RANT: I hate my teenager
Replies
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hate is a strong word for your child......
I agree with the above comment.
Not to mention, kids are usually a reflection of their parents and their upbringing. So something tells me that the parenting in his life was probably lacking somewhere along the way.
I would disagree with that. Her son sounds a lot like my brother. He always yelled at my mom and slacked off what he was supposed to be doing, and getting in trouble with the law. I, on the other hand, didn't do any of that. I was a National Honors Society student, I cooked, cleaned and volunteered at the local nursing home. I'm nothing like my brother and we were raised in the same house, by the same mom.
OP, I'm thinking that it might just be the fact that he's a teenage boy. Hopefully he will grow out of it.0 -
Cause kids are definitely not subject to external influence other than their parents... Following your logic, every murderer is their parents' fault and your mom should be slapped for raising you.He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.
Enjoy.0 -
I'm sorry, but my son is 17. And yes, he too can be quite the handful. But I don't understand how you, as a mother, could put "I hate my teenager" as the title of this post. That is an absolute terrible thing for you to say.0
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Where do you think you went wrong?
Why does it have to be where she went wrong? What about him?
Thank you!! He is going to be 18 and at this age old enough to know what is right and wrong. Time to stop blaming the parents, he will be old enough to drink then he is old enough to know what is right and what is wrong and how to act like an adult.
DO NOT give him the passport, he needs a tough lesson in learning what it will be like to be on his own. To take responsiblity for himself. Start now. It may be hard but we are their parents and not their friends. Good Luck!!0 -
I think my mother would have said similar things about me when I turned 18. Probably in some internet forum as well. I know she did to anyone at the bar who would listen. I'm 30 now, and you know what I've learned. My mother is a pretty awful human. I'm pretty sure your house has mirrors in it. I suggest you look in one.0
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you don't hate HER. you hate her choices and her rebellious attitude.
No wonder kids are so screwed up these days... their parents are all going around talking about how they hate them.
Do you really think I tell her that I hate her?
You don't have to TELL her. Actions speak louder than words. and kids are very perceptive. She can sense it from your words, your body language, the way you react to her. No doubt she knows how much she's disappointed you. No doubt she also knows how much you've disappointed her as well.0 -
My "teenager" will be 33 in a few days. It doesn't get better. He's got traffic law violations - several! - and didn't bother to go to court last week. I've been waiting for a license suspension notice to show up in the mail (which still comes here while he couch hops with friends who ask far less of him than we do) and possibly a warrant for his arrest.
I told him months ago that he had to get a job and pay those fines or this would happen.
I suppose his dad and I are too functional and too responsible. To be his own person, he had to go in the opposite direction, I guess.0 -
hate is a strong word for your child......
I agree with the above comment.
Not to mention, chances are that kids are a reflection of their parents and their upbringing. So something tells me that the parenting in his life was probably lacking somewhere along the way.
That's awesome and helpful.
Edit: To the OP: ignore the *****y/judgy comments from people who do not have children or whose children are under ten.
"Judgy"? This woman is judging her son; the other comments are judging their kids. How is someone commenting on a public topic being "judgy."0 -
Wow- there are some judgemental people on here today.. WOW.
I would say some tough love is in order.0 -
He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.
Enjoy.
I don't agree with this. I know several people, including differences between my brother and I who's parents raised them the same way, gave them the same support and opportunities....and they turn out completely different. How is it that 1 child will be a college graduate and the other child is a convict. Sometimes...there are just bad seeds and blaming the parent is a cop out.
I do think that kids go through phases and 18 is a rough age. Some kids find their way....others don't.0 -
Every bird must learn to fly or be devoured by the world. My parents were kind enough to let me live at home until I was 21, but it was still a 'their house, their rules,' situation. I decided I didn't like their rules and moved out and crashed hard. I got myself into a world of hurt financially, but fortunately not with drugs or disease. My parents allowed me to move back home long enough to help me learn how to stand on my own feet (but only under the strictest of rules), I learned how to manage my money, I work, I pay all my own bills. My parents would help a little here and there with groceries and such while I was going to school. But otherwise, it was time for me to find my own way.
