RANT: I hate my teenager

hiker359

Every bird must learn to fly or be devoured by the world. My parents were kind enough to let me live at home until I was 21, but it was still a 'their house, their rules,' situation. I decided I didn't like their rules and moved out and crashed hard. I got myself into a world of hurt financially, but fortunately not with drugs or disease. My parents allowed me to move back home long enough to help me learn how to stand on my own feet (but only under the strictest of rules), I learned how to manage my money, I work, I pay all my own bills. My parents would help a little here and there with groceries and such while I was going to school. But otherwise, it was time for me to find my own way.

You have to cut the cord eventually. Chances are, your teen will come to appreciate you a helluva lot when he has to do everything on his own and Mommy isn't there to cater to his every whim. It's hard to stand back and watch him crash, but if my parents could do it, so can you. I am grateful that they did because it taught me how to truly be an adult.

BluenoserChick

The term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.

You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.

He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.

All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.

And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.

MamaTaryn

[quote}


you don't hate HER. you hate her choices and her rebellious attitude.

No wonder kids are so screwed up these days... their parents are all going around talking about how they hate them.

Do you really think I tell her that I hate her?

You don't have to TELL her. Actions speak louder than words. and kids are very perceptive. She can sense it from your words, your body language, the way you react to her. No doubt she knows how much she's disappointed you. No doubt she also knows how much you've disappointed her as well.

My words to her have always been
1. No matter what you do, I will always love you.
2. I only want you to succeed in life.
3. You will always be my KikiBaby.

The ONLY action I have "done" to her is not allow her to bully me into letting her have her way. If this is being a bad parent.. then so be it.

Angie_1991

Hate is a very strong word...my son is 14 and cannot ever thinking that I hate my child...let alone saying it outloud...good luck to you...but our children are our creation...he sounds spoiled....as is my son.

Fit4_Life

Saddens me that a parent would say,"I hate my teenager". Gosh, I hope that doesn't come out verbally directed to him. Maybe some family counseling would be helpful.

firstsip

[quote}


you don't hate HER. you hate her choices and her rebellious attitude.

No wonder kids are so screwed up these days... their parents are all going around talking about how they hate them.

Do you really think I tell her that I hate her?

You don't have to TELL her. Actions speak louder than words. and kids are very perceptive. She can sense it from your words, your body language, the way you react to her. No doubt she knows how much she's disappointed you. No doubt she also knows how much you've disappointed her as well.

Yup, this exactly. If you are "thinking" negative thoughts, your behavior is very likely executing in a way that is hardly positive. Read the book "Toxic Parents" and it'll open your eyes (which, incidentally, I found out from a MFP thread back in the day... from someone who had grown up with quite a few issues after parents behaved in a pretty immature, "hateful" fashion).

BritneysStuntDouble

Bethie_B

What a coincidence! *I* hate your kid too! :drinker:

andreamelo1

hate is a strong word for your child......

HAHA does not have a teen at home

Gr8ChangesAhead

It is not always the parents so give her some slack. I have 4 kids, my oldest makes bad choices and refuses to grow up he had so many opportunities along the way and he thinks oh well I am gonna do what I am gonna do well needless to say he has absolutley nothing sleeps on his friends floors and still refuses to get a job... My oldest daughter is on the deans list at her college. my middle daughter is in high school and on the national honor society, and my youngest even with her disabilities and autism just skipped the 4th grade so her whole future is ahead of her. So I think it has to do with the choices these young adults make we prepare them to be productive adults but their choices may differ. Do what ya gotta do Mom, give that passport to a friend to hold onto and ignore the coming guilt trip !

ironanimal

So many things...

Nothing wrong with not aspiring to own a big swanky house. Some people, clearly, aren't as materialistic as yourself.

An unwillingness to try for fear of failure, and your attitude of him being a failure seem to coincide to me.

He's turning 18. Welcome to 2012. Let him buy the damn alcohol and enjoy himself with what a lot of people his age will be doing, too.

sunnshhiine

The term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.

You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.

He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.

All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.

And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.

