RANT: I hate my teenager

digitalbill

It's simple.
18 years old?
Out of the house.
Go live in a tent or a cardboard box or something.
Welcome to the real world where you have to WORK.
Oh, it isn't your dream job? TOO BAD!!!!!!!

Tough love baby.
And he can go get his own damn passport.

sjeagle30

I'd bet $100 that the people ragging on the OP do not have teenagers. They are often very easy to hate.

This poor lady is going through a tough time and leave it to the sad clowns here to trash her.

Thank you for having the guts to say it. Or, if they do, their teenager(s) is an angel.

I have teenageners. They are not perfect but they are not horrible. They make mistakes, they make good decisions. I have never ever even thought to say I hate my children no matter how mad I have been. Would you say this to your childs face? If so it is no wonder they rebel. It is a parents job to teach them right and wrong and I know they dont always listen but if you do your job and you stay involved in their lives and you truly care about their decisions and teach them values and to respect you and themselves they will turn out decent. Dr Phil would be all over you like a rat on a cheeto if he heard "I have done everythig i know how" "It is not my fault" "I hate my child" etc. It starts and ends with parenting period!

I'm glad that your teens are somewhere in the middle. Sometimes they mind, sometimes they don't. I'm talking about those who clearly lack any desire to follow the rules and remain unmotivated- even with "good parenting". I stand by my original post. It does not always fall back on parenting. As children grow, they develop a mind of their own.

The biggest part that I disagreed with was use of the word hate toward your own children. Love and hate are the two strongest emotions one can have. Hearing hate from someone that is supposed to love you more than any other human being on the face of the planet is a lil harsh!

mygrl4meee

Hate is such a strong word even in anger for your own child. My oldest son will be 18 in a week and knows how to push my buttons but never would I say I hate him. He has a lot of growing up to do and I believe a lot of it is due to divorce and him living with Dad who let him get away with not going to school ect.

madworld1

I'd bet $100 that the people ragging on the OP do not have teenagers. They are often very easy to hate.

This poor lady is going through a tough time and leave it to the sad clowns here to trash her.

Thank you for having the guts to say it. Or, if they do, their teenager(s) is an angel.

I have teenageners. They are not perfect but they are not horrible. They make mistakes, they make good decisions. I have never ever even thought to say I hate my children no matter how mad I have been. Would you say this to your childs face? If so it is no wonder they rebel. It is a parents job to teach them right and wrong and I know they dont always listen but if you do your job and you stay involved in their lives and you truly care about their decisions and teach them values and to respect you and themselves they will turn out decent. Dr Phil would be all over you like a rat on a cheeto if he heard "I have done everythig i know how" "It is not my fault" "I hate my child" etc. It starts and ends with parenting period!

I'm glad that your teens are somewhere in the middle. Sometimes they mind, sometimes they don't. I'm talking about those who clearly lack any desire to follow the rules and remain unmotivated- even with "good parenting". I stand by my original post. It does not always fall back on parenting. As children grow, they develop a mind of their own.

The biggest part that I disagreed with was use of the word hate toward your own children. Love and hate are the two strongest emotions one can have. Hearing hate from someone that is supposed to love you more than any other human being on the face of the planet is a lil harsh!

As I mentioned earlier, I did not agree with the word hate. I believe that she could have titled this thread differently. Most likely, she hates his poor choices.

anewlife4me8610

I am sure what you meant was you hate the way your teen is behaving...lol ...I know this! I feel you on it...My daughter is 21 legal to drink in any country and she has been driving me crazy since 15!!! lol so I know what you mean...sometimes we have to let go and let God...its so hard to watch your child (or anyone you love) head straight for a brick wall at 99 miles an hour with no helmet, but sometimes that impact and bounce back is what they need to see the light....as parents we are so limited to what we can really do by they time they are old enough to make their own decisions....we just have to pray that the parenting and the things we taught them early on in life were enough for when the time comes....we will always be there for our children, or at least we want to be, but when they make choices that just dont make sense sometimes we have to say, sorry- you made your bed now take a nap in it! Its hard, but sometimes giving too much is worse than not giving at all....good luck and God bless!!!

yowza101

Trust me you are not alone in this plight of lazy kids and their self deserving attitude. That is a lot for an id, it's only $12 here and yeppers to be 18 and legal. As I tell my kid, he's 19 and legal but still in the toddler phase...hahahaha. Hang in there and stick to your guns. It's him settling for the life he wants, it's not you. We all want what is best for our kids but until the kid realize that for themselves, our words are fallen on death ears. Just remember, he's responsible for himself and his actions, you are not. As long as you know that you have raised him to be responsible and he refuse to then the outcome is on him, even though it hurts us as the parent. You will eventually have to decide when enough is enough and when it's time for him leave...

