Thanksgiving Help....dreading the Food Pushers!
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I deleted my previous comment. Because I was just being a whiny brat and didn't add anything to the post.
But I do want to add, that you could fill your plate and eat very slowly. Be one of the last to leave the table, that way no one is seeing an empty plate and try to push more food onto it. This is what my game plan is. I'm not going to deny myself anything, but I am going to slow myself down so that I don't feel sick once dinner is over. I want to actually have room to enjoy my dessert.
Also with everyone else saying that it's one day indulge. Yes it is one day and I don't think the OP was complaining about eating to much. It seems like she was more complaining about how much food her mother was planning and that she didn't want to go over board. I am in the same situation, my mother in law bought a 20lb turkey and 10lbs of sweet potatoes along with 4 pies and plenty of sides for 8 people. I totally understand with you OP, because most likely the leftovers will be pushed off on to us. I don't think it's right to go so extremely excessive during holiday's. There are hungrier people out there, and I don't think that forcing myself to eat so much that my pants are tight is right.0 -
AND>>>>>>>>>>>>> I was never concerned with who would be offended with my decision........but thanks for letting me know anyway ...........................message boards make me seriously want to quit this site all together..................................0
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As for taking your own food. I support that fully. This is hard work. Yes it is one day, But I personally can be set back a lot by just thinking of it as one day that turns into 2 then 3 then 4.
I may be the only one, but I feel if it works for you, do it and forget the rest of the criticism.
I personally am not too concerned with any of the holidays this year. I will just be glad when they are over and gone. I have to work full days on all of them, and I am getting serious grief by family thinking I am doing it to ruin their holidays or for greed. I don't have a choice if I still want to be employed come January 1, so therefore I will work them and suck it up and pack my lunch just the same as always, nothing fancy and carry on.
So in reality, I won't have to deal with food pushers, it will all be over with by the time I get home and can cook my own carefully planned plain non festive dinner.0 -
AND>>>>>>>>>>>>> I was never concerned with who would be offended with my decision........but thanks for letting me know anyway ...........................message boards make me seriously want to quit this site all together..................................
I truly am sorry. I don't know how this thread got so out of control. This is suppose to be the Motivation and Support thread....not the Bash and Bruise one.
I am actually jealous of you that you have a family that supports you enough to not mind at all if you eat a Lean Cuisine or the entire turkey! That is the whole point of my original post. I can find plenty of healthy options to eat...I am bringing a lot of healthy options...I will eat some turkey. I just don't want to offend my mom. I know she will want me to try EVERYTHING. And it isn't as easy as a simple "no." Which is VERY evident by the mixed comments on this post. The posters can't even agree if I should just sit there and eat what she gives me or walk away and stand up for myself.
I do thank everyone for their input. I REALLY am appreciative of the people who really took time to answer my original post. I am going to read through all of them and hopefully I will come up with something that will work for me.
But please everyone...no more negative posts. It doesn't help anybody.0 -
If you have a food addiction then you need to handle it like any other drug. (when I quit smoking I stayed away from my smoker friends until I knew I could handle it without an issue) If you are just trying to lose weight, then listen to your mom. Eat what you want, go for a walk, its one day. Can't possibly screw up a diet/lifestyle for one day, u may not log food on here that day. It may give you a hormonal spike to lead to a loss anyway....But, if its an addiction, then you shouldn't go to thanksgiving until you are recovered, for it will lead to a downward spiral, perhpaps that is ok, only you know the answer to that. have your own day or something, I would think a person needs someone to support their situation so you should have planned it already so you're not alone unless u don't care.
and as far as food pushers go, that's my grandma god love her, I will always let her push her food, its her way of showing love, and I know to plan for it before I see her. She is in her 80's afterall, so I feel she can do what she wants, but to this day I drink her awful coffee (its awful but she likes making it and only will if someone else wants it so I say yes so she can enjoy it) but secretly I dump it down the sink when she isn't looking.0 -
I've seen it all over the boards..it's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.
Don't stress out over one day. Enjoy the time with family and the food, and get back on track the next day.
i agree with this
and definitely how i plan on spending the holidays. 0 -
I agree with the posters who say "it's just one day". I don't plan to go crazy but I'm not going to stress out about it either. Planning to go on a run on Thanksgiving morning to give myself some room.
There are a few pushers I know and I've found if we're just talking about a piece of cake or that extra helping of pasta that saying "no thank you" often gets me an argument. "Oh, come on! What, you don't like my cooking?!" Etc. Instead I now say "maybe later" or "maybe in a few minutes". Usually they forget about it and I'm off the hook.0 -
I think its important to note that the meal is not just about you- its about a bunch of people coming together. And if most of the people aren't counting calories, well, that's just how it is. You are going to be outnumbered. You are going to have to buckle down and dig deep and find some will power. I say make some healthy sides, but don't be stingy and refuse to make things that others enjoy. Do both, and everyone will be happy. Steamed broccoli takes next to no effort, so I am sure you can make a little time to make a traditional dish that your loved ones will enjoy. And honestly, if its causing that much stress for you, I say take your Moms advice- just enjoy the holiday. Don't go crazy, but enjoy. Do a little extra workout to balance it out. That's what I've had to do. It's not worth starting a battle of the wills. 0
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This is what I do. I take their food, push it around the plate, divert attention elsewhere, say "this is delicious ", divert attention again, say I'm full, and take platter myself to sink.
