Any Thoughts before I Kill Her!

Options
msradio
msradio Posts: 165 Member
in Chit-Chat
Don't worry I don't plan on killing my 14 yr old anytime soon! I just need some advice, My daughter is the only child and since I grew up with siblings it's hard to relate with her at times.

The problem is this I work 2 jobs and when I come home to a house that looks a mess I get upset. Then I have to hear her complain that she feels like a slave if i ask her to straighten up. When I was growing up it was more then just me so I always had help with chores, I don't want everything to be on her but something has to give any advice out there?
«13456

Replies

  • AimersBee
    AimersBee Posts: 775 Member
    Options
    crystalball.jpg

    i predict this post will be locked by page 6...
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    Options
    EbtPu.gif
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
    Options
    My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    She's 14. She's going to complain when you ask her to help out. It's the way of the world. But she still needs to do it.

    Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that your priorities are not hers, but you are the mom and yours matter more. :-) And maybe sit down with her and lay out all the time you spend working and explain calmly that you are a team and you need her help sometimes.

    She'll take it well or she won't, but again, she's 14 so there's only so much you can do about attitude.
  • EyeOnThePrize82
    EyeOnThePrize82 Posts: 59
    Options
    Work together this weekend to get the house in good condition. Then, she is required to pick up after herself. That's not a slave, that's being responsible. Then, come up with a certain amount of chores that are her responsibility. Maybe make a chart. Stuff you're responsible for, she's responsible for and stuff you'll work on together. Then she'll see she doesn't do ALL the work. Hopefully that will help.
  • pelleld
    pelleld Posts: 363 Member
    Options
    We always had chores when I was growing up. There was just me and my brother, and maybe my parents didn't "need" our help. But we were taught that contributing was part of being a family. Everyone has a job that makes things run more smoothly for the family, that's just the way it was. Chores were age appropriate and we had plenty of time left over for just being kids :)
  • wick09
    wick09 Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    Why not make a chore list and you and her can share the chores? Let her know the mess SHE makes, she cleans. Can't put it all on her to do it all. I understand you work, but she is a kid and needs to do what kids do.
  • EmilyRanae22
    EmilyRanae22 Posts: 506 Member
    Options
    give her specific chores, and a scheduel to get them done. (ie monday=trash out, tues=laundy, wed=vacuum) one or two chores a day is a lot easier and managable than "clean the house"

    Oh and a good swift kick in the butt if she complains. My mom had a no whining rule in our house, if we complained about chores we got more chores and/or lost our allowance...we didn't complain much
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Options
    Murder is never the answer.
    With that said, we clean the house as a family on Sunday.
    After that, there is a very simple rule:
    If you mess it up, you clean it up.

    This was not popular until I started to throw away the "mess".
    Shoes, toys, dishes. I came in with the big garbage can from outside and every mess went in the trash.
    Things got better from there.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Options
    Why should it all be on you? I was an only child too and my mom worked her *kitten* off and I helped as much as I could as well as having my own job and school. She needs to buck up and lean responsibility!
  • cessnaholly
    cessnaholly Posts: 784 Member
    Options
    I just tell my kids that they have to earn their keep. Everyone in my house does something to help, even my 2 year old. If they don't want to help they don't have to but then they don't get TV or snacks or fun stuff. They just get the basics. Their choice. They are not my slaves but I will not be their slave either. Good luck.