Good luck and stay strong.

Chinadorian

Make him earn everything, meanwhile you might have to drive him around to get places if there is no public transportation and he can't drive vehicle himself.

Teens go through rebel phase, some worse then others. He needs to be loved unconditionally and feel the love from family, because if you, his mom, does not show him love he will look for it in other places..... and will get anything but love... like so many of us have done , and some still do.

Don't give up on him! Get yourself together, show him love, the right kind.
Love does:
-- encourage every chance you get,
-- build them up (always find something positive in him and praise it),
-- shows compassion,
-- forgives,
-- give him all listed above, not because he deserves (none of us do), but because you love him.

Love does not:
-- burst out in anger,
-- accuse,
-- bring people down by actions, or words (cussing),
-- "pay back".

Kids have it really hard today, and not because they are lacking material things, but because of all the peer pressure and world pressure they have to deal with at a young age. Their body is mature, but soul is not (emotions and character). They do not know how to deal with a lot of stuff that is being thrown at them every day, including sexual relationships they feel they have to be in.

Most of the kids are not prepared to deal with responsibilities that come with adulthood - money management, responsibility of job/school, relationships . ... all that why TV is showing ads on how cool and smart you can be if only you buy beer, vodka, birth control, new cars and credit cards.

Talk to him honestly, show him what consequences he will have if he does not do what responsible adult needs to do to have a good life, then let him do life and learn from his mistakes as he goes. He will learn.

And pray. Prayer works.

Word.

firstsip

I hatehatehate when people say, "You're not a parent. How can you know."

I'm not a parent, but I was the person who spends nearly the same amount of time with your kid as you did....

Yeah, I used to say the same thing. Then I had 2 kids.
You have kids come into your classroom and you are there to teach them a specific subject. Then they go home.
Your only job is to teach them that subject(s) to the best of your ability and create a positive learning environment and be a good listener and quite a bit more...for an hour. unless you have full day classes, then it's 7 hours.

But you're not financially, emotionally responsible for these kids for 18+ years. You did not bring them into this world, and after 3 p.m., they're not your responsibility! You get them for a school year and after that you might see them in the hall. you might have them for a class or two, most teachers don't.

Nono, the honors students were my 7 hours. I was not JUST a conventional teacher, hence my original post.

The caretaker of special needs position was often up to 12+ hours. Some of these kids lived full-time in the facility I worked at.

I was not financially responsible for them, yes, but I was responsible for their emotional well being, psychological stimulation (or sometimes, prevention of stimulation), education, nutrition, physical education, etc.

I specifically brought up my multiple positions because I found the parent/child relation was pretty similar in BOTH settings, regardless of underlying serious issue, and regardless of how long or how much I was doing for the kid.

In other words, I got exposed to countless kids+parents in different settings, and didn't see much difference.

We did also have 18+ at this facility, and one that springs to mind had a mother who had him very young and only came to visit to remind her son, "Your good for nothing father does **** for you. I'm all you've got" once a week. We also had an 18+ whose mother never comes. We had good parents, too.

The issue is: I've seen kids (and young adults) with similar issues, personalities, etc... and also parents that handle them differently. It's a little bit of both responsible for the final product.

CasablancasTX

He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.


Enjoy.

People who do not have children should not make comments like these.

firstsip

And pray. Prayer works.

How.

CarmenSRT

I feel sad for the day when he comes across this on the internet from his own mother.

penrbrown

And pray. Prayer works.

How.

If nothing else, then by calming the one who is praying. Just because you lack belief doesn't mean religious practices don't help those who DO believe.