How to divert attention - give them compliments (suck up to them). "your fill in the blank is gorgeous, where did you get it"
Most people won't notice if the food doesn't go in your mouth. If they do, then you say your on medication and if you eat such and such it will come right back up. That will stop the pushing. If they ask why your on medication say "stomache issues". Lie. You only have to do this or see these people once a year. If its your mom, then just divert attention to her beautiful personality.
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Please try to use portion control. Bringing your own food to someone's home is terribly rude. If you have enough self-control to forgo what others are eating in favour of a Lean Cuisine, then surely you have the self-control to sample everything without going overboard.
It's just a day. It doesn't have to completely derail anyone's progress.0 -
I'm not surprised you're getting such a range of responses. Every family is different and only you know the dynamic and what might cause long lasting repercussions.I truly am sorry. I don't know how this thread got so out of control. This is suppose to be the Motivation and Support thread....not the Bash and Bruise one.
I am actually jealous of you that you have a family that supports you enough to not mind at all if you eat a Lean Cuisine or the entire turkey! That is the whole point of my original post. I can find plenty of healthy options to eat...I am bringing a lot of healthy options...I will eat some turkey. I just don't want to offend my mom. I know she will want me to try EVERYTHING. And it isn't as easy as a simple "no." Which is VERY evident by the mixed comments on this post. The posters can't even agree if I should just sit there and eat what she gives me or walk away and stand up for myself.
I do thank everyone for their input. I REALLY am appreciative of the people who really took time to answer my original post. I am going to read through all of them and hopefully I will come up with something that will work for me.
But please everyone...no more negative posts. It doesn't help anybody.
My parents are also food pushers and live a few thousand miles away from me. That means, when I visit them, I am subjected to their terrible diets and food pushing for at least a week. I managed to lose weight this summer while staying with them for 10 days by being very firm and clear about what I would and would not eat for my stay, with the exception of two meals on my free days for the two weekends I was there.
I also think one meal isn't going to blow it, especially if you keep up the exercise, but the big problem with something like Thanksgiving is the leftovers - all those calorie-dense foods that nobody wants to go to waste! Plus all the extra unnecessary calories added to the foods served up at my parents' during the holidays. In my opinion, sweet potatoes don't need sugar added to them. I taste everything, but don't fill up my plate with regular-sized portions of each food. I even have pie, but just a sliver, not a whole slice. Desserts don't all need to be topped with whipped cream. All the bready products don't need to be smothered in butter. I try to limit my calories a bit by avoiding the extras that I can!
I will face the same thing at Christmas this year (Thanksgiving will be in Vegas, so no turkey and stuffing for me). I will allow one freebie and the rest of the time I'm there, I will be measuring, counting and logging in MFP. To me, it's worth a little indulgence a couple times a year if control is possible in the days around those feasts!0 -
Lots of different views and mostly good discussion. I'm still trying to figure out how to tackle my first holiday season since eating healthier and exercising. Thanks OP for asking this question. Do what you feel is right for you. From your posts, you seem like a very thoughtful person so I'm sure you'll be mindful of other people's feelings without compromising what's best for you. Best of luck and Happy Thanksgiving!0
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Wow!! This is a lifestyle change, not a diet, and one day of indulgence and enjoyment will not de rail the whole process. I would be OFFENDED if I had prepared a Thanksgiving feast and someone brought a Lean Cuisine. Don't do that!! Talk to your hostess and plan a couple of healthy choices together. Get a good work out in, take a little of your favorites, fill up on veggies, and enjoy the company. Talk a lot--you won't have time to put food in your mouth!! Sheesh, people. This is a holiday, and a time to be thankful. Enjoy it!!
Well lucky for me, my family are NOT food pushers and they support my lifestyle and the choices I make. My husband's aunt is fully aware that I am bringing it and they are not offended at all. Reason for the Lean Cuisine--- so I can log!!! I cannot log their recipes! How do I know how many calories are in their butter smothered food ?! Everyone has their own choice to make. Glad everyone was ripping my decision apart with their criticisms and judgements while I carried on about my day happily :huh:
Actually, just as an FYI, you can log it. I do it all the time with recipes. If you really wanted to do that, just ask them for their recipes and build them out on here. You can indicate how many portions each recipe makes and then when you are logging your meals it works like any other food.0 -
I just don't want to offend my mom. I know she will want me to try EVERYTHING. And it isn't as easy as a simple "no."
