Who initiates in your house??

I use to but never accepted anymore:brokenheart: :frown:

We both initiate it. We both like to have sex as much as we can. It's fun to initiate and to be initiated.

WINNING!!!!!

me always but would love the compliment to come the other way occasionally !!

I totally understand, the gals who are initiating all the time. This is me like 90% of the time and I get turned down 80% (it kills me, I end up feeling like s*** and eating ice cream or *kitten* during the day or break down crying). We've been together for almost 10 years and married for 2.5--for the first few years he couldn't keep his hands off me, when we started having sex, we would go at it so much there were times I didn't feel like it (which is saying a lot, I'm pretty much always game) and it was AWESOME. Then he got sick, had major surgery and started being really down on himself. He got into a rut of depression and couldn't get out. We'd go over a month or two at a time with nothing happening. I'd break down in tears...I kept thinking it was me, I was depressed as hell thinking he wasn't attracted to me anymore, what happened to my man, he was all OVER ME, when is he coming back?! I got obese, substituting food for the big yawing bottomless hole of depression inside me. That didn't work so well. I lost some weight later, didn't really make a difference either. But I feel a little less ****ty about myself skinnier.

He eventually got depression meds (but he refuses to talk to a counselor), he felt a bit better, but then the meds made him disinterested, he'd start to act interested and then *poof* gone the next minute. Got another depression pill that makes the other pill more effective with less side effects (like a *booster* pill or something). That helped some. Now we do it every one to two weeks. I don't want to do it that little, but it's bearable. He'll forget to fill his prescription for the booster or the depression meds every three months or so and I'll ask what's going on and he'll insist he "hasn't had time" to go pick them up for up to TWO WEEKS (bull****! I'll go pick them up!--I don't actually say this).

He insist computer games are relaxing to him, he'll spend hours sitting in his office on the internet or gaming. But he can't sleep very well, either so I don't think it's that relaxing.

I think he has self image problems, he doesn't view himself as sexy (even though I kiss him and tell him he looks handsome and grab his butt, etc.) and being the only earner right now (we moved for his work and I haven't been able to find a job yet) I think he takes a lot of stress on board and won't let it go or talk to me about it. I think if he would exercise more or use the computer less, he could relax a bit, but he doesn't...

He stresses out about everything, he worries about my happiness here living in a new place, etc., but all he really seems to want to do is sit on his butt and become one with his computer--not explore our new surroundings or spend any free time together, sometimes I think if it cooked dinner and snuggled up next to him at night, he wouldn't miss me. There has been times when I've intentionally suggested we have boozy drinks so I can get him a little drunk--it's the only time he seems relaxed enough to feel sexually aggressive...but alcohol shouldn't be an answer.

I've talked to him and told him point blank that I would like to have sex at least once a week, if not twice a week. That I would be willing the schedule it--I've heard it can work--but he didn't sound interested in the "sex" night concept (probably just too much pressure for him to put on himself). It worked for a while and then stopped working.

I've told him I'm willing to try anything once and asked about his fantasies. He doesn't seem to have any. I've never found porn in the house or on his hard drive. He doesn't ask me about my fantasies and though I've hinted, he's never expressed an interest in watching porn with me.

Things have seemed better lately (not sex wise, but in other interactions) and hope springs eternal. I just want to see that horny, confident guy again, who couldn't get enough of me. I understand he has a few physical limitations with some of his health problems, but it's okay with me, he's still totally hot to me. I know we're probably both a little more neurotic and a little less youthful then we were in our early 20s, but I still believe that man is in there waiting for the right moment to come back. *sigh*

I'm lucky it's him but I surprise occasionally-

ha... there's no initiating nuthin'

I totally understand, the gals who are initiating all the time. This is me like 90% of the time and I get turned down 80% (it kills me, I end up feeling like s*** and eating ice cream or *kitten* during the day or break down crying). We've been together for almost 10 years and married for 2.5--for the first few years he couldn't keep his hands off me, when we started having sex, we would go at it so much there were times I didn't feel like it (which is saying a lot, I'm pretty much always game) and it was AWESOME. Then he got sick, had major surgery and started being really down on himself. He got into a rut of depression and couldn't get out. We'd go over a month or two at a time with nothing happening. I'd break down in tears...I kept thinking it was me, I was depressed as hell thinking he wasn't attracted to me anymore, what happened to my man, he was all OVER ME, when is he coming back?! I got obese, substituting food for the big yawing bottomless hole of depression inside me. That didn't work so well. I lost some weight later, didn't really make a difference either. But I feel a little less ****ty about myself skinnier.

He eventually got depression meds (but he refuses to talk to a counselor), he felt a bit better, but then the meds made him disinterested, he'd start to act interested and then *poof* gone the next minute. Got another depression pill that makes the other pill more effective with less side effects (like a *booster* pill or something). That helped some. Now we do it every one to two weeks. I don't want to do it that little, but it's bearable. He'll forget to fill his prescription for the booster or the depression meds every three months or so and I'll ask what's going on and he'll insist he "hasn't had time" to go pick them up for up to TWO WEEKS (bull****! I'll go pick them up!--I don't actually say this).

He insist computer games are relaxing to him, he'll spend hours sitting in his office on the internet or gaming. But he can't sleep very well, either so I don't think it's that relaxing.