RavenBeauty87

I'm 25 and have an 8 months old so I can't give parenting advice but I will say my parents were great. They had their faults and some of my personality has developed because of that parenting (anxiety from mixed signals and getting yelled at when I didn't do anything and not getting yelled at when I have) however, I did things that my parents were so upset over and wondered where they went wrong. They didn't go wrong and I knew what they wanted from me but that isn't me. I don't know how much you support him (I'm not saying kick him to the curb) but support him as little as you can. Roof over his head and food (Not favorite foods or snacks just breakfast, lunch, and dinner) If he ask for anything like gas or something you know he needs make him do work for it and if he doesn't do it then say your not getting it. If he gets to the point of screaming and saying he hates you then it is working. If he throws that in your face say "You said you were an adult. I love you son but when it comes to money I'm going to treat you like a tenant and you need to earn your keep if you are not going to give me money and not get a job" I have been working since I was 11(getting paid by my dad helping him do lawns and other handyman work) then I got a 'real' job when I was 16 it is hard for me to imagine him being this way. I only read a few comments and you will hear a lot of "bad parenting" but some kids personalities are just so strong it doesn't matter how good you raised them. Hope things get better and give that boy a reality check!

oregonzoo

And pray. Prayer works.

How.

Placebo effect /

firstsip

And pray. Prayer works.

How.

If nothing else, then by calming the one who is praying. Just because you lack belief doesn't mean religious practices don't help those who DO believe.

My, that was a touchy response. I was only looking for an answer "Calming" makes sense. I guess I just prefer tea!

HaleyAlli

Maybe he turned out this way because he's getting "hate" from you instead of the love a child deserves. I only clicked on this topic because I thought you were being ironic. That is shameful.

Chinadorian

And pray. Prayer works.

How.

Placebo effect /

rabbit trail.

focus people...
clearly this woman needs help on how to let her son be a free agent and is willing to get advice from this peanut gallery on MFP....

Janet9906

I have a teenage son, teens are frustrating. Period, end of story. I was brought up by wonderful parents and I was a pain in the *kitten* teen.
I love my son, he drives me NUTS on most days, but I would never use the word hate.
You can only say so much, you can't force him to do anything when they turn 18.

Good luck!

ashlensmomma

He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.


Enjoy.

This is hilarious. I love that because someone's child decides to be a lazy brat, that means it was the parent's fault. My parent's did an awesome job with my brother and I. They worked hard and made sure we did too.If we wanted our allowance, you bet your butt we had to do our chores, if we wanted to go out with friends, our grades had to stay up. But as soon as my brother turned 18, he moved out and got an apartment. He decided he was grown up, and wanted to live alone. He didn't finish school, and he didn't want to spend all his time working, so he quit his job, which meant he didn't have money for bills, which meant he lost his apartment and ended right back up at home.

Moral of the story- if parents do their job right in raising their child, and teaching them everything they need to know to be a decent person, and the child refuses to take that information and do their part in bettering themselves, then NO it isn't the parent's fault, it is indeed the child's.

DLKeeble

I am a parent of five children. Four of them males and two are still home in college. It is such a sigh of relief when they finally "mature" Times and laws have changed even from the time my two oldest were teens. Things are so much more serious regarding alcohol. Things stay on their record and follow them. We have made it clear that they will not bring alcohol in our home. We do not drink. We let them know the laws and how it can effect their future employment or other life pursuits. It isn't just fun on Friday night or whatever. It can be one beer and you be in the wrong place at the right time. Someone can hit you and cause a wreck, but if you even have a bit of alcohol in your system you will be in so much trouble. Your son is still a minor and his trouble will follow him to your front door. If he isn't mature enough to understand that, he doesn't need a passport. Don't give in and if he is so mad and moves out. Life is hard! My oldest decided he didn't want to pay us rent once he graduated from HS and he moved out and paid rent to a friend. (LOL) Anyway, he grew up fast and loves and respects us so much.
Sometimes you have to be the "parent"
Good luck!

laural007

Never in a million years would I say I hate my child. Ever.

Tyyche

You can tell who has kids in this thread, and who doesn't.

Just keep this in mind, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

Growing up, say 10-14ish years old, our boy was a hellion. A real jerk to his mother, to me, to his sister, to everyone. Acted out at every chance. Crappy grades, lazy as all get out. All the while his sister was an angel. Straight A's. Considerate, kind, and motivated. Did everything around the house to help out.

4-5 years later... our son is captain of the football team, signed up to join the Air Force to be with his uncle (a Bronze Star winner), straight A student and just as kind and humble and considerate a person you'd want to meet. Every teacher loves this kid. Helps rake the elderly neighbors yard, and turns down money, and just asked for a Coke.