You have to cut the cord eventually. Chances are, your teen will come to appreciate you a helluva lot when he has to do everything on his own and Mommy isn't there to cater to his every whim. It's hard to stand back and watch him crash, but if my parents could do it, so can you. I am grateful that they did because it taught me how to truly be an adult.0 -
The term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.
You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.
He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.
All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.
And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.0 -
[quote}
you don't hate HER. you hate her choices and her rebellious attitude.
No wonder kids are so screwed up these days... their parents are all going around talking about how they hate them.
Do you really think I tell her that I hate her?
You don't have to TELL her. Actions speak louder than words. and kids are very perceptive. She can sense it from your words, your body language, the way you react to her. No doubt she knows how much she's disappointed you. No doubt she also knows how much you've disappointed her as well.
My words to her have always been
1. No matter what you do, I will always love you.
2. I only want you to succeed in life.
3. You will always be my KikiBaby.
The ONLY action I have "done" to her is not allow her to bully me into letting her have her way. If this is being a bad parent.. then so be it.0 -
Hate is a very strong word...my son is 14 and cannot ever thinking that I hate my child...let alone saying it outloud...good luck to you...but our children are our creation...he sounds spoiled....as is my son.0
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Saddens me that a parent would say,"I hate my teenager". Gosh, I hope that doesn't come out verbally directed to him. Maybe some family counseling would be helpful.0
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[quote}
you don't hate HER. you hate her choices and her rebellious attitude.
No wonder kids are so screwed up these days... their parents are all going around talking about how they hate them.
Do you really think I tell her that I hate her?You don't have to TELL her. Actions speak louder than words. and kids are very perceptive. She can sense it from your words, your body language, the way you react to her. No doubt she knows how much she's disappointed you. No doubt she also knows how much you've disappointed her as well.
Yup, this exactly. If you are "thinking" negative thoughts, your behavior is very likely executing in a way that is hardly positive. Read the book "Toxic Parents" and it'll open your eyes (which, incidentally, I found out from a MFP thread back in the day... from someone who had grown up with quite a few issues after parents behaved in a pretty immature, "hateful" fashion).0 -
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What a coincidence! *I* hate your kid too! :drinker:0
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hate is a strong word for your child......
HAHA does not have a teen at home0 -
It is not always the parents so give her some slack. I have 4 kids, my oldest makes bad choices and refuses to grow up he had so many opportunities along the way and he thinks oh well I am gonna do what I am gonna do well needless to say he has absolutley nothing sleeps on his friends floors and still refuses to get a job... My oldest daughter is on the deans list at her college. my middle daughter is in high school and on the national honor society, and my youngest even with her disabilities and autism just skipped the 4th grade so her whole future is ahead of her. So I think it has to do with the choices these young adults make we prepare them to be productive adults but their choices may differ. Do what ya gotta do Mom, give that passport to a friend to hold onto and ignore the coming guilt trip !0
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So many things...
Nothing wrong with not aspiring to own a big swanky house. Some people, clearly, aren't as materialistic as yourself.
An unwillingness to try for fear of failure, and your attitude of him being a failure seem to coincide to me.
He's turning 18. Welcome to 2012. Let him buy the damn alcohol and enjoy himself with what a lot of people his age will be doing, too.0 -
The term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.
You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.
He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.
All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.
And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.
So you posted this for attention?! awesome.
what good does ranting about it on a public forum do? does it change the situation? does it make the reality of it go away? does it make your son more responsible? does it make you a better parent? no.0 -
Cause kids are definitely not subject to external influence other than their parents... Following your logic, every murderer is their parents' fault and your mom should be slapped for raising you.He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM.
Enjoy.
Yeah basically, if you look most of those murderers are products of abuse, neglect, etc. So yes it is the parents' fault, of course this is an extreme example but even if two kids are raised by the same parents, those parents don't treat the two kids exactly the same, therefore one can grow up responsible and the other can grow up "babied" and lazy.0 -
First, yes, hate is a very strong word. You should note that you hate his actions, and not the person. His actions will change over time, and you will no longer hate them.