I just want to add that I can understand how this might be difficult for you. (I am on a 90 day workout program and have this day scheduled to be a 'me' day... and plan on working the extra calories off... but I've been there when its difficult to try to eat healthy and stick to a plan and my 'well meaning' family does their best to throw me off.)
But I will say... you only have your mother for so long. There are a finite number of Thanksgivings you have with her. Are they going to be Norman Rockwell, picture perfect days? No. I've learned (through my own very different issues with my mom) that I cannot change her and cannot expect her to change. Whose feelings should be hurt, mine or hers? I need to take care of ME and at the same time, make sure I spend time with my mom, connecting with her as an adult. Trust me, its not easy... but be true to YOU. Tell your mom honestly, "Mum, I love you and trust me I LOVE your sausage stuffing and gravy... but I am going to just have a taste. Just wait til you see me next Thanksgiving mum." If she pushes, just smile and do your best to let it roll off your back. In 20 years, when your mom is gone and you reflect back on your holidays together... you won't remember food pushing, focus on the things you do remember (do you have family traditions?). Make time to sit down with her and tell her you love her. Include her on your struggles with food. She loves you and wants you to be happy.
OR... if your family is sarcastic like mine, we used to do a drinking game or a 'Mom Bingo'. Every time xyz happened you had to take a drink. Or one year, my sister made a 'Gatx Family Bingo' card and whenever certain things happened you got to check it off.
Its a day a gratitude and family and love. Its not going to be postcard-perfect but it can be a wonderful day. Find a way to stay true to you.0 -
Actually, I agree with your mom, OP. It's a holiday. Eat the fattening foods and enjoy, then go back to "normal" eating on Friday.
why?? My sister works the ER thanksgiving. She said she sees more heart attacks that day then any other
While eating unhealthy food can lead to heart disease over time due to fat gain or clogging arteries, but it does not cause an immediate heart attack unless perhaps brought on from choking (which could also happen with healthy food).
Heart attacks go up during the holidays due to stress, no doubt sometimes caused by family arguing over something as silly as food.0 -
Stating the truth is an awesome way to stop food pushers and I love your post when I read it. I'm going to use the same thing and be honest upfront instead of saying "I'm on a diet" because I'm not really on a diet. I'm on a mission to change my eating habits and stay healthy forever. Thanks for posting!0
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Eat what your given and be grateful for it, If you start making a fuss at every festive feast, you might stop being invited. MFP is supposed to be a "LIFE style" change and there's going to be plenty more thanksgivings in your life.0
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Just got off the phone with my mom. We are planning the Thanksgiving menu. I don't know how many times I told her that we need to not go over board with desserts and dips, etc. I told her that I would make a fruit salad, steamed broccoli, etc. (trying to keep it a little bit healthy.) She is so disappointed. She wants the fattening broccoli casserole and the gazillion calorie fruit dip. Twenty desserts that no one will eat.
I am actually dreading Thanksgiving. I have already told her so many times that I am watching what I am eating. She just says "Nonsense...It is a holiday!"
I am already anticipating her pouting because I won't eat her food. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I have to put myself first.
Any advice? How do you handle the food pushers in your life? Especially ones that are family and you don't want to hurt their feelings.
I would totally want the broccoli casserole aswell. Watch what you eat, don't be a downer for everyone else. If you're worried about people food pushing, fill your plate up and then leave something on there so it always looks a little full. Its a holiday, you dont need to go overboard to enjoy the food, and you dont need to be obsessive about calories....its one day, it wont make or break you.0 -
Well, I'm the holiday cook in my family and I can relate to your Mom somewhat. I have traditional dishes I fix every year that I fix because that's what I had at holidays from early childhood. I've dropped the marshmallow fruit salad, the banana cherry jello, and the mincemeat pie because I'm the only one who eats them and I've sacrificed these comfort foods to be practical. I get a lot of joy from fixing food, and it's easy to pack emotional feeling into them. I suspect your Mom really wants these foods because she associates them with the holidays of years past.
You'll find that over the years your Mom will get used to you eating differently. Introduce some of your new food choices into her spread, and they may become new favorites.. Fruit salad, yum. Let your Mom go overboard, but quietly eat what you need for your own choices. Only you know what goodies you can taste a bite of and not lose your resolve. Being too full to eat something is a good excuse.
I don't know how old you are, but some time host the meal at your own house and start your own traditions.0 -
I once read years ago that if someone keeps pushing food on you, poliety said no thank you without explaining why (as soon as you say you are on a diet or eating heathy, it just seems to open up the conversation to them saying things like ït's only one day" go on you are doing so well you need a treat" blah, blah blah) up to 3 times and after this if they still insist, accept the food and then make your point by not eating it. I do this myself and it works, they soon get the message. If they ask why you didn't eat it, just say something along the lines of you being full for now.
Good luck and stay strong, I know it's not easy.0
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