I think he has self image problems, he doesn't view himself as sexy (even though I kiss him and tell him he looks handsome and grab his butt, etc.) and being the only earner right now (we moved for his work and I haven't been able to find a job yet) I think he takes a lot of stress on board and won't let it go or talk to me about it. I think if he would exercise more or use the computer less, he could relax a bit, but he doesn't...

He stresses out about everything, he worries about my happiness here living in a new place, etc., but all he really seems to want to do is sit on his butt and become one with his computer--not explore our new surroundings or spend any free time together, sometimes I think if it cooked dinner and snuggled up next to him at night, he wouldn't miss me. There has been times when I've intentionally suggested we have boozy drinks so I can get him a little drunk--it's the only time he seems relaxed enough to feel sexually aggressive...but alcohol shouldn't be an answer.

I've talked to him and told him point blank that I would like to have sex at least once a week, if not twice a week. That I would be willing the schedule it--I've heard it can work--but he didn't sound interested in the "sex" night concept (probably just too much pressure for him to put on himself). It worked for a while and then stopped working.

I've told him I'm willing to try anything once and asked about his fantasies. He doesn't seem to have any. I've never found porn in the house or on his hard drive. He doesn't ask me about my fantasies and though I've hinted, he's never expressed an interest in watching porn with me.

Things have seemed better lately (not sex wise, but in other interactions) and hope springs eternal. I just want to see that horny, confident guy again, who couldn't get enough of me. I understand he has a few physical limitations with some of his health problems, but it's okay with me, he's still totally hot to me. I know we're probably both a little more neurotic and a little less youthful then we were in our early 20s, but I still believe that man is in there waiting for the right moment to come back. *sigh*

Ask the doctor to test his testosterone levels. Low levels = low or no libido.

I totally understand, the gals who are initiating all the time. This is me like 90% of the time and I get turned down 80% (it kills me, I end up feeling like s*** and eating ice cream or *kitten* during the day or break down crying). We've been together for almost 10 years and married for 2.5--for the first few years he couldn't keep his hands off me, when we started having sex, we would go at it so much there were times I didn't feel like it (which is saying a lot, I'm pretty much always game) and it was AWESOME. Then he got sick, had major surgery and started being really down on himself. He got into a rut of depression and couldn't get out. We'd go over a month or two at a time with nothing happening. I'd break down in tears...I kept thinking it was me, I was depressed as hell thinking he wasn't attracted to me anymore, what happened to my man, he was all OVER ME, when is he coming back?! I got obese, substituting food for the big yawing bottomless hole of depression inside me. That didn't work so well. I lost some weight later, didn't really make a difference either. But I feel a little less ****ty about myself skinnier.

He eventually got depression meds (but he refuses to talk to a counselor), he felt a bit better, but then the meds made him disinterested, he'd start to act interested and then *poof* gone the next minute. Got another depression pill that makes the other pill more effective with less side effects (like a *booster* pill or something). That helped some. Now we do it every one to two weeks. I don't want to do it that little, but it's bearable. He'll forget to fill his prescription for the booster or the depression meds every three months or so and I'll ask what's going on and he'll insist he "hasn't had time" to go pick them up for up to TWO WEEKS (bull****! I'll go pick them up!--I don't actually say this).

He insist computer games are relaxing to him, he'll spend hours sitting in his office on the internet or gaming. But he can't sleep very well, either so I don't think it's that relaxing.

I think he has self image problems, he doesn't view himself as sexy (even though I kiss him and tell him he looks handsome and grab his butt, etc.) and being the only earner right now (we moved for his work and I haven't been able to find a job yet) I think he takes a lot of stress on board and won't let it go or talk to me about it. I think if he would exercise more or use the computer less, he could relax a bit, but he doesn't...

He stresses out about everything, he worries about my happiness here living in a new place, etc., but all he really seems to want to do is sit on his butt and become one with his computer--not explore our new surroundings or spend any free time together, sometimes I think if it cooked dinner and snuggled up next to him at night, he wouldn't miss me. There has been times when I've intentionally suggested we have boozy drinks so I can get him a little drunk--it's the only time he seems relaxed enough to feel sexually aggressive...but alcohol shouldn't be an answer.

I've talked to him and told him point blank that I would like to have sex at least once a week, if not twice a week. That I would be willing the schedule it--I've heard it can work--but he didn't sound interested in the "sex" night concept (probably just too much pressure for him to put on himself). It worked for a while and then stopped working.

I've told him I'm willing to try anything once and asked about his fantasies. He doesn't seem to have any. I've never found porn in the house or on his hard drive. He doesn't ask me about my fantasies and though I've hinted, he's never expressed an interest in watching porn with me.

Things have seemed better lately (not sex wise, but in other interactions) and hope springs eternal. I just want to see that horny, confident guy again, who couldn't get enough of me. I understand he has a few physical limitations with some of his health problems, but it's okay with me, he's still totally hot to me. I know we're probably both a little more neurotic and a little less youthful then we were in our early 20s, but I still believe that man is in there waiting for the right moment to come back. *sigh*

Wow this is heartbreaking....did you ever consider couple therapy?

Sadly it is all him. He has mentioned my lack of initiation a few times in the last 9 years. I tell myself that I need to initiate more but for some reason I never do. I don't know what is wrong with me. Anyone have any tips?