Now, to the point. I see a lot of people blaming the OP. "He's YOUR child. YOU raised him. Unless he was raised by someone else (I obviously don't know your family situation), this is YOUR product, MOM."
He was not "only" raised by his mom. He was raised by everyone in the community. Everyone he meets and associates with influences who he is. Kids at school have more influence over a child's demeanor than any parent ever will. That's a problem in this world today. Your kid screws up and it's YOUR fault, not the kid's. This man is 18 years old, has his own mind, and is expected by our society to act like a man and not a mama's boy child. I won't call what you should do "tough love". I will call it "necessary parenting". A child will not stand on his own two feet if you are willing to carry him. It's human nature. Push this little bird out of the nest and watch him learn to fly.0 -
wow... I would have been really hurt if my own parents exposed me like that on a public forum for everybody to read!
shame on you once and shame on you twice :noway:0 -
He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.
Once he's 18, can you legally do this? I'm American (though a not-so-far south neighbor with Canadian family), and these issues have come up... but for our elderly family members, living trust, power of attorney, etc.
Do you have any court orders saying your son can't attain his legal identification? If it exists, and you're arbitrarily keeping it in a safe, I'm pretty sure you're violating your son's rights for the sake of his "lazy attitude."0 -
this ppl are all about mightier than thou bull dont listen or even respond if they dont understand frustration they they arent going through what you are screw them allThe term 'Hate' was used to bring attention to the post -- obviously I don't hate my own kid. His choices are disappointing and frustrating, but a post titled "My disappointment in my teen" wouldn't gain as much attention. Most parents are disappointed in their teens one time or another.
You can really tell who has teens and who doesn't by the replies.
He is not getting the passport -- it's locked in the safe. As to those who blame the parents - maybe -- our message of education, education, take responsibility, be successful, go to school has obviously had the opposite effect on him.
All he has to do is DO something -- oh look, there's a car for you -- if you get your license, you can have it. Does he get the license? No, it's too hard, and no one will just GIVE it to him. Anything he has to do for himself, he won't.
And no, he gets no money from us. He gets food, shelter and love.0 -
probably bad parenting
How dare you call her abut her parenting have you got kids? Do you know how hard it is! Don't judge other people this is the only thing about this site that I hate horrible people like him!!!
Op .... I was the same at 18 I played up all the time just because the other kids could do what I couldn't I'm now 21 with my own house a daughter and husband I relise what my mum done for my when I was growing up was for my own safty an to teach me rules I moved into my house knowing everything I needed about living alone my formed did the same thing the same time I moved out she goth earthing done for her everything she wanted guess wer she is now bk home with no job still he will appreciate you an it will take time it took me to have my daughter to relise how much my mum done for me and what she done which I hated was for my own good x0 -
I didnt't read all the posts so if this is a repeat .. sorry.
Let me guess;
1. He lives with you
2. You pay everything (clothes, rent, food etc)
3. He controls you (you give in)
It's really a perfect life for him.
If I didnt HAVE to work and got my way... I would really be enjoying life.
Teach him RESPONSIBILITY. Give him his Passport, hes 18. Let him drink
Maybe he will learn a lesson (hangover, cops, identity theft)0 -
I know you don't really "hate" your teenager, you're just venting. I think as parents (especially of teenagers) we all get a bit frustrated at times, so I don't take the title of this post literally. It's not always the parents fault, to those of you who jump right to that conclusion. Parents can do all they can, but children are their own person, no matter how much "parenting" you do, they are going to make their own choices and decisions in life. I'm going through issues with my 13 year old son right now regarding school, and I feel that I do all I can to aid him in his studies. It's not easy raising children, especially teenagers. I wish I could offer you some advice, but I'm not there yet with an 18 year old; I wouldn't say give into him, but since he's 18 now, maybe you should let him "live and learn". I mean we all have to learn from our mistakes, at least I know I did. People could tell me something all day long, and I wouldn't listen to them until I went through it myself, and then I was like "wow, I should've listened to them", lol. I don't know, just hang in there, and be there for him when he really needs you, but I'd probably let him learn from experience. Good luck to you.0
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