    And yes, stuff that gets left around will get tossed. Works for my daughter. Not so much for my son - he helps me throw out his stuff. LOL
  • jfatheree78
    jfatheree78 Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    While I don't have a teenager yet, I do have a 5 year old that I am trying to teach responsiblity. I would suggest making a chore chart for her. Try not to giveher too much, but some basic duties like dusting, vacuuming and keeping her room clean would be a good start. Have a rewards system in place. My son earns points for doing his homework, cleaning his room, and helping Mom. Those points add up to a trip to Chuck E Cheese, or something like that. For your daughter maybe it can be a small allowance or a trip to the movies.
    I'm not sure if you're a single mother, but I am and I know I can use all the help I can get, even if it comes from my 5 year old. I found the rewards system really helped with his attitude towards helping me. Good luck!
  • EmilyRanae22
    EmilyRanae22 Posts: 506 Member
    Options
    oh and if she isn't cleaning up after herself my parents had a "friday box" Anything we left out at the end of the day went in the box and we didn't get it back until friday. Only thing we could retrieve from the box early was homework
  • dalildevil
    dalildevil Posts: 55 Member
    Options
    I have no children so I really can't tell you anything from a parent's point of view. However, I remember when I was younger what would tick me off the worse was that I was "expected" to do things just because they needed to be done. I used to babysit my brother. So I was expected to make sure that the house was straightened up, that the dishes were done and that the laundry was done.

    While it makes sense that if you're home (summy holiday), and that both your parents are working and away from the house that you would take it upon yourself to do these things. The fact that it became and expectation drove me insane.

    My suggestion, is that instead of expecting your daughter to do these things. Ask her to help you do them. I know that you're tired after a long day at work. But believe me if you start doing the dishes and ask her to come help you she'll be more responsive then if you tell her to go do the dishes.

    Teenagers like to be needed, but they don't like to be "told" what to do. :-)

    Hope this helps
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    Options
    Unfortunately this is that age, and unless its been the norm she will likely give you attitude.

    As soon as we were tall enough to reach (9-10), I did my own laundry and had a chore schedule I did daily.

    My only suggestion is take things away from her or change your wifi password and she only gets internet until she is done haha
  • chelovik
    chelovik Posts: 200 Member
    Options
    I think you have to be realistic in your expectations of your daughter. If the house is a mess then chances are both of you generated the mess. I am a single parent with a daughter and you can not expect her to do everything around the house. Specific chores yes but not all of them. I have a cleaning lady every other week. Well worth it and before we hit the bed at night we clean the house up so that it isn't a total disaster. give her specific chores that she earns cash on and if they are done she is paid if not there is retaliation for it. Ie shut off the house internet or her cell. She will change her toon
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
    Options
    I agree with the previous posters too, my kids are 2 and almost 4, they help clean, my older even wipes the table off and sometimes rinses dishes. Of course 4 is different than 14, but at 14 she needs to be learning responsibility. I was basically on my own because of my mom working so much at 14-15. I had my own job as soon as i turned 15 plus cooked for myself and cleaned the apartment. I did this because I wanted to help her because it shouldn't all be on her. She did enough.
  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
    Options
    I have a 15 year old that does not like to do anything either---But I do take away his computer and then he will clean his room....and he does act like he feels bad when I actually take the trash out.:noway:
  • txdahl
    txdahl Posts: 107 Member
    Options
    She's 14. She's going to complain when you ask her to help out. It's the way of the world. But she still needs to do it.

    Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that your priorities are not hers, but you are the mom and yours matter more. :-) And maybe sit down with her and lay out all the time you spend working and explain calmly that you are a team and you need her help sometimes.

    She'll take it well or she won't, but again, she's 14 so there's only so much you can do about attitude.

    ^^this......and I always remember what Judge Judy says to teens....Until you are out of your parents house AND supporting yourself they own everything including the air you breathe.

    This too shall pass, provided you both live through it. lol
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    Options
    Here's what my foster mom did, worked like a charm too. I got an allowance every week. However; if I left my things sitting out, or left a mess, she would deduct $1 from my allowance. So I would end up owing HER money if I wasn't careful. I also had to do my set chore to get this allowance, it was different every day, kitchen, bathroom, etc. At the end of the year, she would take all the money she had gotten from me, and buy little dollar store gifts, we would wrap them, go to a poor neighborhood in Santa Claus hats and hand out the gifts to whatever kids we saw while we were driving. It was good times!!!

Categories