Cruel Family Members

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shortnerdy
shortnerdy Posts: 131
in Motivation and Support
Hey MFP's

This started as a reply to another topic then I started to go off topic so I made this thread.

Anyone have any discouraging/nasty or just mean comments made by family members/very close friends? How do you cope and what did they say?

My grandfather the other week when I was down for Thanksgiving I commented on how much he's lost and he looks at me and says "You're still fat"

I've lost 14 pounds since I last saw him and that comment actually made me cry because I've been working so hard. I sat open mouthed and wide eyed for several minutes before a high pitched "Seriously? How could you say that?" Came out and he seemed to think there was nothing wrong with his comment.

The rest of my family knows I am trying to lose and always asks for updates, my 19 year old sister even just signed up for MFP! I don't think anyone has really said anything about my weightloss that didn't already know about my journey as I am telling everyone what I'm doing as motivation I'm not quitting/gaining back.

I really think on my 5'2 frame a 14 pound weight loss would be fairly significant but for some reason and Im sure some of you can relate: Even after many compliments, the words of my grandfather are the ones that stick in my head :( Im trying to use it as motivation but at the same time it hurts like hell.

Tell me your stories.
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Replies

  • vicky1804
    vicky1804 Posts: 320 Member
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    Not me personally, but on our wedding day my new hubbies mam told him he was getting fat!

    First off how mean? secondly its our wedding day how dare she!

    Im really sorry about what your grandad said. Sometimes I think family esp dont think about what they say because they are family

    Try not to dwell too much
  • shortnerdy
    shortnerdy Posts: 131
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    Not me personally, but on our wedding day my new hubbies mam told him he was getting fat!

    First off how mean? secondly its our wedding day how dare she!

    Im really sorry about what your grandad said. Sometimes I think family esp dont think about what they say because they are family

    Try not to dwell too much

    Thanks for the kind words Vicky
  • vicky1804
    vicky1804 Posts: 320 Member
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    Your welcome
    Actually I remember before I started losing weight I had cut my hair.
    I was at a family party and everyone had been drinking when my dad and auntie suddenly turned on me and said I was starting to look like a boy!

    I was gobsmacked - I got a taxi right home, got in the door and started crying. Explained everything to my mam who a few days later rang my dad and had words with him.

    Its got to be the most painful thing anyone had said to me
  • umLogan
    umLogan Posts: 3
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    I've found, in my forty-three years of life, that when mean people talk about (or to) others, they're really talking about themselves.

    When he said, "you're fat," what he really meant was I don't like myself so I'm going to try to make you as miserable as I am. And the better you feel, the harder I'm going to try.

    Instead of being upset with yourself, it might help if you try to feel sympathy toward him for his self-hatred.

    Fourteen pounds is a great accomplishment, especially for one of us petite women.

    Congratulations on your weight loss!
  • scd78
    scd78 Posts: 77 Member
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    I always heard the males in my family making comments when I was growing up like "she be so much prettier if she lost weight, she has a pretty face BUT... and then to me "do you know how much happier you'd be if you'd lose weight?" Now I'll admit I was much happier last year after losing 50 pounds than I am with myself now after losing motivation and gaining half back...but...even though I am not happy with my body doesn't mean I'm not happy with my life, my family, and my job!

    Hang in there...he should have never made that comment to you. That was ignorant!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    A lot of old people tend to make rude comments about weight. I've noticed that over the years.
  • irisic
    irisic Posts: 55
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    older people tend to say ridiculous things sometimes, but don't pay attention to them.... my grandma is always talking about how fat a person looks etc etc etc, its so weird and annoying but its just how she is. As long as you feel good about yourself don't pay attention to the bad comments, it is really not worth it, keep up the good work and don't let anybody bring you down :)
  • michcruz
    michcruz Posts: 152 Member
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    I've been in similar situations. As much as it's hard to ignore, try to. It'll only hurt your progress in changing your lifestyle. You do what you need to do to make yourself feel more better about yourself. You will show them!!
  • derekj222
    derekj222 Posts: 370 Member
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    My grandpa one time said at someones birthday party: "Don't you think you shouldn't be eating that cake" in front of a lot of my family. I felt so embarrassed. I feel that older people are very opinionated and aren't able to hold in their thoughts as they get older...ha...oh well. Some people will encourage you along this journey, some will pretend you don't exist anymore, some will not even say anything after you've lost nearly 50 lbs because they are jealous.....no matter what, you are doing this for you, and no one else, yes I love that my mom is so proud of me now, but in the end I want to just sit down and cry for how happy I am for accomplishing this on MY OWN! :)
  • kelsey054
    kelsey054 Posts: 110 Member
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    This remark wasn't made by friends at all. My senior year of high school, three years ago, I had to do a group project where we had to reenact a part of Shakespeare; we had to improvise with things we had right then and there. Well I was going to be the sound effects, thunder mainly. Well my group was up, so I was making a "boom" sound and in front of the whole class the two "popular" girls said:

    1st girl: "Wow, she sounds like a cow making those sounds."
    2nd girl: "well look at her, she is a cow."

