RANT: I hate my teenager

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  • Pelly57
    Pelly57 Posts: 169 Member
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    hate is a strong word for your child......

    I agree with the above comment.

    Not to mention, kids are usually a reflection of their parents and their upbringing. So something tells me that the parenting in his life was probably lacking somewhere along the way.

    Wow, look at the love going on here...

    Yes, hate is a strong word, and yes, as parents sometimes we hate our children (especially teenagers!), and love them at the same time. We love them, but hate the choices they are making. So Mom, my best advice is to put this squarely back in his lap. Want to go drinking? Obtain the documents you need to do that. Need money to obtain those documents? Get a job. You can see where this is going. Let him make the choices about what he wants to do, and how to acheive that. This is not automatically your fault. I have seen kids raised in great homes turn out bad and kids raised in horrific conditions turn out great. Stay strong.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    I was probably every parents worst nightmare as a teenager.

    Too many boyfriends, too many girlfriends...too many "friends" in general
    Smoked too much pot & drank too much alcohol
    Smoked 2 packs a day
    Slept most of the time that I was actually there
    Hated school/didn't go
    Dropped out
    Took the car on a regular basis
    Whined about not being treated like an adult
    Hung out with ALL the wrong ppl till all hours of the night without calling in and/or returning beeps (yeah, I was a 90s teenagers)

    I was a "troubled" teen with anger/depression/abuse issues (not from my parents!!) and looking back, it's how I dealt with it all.

    You know what? I turned out alright. I retained every good thing my parents instilled in me. I was choosing to ignore them for a good time. Then I grew up. Not all kids will but you have to let teenagers be idiots sometimes and hope/pray for the best!

    Good luck, mom.
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    Here's some more info on this -- I realize the whole situation can not be outlined in a forum post, and I posted because our friends have very young kids, not teens, and I work in a very young office. The responses have been interesting, enlightening and entertaining. Thank you.

    We found out this morning from his school during an update meeting that he hasn't been going FT -- as agreed (he's left the house to strike out on his own, got mugged by a bum and came back home to an agreement for his behavior -- FT school was one condition). He is not on track to graduate, and doesn't put out any effort.

    So I told him that since he's 18 and not going to school, he is to have a FT job by the end of the month and pay rent. End of story. So he's come up with this, "oh I'm talking to a counselor about getting my GED" Always talk, no action with this guy. He always has an excuse and wants the easy way out. I said, that's great for you, but as of the end of this month you pay rent. Period, full stop. You don't pay your phone bill, cut off. You don't pay rent, you get kicked out. I told him just because we don't agree with your choices doesn't mean we don't love you. Life is hard for a high school dropout. He'll learn.

    Tough love is harder on the parents, I think.

    Good luck, I hope he snaps into shape. My parents made me sign a contract when I was 19 - I was 19 going on "no where" 2 DWI's, failed UA's. Probation, jail, you name it. Then, a friend got me a FT job ( at my current company ) and that really changed my life!! I matured into a young adult and realized was an *kitten* I was from about 15-20 years old. I moved out about 6 months later, got my own apartment, my own car, all all that comes with being an adult.

    good luck :) Tough love is the BEST love for your teens!
  • slyder432
    slyder432 Posts: 475 Member
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    People it is not HATE...it is a Mom frustrated cause she cares for her son...Geeez You all have to lighten up!!!.

    I am the STEP DAD...with a 15 yr old Stepdaughter who wants to control the house and Mom. Enough said. She is no longer in my house.

    To the Mom - You did and you are doing what you can. There is a time when they are able to make a reasonable decision about their future. You cannot make it for them. Stick to your guns then hope and pray common sense comes sooner than later. It is called tough love.
  • missprincessgina
    missprincessgina Posts: 446 Member
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    I'd kick him out of the house. He is 18 years old ... an adult.

    I went to college and supported myself at 17 and am doing just great.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    The fact that so many people posting on here take the word "hate" on the OP so literally is ridiculous. Do you honestly think she hates her kid??? Have you ever said something that was an exaggeration due to your frustration? Some people need to relax just a little bit.

    I say I hate things, but I never say I hate my children. Oh and also to the person above me... I wasn't like that to my mom. I never hated her. I also grew up WAY before 23. By 23 I had two children of my own and engaged to their father with whom I've been in a relationship with for almost 7 years. Not everyone is a horror teen =)

    Confused.... you say you were not a a "horror teen" but were unmarried with 2 kids by the time you were 23? If my daughter had 2 babies and was unmarried at that age I wouldnt exactly be singing her praises.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    Maybe all this kid needs is love and caring. Because saying I hate my teenager doesn't sound at all like you love or care about your kid.

    You don't have children do you?
    I say I hate my child's behavior all the time. This does not mean I hate my child in fact I truly think the sun shines out his azz. He is an amazing little person. However when he has a melt down, wants to be a twit and enforce his own thought and will into a situation I can say I hate his attitude which I probably say wrong and never to him! Children have minds. They can have their own thoughts and their own levels of lazy that correct or incorrect parenting has NOTHING to do with their individual personality. For all you all know she is Dr. Frickin Phill and followed all the parenting books and her son has a twit of a personality. WOW!