So you posted this for attention?! awesome.

what good does ranting about it on a public forum do? does it change the situation? does it make the reality of it go away? does it make your son more responsible? does it make you a better parent? no.

avir8

He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.


Enjoy.

Cause kids are definitely not subject to external influence other than their parents... Following your logic, every murderer is their parents' fault and your mom should be slapped for raising you.

Yeah basically, if you look most of those murderers are products of abuse, neglect, etc. So yes it is the parents' fault, of course this is an extreme example but even if two kids are raised by the same parents, those parents don't treat the two kids exactly the same, therefore one can grow up responsible and the other can grow up "babied" and lazy.

boecho

First, yes, hate is a very strong word. You should note that you hate his actions, and not the person. His actions will change over time, and you will no longer hate them.

Now, to the point. I see a lot of people blaming the OP. "He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM."

He was not "only" raised by his mom. He was raised by everyone in the community. Everyone he meets and associates with influences who he is. Kids at school have more influence over a child's demeanor than any parent ever will. That's a problem in this world today. Your kid screws up and it's YOUR fault, not the kid's. This man is 18 years old, has his own mind, and is expected by our society to act like a man and not a mama's boy child. I won't call what you should do "tough love". I will call it "necessary parenting". A child will not stand on his own two feet if you are willing to carry him. It's human nature. Push this little bird out of the nest and watch him learn to fly.

Love_flowers

wow... I would have been really hurt if my own parents exposed me like that on a public forum for everybody to read!


shame on you once and shame on you twice :noway:

firstsip

He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.

Once he's 18, can you legally do this? I'm American (though a not-so-far south neighbor with Canadian family), and these issues have come up... but for our elderly family members, living trust, power of attorney, etc.

Do you have any court orders saying your son can't attain his legal identification? If it exists, and you're arbitrarily keeping it in a safe, I'm pretty sure you're violating your son's rights for the sake of his "lazy attitude."

andreamelo1

The term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.

You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.

He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.

All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.

And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.

this ppl are all about mightier than thou bull dont listen or even respond if they dont understand frustration they they arent going through what you are screw them all

HotMummyMission

probably bad parenting

How dare you call her abut her parenting have you got kids? Do you know how hard it is! Don't judge other people this is the only thing about this site that I hate horrible people like him!!!



Op .... I was the same at 18 I played up all the time just because the other kids could do what I couldn't I'm now 21 with my own house a daughter and husband I relise what my mum done for my when I was growing up was for my own safty an to teach me rules I moved into my house knowing everything I needed about living alone my formed did the same thing the same time I moved out she goth earthing done for her everything she wanted guess wer she is now bk home with no job still he will appreciate you an it will take time it took me to have my daughter to relise how much my mum done for me and what she done which I hated was for my own good x

dahkneeka

I didnt't read all the posts so if this is a repeat .. sorry.


Let me guess;
1. He lives with you
2. You pay everything (clothes, rent, food etc)
3. He controls you (you give in)


It's really a perfect life for him.

If I didnt HAVE to work and got my way... I would really be enjoying life.

Teach him RESPONSIBILITY. Give him his Passport, hes 18. Let him drink
Maybe he will learn a lesson (hangover, cops, identity theft)

jigglewiggles

I know you don't really "hate" your teenager, you're just venting. I think as parents (especially of teenagers) we all get a bit frustrated at times, so I don't take the title of this post literally. It's not always the parents fault, to those of you who jump right to that conclusion. Parents can do all they can, but children are their own person, no matter how much "parenting" you do, they are going to make their own choices and decisions in life. I'm going through issues with my 13 year old son right now regarding school, and I feel that I do all I can to aid him in his studies. It's not easy raising children, especially teenagers. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm not there yet with an 18 year old; I wouldn't say give into him, but since he's 18 now, maybe you should let him "live and learn". I mean we all have to learn from our mistakes, at least I know I did. People could tell me something all day long, and I wouldn't listen to them until I went through it myself, and then I was like "wow, I should've listened to them", lol. I don't know, just hang in there, and be there for him when he really needs you, but I'd probably let him learn from experience. Good luck to you.