    It simply broke me hearing those words. I wanted to cry, i wanted to hurt them, anything to make me feel better. But what I did do was simply smile at them and went on. However after school I bawled my eyes out for hours.
  • shortnerdy
    shortnerdy Posts: 131
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    Thanks for your stories and kind words guys. Wow some of you had some terrible things said! This is why I love MFP, we all know what it's like to be bullied about your weight.

    Thanks again you guys are amazing
  • reb0021
    reb0021 Posts: 5
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    A year after my daughter was born (she is my third) it was chrstmas dinner my stepdad said quite loudly "So now that ur married you can get fat?" I almost died. I looked him rigtht in the eyes and said " I just had a baby, my third by the way" Called him a a-hole in my head and ran to the bathroom and cried.

    That was four years ago and I remember it like yesterday. People have know idea what how hurtful those comments can be and how long we hold onto them.

    After reading all of your postings I say "let go of the power those people hold over us, we are all trying and that is aewsome"
  • Evey_bee
    Evey_bee Posts: 77 Member
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    When I said I was going on a diet, my Dad asked me if it was the "see-food" diet ¬_¬
    My mum just likes to comment about how she was so much skinnier when she was my age and then when i lose weight complains that i don't need to lose weight!
  • pommesvertes
    pommesvertes Posts: 24 Member
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    After trying & failing for years I've finally decided that the best method, for me, is to just not tell anyone. When my family knew I was losing weight I'd get comments all the time about not eating 'their' food and if I was ever seen eating something but lettuce I'd get a sharp "oh THAT'S on your diet, is it?"

    A few days ago I was talking about the gym with a friend of mine & a guy we know laughed & said "you go to the gym?".

    So now only people know on a need-to-know basis. Too many people tend to relish in the fact that I fail rather than helping me out, so I'll get slim in secret and then buy something super slinky for a family gathering as a big F you to everyone that laughed, haha. ;)

    EDIT: Sorry, you've sparked memories & anger, haha. I remember my friend had a boyfriend in high school who said to me "Miah, you better be careful next time you go into town. I heard they've got a new weight restriction." Ugh. & in year 7 (so I was 11!) my Physical Ed. teacher called me a 'fat waste of school time'. Also, gossipy girls who couldn't act their age in my second year of college were trying to work out who in our class was a virgin or not. It got to me & I heard them say "her? No way has she. Can you imagine it?" and start doing all these 'wobby' noises and actions.

    Ha. I hate people sometimes.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    One of my older brothers used to tell me that I was fat and would be the ugliest one at the bar/party that night. He also did a lot of other crap that I don't put up with anymore.

    I cut him out of my life and don't have to listen to *kitten* like that anymore. Just because someone is family doesn't mean I'll let myself be miserable by keeping them around.
  • lesnwhisper
    lesnwhisper Posts: 20
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    I'd get a sharp "oh THAT'S on your diet, is it?"

    ....HEY!! - are we from the same family?? I always wanted a sister ;-)
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
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    my family doesn't have a way with words either... I keep minimal contact with them. Not suggesting you do that though.

    Growing up my aunts/uncles/grandma said MEAN things to me about my appearance, often times things that i could NOT change about myself- for example how big my lips are, or how short i am. It was often depressing, but I've found the less I care about what they think or say to me verbally the more content I am with myself.

    of course not having to see them all the time helps too :laugh:
  • bluegrasschica
    bluegrasschica Posts: 224
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    My dad once told me that if l lost some weight maybe l could find a boyfriend. And my grandma has said you're pretty but you would be so much prettier if you lost some weight. I love my family but sometimes what they say does hurt. I've lost 10lbs now and lm really proud of that!!
  • dontforgethemilk
    dontforgethemilk Posts: 2
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    I'm really lucky to have a very understanding family. My brother lost 80lbs, my mom 50lbs, and me 30lbs. I was told me a stranger that I was fat and I was just like 'Yup, and I'm working on it.' I don't get hurt by words, but I've never had a relative say something like that. It was incredibly inconsiderate for him to say that to you. I don't even know you, and I'm proud of you. Ignore him, this journey isn't about him. It's about you.
  • juliec33
    juliec33 Posts: 238 Member
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    I've found, in my forty-three years of life, that when mean people talk about (or to) others, they're really talking about themselves.

    When he said, "you're fat," what he really meant was I don't like myself so I'm going to try to make you as miserable as I am. And the better you feel, the harder I'm going to try.

    Instead of being upset with yourself, it might help if you try to feel sympathy toward him for his self-hatred.

    Fourteen pounds is a great accomplishment, especially for one of us petite women.

    Congratulations on your weight loss!

    totally this!!! I lost someone who I thought was a really good friend because of this journey. I think she was jealous that I was able to finally lose the weight and get healthy. She would start a diet and then stop. Every time I tried to encourage her all she would hear is "blah, blah, blah, you're fat, blah, blah, blah". I never said that but that's how she felt and it's easier for her to think that I said it than admit that's what she really thinks.

    Be proud of yourself!!! Deep down I bet your Grandpa is proud of you too!

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