Cruel Family Members

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  • MissSusieQ
    MissSusieQ Posts: 533 Member
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    my nan does it a lot, but I honestly don't think she means to be hurtful, it's just part of her social commentary, and I'd probably be much more hurt if it didn't send my mum into immediate backflips trying to smooth it over.
    I have two sisters, one tall and lean, one shorter and more prone to roundness like me. my favourite one is when nan talks about how lovely and slim the tall sister is, and then just trails off, leaving 'but look at the other two' hanging unspoken in the air. usually I ignore it, but my favourite response was the day that 'but how often does she come visit you?' slipped out (she lives overseas)
  • xlacijeanx
    xlacijeanx Posts: 232 Member
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    Luckily nothing my family has really said to me left a nasty impression- but I do remember comments about my weight growing up and blah blah blah. They don't tell us anything we don't already know... but some people just feel the need to knock others down, when they should be supporting each other. I've had nasty comments said to me all my life about how beautiful I was, but that I was fat. Had many guys who wouldn't date me because of my weight. Even had a fling when I was younger and he told me that if I lost weight a guy would want me as a girlfriend and not just a F buddy. People are a holes. They don't realize their words hurt us so much and don't help us at all only hurt us. I had a horrible neighbor once that we had to make multiple complaints on and when they got threatened to be evicted for disturbing others and people not on the lease living there- I heard the one girl yell "Oh thanks to our fat *kitten* neighbor!" Took everything I had not to go outside and snap the skinny biotch in half lol. Once working as a secretary for an attorney I had a older woman say, you're so beautiful, but you really need to lose weight. Like duh- as if I want to be fat! After losing almost 150lbs I'm still considered overweight and people look at me strange when I tell them I go to the gym.... but when I go to the gym most of the people are like me, in transition and our outer bodies havent adjusted to our lifestyles yet... people are ignorant.. just try and use your grandfathers nasty and rude comment as motivation to show him next time that you aren't always going to be "fat". If someone in my family would have said that I would have called them out on it and told them that the weight didn't come on overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight either. 14lbs is an amazing loss so keep pushing and show him he is wrong! :)
  • NaturallyOlivia
    NaturallyOlivia Posts: 496 Member
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    Towards the end of my senior year I put on wuite a bit of weight because i wasnt involved in activities and sporta like i was in the fall and basically became all around lazy. On the night of my graduation one of my boyfriend's friends (whom i also did marching band with in the fall) comes up to me as im going to greet my parents and says "there's been a lot of rumors floating around in bamd so i just wanted to know, is it true that you're pregnant? because you have really put on a lot of weight recently" and i laughed it off like " no, just a few too many cheeseburgera lately!" but it really scarred me. thats my most vivid memory of my graduation. People can be really cruel sometimes :/
  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
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    Oye! Family can be such a pain in the as*.
    My brothers had me convinced I was fat for years. Looking back after college, a few years later, I realized they were full of sh**. Idiots, really, my brothers are about women anyway. I haven't paid much attention to their opinions about things in a long time.
    I remember this with a chuckle now, doesn't sting anymore, but a brother's friend made a comment that stayed with me the longest. I was bouncing on the high dive at our local pool when I was 16 or 17 years old (a long, long time ago) and the friend remarked how I jiggled all around when I jumped on the diving board. Ouch!
    Now when that phrase comes back to me, I think "What an a**hole" and mentally move on.
    Refuse to give anyone the power to bring you down.
  • LosingWeight64
    LosingWeight64 Posts: 33
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    My son, when he was 14 (they are so fun at that age lol) was in the room when i was telling someone i was trying to lose weight.. (i was doing slim fast)... anyhow, my son says... yeah, she's on the Slim Slow program... it didnt hurt me at all tho.. prob because A- he is my son and i know he wasnt being mean.. just witty.. and B- it was pretty witty.. i still chuckle when i think of it today.
    On the other end of the spectrum, my sister who used to have a rockin body used to wait until we were around guys ( we were in our 20's) and thats when she would tease me for being fat, or say just outright mean things.. i wanted to die i was so embarrased. she has since appologised because she got sick and the meds made her pretty big.. now she knows what it's like and feels horrible for what she said in the past.
  • trinalily
    trinalily Posts: 18 Member
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    3 weeks after to giving birth to my son, my mother looked at me and said " You're fat from your shoulders to your knees." I will never forget that. I was 19, and a size 14 (I'm 5'10").

    My brother told me the song "Baby Got Back" was written especially for me.

    My older sister said she would die if her butt ever got as big as mine. I was a size 12 at the time.

