Guys, be honest,....

Because you're specifically requesting this from me, I'll respond.

1. It's great/awesome/fantastic to have preferences. Everyone has them. It's in general not a particularly nice thing to look at someone and immediately think of what they should change about themselves in order to appeal to your preferences. This way of thinking indicates a sense of entitlement for everyone to be attractive by your standards, and is general a not very accepting way of thinking. I'd elaborate but you've asked me to be brief.

2. People can have preferences for any body type and that's awesome. A preference does not equal a fetish just because a body type is less socially acceptable.

Fair enough, but

1. Do you think that's what is happening? I don't think we are looking at someone and thinking they should change. I think we look at them, judge if they fit our idea of attractiveness, and if not, we keep looking. We're not asking some random at the bar to conform, we're looking for the next chick at the bar. Who is doing exactly the same to us, while accepting our drinks anyway.

2. Agreed

I feel your question is the same among women... I don't see to many women calling overweight or obese men attractive.

I for one, am only attracted to slimmer women. It's just how I am.. Ill be friends with anyone but can only see myself with a slim woman.

That's why I am working on my weight to make it realistically possible. :P

I actually like a guy with some meat on his bones. I like a guy thts fit, but not a muscle head and not a rail thin guy... I want to know im with, that he is bigger than i am, that he isnt frail..

i'm only 21, and "men" that i date are not older than 24. That explains a lot. :blushing:

Definitely lol. You have to go a good bit older to up your chances...but even then you'll probably think he's dumb...mostly because of the fact that even though you speak the same language...you think in completely different ones lol.

So, I'm sorry to say...for now, you'll just have to be smart enough for you AND the boy .

oh i'm not saying boys aren't treating me well. I'm just saying that until the guy meets you and knows you as a person he likes you just because of your looks.
and most of them don't even wanna bother if you're too overweight or obese.
so we have to keep ourselves pretty all the time :flowerforyou:
i understand that i sound very immature but that's just how it is and you all know it.

Because you're specifically requesting this from me, I'll respond.

1. It's great/awesome/fantastic to have preferences. Everyone has them. It's in general not a particularly nice thing to look at someone and immediately think of what they should change about themselves in order to appeal to your preferences. This way of thinking indicates a sense of entitlement for everyone to be attractive by your standards, and is general a not very accepting way of thinking. I'd elaborate but you've asked me to be brief.

2. People can have preferences for any body type and that's awesome. A preference does not equal a fetish just because a body type is less socially acceptable.

Fair enough, but

1. Do you think that's what is happening? I don't think we are looking at someone and thinking they should change. I think we look at them, judge if they fit our idea of attractiveness, and if not, we keep looking. We're not asking some random at the bar to conform, we're looking for the next chick at the bar. Who is doing exactly the same to us, while accepting our drinks anyway.

2. Agreed

Long response ahead. Sorry.

My specific issue was with a guy saying he often looks at people and thinks "She would be hot if she lost weight" or something like that. Basically, the "They would be hot if they did xyz" mentality is a problem. I believe I stated earlier that looking at someone and then acknowledging they're not to your liking and moving on is a healthy way to deal with the situation. Do you think the "she would be hot if" judgments are kept strictly to the bar or other social dating situations? A lot of people do look at people at the grocery store, the mall, some public place, who are minding their own business.

The reason these little thoughts are a big issue to me? Too often, these thoughts can culminate in actions. People who think this way will sometimes make shaming remarks, sometimes without even realizing it. Obviously not everyone who thinks "They'd be hot if" will make these remarks, but it's important to recognize that it is one of the thought processes that can lead to those remarks. There are genuinely people out there who DO think they are owed attractiveness by other people and become so caught up in those thoughts that they act on them. I have heard of and experienced enough of these remarks to know that it is very real. And it's not just being told "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight.", or "ew she's fat who would date her", which is damaging enough, it's also literally being shouted at out of cars and other stuff like that. You may not see the connection between those thoughts and those actions, but it is there. Those actions partially stem from people's need to shame fat people into conforming to their standards of what is attractive.

My husband definitely prefers fat girls. He doesn't even think thin women are worth a second look. So yes, those guys do exist, and I'd bet there are more of them than we realize. Society puts a huge stigma on fat and in talking to my husband and some male friends who like fat girls, they've all told me that at some point in their lives they felt they couldn't be open about their preference because their friends would make fun of them.

Saying that no one finds fat girls sexy is as ridiculous as saying everyone finds fat girls sexy.

The reason these little thoughts are a big issue to me? Too often, these thoughts can culminate in actions. People who think this way will sometimes make shaming remarks, sometimes without even realizing it. Obviously not everyone who thinks "They'd be hot if" will make these remarks, but it's important to recognize that it is one of the thought processes that can lead to those remarks. There are genuinely people out there who DO think they are owed attractiveness by other people and become so caught up in those thoughts that they act on them. I have heard of and experienced enough of these remarks to know that it is very real. And it's not just being told "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight.", or "ew she's fat who would date her", which is damaging enough, it's also literally being shouted at out of cars and other stuff like that. You may not see the connection between those thoughts and those actions, but it is there. Those actions partially stem from people's need to shame fat people into conforming to their standards of what is attractive.

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

My husband does not care what size women are, he sees them all as the same. Just with more to grab hold of or 'bounce"

I think it's kind of unhealthy to expect a person of the sex you're attracted to to automatically be attracted to any and all body types. Every person has a certain set of body types that they can be attracted to. I think that naturally, people aren't going to be attracted to others who look "extreme" in any way (incredibly underweight or very overweight/obese). From a scientific standpoint, it'd make sense... why would you want to be with a person (who will theoretically carry your children or help raise your children) who looks unhealthy?

Furthermore, it isn't fair to assume that someone should be attracted to you (or that they should overlook certain aspects of your body) if you have serious health problems.

That being said, I think it's unhealthy from a societal standpoint to have this sort of discussion in the way I've seen it going. It sounds like the OP is kind of just getting out rage at men for not being attracted to obese women. (From my perspective, and from the many male friends, relatives, and acquaintances I've seen... being slightly overweight (up to probably about 30-35 pounds overweight) doesn't really matter to them. As long as they've got SOME sense of how to take care of themselves through diet or exercise, it's fine. But it's when someone has clearly let themselves go and doesn't care about their health that weight becomes noticeable and is a deterrent.

I think it's wrong to assume that a serious health problem like obesity should be overlooked when judging attractiveness, because it's not just an issue of looking cute... it's also a mental and emotional health problem, quite often.

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

And i doubt you hear women looking at obese men and saying "God Id love to use his belly as a blanket, I'd say he sweats loads"

Fat people being overly sweaty is a myth.
Also, I used to love to lay on my ex boyfriend's fat belly. It made a lovely pillow.

If male attention is anything to go by...

Having been 215lbs (I'm 5'6"and 43yr old) and 144lbs and everything in between I've made an observation.

In the obese BMI category ... Where I started... Zero attention from men and any attention was either neutral or negative .

Overweight BMI... Once my BMI hit about 27 I noted a marked change in the attention I got...

At healthy BMI I noted that men and actually everyone was nicer to me (in shops, etc)

At 27 BMI men started being attracted and in the healthy range, I get the most attention...

I di think it had as much to do with my confidence and how I carry myself as it did with my size.