    OP I am sorry the general public is a bunch of tree huggers who think the world needs more love and not a wake up call!
  • dianniejt
    dianniejt Posts: 175 Member
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    Be strong mom. I know you don't really hate your child but I bet like every other parent of a teenager you hate teenage jackassery. I am pretty sure my teens are going to be the death of me. I feel your pain.
  • dianniejt
    dianniejt Posts: 175 Member
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    Be strong, mom. I know you don't really hate your child but I bet like every other parent of a teenager you hate teenage jackassery. I am pretty sure my teens are going to be the death of me. I feel your pain.
  • dillydally123
    dillydally123 Posts: 139 Member
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    I'm from a family of four. Three of us work hard and one of us is lazy, perpetually unemployed and totally ambitionless. So how has he maintained his lifestyle? By playing on my parents guilt which results in them enabling him. Both players are at fault here but you can't control his actions only your own. Give him his passport let him make mistakes and give him all the emotional support and love you can but withdraw all physical support. But the thing is you can not back down. You have to follow through if he doesn't pay up.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Where do you think you went wrong?

    Why does it have to be where she went wrong? What about him?

    There is only so much a parent can do. We can give them the tools, but we cannot force them to use them. I get so sick of the parents always being to blame, it is BS. At what age exactly does a person become responsible for themselves?? At age 70 will my actions still my mommy's fault? Horse hockey. If he wants to be treated like he is grown, he needs to act like he is grown. Otherwise he is still a child, plain and simple. I say give him 6 months to get a job & start paying rent, finish HS & enroll in college, or get out. No options, no excuses.
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    Hang tight, Mom!

    My stepson drove me mental at this exact same stage. He hit 18 and simply quit going to school. He did take his GED, but potential employers look at that differently than they would a "normal" diploma - 20 years later and it still most defnitely affects what jobs he is considered elligible for. You and I know this is a much harder road to travel, but he/they won't listen - he has to live it (and probably complain how it's not fair, in the meanwhile)
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
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    Most of these posters complaining about the word hate still have amniotic fluid on their breath.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    The fact that so many people posting on here take the word "hate" on the OP so literally is ridiculous. Do you honestly think she hates her kid??? Have you ever said something that was an exaggeration due to your frustration? Some people need to relax just a little bit.

    I say I hate things, but I never say I hate my children. Oh and also to the person above me... I wasn't like that to my mom. I never hated her. I also grew up WAY before 23. By 23 I had two children of my own and engaged to their father with whom I've been in a relationship with for almost 7 years. Not everyone is a horror teen =)

    Confused.... you say you were not a a "horror teen" but were unmarried with 2 kids by the time you were 23? If my daughter had 2 babies and was unmarried at that age I wouldnt exactly be singing her praises.

    Oh boy.
  • lidbrown
    lidbrown Posts: 1
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    I hope everything works out!
  • phillips0911
    phillips0911 Posts: 41
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    ....
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    hate is a strong word for your child......

    I agree with the above comment.

    Not to mention, chances are that kids are a reflection of their parents and their upbringing. So something tells me that the parenting in his life was probably lacking somewhere along the way.

    That's awesome and helpful.


    Edit: To the OP: ignore the *****y/judgy comments from people who do not have children or whose children are under ten.

    no doubt... you did the best that you knew how to do, and now he's an adult...it's either sink or swim but your job teaching him to be a moral, responsible adult is over. You are still there for advice and a cup of coffee, but it sounds like he needs to learn the hard way (just like I did) this is NOT a reflection of your parenting skills for the last 18 years, this is a new beginning. Let him feel the "real" world out, he'll learn.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    The fact that so many people posting on here take the word "hate" on the OP so literally is ridiculous. Do you honestly think she hates her kid??? Have you ever said something that was an exaggeration due to your frustration? Some people need to relax just a little bit.

    I say I hate things, but I never say I hate my children. Oh and also to the person above me... I wasn't like that to my mom. I never hated her. I also grew up WAY before 23. By 23 I had two children of my own and engaged to their father with whom I've been in a relationship with for almost 7 years. Not everyone is a horror teen =)

    Confused.... you say you were not a a "horror teen" but were unmarried with 2 kids by the time you were 23? If my daughter had 2 babies and was unmarried at that age I wouldnt exactly be singing her praises.

    Oh boy.

    *Hangs head in shame* Sorry. Had a snarky moment.
  • Emilia6909
    Emilia6909 Posts: 309 Member
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    Yikes.... Sounds like you need a hug and he needs a hug AND a boot up the backside! Now is not the time to judge you as a parent... water under the bridge, but it's never too late to make changes either.
    You and your husband have to stand together on this matter and set out firm boundaries. It's all about tough love, good love and a lot of respect.
    Good luck..... I'm sure things will work out for the better!
  • DaveRCF
    DaveRCF Posts: 266
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    OP: Your frustration comes through in your post. After I laughed my *kitten* off at all the posters who thought you were serious about "hating" your son, I thought that I would provide a bit of advice. Unfortunately your son is slipping through the cracks. In this day and age, futzing about with just getting your high school education out of the way is not a great sign for the future. Most posters say that it's time for some tough love. But I suspect you've tried that before and it hasn't worked. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Depends on the kid. So why not try a different tack completely and see where it takes you both? Why not swallow your pride and instead of every conversation escalating into an unproductive argument, inch your way back into his life by letting him know that you are in his corner and that you are rooting for him. Try to get back into his life by picking the right moments to just have a chat about "stuff". And the conversation doesn't have to be about him or you and him. Find some neutral ground to talk about. But before you can help him get on the straight and narrow you need to connect with him on a deeper level than I suspect is currently the case. And if Dad is on the scene, you need to make sure that you and him are a "united front". No point in you doing this alone or being at cross purposes. That will only end badly.

    Being "the parent" doesn't always mean you have to draw a line in the sand. I know that most posters would suggest tough love but tough love is actually pretty easy and often doesn't yield the desired results. Get into his head and really try to understand why he's being the way he is.

    The world is a pretty tough place. Let him know that you and your family are there to help him find his way. After all, what have you got to lose?

    Signed,

    Father of a teenaged boy
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