    Same sister (who uses Adderall to prevent herself from eating) also likes to stand in front of me and stretch as high as she can towards the ceiling so I can see how thin she is. Seriously. This only happens at holidays because I refuse to be around her any other time.

    Did I mention that my sister AND brother are both single, bitter a**holes and also have a drinking problem?

    I just smile, nod and say "Yep, that's me. Fatty with a big butt, a husband and son who adore me, a successful business, a triathlete, a non-alcoholic and happy as hell!" They always change the subject when I say this.

    It's a wonder any of us survive our childhood.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    My mom tries to be supportive and I KNOW she has the best intentions...but she doesn't know how to phrase it. I think she thinks that if something is a fact, then it shouldn't hurt to hear.

    In high school, even though I was a healthy weight and fit, if I ever gained even just a couple pounds she would say "looks like it's time to start doing sit-ups again!" (The first time she said thing I freaked out and went from 134 to 111 in a month, and I had eating issues for the next 5 years, convinced I was horribly fat and starving myself anytime my weight went above 120). Then I gained a lot of weight in my 20s and she expressed her concerns several times, saying things like "It's really become obvious and it doesn't look good."

    Now I'm trying to lose weight, and she DID tell me once, "I can tell you've slimmed down. You're doing well!" and at first I told her every time I lost a pound because I was excited. Now, if I don't say anything, she assumes I fell off the wagon. Or if I lose less than a pound a week, she says I'm doing something wrong. SHE lost 40 lbs easily and consistently...no plateaus, no stalls, etc...so she thinks that it should be working that way for me as well. She also make those "is that on your diet?" comments even though I've explained a million times "it's not a diet."

    Like I said, I know she has the best intentions...but I think I get really down on myself because I feel like such a failure next to HER standards. I see her less than once a month and I always worry that she'll think I gained (even if I lost) or that my loss won't be good enough in her mind. It really F's with my head and makes this process harder than it otherwise would be. I kinda wish I had just done this on my own and not told her I was trying.
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
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    At my BIL's wedding, his uncle remarked to my husband that BIL had better taste in women than he (my husband) did. And I was standing right there, too.

    I decided it was a compliment to how lovely the bride looked and not an insult to me. It's easier on my feelings to think that way.
  • chellie47
    chellie47 Posts: 97 Member
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    My Father in law once said if he had all his daughter in laws weights in gold - he would be rich~ Needless to say we are all over weight..... I cant even remember what we were taking about but that part stuck!
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    No family members have ever said anything mean to me but in grade school I was known as "Grape Ape". And once when I was 12 or 13 I was at a video arcade (yes, I know that term ages me), I was told, "Get out of my way, fatty."

    Both of those have stuck with me for the past 30-some years and I think they both have a lot to do with how I perceive myself to this day. Never mind that I've been happily married for 22 years and have 3 beautiful kids and a full, wonderful life. Those words still hurt.

    A lot of the popular people I went to grade school with who liked to call me "Grape Ape" have found me on FB and friended me. And you know what? I'm a lot thinner than they are. So neener-neener. But you also know what? I would never, ever say anything like that to them because I know how much it hurts.
  • camy_chick
    camy_chick Posts: 277 Member
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    i didn't read all of the comments. but i have had family and friends say negative things like that to me before. one that sticks in my head a lot is my ex. we had just broken up for the FINAL time, and he was with a new girl. well, his girl and i ended up becoming friends and MK team members, but anyways, she was filling me in on things he said to her when they were together. and when they were in walmart one day they saw me, and he told her "there's the whale". referring to me. it hurt so much cause he supposedly "LOVED" me, and wanted to be with me forever. but my weight didn't bug him when we were together. and after that he also tried to get back on my good side too..............HE|| TO THE NO! and i'm not saying she's fat by any means, but his at the time gf was about the same size as me......so it's funny. and he's also heavier then i am also. SO HOW AM I SO FAT?

    and i agree with an above poster, DO IT IN SECRET when it comes to most family and friends! i get looks even when i don't tell people that i'm trying. it's so FRUSTRATING! i'll stick with my MFP friends when it comes to the weight loss journey!
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
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    I'm probably not the first to come up with this idea but somebody should try and compile these stories and they should be mandatory reading as soon as a kid can read.
    Too often cruelty from family and school kids has such lasting effects on a person’s self-image. The sticks and stones saying doesn't cover it at all. I'm glad I was raised with enough sense to not make fun of other people however I should not have laughed at others expense I should have stuck up for them(going to plead ignorance of others feelings here). Reading threads like this has altered my mind set in regards to what I think is funny or acceptable to think /say or allow others to say about other people’s issues. I’m not sure If all that makes sense. Anyhow thanks for the enlightenment.
  • mommyplus3
    mommyplus3 Posts: 12
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    I've had my fair share of nasty/rude comments from family members. I try to ignore them or smile along when they think they're being funny but it really bothers me. Reading all of these comments make me so sad because I have been in similar situations. It's hard to stay motivated when im surrounded by such negative nancy's but that's why i love mfp :)
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
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    Because I live with family members I can tell you that the line "You're still fat" maybe them trying to help you lose more weight.