Our daughter... well she's the laziest person I know. She's dropping out of community college because it's too much work to keep good grades. Works two ****ty part time jobs and has zero ambition in her life. We "fired her" from "helping" with chores around the house because we were sick of half assed jobs and having to finish them ourselves. She has vague plans to work in a spa "someday", but can be assed to finish a Associate's degree and wasted 3 semester's of our money before telling us all this.

My wife and I are both college educated well adjusted professionals with a wonderful marriage. We never argue, we make good money and our kids have never wanted for anything. We kept consistent rules all throughout their growing up and didn't set unrealistic expectations. In short, the normal average happy family. House, pool, dogs, white picket fence etc.

Sometimes, people just make bad choices.

So I'll repeat, always keep in mind, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

Best of luck.

VelociMama

momswanson

Folks, let's be real, she doesn't really "hate" her son, she is at her wits end, so give her a break! Having raised two lovely daughters into adults (ages 21 and 23) I get the feeling that you hate your kids. My oldest daughter was confrontational and stubborn (I have no idea where she got that from!) and I definitely had days where I wanted her out of my house! We were sad when we dropped her off at college 500 miles away, but believe me when I say that it couldn't have come soon enough! We were at each other's throats most of the last year of high school, and that summer prior to college was the longest summer of my life. We are great friends now. She has graduated from college and it preparing to enter a Master's program. She is amazing and we are great friends! As a matter of fact, she just texted me letting me know that she is looking forward to coming home for Christmas. Hang in there, it does get better. If I were to offer any advice, I would say that kids, and people in general, live up to the expectations set for them so set the bar high....give your son something to work for....and taking away all privileges, money, cell phones, computers, etc., doesn't hurt either.....it worked with my girls! Good luck!

sammniamii

To all the haters that are blaming her (the OP) for how she "may" have raised her child.... STFU. Not every problem is traced back to the parents. If i acted the way my mother raised me or wanted me to be... I'd be dead. I grew up being told I was worthless, a broken mistake and I wasn't going to account for anything. My parents taught me nothing HELPFUL other than I had to take care of myself because NO ONE ELSE was going to.

And you know what.... I am still here in spite of what my mother (and father) did to me, how they raised me.... why? Because I am my own person. I made my choice to NOT be my mother or father.

OP, I hope you take heart that you have done the right things. Your son may be one of those people who have to learn the hard way, he may have to fall on his *kitten* to learn what it means to be an adult. I am glad you are trying to hold your ground and make him realize live isn't easy or fair, it takes hard work & effort.

Hide that Passport well, if he's intent on drinking and you won't give it to him, I bet he'll scour the house when your not looking, trying to locate it anyways.

Good luck and I hope he comes to his senses one of these days.

know_your_worth

probably bad parenting

^^this.

NKF92879

I hate to bring this up, but... If he's an adult, isn't it HIS passport? Give it to him... and then proceed to show him the door. If he wants to be grown up and go drinking, then perhaps he should be a grown up and support himself?

leolin6

He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.


Enjoy.

Just because she gave birth and raised him, doesn't mean that he is HER product

KellyKAG

I hatehatehate when people say, "You're not a parent. How can you know."

I'm not a parent, but I was the person who spends nearly the same amount of time with your kid as you did....

Yeah, I used to say the same thing. Then I had 2 kids.
You have kids come into your classroom and you are there to teach them a specific subject. Then they go home.
Your only job is to teach them that subject(s) to the best of your ability and create a positive learning environment and be a good listener and quite a bit more...for an hour. unless you have full day classes, then it's 7 hours.

But you're not financially, emotionally responsible for these kids for 18+ years. You did not bring them into this world, and after 3 p.m., they're not your responsibility! You get them for a school year and after that you might see them in the hall. you might have them for a class or two, most teachers don't.

Exactly!!!

now_or_never12

Regardless of the reason of attention grabbing, a post titled "I hate my teenage" is terrible. Even if you only put that word there to get attention how do you think your children would feel by seeing that their mother wrote that.

Your son is an adult by law at 18. Give him his passport. It islegally HIS. Regardless of why he wants it you must give that to him if he requests it at 18. He will legally be an adult and it is HIS. If he wants to be a **** about you not giving him HIS passport he can take further steps as it is legally his... not yours to control.

You can only do so much as a parent. Give him a deadline where he needs a job to stay living with you. If he doesn't, pack his things and tell him to go find somewhere to live. He will eventually learn to do things he needs to do when someone isn't there to bail him out. By what I have read you are sadly only pushing your children away from you.