A to hold things above B's head is unacceptable.
  • TabathaAnn8
    TabathaAnn8 Posts: 48
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    My husband and I have separate finances and we are similar A) makes $59k and B) makes $25k...... My husband never throws it in my face that he pays the rent which is $900 a month.... That's the part of the original post that worries me. We are just fine with separate finances but if anything I feel bad that I can't contribute more, not because of him though. I pay power, water, phone and my bills he pays rent, groceries and his bills. It works out fine. It's not a trust thing either, it's just easier that way. And we are 28 and 31 (I'm older) we got married 2 years ago so I was on my own for 10 years, I got pretty used to doing things my way and so did he. I think it is different if you get married at 21, you've only just started and and combining is easier. So basically your A, needs to stop complaining and just pay up, or you need to find a new A that will be more than happy to help support his family!!!
  • Slack2ShortGo
    Slack2ShortGo Posts: 74 Member
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    My wife and I have been married for about 4 1/2 years now but we dated for 8 years before getting married. I don't make a terrible amount more than my wife but I do make more than her. Having separate finances makes it easier to hide things from your spouse also. You can't hide the diamond ring you bought for her but you also can't hide that you spent $200 at the bar last night either. We joined our finances after we got married because it holds you accountable for the purchases you make. Just because you make more than your spouse does not mean that you get to have more things or have more fun. Marriage is a partnership for life, not until you decide you don't like them anymore. I think it makes you grow more as a couple also. We pay bills together and watch where our money goes. I hope this helps.

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