    However, in this house, unless we bring up the subject, you do not talk about my weight.

    Or for some reason he's (my dad) is mad about something and decides to go off of me than the arguement comes about my weight and isn't over until I..burst out in tears.

    So, hang in there and use this as moderavation to lose even more weight. I know it hurts.
  • Joynhrt
    Joynhrt Posts: 6
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    I have only had encouragement lately. However, I do remember once an uncle telling me, "You have a weight problem." I looked him square in his eye and said, "No, other people have a problem with my weight." It takes time. Stay encouraged and surround yourself by individuals who love, care, and support what you are doing.
  • KayeArlana
    KayeArlana Posts: 42 Member
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    When I was in the 8th grade I was sitting on the porch with my grandfather at his farm and he reached over and patted my thigh and sad "Ooo girl, if you were a pig you'd be ready for slaughter". He said it as a joke but it has stuck with me all these years and has always popped into my head anytime I put on shorts, a bathing suit or anything that shows my thighs.
  • swarovski75
    swarovski75 Posts: 195 Member
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    My in-laws are the hardest on me. I really don't understand the judgement around weight. I remember one day my MIL telling me I was really lucky to have her son because he is so tolerant of the way my weight fluctuates and still loves me when I'm fat. (Um...I was 2 months postpartum and 20 lbs overweight). But then she went on to say that she was always the thin beautiful one and her sister was the short stalky one, but "somehow" her sister landed a man who loved her, and here she was divorced. Like carrying a little bit of extra weight should preclude finding love...

    My brother used to be equally hard on my looks, if not so much my weight, because I was on the athletic side always, and he thought I should try to be more pretty/girly. He'd also comment EVERY SINGLE TIME I had a mouthful of pie (while he was on his second or third piece)...not because I was overweight (I was 5'6, 130 lbs at the time) but because I *might* get fat... you know, if I kept eating mouthfuls of pie...

    But I think in both cases, it might be out of love? Because some people really do feel like the world is easy for skinny/beautiful people, so they wish for you to be thin because thin = happy? Or they're just *kitten*. :-) Either way, I certainly think from your pic that you are beautiful. So just ignore it. It is his issue, not yours.
  • jlrPhotography
    jlrPhotography Posts: 13
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    When I was still quite young (somewhere between 12 and 14 I reckon) I wasn't overweight at all I was just tall and not a bean pole, I was at my nan's house and out of nowhere she told me I could 'do with losing a few pounds' I was so horrified I started crying and she told me not to be so silly. I still don't know why she said it and I don't think she'd remember doing it if I asked her about it.

    On the other hand she was the first person to comment on my recent weight loss and I hadn't told her I was trying to lose any.
  • MizKittyB
    MizKittyB Posts: 47 Member
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    My mom tries to be supportive and I KNOW she has the best intentions...but she doesn't know how to phrase it. I think she thinks that if something is a fact, then it shouldn't hurt to hear.

    THIS.

    My mom has NO tact when it comes to my weight - she alternates between being "so proud" of me for dropping 20+ pounds and getting fit, and then says nasty things in the next breath, like how my Halloween costume this year (Star Trek dress) is "for next year, right?" I'm getting better about telling her off when she says those things, though - she's on a weight loss journey, too, and she used to call me fat as a kid when I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself. (For the record, I wasn't especially fat, but I was significantly taller and broader-shouldered than the other kids, and therefore must be "fat".) She still denies she called me fat as a kid. I tell her she's full of *kitten* if she believes that. :P
  • hiyamippa
    hiyamippa Posts: 7 Member
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    When I was 14 my stepfather compared me to my mom by saying I was the fat, ugly daughter. I was about 10 lbs overweight. I wasted a lot of my life waiting to "live" until I was thin like my mom. Fortunately, I married a man who loves my - and my body - no matter what form it takes. I was strong enough to carry and deliver two babies - one 10 lbs - and with the help of MFP strong enough to complete the 30DS twice and am now doing another Jillian Michaels dvd. Focus on what you see positive and beautiful in yourself. People do not think before they speak and for some reason weight is considered fair game.

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