Any Thoughts before I Kill Her!

i predict this post will be locked by page 6...

My parents gave us spending money directly proportional to our chores. They literally had a sheet with a price listed for every chore and we both had to sign off on every chore I completed then I could draw against the chore sheet whenever I wanted money. So sometimes I'd go to the huge market with my parents owing me like £50 and be so happy, other times I only had a quid and I felt rotten so helped out more. Whenever I complained they told me to get a job if I thought they were being unfair. The only job I could get was a paperround up hills that only just don't qualify as mountains, and in the winter several of us started getting followed, and I had to wake up super early on a Saturday...I went back to the chore list and never complained about it again. my parents got help, I learned responsability and got spending money.

Work together this weekend to get the house in good condition. Then, she is required to pick up after herself. That's not a slave, that's being responsible. Then, come up with a certain amount of chores that are her responsibility. Maybe make a chart. Stuff you're responsible for, she's responsible for and stuff you'll work on together. Then she'll see she doesn't do ALL the work. Hopefully that will help.

Why not make a chore list and you and her can share the chores? Let her know the mess SHE makes, she cleans. Can't put it all on her to do it all. I understand you work, but she is a kid and needs to do what kids do.

Murder is never the answer.
With that said, we clean the house as a family on Sunday.
After that, there is a very simple rule:
If you mess it up, you clean it up.

This was not popular until I started to throw away the "mess".
Shoes, toys, dishes. I came in with the big garbage can from outside and every mess went in the trash.
Things got better from there.

I just tell my kids that they have to earn their keep. Everyone in my house does something to help, even my 2 year old. If they don't want to help they don't have to but then they don't get TV or snacks or fun stuff. They just get the basics. Their choice. They are not my slaves but I will not be their slave either. Good luck.

And yes, stuff that gets left around will get tossed. Works for my daughter. Not so much for my son - he helps me throw out his stuff. LOL

I have no children so I really can't tell you anything from a parent's point of view. However, I remember when I was younger what would tick me off the worse was that I was "expected" to do things just because they needed to be done. I used to babysit my brother. So I was expected to make sure that the house was straightened up, that the dishes were done and that the laundry was done.

While it makes sense that if you're home (summy holiday), and that both your parents are working and away from the house that you would take it upon yourself to do these things. The fact that it became and expectation drove me insane.

My suggestion, is that instead of expecting your daughter to do these things. Ask her to help you do them. I know that you're tired after a long day at work. But believe me if you start doing the dishes and ask her to come help you she'll be more responsive then if you tell her to go do the dishes.

Teenagers like to be needed, but they don't like to be "told" what to do. :-)

Hope this helps

Unfortunately this is that age, and unless its been the norm she will likely give you attitude.

As soon as we were tall enough to reach (9-10), I did my own laundry and had a chore schedule I did daily.

My only suggestion is take things away from her or change your wifi password and she only gets internet until she is done haha

I agree with the previous posters too, my kids are 2 and almost 4, they help clean, my older even wipes the table off and sometimes rinses dishes. Of course 4 is different than 14, but at 14 she needs to be learning responsibility. I was basically on my own because of my mom working so much at 14-15. I had my own job as soon as i turned 15 plus cooked for myself and cleaned the apartment. I did this because I wanted to help her because it shouldn't all be on her. She did enough.

She's 14. She's going to complain when you ask her to help out. It's the way of the world. But she still needs to do it.

Just take a deep breath and remind yourself that your priorities are not hers, but you are the mom and yours matter more. :-) And maybe sit down with her and lay out all the time you spend working and explain calmly that you are a team and you need her help sometimes.

She'll take it well or she won't, but again, she's 14 so there's only so much you can do about attitude.

^^this......and I always remember what Judge Judy says to teens....Until you are out of your parents house AND supporting yourself they own everything including the air you breathe.

This too shall pass, provided you both live through it. lol

Can't blame you for being upset. She's 14 and has to learn about responsibility but there's no way she can hear you out without telling and making her understand the reason behind why you need her to help you, only then it will make sense to her.

I remember when I was much younger my mom assign me some task to do at home like for the entire up coming week I'm responsible to wash the dishes after dinner, make my bed every morning etc. in that case I know what was expected of me ahead of time and if I don't do it there will be repercussion. That's my mom teaching me how to take responsibility. I'm 36 now and I was very thankful of that. Hope this helps! oh if that doesn't work then time for plan b Lol!

If you're working two jobs, you must be a busy lady. Do you get much time to spend with your daughter? It might be that (as a sensitive teenage soul!) she feels that when you are home you're "nagging" or telling her to clean up.

Not saying that's how it is, but I grew up with a mum who worked very hard and long hours, she came home late and tired and needed me to help with the housework and chores, and we used to fight about it - I didn't feel like a "normal" kid because my friends didn't have to do those things really. And my mum's work was so all consuming that we didn't get to do much mum/daughter stuff - she often had to work weekends too, so sometimes (and lets remember teenagers can be slightly melodramatic) I used to feel that I went to school, came home, did housework and homework and then went to bed. Yet my mum would always say I didn't do enough or I hadn't done it to her standards (and she's quite a clean freak!)

It's hard as a single mum because you have nobody to help, as the only child of a single parent it's also tough because you kind of fill in the gap where another adult would pick up the slack if you see what I mean?

I'd have a talk with her, and try to establish some groundrules and set clear expectations. "Keep the house tidy" to a teenager is quite vague - their idea of tidy won't necessarily be what yours is! Deal in specifics, i.e. "please can you make sure that you wash the dishes and wipe down the sides after you cook dinner" or "please can you take your dirty cups and plates downstairs after you finish with them". Maybe give her specific jobs she is responsible for, so she can kind of "tick them off" and then she knows she's done what's expected of her and won't get a hard time - gain her agreement so you can refer back to the discussion if she doesn't keep her end up.

Finally, you might also have to learn to compromise a little. My mum had to pick the battles in the end, because at the end of the day, she was working, and I was not yet an adult, and she was leaving me in charge of the house most evenings. You don't get a spotless house in the hands of a 14 year old, end of, but you should definitely be able to ask for certain things as a minimum standard, particularly when it comes to taking care of and tidying her own things and not leaving extra work for you.

Maybe show her what slaves are really treated like ( were ) then i'm sure she will change her tune?

Im joking of course.

Here's what my foster mom did, worked like a charm too. I got an allowance every week. However; if I left my things sitting out, or left a mess, she would deduct $1 from my allowance. So I would end up owing HER money if I wasn't careful. I also had to do my set chore to get this allowance, it was different every day, kitchen, bathroom, etc. At the end of the year, she would take all the money she had gotten from me, and buy little dollar store gifts, we would wrap them, go to a poor neighborhood in Santa Claus hats and hand out the gifts to whatever kids we saw while we were driving. It was good times!!!

Great idea!!

And to the OP, you just have to make her do it. Allowance might work, if not... then take something away if she leaves messes around the house. I was raised with siblings, and I seemed to take on more chores than them because the youngest one was spoiled. Atleast she is the only child, less stuff to clean up.